Please Don't Hit Zero ~ IwaOi

~20~

Ten days remaining

Confusion hits me as soon as I wake up. In my arms is someone taller than me. They're thinner and less muscular than Iwa, too. It's not Iwa, is it?

Probably not. But it's warm, and it's less lonely. I prefer this over waking up on my own. Who is it, though?

Opening my eyes doesn't tell me anything, as everything is hidden by darkness, but I start regaining my memories the more my brain gets going.

This is Mattsun's room. He's also the one I'm holding right now. It's weird. We have been pretty close, but never this close. Guess rejection and solitude does things to people, too.

But why did I wake up this early? My phone tells me it's 5 AM. I mean, I do feel like I've rested well, but a few more hours shouldn't have been a problem.

The extreme rumbling of my stomach answers me just a second later. I forgot. I haven't eaten at all since Friday, except for that one muesli bar. That's not good for my body at all, damn it.

"Hey, Mattsun," I say softly, shaking my friend's arm.

Seems like he was already awake. He groans and swats at my hand. "Please, a little bit longer... I don't want to wake up and face reality yet."

"I'm hungry," I whine.

"Don't you have some things you want to run from, too?" he sighs.

I know what he is referring to. I was trying to avoid it. Maybe convince myself it was a dream. He's right; I don't want to think about anything.

"Will Iwa really leave me...?" I can't help but ask him again. I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it.

Mattsun turns around and softly pulls my head against his chest. "I'm sorry. I told you in a really vague and mean way, didn't I?"

"Yeah," I sniff, already feeling hopelessness overwhelm me again. "Kind of."

"Want me to explain?"

I don't know. It might make things better, it might make things worse. But not knowing stuff makes me restless. "Please do."

"You told me about your ability and about your research. The very few leads you had, and how it made no sense to you at all."

That's right. I didn't make any progress despite all the days and nights I worked on it. "But we managed to find it out anyways?"

A sad chuckle comes from above me. "When I asked you about my timer, you started crying and apologizing, as if you could help it. It ended on Thursday. Right when Makki and I..."

I hug him a little tighter as pain shuts his voice down. "Don't push yourself, Matsu." I am so caught up in my own worries that I keep forgetting how hurt he actually is.

"Damn it." He clutches me in his arms even tighter. "I can't believe I fucked up this badly. I miss him. Damn it."

He is crushing my head and I can't breathe, but I decide to just calmly rub his back. It'd be selfish of me to only allow myself to cry.

After a few seconds, I softly tap on my friend's arm, signaling that he is slowly killing me. He releases me, but I decide to stay in position. I could use some soft hugs.

Mattsun takes a deep breath, then continues. "We broke up around the time it ended." Another small silence. "We compared all the stories you knew with my experiences, then found out."

"And you still don't want to tell me?" I ask.

"You yourself told me that you couldn't do anything about it, and that you were better off not knowing." I can feel him shrug. "You were crying a lot."