Hues in Diliman (Abstract Series #1)

Chapter 23

"Ha?" Lumalim ang gitla sa noo ko na sinabayan ko ng naiilang na tawa dahil hindi ko naiintindihan kung ano ang pinupunto niya.

She took a deep breath, as if this situation is holding her on the neck. Nakita ko lahat. The way she closed her eyes in total tightness, her breath becoming rugged in every moment she withdrew it, and her lips puckered.

"I used to like you," she said, almost like a whisper.

I pouted. "Ayaw mo na sa akin ngayon?"

"It's not the 'like' you are thinking, Achi."

Natigilan ako. Unti-unti ko nang napoproseso ang lahat. I lowered my head, analyzing the situation very well.

"I don't like you as a friend. This is the thing that an opposite sex feel to each other. I really like you," she said more firmly now.

Parang nalock ang bibig ko at natapon ang susi kung saan. I don't know what to reply or respond. This is the first time I got a confession from the same sex like me. Besides, she is my best friend! How could I even process this all?

"P-Pero..." panimula ko. "How? 'Di ba na-attract ka rin naman sa mga boys? I remember you used to like the school counselor president."

"I am bisexual, as you can see. I can feel attraction and even feel affection on both sex." She smiled, a little relieved on how I responded to her confession.

"K-Kaso..."

Nang makita niya ang pagkailang ko sa pagsagot, namilog ang mga mata niya. This is the first time I saw her not so composed. She is so cute.

"I am not expecting for you to feel the same, Achi. Gusto ko lang aminin sa 'yo kasi ayaw kong maging unfair sa taong nagmamahal sa akin ngayon. I am really happy right now, loving the person I never expected I would love." She let out a small chuckle. Ang mukha niya ay puno ng kaginhawaan na para bang may isang napakabigat na bagay ang tuluyan na niyang napakawalan.

"Kailan pa?" kuryoso kong tanong. Kahit anong lakad ko pa sa nakaraan, hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula.

She smiled. "I don't know. Nagising na lang ako isang araw na iba na ang nararamdaman tuwing nakikita ka."

Her eyes widened when a bunch of tears fell from my eyes. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya habang pinipigilan na makagawa ng tunog mula sa pag-iyak.

"Hey," she softly called. "Why are you crying? Did I upset you? Are you uncomfortable with my confession?" Ang makita na nag-aalala siya dahil lang sa mga sinabi niya ang mas lalong nagpaiyak sa akin.

I wonder how hard it is for her to keep her feelings because she thinks it's 'unusual'. Ilang gabi kaya ang ginugol niya sa pag-iisip kung tama ba ang nararamdaman niya?

And the idea that many people like her have felt and currently feel the intuition of not expressing what they felt saddened me.

This is the reality. Kahit sabihin pa ng mga tao na suportado at tanggap na nila ang LGBT, at the end of the day, they would still throw hate if a gay for example loves a man.

Hindi ko na napigilan at agad siyang nilapitan at niyapos ng yakap. She kept on comforting me while I cried on her shoulder. May iilan din na nasa loob na nakatingin sa amin pero hindi 'yon ang importante ngayon.

"I can't like you the same way you like me. Pero gustong-gusto kita bilang kaibigan. I love you!" I cried.

Ang mabigat niyang paghinga ay unti-unting gumaan. Nagpakawala siya ng mahinang tawa at tinapik-tapik ang ulo ko.

"Ikaw lang ang kilala ko na strong pero iyakin," she teased, caressing my hair now.

"Bwesit ka." I wiped my tears. "Sino ba ang tinutukoy mong nagmamahal sa 'yo ngayon? Si Aid ba?"