Finding True Love

29.

Last week was fun. I'd picked out my wedding dress and asked one of my best friends to be my maid of honor. Every bit of this wedding was coming together very nicely and I couldn't wait. And one of the main highlights from that day was being able to spend time with my parents. It had been long overdue and I missed that quality time with them.

But now it was back to business. Tonight Roman and Randy were going to be signing a contract for their match at SummerSlam and there had been a stipulation added to that match. Whoever wins got me. I would have to be with the winner of that match. The story line was now full force.

I finished lacing up my kick pads as I sat next to Roman on the couch. Seth and Dean had went out to catering so it was nice to have the locker room to ourselves for the moment. "So, I wanted to talk to you about something." Roman said breaking the silence in the room. I sat back and looked at him. "We've got the wedding all figured out. I've got the honeymoon set and we've made the decision on where we're gonna live. And we've been talking about children and where we wanna raise them but we haven't talked about when we have kids."

I smiled a little. "Well, I'm not quite sure, honestly. I still have the fear that we may not be able to have kids because of the issue I have and every time I let myself think about that, it kills me. So, I really don't know when I wanna start having kids because honestly the idea that it won't happen scares the hell out of me." I told him.

He nodded. "Look, the doctor said it wasn't impossible. And all we can do is try." he said. "If it doesn't work, there is a plethera of other options out there."

"Yeah. Like what? Adoption?" I asked. He nodded. "Are you ready to retire? Are you ready to hang up your vest and your boots and work somewhere that'll let you be home every night? Because if we can't have kids and we turn to adoption, that will be the requirement. Nobody is going to allow two people who are never home and lead a very chaotic life on the road adopt a baby."

"Hannah." he said.

I stood up. "No." I said. "I don't wanna have this conversation right now. I can't." I walked out of the locker room and took a deep breath. I hated having this conversation. I hated talking about kids. I hated even thinking about it. I knew he wasn't trying to cause an argument or tell me to make a decision right now but I just couldn't sit there and listen to it.

I started walking down the hallways. I needed some air. I couldn't think straight. This was too much. I had managed to bury those feelings and thoughts way down for the past few months but now they were coming back full force and I just couldn't deal with it.

As soon as I got outside, I leaned against the wall and took a couple deep breaths. I knew I was probably a bitch back there and Roman didn't deserve it for just trying to have a simple conversation but I needed to just take a beat and gather my thoughts.

"Everything okay?" I looked up to see my dad walking up to me from the parking lot.

I sighed and looked at him as I put a fake smile on my face. "Yeah. Just, um, wedding nerves. You know." I said. He stood in front of me looking unimpressed with my acting skills. I sighed once more and then leaned back against the wall. "It's Roman. I mean, he didn't do anything, he just wanted to have another conversation about kids and it just kind of set me off."

"Why? Because of the possibility that you couldn't have any?" he asked.

I nodded. "He wants to look into adoption if we can't have kids but even a fool can see that nobody is gonna allow us to adopt a baby with the way our lives are. Always on the road and hardly ever home. I'm not ready to retire and I know Roman isn't either. And right now I just can't have that conversation. Or any conversation about kids. I have worked hard to put all of that mess behind me and I don't wanna dredge up those horrible feelings again." I told him.