The Library Girl | Hermione Granger

30. Letters to Her Lost Presence

August 10th 

H, 

I'm really wondering where your whereabout is, and I'm not really sure if this would ever get to you but I think that is worth trying. I think you clearly know how hurting it was for me to see you disappear like nothing in front of me, I just need to know... 

Why? What did he tell you that made you step back and be regretted of going after me? I hate the idea of you being ashamed of feeling bad for trying to take me with you. 

I understand that you wanted me to be safe, but what if I died right there when you left? There was nothing to do anyway. 

At this point, I don't know if I hate you or I just hate the idea of you not coming back. But I still miss you, when are you returning? If I just knew I would have run the same risk you did with your parents. But I'd be really sad if I ever made that to them, and I can't imagine what you're going through even thinking of your beloved ones never recognizing you again. 

Anyways, whenever you get this letter, answer... please.

Please, be safe

F.

Felicity felt scared again, and she learned that would be a habit during those long and restless weeks. 

She took a long and deep breath and gave to the owl her letter. 

She hoped it to get to Hermione, after having to hide many things she wanted to tell her. It was displeasure what she was feeling about knowing that maybe many agents of the Ministry would check over and over again her message and probably make it a bun or maybe she was idealizing a different way to be rejected from someone she loved. 

*

September 1st

H, 

Well, you probably know what this date means for us, for the students. Today is the day that we would probably go back home even if it's full of awful people dressed in black walking around the halls, abusing their power, and torturing anyone that spits a word at them. 

How are you? How's everything with the trip? How are the boys? 

I really don't think you received my last letter but I still like the idea of writing to you. What else would I do? I miss you, really. And I hope you do too. Everything out there is really scary, maybe coming back to school won't be that bad as being stuck inside home doing nothing. 

You give me hope to keep going and it's awful to know you're out there and I'm not with you.

Please be safe, no matter how many times I say it, and take care of each other,

F.

*

September 15th

H, 

Oh God, you have no idea how's everything here. I'm starting to think that maybe it's way better to be with you out there. Hogwarts it's not the same in any way possible to say. 

I'm scared, really. Even how tough I want to seem and show myself, everything it's really fucked up here (sorry for the insult). The Carrows are really hard to handle and they use violence for everything. 

I hope I don't get detention with them, but most importantly, I hope I don't lose my patience and control over them and get punished for that.

Anyways, I hope everything with you is alright, I'm concerned. Please, any way you find to answer, use it. I'm satisfied with even a 'We're okay'. 

Please, be careful out there, everything it's turning worse and worse the minute it passes,

Loves you,

F.

*

October 4th

H,

How are you? Where are you? Are you safe? I'm dying to know. Here seems that it couldn't get worse from any point of view. 

It took me a long time to write because we're being watched the whole time. The Carrows are really uncontrolled and Snape doesn't care about it, he spends day after day inside his office and almost never gets to feast. It's not that I'm concerned, it's just that it's weird. 

One curiosity, guess who has been having a lot of detention? Our classmate, N, of course, you know who I'm talking about. He always seemed so nice and quiet, but he's extroverted when he feels he needs to do something good for the rest of his friends. Every day he walks with a new bruise, a new cut, or any injury. But I'm concerned for him too, what if the next time he ends up dead? Those assholes don't care if he's a minor aged and a student. 

Well, who knows when all of this will end.

What about you? I hate not knowing about you... It has been two months now.  

Anyways, and as many times I say it, be safe and don't let your guard down.

F.

P.d: I'm starting to feel down using initials to refer to people we know, but which other way I can use? Our pet's names? No way. 

*

November 11th

H,

I really fucked it, at least for me. But I did fuck it a lot of times since the last letter. The Carrows punished me because I couldn't let them hurt any other child in front of me or any people present. They're savage and violent. But I wasn't going to stay staring like a fool. 

It hurts, a lot. 

But I'm okay, at least for now. I hope that this won't be my last letter when I cross paths with them again. 

I miss you a lot, wherever you are, I hope you think of me, 

F.

*

January 20th

Everything it's worse, much worse. 

What the hell it's going on? Why aren't you here? Are you even alive? I'm losing my hopes like I did when I thought you would receive the first letter I wrote you. 

Where are you? Did they catch you? Please, don't let them hurt you,

F.

*

February 3th 

I'm fucking done with everything. 

Hogwarts it's not the same anymore, everyone's receiving notices of missing or even dead parents. I don't even know if my parents are alive anymore... just like I think of you. 

But I can't with this anymore and I'm starting to think that it would be better to be dead than suffer. 

Hope you're still there, 

F.

*

Maybe she's dead, maybe they were caught a long time ago. 

It didn't matter now, it has been five months since the last time they looked at each other's eyes. And after so much time, Felicity wished to be faster and catch her hand microseconds before Hermione disappeared in front of her. 

She missed everything. 

She missed the touch of her hand, of her lips, and her voice on her ear.  

If she only had the time-turner on her power, she would be able to change everything. 

But it won't happen, not even in her dreams.