My Secret Lover

Chapter 20

Pov. Park Sunghoon*

I felt bad for Jake and was afraid that I had finally fucked up with him.

As if I was out of my mind, I was now standing outside Jake's house in my pajamas and a jacket, typing a message into my mobile phone, reluctant to ring his front doorbell at this hour.

———

Park Sunghoon
Hey Jake, I'm outside your house. Can we pls talk again? :>
[1:02 a.m.]

Jake Sim
You have been wanting to talk a lot lately.... :)
[1:02 a.m.]

———

Jake was still awake!

I smirked confidently but also got a little nervous

———

Jake Sim
WTF wait! You're not really standing at the front door...?
[1:02 a.m.]

Park Sunghoon
Yes, if you don't believe me, then look outside
[1:02 a.m.]

Park Sunghoon
Do you have a spare bed? I climbed out of the window at home and only have a discreet desire to break my neck climbing back into my room
[1:02 a.m.]

Park Sunghoon
Likewise, I have forgotten the key. So, I locked myself out and don't want to meet my angry sleepy parents...
[1:03 a.m.]

———

After I wrote the message, it took a while before the front door opened. Sure enough, Jake was standing in the doorway, looking at me stunned and a little perplexed.

He probably didn't expect me to be standing here. I was afraid he would ignore my messages, but in the end, I was relieved to be able to see him again.

"Hi...", I mumbled awkwardly and looked at him. He on the other hand suddenly had a monotone expression on his face. "Why don't you ask Namra if you can spend the night with her?" He raised a brow questioningly and looked at me doubtfully.

Should I be honest?

"Because I wanted to be with you," the words came out of my mouth in an instant. He seemed visibly surprised by my answer. "Ah... well then. Couldn't sleep anyway..." he admitted and let me into the house. Quietly he closed the door while I took off my shoes and jacket and immediately followed him up the stairs to his room. It looked very tidy, I thought that was why he left me standing there for almost five minutes, to clean up his room.

I preferred not to ask whether my assumption was true.

The room was dark except for the soft orange light burning in the corner.
Without hesitation, Jake threw himself on the bed.
"I don't feel like talking to you. I'm just offering you, my hospitality. Either lie down in bed or on the floor, I don't care."

Oh, that was harsh... But I behaved like an asshole towards him. What else should I expect?

Jake had completely changed his position so that his back was to me.
I sighed thoughtfully and frustratedly as I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at his back. "Jake... I'm sorry, please forgive me." He turned his head in the opposite direction, searching my dark brown eyes for an answer. "For what?"
"I... Oh, goddammit I fucked up and ruined the thing between us..."
"I'm confused," he said shortly. Concerned, I looked him in the eye, my guilty conscience coming up again. "Why... Confused?", I asked cautiously. He sat up and ran his hand thoughtfully through his hair. "Do you love Namra?" he asked. "We've already had that topic..."

Before we played Mario Kart together yesterday, he asked me the same question, to which I clearly answered with "no".

"But you haven't given me any proper answers!" he retorted heatedly. "What the... I gave you a clear answer!"
"Then why did you just leave when Namra rang the bloody doorbell to give you your stupid jacket?" Puzzled, I looked at him. "Because Namra rang your goddamn doorbell. Usually, you fucking open doors when someone's standing behind there."
"Do you love her or not?" asked Jake again.
"No!"
"Why did you kiss Namra after you kissed me? Why don't you just admit that you like her and stop pretending anything!" he yelled at me. "Are you saying that I'm fooling you? I'm fooling you? Who's fooling who, huh?" I hissed back.

How long has it been since I discussed something so loudly with someone? Normally I swallow everything and let it come down on me. But the whole thing with the kiss triggered emotions in me that I usually suppressed and haven't shown anyone for a long time to protect myself from others. But now I could no longer hold the emotions inside me, they had to come out. I had been frustrated and agitated for too long...

He looked at me heatedly. "I'm not messing with you! You're the one who... oh damn why am I even arguing with you? Why don't you go to your love of life and leave me alone, like you already did at the party?!" he growled. "Dude, are you even listening to me?", I asked harshly.
"Yes, I'm listening to you, I'm taking in every single fucking word. But judging by your behavior, your words are just lies. Just say you love Namra!"
"For how many times do I have to tell you! I-don't-love-Namra! I... I love someone else..."

Now I threw all the cards face up on the table and slowly looked into Jake's eyes. An awkward silence arose.

I already had my mouth open to continue talking, but I couldn't get any words out, I was too nervous.

I was afraid of his reaction. Scared of the words: "I love..."

"Come here," he suddenly said quietly and laid down again. I frowned.

Now I was the confused one.

"I said: Come here..." He stretched out his arms and waited for me. Hesitantly, I laid down in the crook of his arm. My head slumped against his shoulder and my hand rested on his stomach. He closed his eyes and pressed me closer to him, whereupon I tentatively snuggled up to him.

What did this mean? Did he like me too? Did he feel... the same?

The minutes passed. Over time, my body relaxed. With my eyes closed, I cuddled even closer to him, he had a pleasant smell.

Was that just real?

Suddenly I felt a gentle sensation on my forehead. It was Jake's fingers sliding over it to brush away a loose strand of hair.
Then I felt something soft and smooth on my lips. It felt good and I knew very well that it was Jake's lips that were now on mine. They were perfect on mine and hesitantly I returned the innocent and careful kiss as my belly grew warmer. He pulled me closer to him by the nape of my neck and kissed me softly, moving his lip rhythmically against mine.

He was very sensitive with me as if I were made of porcelain.

Gently, Jake's lips moved away from mine, slowly, but our mouths were immediately magically drawn together again. My hand went to his neck to pull him a little closer to me, even though we were already literally glued to each other.

He whimpered softly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, there was a real explosion of emotion in my stomach. I had the feeling that a lot of dopamine was being produced in my body and damn I liked that feeling very much.

Once again, we separated at the same time, I opened my eyes and looked at his whole face in love.

His glittering eyes, his smile, his tousled hair, and then his stunning full lips.

His hand moved to my cheek, then slowly to my chin before he pulled his face nearer to mine again.

He probably didn't have enough either, but I could understand him. We both enjoyed this moment of togetherness to the fullest, even though we had been arguing loudly with each other not even five minutes ago.

Just before our lips met, Jake murmured softly, "I love you, Park Sunghoon." In response, I pressed my lips to his.

It was right. I enjoyed the feeling very much and felt safe and secure. Now I knew exactly what I felt in my very first math lesson when I looked him in the eye for the first time. Why I wanted to be friends with him and why I was always happy to see him. I now knew for sure that I was in love with Jake Sim.