Grown ish: Zoey and Aaron, The Future (BOOK 2)

Part 32: Alcohol

Zoey narrates.

It's blurry, my vision, as my eyes are clouded by my own tears. I blink a few times, as I open the door to the apartment, and walk in, holding my arms around myself.

There are cops in the apartment, and I see my friends and family in one corner, distressed, whilst Aaron is in another, talking to a cop. He sees me, and his face looks tired, and worn out, but he immediately rushes over to me.

He looks at me, standing only inches away, and I cry, heavily. I can't stop the tears. I know in that moment, all he wants to do is yell at me, and hurt me in the same way that I've hurt him.

But instead, he wraps his arms around me, tightly, as I cry into him, unable to speak, and I fall to the ground, the pain too much, as Aaron comes down with me, holding me, stroking my head.

He doesn't let go.

_____ 

Flashback, that morning.

I'm feeding Zara, formula milk now, as Ana sits with me in the living room. Aaron's at work, so we're just chilling.

'Can you pour me a glass?' I ask, as she opens a bottle of wine, looking at me.

'What? I'm not breast feeding anymore.' I say.

'Fair enough.' She says, handing me a glass, which I down quickly.

'Zo, what the hell? It's only 11 am.' She says.

'It's been too long.' I say, gesturing her to pour me some more.

I finish feeding Zara, who has fallen asleep, so I kiss her forehead, and then her little nose, before placing her in her crib.

I sit back down on the couch, sighing.

'Look, Zo, I know that you've been feeling really down. And it's totally normal. Post Partum depression is so much more common then you think. But you've got to try and get out of this funk. At least for Zara's sake.' She says.

'How has Aaron been?' She asks.

'He's been...great. And that's part of the problem. I feel horrible for acting so irrational, but I don't know how to deal with my feelings right now.' I say, taking another sip.

'If you don't feel better being around others, maybe you need a day to yourself. A self-care day.' She says.

I think about it for a few seconds.

'Maybe you're right.' I say.

'Why don't you go out today? I'll watch Zara. Get your nails done, go for coffee, do some shopping, and then come home and we'll see how you feel?' She suggests.

'You know what? I think I will.' I say.

_____

I took Ana's advice, and decided to take a day to myself, to see if I could cheer myself up.

I started off at the nail salon who, much to my appreciation, provided me with unlimited alcohol, and laughs.

After getting my nails done, I will admit, I was feeling a little tipsy, and it was getting later into the afternoon, but I still didn't want to go home just yet.

I'd decided to go to a coffee shop, like Ana suggested, but instead found myself at the bar in a night club.

'A shot, please.' I say, grinning widely, as I go up to the bar, and throw some money at the bartender.

'Make it three.' I say, as he nods.

I wait, and as I do, a guy approaches me, sliding up beside me at the bar, as I look at him confused, but evidently drunk.

'Can I buy the lady a drink?' He asks, as he sees the bartender place my shots in front of me.

I laugh, and down each shot quickly, as his eyes widen, surprised.

'Yes you can.' I say, smiling.

'But I should warn you, I'm married.' I add, holding up my hand and showing him my wedding ring.

'Me too.' He says, holding up his hand, as I laugh.

I spend a long time talking to this complete stranger, about the most random things, since I'm drunk, before he leaves, getting a phone call.

'It was nice to meet you, Zoey. I hope you feel better soon.' He says, as I wave at him, confused, and not knowing that I'd just opened up about my life to a person that I did not know.

I'm swaying now, my head spinning, as I look down in front of me, seeing how much alcohol I've just had, and my stomach churns.

I get up, deciding to get some air, and start wondering the streets, completely out of it. It's dark outside now. I check my phone, and I can just about see that it's 1am in the morning, and I can also see that I have...45 missed calls? I squint, trying to see the names, but can't, as my vision becomes blurred.

My head starts to pound even more, and the pain is so excruciating, that I wobble when I'm walking. I try to find my way home, but can't, and have no idea where I am.

In the dark of the night, having no idea what's going on, I start to cry. I cry a lot, just standing there. I have no idea what's happened to me. I don't know why I can't control my feelings, and I don't know why I always turn to alcohol.

'I'm such a bad mother. I'm such a bad wife.' I keep whispering to myself, as I walk slowly, trying to find my way home.

I then shield my eyes, from a bright red light.

'Mrs Zoey Jackson? You need to come with us.'

It's the cops.

_____