Serendipitous

13.

Shane

I hurt her and I hate myself for that. Maybe it was stupid to decide to leave but I've ruined her relationship with her family. I could see how Rick and Lori were so angry with her, but they had no reason to be so angry with her. She didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one they should hate. How they believe I manipulated her makes me sick, I would never do that to her.
I love her with everything in me, I never planned to fall in love with her or anyone for that matter but it happened. Maybe one day she'll forgive me for thinking about leaving, but I just can't stand to see her like this with her family—Even if they do put Carl first. They forget about her I guess because she's the oldest, but I kept her safe, I looked after her when Atlanta went up in flames and when we found shelter. Despite it all, they punish her for falling in love with me.

"Why'd I let her come with us? I should have sent her with Lori." Rick stammers out as his eyes glisten with tears. I sit beside him trying to comfort him to the best of my abilities, to whatever extent he'll allow me to comfort him. Rick took Carl to the sofa to calm down as a woman with red hair and kind eyes introduced herself to us as Patricia. She began talking to Carl and trying to calm him down as I tried my best to console Rick and keep myself together.

"You know, you start that, you'll never get that monkey off your back." I respond to him as I try to keep myself together for his sake. Two of us can't be falling apart right now. One of us needs to be strong for the other and right now despite everything, he needs me to be strong.

"Little girl goes missing, you look for her. Simple. You said call it, head back." Rick closes his eyes for a moment.

"Doesn't matter what I said."

"Molly got shot because I wouldn't cut bait. It should be me in there." He continues to beat himself up over this, but I can't help but feel the same way that he feels. If I could have taken that bullet for her—I would have. A small chuckle leaves my lips at Rick's ironic statement.

"You've been there, partner. Right? And you pulled through. So will she."

"Is that why I got out of that hospital? Found my family for it to end here like this? This some kind of sick joke?" He cries as he quickly wipes away the forming tears. I clench my jaw at his words as I swallow the lump in my throat, she'll be fine. She has to be.

"You stop it. Just stop."

"A little girl goes missing...you look for her. It's plain and simple." Rick sighs shakily as he repeats his previous words as if to try and make sense of all of this. The sound of the bedroom door opens as Rick and I turn our heads in that direction to see a brunette girl.

"Rick...She needs blood." Hershel informs worriedly. Rick and I stand to our feet immediately making our way into the little bedroom. My eyes instantly lay on Molly, she's pale and her skin is glistening my with sweat and smeared blood from her open wound, her eyes are filled with trickling tears. While her forehead has beads of sweat running down it and her long hair fans out around her, I watch as her lips part in agony. Heavy breaths leave and cries of sheer pain can be heard, she has no anesthesia, there is no medication to ease her suffering in this moment. 
    Molly lays away in pain while Hershel continues to dig for the bullet fragments that scattered like shards of glass. I clench my jaw to my keep myself sane in this moment, my chest rises and fall in a rapidly—seeing her in this state is nerve wracking and horrific. There isn't anything I can do to ease her pain, and I hate that.

"You, hold her down." Hershel instructs Rick who looks just as shaken as I feel.

"Dad!" Molly cries loudly, her voice shrilling in pain, her breathing remains at an unsteady pace. The pain in my chest turns agonizing as I watch her on the bed, I want to be of some help to her right now. It's the least I can do... There has to be something. My eyes flicker to the tool being used to dig into her stomach, she lets out another scream. I can't handle this, I can't handle seeing her like this.