Falling

Affection

I woke up to a text from Zack saying "I was stargazing...You know who I wanted to stargaze with?" which was sent at 2am.
I replied "if it isn't me, this is a really bad message to send at 2am"
"Don't wory, it's you..."
Stargazing, huh?
***

We went on a field trip for Community Medicine today. They split our batch into three, so Zack and I got separated. I felt so down.

Atleast I still had Laura for company. Laura's friend was also separated from her, so we comforted each other, as usual.

The trip was pretty insightful but I felt very lonely.

Recently,  I had started feeling extra lonely whenever Zack was not around.
Although we texted each other throughout the day, it just didn't make up for his presence.

By lunchtime, I was pretty depressed.
After lunch, we were back and sitting in our classrooms, when Zack came in to see me. He sat in the chair next to me and asked me what was wrong. My depression flew away.

I rested my hand on his thigh as we talked and started feeling all better.

8/12/21
How much happy I feel when I'm with him, that much down I feel when I'm without him. It's like my emotions are in overdrive, I'm experiencing both extremes at once. It's driving me crazy.

I really felt like hugging you today and just lying there on your shoulder, cause I just felt like if I did that my sadness would go away. Even the slightest contact with you made my depression disappear slowly. I feel comforted when I'm around you. As soon as you came to talk to me and sat down next to me, my depression vanished. I don't know how it works, but that's what happened. You kept asking "why are you depressed?" And I had no answer to give you cause guess what? I was depressed cause I couldn't spend the morning with you and I was kinda lonely in the morning.
But I couldn't exactly tell you that it's so not healthy to obsess over someone this much and if you knew this side of me youd probably be "farewell, adieu" which is why I'm trying to act as nonchalant as possible. I do hope it's working.

***

The next day, I fell sick. Ashley was the carrier of them germs. I didn't attend college, and started taking medications.

Yes, doctor Zack saved me again. He used a stupid excuse to come meet me in the evening. It felt so nice that there was one person in here who was willing to make up dumbass excuses to come -
and meet me. Me!!

The following 2 days I didn't attend college, but Zack tried to put proxy for me everywhere. On Saturday night, we talked on the phone for 3 straight hours.

It had been ages since I had talked such an enjoyable midnight conversation and he told me that it had been exactly 2 years since he had talked to someone this long in the middle of the night.

12/12/21
We spoke a 3 hour call last night. He said it was the longest middle of the night call he has spoken in 2 years. He thanked me for it and I just told him that I knew college life would heal you. I just hope "college life" means "me". Gosh he's amazing. I didn't want to cut the call at all last night, we talked about so many things (mostly my ex, but he gently took me away from that convo). He gets me. It's as simple as that. So I've decided to not show my physical side to him yet. Until I'm very very sure that he loves me for who I am and not for what I have. Until I'm sure we've developed a connection with each other. I'm going to take it slow this time, cause he actually means a lot to me.

***
On Sunday, I woke up to discover I had gotten my period. Ouch. That explains the random stomach pain at 2am. I spent the day trying, but failing to get rid of cramps.

To all the dumbass boys (like my ex) out there:
You know what girls need during their period? Chocolate, Movies and a sensitive-to-their-needs guy. Could be any guy, but preferably a guy who doesn't mind cuddling and snuggling with her.

Guess who I wanted.

12/12/21
Ouch. Fucking period. Oh I wish he was with me rn. It hurts like crazy. His hands are so big they could cover my stomach in one go. And his temperature is so warm.