Falling

Confusion

On Monday, I realised that I hadn't updated Harry about my life at all, so I spent like three hours with him in the morning during Anatomy class.

We sat and talked about everything - and I mean everything, staring from my break up to how much Zack meant to me. Harry replied with his own stories of girls he had seen during the inter college event.

It felt so good to spend time with this epitome of purity, it was the most untainted friendship I've ever maintained. Harry and I haven't even fought once, mainly because we were reflections of each other.

How do you fight with your own reflection when you agree on everything?

As I was sitting with Harry, Zack walked into class. Late. Again. It's lucky I liked him so much (because guess who was in charge of attendance? That's right. Me.)
As soon as he entered, our eyes met and I thought he'd come up to me but he went straight for Ashley. He was standing next to her and talking to her, but after a while he settled right there. Harry could see the fury rising in me and started teasing me.
'Oh well, it has been ages since Zack spent time with Ashley' said my wise voice.
The jealous one, on the other hand, got jealous.

I tuned out both those voices and focused back on Zack, who was now cornered by two other girls from my class. Fury rising, I walked off to Physiology class with Harry in a huff.
I sat in my place and texted Zack, as they had separate classrooms for girls and boys.

Saph - hey
Zack - hey, I wanted to ask you
Saph - hmm
Zack - What's wrong?
Saph - lol nothing is
Zack - Look, I know when you're upset, just tell me if you're angry at me. I can handle it
Saph - I'm not angry at you
Zack -  Okay then. How are you feeling now? How are your cramps?
Saph - I'm okay... my cramps are having a fun time. I'm not.
Zack - Uh oh. Take care. Ask me if you need anything
Saph - No I won't, but thanks anyway
Zack - Huh

And I went offline. Fucking boys.

13/12/21
That Ass. He can keep her himself. I don't want him. I dont need him. Yeah go flirt with the whole fucking world. Go. Who's stopping you? Definitely not me. Only when I give you importance you can hurt me. When I don't, I'll be fine right ?

After lunch, I came back to class and sat in my place. He texted and asked if he could call to which I said yes, so he called. He started talking and I didn't want to hold a grudge, so I let it slide for the time being. We eventually started talking properly.

Later that evening, we studied together on the phone for two hours. After studying (god I missed his nerdy side so much), he said asked if I wanted to talk or sleep.

Guess what I chose. Yep that's right. We talked for an hour, during which he made me tell why I was angry this morning.

I said I wasn't angry at him, I was angry at myself for expecting from him. He said "that just means you were angry at me."
I said "Yes, well, you knew I was sick; you knew I had my period and so I expected you to come up to me and ask how I was. I didn't expect you to sit with me or anything, just 2 words about how I was would've been nice to hear. But don't worry about it, we're not dating, we don't have that kind of obligation." He said "Look I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry, okay? I should've come and asked you how you were."

Woah. Nice guy alert.

13/12/21
Caught him staring at me across the library.
I did not even talk a word to him today except asking where's my record?

***
Oh my god. We studied for a while, but after that talked :)))) flirted. He's amazing. He was saying Cuddles, Fireplace, Sofa, My imagination is running wild...
Ohmigosh so is miiiiiine