Leaving the Horse

Chapter 37

As Elliot approached, he suddenly stopped, gazing at me with wide eyes.

"Your eyes..." Elliot gazed nervously at me. "Jay?"

I slammed on the barrier holding me from myself. This was not the time to be going crazy.

I was hardly aware of the pause. I slammed myself full force into the barrier again. All I accomplished was a sore shoulder.

"Jay? Are you okay? Answer me." Elliot's voice was grave.

I felt myself smile without me doing so. "Of course. It's just all getting to me."

Elliot backed up, uncertain.

I ignored my sore shoulder, taking a quick breath, and crying out in rage and desperation as I launched myself has hard as I could at the wall.

Suddenly I could see out of my own eyes again. I felt my magic wavering uncontrollably around me. My fists closed around dirt as I gritted my teeth, hardly realizing I was on all fours now. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting with my own magic. While it tried to force itself out of me, I pushed it down.

My magic seemed to waver between the point of making me go mad again and being contained.

With one more final effort, I threw all my strength into pushing my uncontrollable magic down. I opened my eyes, gasping for air as I found a sliver of control. At least for the moment, we were safe.

"Jay!" I hadn't realized it before, but Elliot's hand was firmly on my back, the other touching my arm as he crouched down beside me, gazing at me with wide eyes full of concern.

I glanced briefly at Elliot before sighing, rocking back on my heels as I tried to cal myself.

NO!

I winced gasping in shock.

"What? What is it?" Elliot looked at me helplessly.

"You didn't hear that?" I gasped. I hardly recognized the sound of my own strained voice.

"What?"

I didn't reply. Someone had screamed so loud it jarred my entire body. But nobody else had heard it.

LET ME OUT!

My hands began to shake as I winced at the boisterous voice.

I felt Elliot's warm hands close around mine.

We sat there, holding hands for what seemed like hours. But it must not have been as I became aware of people treading loudly toward us. Clearly we had made way too much noise.

Elliot gazed at me with concern. "Do you want to go back? We can."

"No," I whispered meekly, "let’s keep going."

Elliot stood up, gently pulling me up with him instead of letting go of my hands.

"Stick with me," Elliot whispered, only letting go of one of my hands before breaking into a run.

I stumbled behind, grateful that he had a hand enclosed around mine. I could hardly focus right now. Something about crossing into Damen's territory had rattled everything inside me. Everything I feared most.

My magic.

Not only could I hardly keep control, but now I was hearing my own voice screaming in my head. Loud enough to make me forget anything else.

My madness can talk now.

YOU FOOLISH GIRL. YOU DON'T DESERVE THE POWERS YOU HAVE. YOU DON'T DESERVE THE BODY YOU POSESS!

I squeezed my eyes shut. Don't listen to her. She is terribly dangerous! I tried to reassure myself. Don't listen.

But it was impossible not to.