Falling

Pain

For a few days after my break up, Ashley felt very threatened by my single position. She felt as if I was going to steal Zack from her. But that was not my intention.
That had never been my intention.

Inter college events started and we bunked classes left and right to go meet our friends and cousins from other colleges. As we were sitting in our college auditorium (I swear it's the best thing in this entire college, they actually put lot of effort and money into building it), something about Zack came up. I gave Ashley a knowing look and I guess she misunderstood it.

4/12/21
Ugh. I should stop being so obsessed. He didn't reply today so I called and woke him up.Why am I becoming like this? Fucking boys.
***

On Saturday morning, I made my way to the auditorium to attend inter college cultural events. In the middle of a really interesting event, Zack started spamming me. I opened it to find many messages all saying that 'Ashley had said this, Ashley had said that about you'  and what Ashley has said about me hadn't been all that positive.

I immediately got really angry and felt hurt. I got up and went out of the auditorium and into the restroom stall. I started crying uncontrollably and texted him back that I don't want him. I said that he can have Ashley, and she can have him and I'd rather leave this friendship or whatever it was, than to be the reason for their confusion. I said, "she acts like you're her property and so, you be hers itself."
'I was fine before you, I'll be fine after you.'

I archived his chat, went offline and called my sister. She picked up and immediately the tears started flowing again, I cried and cried and cried while she tried her level best to calm me down. She was in the middle of seeing a patient - surprise, surprise, my sister's a medical student too, and she's 4 years older than me - and I understood it so I cut the call.

I called Jay and resumed my crying, saying that Ashley had no right to decide what Zack and I get to be. I was hurt that Ashley didn't even try to understand that I was going through a break up and that she was only trying to stand for her own selfish reasons.

Jay told me to go and have a talk with Ashley and explain how I felt. I didn't want to ruin the friendship me and Ashley already had.

Jay explain to me one simple reason behind why Ashley behaved the way she did to me - Jealousy. She was jealous of my life, and the people in it; jealous that I had a really good support system. Well, the only reason I had a really good support system was that I gave back more than I got.

I had always been a giver. If I loved, I loved hard.

Suddenly, I realised I was crying because I wasn't ready to let Zack go.
He was really important to me and the love I had shown him was so real.

So, I wiped my tears, returned back to my seat in the auditorium next to Laura, and tried to put on a brave face.

In the evening, Zack texted me, but I only replied at night. I was angry at him for believing everything Ashley had said and not standing up for me. Eventually I calmed down and realised I couldn't give him up even if I wanted to.

He was just too special to me.