Nobodies // Bellamy Blake

Grieving

"Round and round
like a horse on a carousel,

we go,
will I catch up to love?
 

I can never tell,

I know,
chasing after you is like a fairytale,

but I,
feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel,"
 -Melanie Martinez

 

        The news of Well's death came as a shocking surprise the first moment I stepped out of Bellamy's tent.  Automatically we all assumed it was a grounder, already not having a good history with them anyways.  It was depressing to walk around camp for me.  Many people walked around unaffected by what just happened.  How?  I have no clue.

        I'm slightly moping around, I do have to admit it.  It's just weird to think that a day ago we were chatting and slowly becoming friends.  But I had no right to be as upset as Clarke is.  She barely talks to Finn, one of the only people she really trusts now.  She only stays standing still in front of his grave, grieving in a strange way.  But everyone deals with grief differently.  Mainly, I just continue to think about our past together, and wonder what I could've done to stop their sad fate.

        Thinking about him made me frown immediately.  I haven't gone to go see his grave unlike other people, friends or not.  Sighing, I hoped that Clarke left the grave.  A small part of me didn't want her to be gone though, maybe we could grieve together.  I just know that she shouldn't be alone right now.

        ******
        It wasn't too hard to leave the camp, even if there were many people on watch, they were too busy trying to keep people out instead of in.  Bellamy was also too busy doing whatever being the semi-leader does.  He left me in the morning alone, cuddling with our thin sheets.  I haven't had time to rethink why he left, because I knew he couldn't just lay down and wait.  He had other things too do.

        Well's grave was dug where the other ones were.  As I entered the nice field of clean grass, it wasn't hard to miss the blonde girl staring mournfully down at the newly dug grave.  Gulping at her motionless figure, I hesitantly walked towards her until we were side-by-side.  She didn't dare break eye contact with the fresh dirt, not even making a noise.  Kneeling next to her, we both sat in silence.

        It was hard to imagine Wells and me recently digging here for another body, and here he was now.  Clutching my eyes tightly, I grabbed the grass between my fingers, plucking them one by one.  I hated death.  I hated it more than I hate the Ark.  More than I hate the Chancellor.

        "Why are you here?" She asked coldly.  Even though she talked to me, her voice sounded distant, far away from reality.

        I shrugged, "We talked frequently.  Not as close as you two were, though."

        She snorted carelessly, peeking at me through the corner of her eyes.  "We weren't even friends."

        Frowning, I softly argued with her, "Yes, you guys were.  I do-"

        "No, we weren't friends!  I acted so spiteful towards him, I hated him with every cell in my body.  I loathed his existence!  Sometimes at night, I would wonder what it would be like to float him myself.  And guess what!  It was for nothing.  All this time, he had to take all the crap I gave him, for nothing." She cried, spitting towards the ground in fury.  Hastily wiping away her tears, she sniffed loudly, trying to stop herself from crying.

        "Clarke," I said softly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I don't know you, at all.  But I do know something, that you guys loved each other, maybe just as friends or more.  Even if you did hate him, you know that you could never float him, don't you?  Your history, your bond, was too big for that."

        She shrugged my hand off her shoulder, angrily throwing dirt at the ground.  I frowned as she started talking, "This is all my mother's fault!" She whisper-yelled.  In the heat of the moment, she threw venomous words about her mother at me.  I just sat and listened, watching as she broke in despair for her lost friend.  Frowning deeply at her after a few minutes, I noticed that she was now back to her original state when I first found her.  Broken, lost, blank, and emotionless.

        "Clarke," I started, but was once again cut off.

        "You know the worse part was?" She asked rhetorically, before continuing.  "Wells told me another secret of my mother's.  Apparently, I hav-" She cut herself off, chuckling in disgust towards her mother, shaking her head in disbelief.  "Apparently, I wasn't the only one in my mom's womb."

        My eye's widened in shock, surprised by this new information.  Sniffling, she continued,  "I don't know why I'm telling you this.  But he said that they trusted his father, the Chancellor, to raise it.  The Chancellor!  All this time, every family moment, every traditional family game, we were always missing somebody, and they didn't care.  This whole time I had a twin!" She said in amusement, shaking her head softly.

        "Clarke, I'm so sorry." I spoke up for the first time in the while, luckily not being cut off.  "Do you think she's down here?"

        She nodded, "I'm certain.  I don't think Jaha could kill a baby, especially since our parents and him were very close.."

        My interest and curiosity was peaked as I questioned her, "Who do you think it is?  No one really looks like you, maybe it's an nonidentical twin.  I mean, that can happen, I think."

        "Kit," She said, staring at me with foggy eyes.  "You look just like me." Her voice was soft and still broken, and I immediately froze in my spot.  Her words hit me like piercing daggers, family.  She was family.

        I processed her words and she allowed me to.  We stared blankly at the grave, thinking about numerous amount of things.  I knew we had similarities, like our hair such, but I wasn't allowed to have a mirror in my cell.  It was just mandatory so I couldn't break it.  At certain times I could see myself in reflections, but I didn't like to stare too long.  Fearing my aging, knowing I was close to being eighteen.

        Looking at Clarke, I really stared at her closely.  Shoulder length, wavy blonde hair, small green eyes, small pouty lips, and her nose was slightly bigger than a button nose.  Directing my eyes away, I reached out for her hand, grasping it in mine.  I squeezed it when she didn't let go, letting her know I was here.  She didn't immediately squeeze back, but after a few seconds she did, very tightly.

        I wasn't mad at Clarke, knowing she didn't even know about me.  But anger flooded through me for my "mother", Abby Griffin, the main doctor on the Ark.  She knew about me, but had no remorse for me.  That means I have no remorse for her.

        Finn showed up awhile later, handing her a pencil.  I found out she loved drawing on the Ark, and I smiled at the thought of her drawing over the walls of her cell.  Zoning out from their talk, I stood up slowly, staring at his grave once again.  Smiling down at it, I whispered,  "You deserved better."  Turning around, I noticed Clarke stomping towards me, tugging on my wrist where wristband was at.

        Before I knew it, we were in the drop ship.

        ABBEY'S POV:

        "No! No!" I screeched as Clarke's vital signs started flashing red, a very bad sign.  I cried out, denying the fact that my baby girl could be dead right now.  On the ground, alone, and I could do nothing about it.  My life crashed down into nothing, my inspiration in life, the reason why I keep going, was gone. 

        I switched my eyes onto the, almost, identical blonde near a boy named Murphy.  Her vitals were good too, just like Clarke's were just a minute ago.  Then, it flashed red.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep. 

        "No!" I wailed, denying it once again.  Wells first, then my baby Clarke, then her?  I continued to cry, slamming my palms against the counter top.
 
Hello all my lovely viewers! <3
To start this off, sorry for the long wait!  Especially with a short update!
I really wanted Kitten and Clarke to have 'sister' moment, but I feel like it was really stupid.  Can you comment on that?
By the way, do any of you watch the walking dead or survivor?  I can't wait for any of them, they're just so awesome!
Please comment or heart it, it means so much to me!  I love all of you!!

Never, am I ever, going to do a youtube trailer.  I'm done with it...