Todoroki's POV:
Katsuki and I have been trying new things in our intimate life. It's amazing having those moments with him. That he trusts me with his body like that. He's not ready for actually sex yet, but I don't blame him and I want him to take him time. If he rushes, he'd miss out on the pleasure. I want him to be comfortable before he decides he wants to do anything. I don't ask him about it because I want him to come to me when he's ready. I know he's not an upfront person when it comes to this, so I'll ask in a few days or maybe a week or two. We just started discussing this, so I think if I ask him now, he'll freak out and feel like he has to be ready.
"So then I saw Ojirou alone in the locker rooms and left as soon as I saw him. He turned, but I was already leaving as he did. I seriously can't stand looking at him. I keep seeing my dad and how angry he was," Katsuki says as he lays on my lap. "I'm glad you left. You shouldn't stay in a place where you feel uncomfortable. You have choices. Remember that."
He nods, smiling up at me. "Yeah, I do. Hey, uh, do you wanna go somewhere? Like anywhere. I'm bored here trapped in the dorms. Let's go to the park," he sighs.
"Yeah, sure. Did you want to go out to eat?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "No, I'll make us something after we get back," he tells me, still looking up at me. "You sure?"
He nods. "Yeah. I wanted to try making soba," he smiles and I can't help but smile back. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah. I've been looking up recipes and watching videos. I think I have it down," Bakugo says proudly. "Okay then, let's go," I say and he nods, but he doesn't make any movements to get up. I look down at him and he sighs. "I guess I need to get up, huh?" I nod.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and my heart clenches. "If you don't feel like getting up, we can just go another time," I suggest and he shakes his head. "Just give me a second."
"Anything for you."
After about ten minutes, Bakugo huffs and sits up quickly. "Okay, I'm good. Let's go," he says, pointing a finger upward in declaration.
We stand up and head downstairs. I grab his hand and squeeze it in reassurance. He looks back at me with an embarrassed look in his eye and I frown. "There's no reason for that look," I whisper to him and he looks down as we pass everyone in the common area.
As we walk to get permission from Aizawa to leave campus, I pull Bakugo's hand. He turns to me and I smile. "You did it though." His face tells me he knows what I'm talking about. "Yeah, but it took me a while," he sighs in defeat. "Any win is a win. Even if you couldn't get up, you did a lot today. You woke up. You brushed your teeth. You showered. You talked. Took your meds. You ate. You should be proud of yourself. Take the wins. Sometimes you might not be able to, and that's okay too. I'm here and you know that. It's okay," I tell him and make sure he's looking at me the whole time.
"I-I guess," he nods. "No. Not 'I guess'. Say it. Say 'I got up and that was a win'."
"I got up and that's a win," he repeats. "Again."
"I got up and that's a win."
I nod proudly. "Yes it is. Now, let's go ask Aizawa." He nods and we continue making our way to the teacher's dorms.
~~~~~
At the park, we head straight for the swings.
I know Bakugo told me that the swings are his favorite. We were cuddling and enjoying each other's company and he told me randomly.
"You want me to push you?" I ask when he sits down on one of the swings and looks back at me hesitantly. He's insecure. Today isn't a good day for him.
"Yeah."
I smile and immediately go behind him. I start slowly by pushing him lightly before increasing the strength as he gets higher. He starts laughing all of a sudden and the noise makes everything better. I really want to kiss him.
"I love you," I whisper to him one of the times he comes back towards me before continuing to push him. "I love you too," he yells.
I continue pushing him for about five minutes before he tells me to get on a swing to swing with him. I couldn't say no to that face, so obviously I complied.
We ran around the park after, sliding down the extremely small slides. We climbed a tree without our quirks and joked about everything.
"Hey," I call on the tree. He turns and looks at me, confused. "Huh?" Through two branches, I lean forward and kiss him. He kisses back instantly. It's slow and soft. His lips moving against my own with ease. He hums and I kiss him deeper.
I pull away and he goes red when we make eye-contact. "What the hell was that for?" He asks.
I sigh heavily and rest my head on a branch. "I'm so in love with you." "Tch. You're so annoying," he grumbles and I look up at him confused at his tone. He notices the look on my face and frowns before looking away. "I always feel like you're going to break up with me," he whispers, still not looking at me. He gets off of the tree and I follow.
"Kat, there's literally no reason I would break up with you," I say and he turns to look at me. He deadpans. "Shoto you're so dumb. Really."
"How am I dumb? I love you and you've never done anything that would make me want to break up with you. You've never hurt me. You always put me first. You care about me. You've done nothing wrong. I. Love. You. And that's not changing," I say. I have his face in between my hands, squishing his cheeks as his eyes tear up. "I know. I know you do. I just hate myself so much. I can't be normal. I can't stop thinking bad things."
"And that's not your fault. If your parents weren't such ignorant dumbasses, your depression could've been treated or watched over way sooner. Come here," I say, pulling him into a hug which he returns, burying his face in my chest. He grips the back of my hoodie. "I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me," he says. It's muffled into my chest, but I hear every word.
"There's so much to love about you. Let's head back to the dorms," I say. He squeezes me tighter and I rub his back. "Just a second," he says. I nod and continue rubbing his back. Soon, his shoulders relax and he pulls away. "Okay. I'm good to go now," he nods and grabs my hand before starting to walk back to the dorms. "You still up for making food? I can just order us something or make it myself at the dorms," I suggest and he freezes.
"I-uh I'm- I don't think I'm up for it," he says, looking down at his feet. "Great. More time to spend watching movies. What do you want?" I ask. I start walking again and this time I'm leading us to the dorms. "Y-you're sure?" He asks. I nod. "Yes I'm sure, babe. Oh, what did you want to eat?" I ask.
I feel his hand tense. "I'm not feeling to great about, um, you know," he tells me and I feel my heart physically hurt. "It's okay."
"C-can we just talk about this at the dorms?" He asks, voice low. I squeeze his hand in comfort and confirmation.
Once we get to the dorms, Bakugo keeps his head down as I lead us through the halls. Once we get to his room, he walks over to his bed and gets under the covers. He doesn't even look at me.
"Come hug me," he says. I sigh in relief. I had no idea what to do before. I was scared that he wouldn't be ready for cuddles just yet.
I get in the bed and spoon him. "I don't want to eat right now. I don't feel up to it," he whispers. It's so quiet and heartbreaking. It's silent for a while.
"It's okay. You already ate today. You did amazing. You did more than you felt you could do. That's a big step and I'm so proud of you," I whisper as I get closer to him. "I feel like a failure. I wanted today to be good. At the least, I wanted today to be good for you," he admits.
"It shouldn't work like that. You have to make the good days count for you. I love you, okay? I just want you to focus on you when you want to be happy."
"I know. It just helps when I make it about you."
He snakes his hands under my hoodie. Probably for warmth because his hands are pretty cold.
"You can't do that all the time though. I don't want you to become dependent on me. You can rely on me sometimes, but you already know that you should be focusing on getting better for you."
"I know, but when I do that, I feel like I don't deserve to get better. I feel like I don't deserve to have the chance to be normal."
"Have you told Aizawa?"
He shakes his head. "Well, he knows that it doesn't really help me when I try doing it for myself," he says.
Every word that escapes our lips is quiet and careful. Bakugo's words are more shaky and fragile. As if the wind could blow and he'd break down. "Well, I think that maybe you should depend on Aizawa then. He's your parent now. It would be good if you did that, no?" I suggest.
"Why Aizawa and not you? Are you gonna leave me or something? Did you want me to depend on someone that was actually going to stay?" He starts questioning. He pulls away and there's tears now. He's sniffling and sobbing, wiping the tears away angrily.
"No. I'm not leaving you," I say, trying to pull him back to me. He shakes his head. "No," he says before pulling at his hair as he looks down at his lap. "Fuck. I'm fucking ruining everything. I hate myself so much. Fuck," he cries. I put my hands over his which are threaded in his hair. "Don't do that. Don't hurt yourself," I say quietly. I seriously just felt like panicking. It hurts me seeing him like this so much. I want to cry so much right now.
"I was saying that because I'm your partner. Partners are not supposed to depend on each other. That wouldn't be a healthy relationship. I don't want you to get better and realize that the only reason you got better was because of me. You might start thinking that you owe me everything. I don't want that kind of relationship. I want us to be equal and on the same ground. Aizawa is your guardian now. You can depend on him. Yes, I'm still always going to be here. But maybe when you think about getting better, if thinking about doing it for yourself isn't working, then think about maybe doing it for him and your new family."
It's silent and I get nervous about what I said. Did I word it correctly? Did I get my point across? God, I hope I did.
"Do you get what I was trying to say?" I ask cautiously.
"I think so. I get you. I don't think I should have pushed myself to leave the dorms today," he tells me.
"That's okay. I'm here. I got you. Just, let it out. You're safe with me," I whisper. I feel him completely relax before he starts shaking. Sobs loud and voice cracking as he apologizes a million times. A few tears escape my eyes and I hold him through it all. He wraps his legs around me like a panda or something and he gets comfortable as he continues crying, not letting me see him. I kiss the top of his head.
"Yeah, just let it all out. I'm with you. I'm here," I whisper as I try to do anything that makes him feel better. Petting his head, running my fingers through his hair, rubbing his back. Just something that would make him feel just a little bit better.
He already took his medications. "What else is on your mind?" I ask.
"Everything. I'm so scared of letting everyone down. I-"
He stops talking and cries harder. Harder than before. He's wailing at this point and I don't know what to do. His breathing is ragged and he can't seem to catch it.
"Shhh. Breathe babe. Come on, with me," I decide. I hope this was the right way to start. I need to calm him down first.
I'm definitely going to need to talk about this at my next appointment.
I pull him away from my chest so he could breathe and so I could get a good look at him but he latches onto me even harder. "I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't," he repeats in gasps over and over. "Katsuki you need to calm down. Come on, I need you to breathe with me. You're having a panic attack."
I sit up, with him still latched onto me. I peel him off of me and he starts pulling at his hair again. "No. None of that," I say as I reach for his hands but they start letting out explosions. My eyes widen and I grab his hands, putting my palms against his as I lace our finger together. He gasps and looks at me with worried eyes. "I hurt you," he says, trying to pull his hands away from mine. "No, you didn't. You stopped before you could. Look," I say, showing him my palms. He grabs my hands and looks at them back and front. Looking for burnt flesh or damaged skin.
"I-I didn't hurt you?" He asks. He seemed to snap out of it. "No. You didn't."
"But you did hurt yourself. Let me see your head," I say, trying not to let the tears spill. He opens his mouth to talk but closes his mouth and puts his head down so I can see.
Some hair is burned and his skin is a little red, but it looks okay. "Let's go to Recovery Girl," I say and start to get up. Once I'm standing, I hold out my hand for him and he looks at me. "Come on," I say, smiling at him. "You're okay. Let's just go see Recovery Girl. It looks like it hurts. Just, come on."
He takes my hand hesitantly and we make our way to leave. "Wait," he says and I stop, turning around to look at him. "Huh?"
"How's my face?" He asks. "You're face is red. Eyes and nose are puffy," I tell him.
He nods.
I pull him towards me by his waist and pull his hood over his head. I tighten up the strings slightly and take his hand again. "There. Now if you don't want anyone to see your face, look down and stay behind me. Okay?"
He nods, looking down. "Recover Girl is gonna ask about the last time I ate."
"Then we'll tell her. It's okay Katsuki. You'll have bad days. Today is one of them and she'll understand. You want me to tell Aizawa to meet us there?"
He looks up at me and nods. "Yeah."
I smile and give him a quick kiss on the lips. Then I kiss his cheek. Then his nose. Then his forehead.
"I'm proud of you and Aizawa will be too when he finds out you wanted him there. Hell, he might be happy you wanted him to go. He loves you so much."
He nods and looks away with a small blush on his cheeks. I pull out my phone and call Aizawa. I start walking as it rings with Bakugo holding onto my hand. In the common area downstairs, Bakugo puts his head down and Aizawa answers.
"Hey Todoroki. What's up?"
"Uh, we're going to go visit Recovery Girl. It's nothing too serious, but Bakugo wanted me to call you so you could meet us there," I inform him.
"I'll be right there," he says quickly before hanging up. I turn my phone back off and push the doors open. Bakugo follows me and I squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry," he apologizes.
"It's okay. Oh, Aizawa said he's on his way. He seemed worried. Well, obviously. He's probably running to Recovery Girl."
I turn to him and see that he's still looking down. "Oh."
What do I do?
~~~~~
When we get to Recovery Girl, it's around 10 minutes later because I didn't want to rush Bakugo. Of course, Aizawa is already there and is talking to Recovery Girl. Well, at least she got a heads up that we were coming.
"There you two are. You worried they heck out of this guy," Recovery Girl says, pointing at Aizawa. "Hey kid. Not doing good?" Aizawa asks Bakugo.
Bakugo shakes his head no. "He burned his head a little," I tell them and carefully pull the hoodie off of Bakugo's head. His hair is a mess. I put my hand on Bakugo's shoulder and squeeze. "Yeah, I came to see if you could heal it for me," he tells Recovery Girl. He doesn't look up, but it's obvious who he's talking to. "Of course. Let me see the damage," she says, walking to one of the beds so that Bakugo could sit there. He follows her and I let him go as I turn to Aizawa. "What happened?" He asks me.
"We went to the park, but he was already feeling pretty down before. He wanted to get out of the dorms, but his mood dropped after a while. At some point he thought I was going to break up with him. I straightened that out, but when we came back to the dorms, he just got in his bed and told me to hug him. We stayed like that talking but he had a panic attack and burned his head. I didn't know what else to do," I tell him. He must nods and pulls me into a hug.
It was so sudden and came out of nowhere. I stay there, eyes wide before I relax and start to tear up. I feel the stress leave my body and he pulls away. "Thank you for always being good to him."
He walks over to Bakugo and sits next to him. I follow and stand close enough to hear them and for Bakugo to see me. "You okay kid? You take your meds?" He asks and Bakugo shrugs as Recovery Girl continues looking at his scalp.
"I took my meds."
"You wanna talk about it?"
He shakes his head at Aizawa's question. "I wanna sleep."
Aizawa nods.
"Did you eat?" Recovery Girl asks and Bakugo starts crying. He's still looking down, but tears are just falling. "I ate breakfast at around 8," he says. Aizawa looks over at me. It's around 6 now and he didn't eat at lunch. He usually has a schedule. Aizawa helped him set it up. It helped him to eat all three meals of the day. His second meal was supposed to be at 1:30. His next meal is supposed to be at either 6 or 7.
The schedule is pretty new, but Bakugo said it would help him.
"Okay sweetie. It's good that these burns aren't too bad then," Recovery Girl says. "I'm sorry," Bakugo whispers, referring to not eating. "Kid, it's okay. You ate at least once today. Don't push yourself," Aizawa tells him. Then Aizawa turns to me. "Did you try to make him eat?" He asks. There's a bit of a threat in his words.
I shake my head and put my hands up. "No, I swear I told him it was okay. I didn't want to make it worse," I admit. He nods, letting up. "Okay," he tells me before turning back to Bakugo. "Are you up for eating?" He asks and Bakugo shakes his head. "I just want to go to sleep."
"Okay, I'm going to heal you now. Are you going to want to go back to the dorms?" She asks him.
He nods.
"Okay, I'll have these two keep an eye on you. Since the injury isn't that bad, you won't be as tired, but it should be enough for you to fall asleep when you get back to the dorms," she informs.
He just nods, obviously not okay enough to talk. She heals him and his body sags slightly.
"All good. His hair is a little dark still, but no one should be able to notice," she smiles at me and I nod. "Thank you," I say, bowing. "No need for that. Just take care of him."
Bakugo stands up and starts heading towards the door. Me and Aizawa look at each other before following. We each take a side just in case he falls or something.
As we walk, Bakugo puts the hood on his head and digs his hands in his pockets.
It's a quiet walk with Bakugo tripping over his feet sometimes. When we get to the dorms, Aizawa helps me walk Bakugo up the steps and into the building. He doesn't walk us all the way inside in fear of bringing attention which Bakugo didn't need right now. I thank him and wrap my arm around Bakugo's waist as I lead him to the elevator and to his room.
We get some concerned looks which I don't think Bakugo sees since his head is down.
Once we get to his room, he flops down onto the bed and curls himself into a ball before he starts sobbing. I give Oroka some food and make sure her water bowl has water before joining Bakugo on the bed.
Bakugo immediately wraps his arms and legs around me. "Thank you for staying," he slurs sleepily before his breathing events out and the grip on my sweater loosens. My heart clenches and I decide to fall asleep too. Hell, extra sleep wouldn't hurt too bad, right?
~~~~~
When I wake up, Bakugo isn't on the bed. He's not in his room. I sit up quickly on the bed and look around the dark room. I see Oroka asleep on his dresser and right next to her, the time reads 2:01. Where is he?
I jump out of bed and head downstairs. I smell food and run to the kitchen to see if it's Bakugo.
I sigh in relief when I see that it is, but he jumps in surprise when he turns and sees me. He has the hoodie on over his head still. "Uh, hi," he says, embarrassed. "What are you doing?" I ask, walking around the counter, over to him.
He looks confused as I continue walking towards him before I wrap him in a hug. "I woke up and was hungry. I thought you would be too, so I wanted to make us food. Especially since we didn't eat lunch or dinner yesterday." "Oh okay. Thank you," I whisper into his shoulder. He hugs me back before pulling away.
"Don't want your food to burn, do you?"
I shake my head with a small smile. "You okay babe?" I ask him and he shrugs. "Can't wait to go to that mental hospital. Hopefully they'll make me better. Yesterday was just- I- I almost hurt myself when I woke up," he admits. I look at him, eyes wide. Why didn't he wake me? Hell, why didn't I wake up!?
"I woke up and felt the urge to just hurt myself so bad. Like I wanted it to hurt so bad that I cried from the pain," he says, moving the food around. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him as he cooks. "Did you?" I ask in a whisper.
"No. Almost, but no. I came down to get a knife, but when I grabbed one, I felt really guilty and decided to cook instead."
"I'm really proud of you for staying strong. Listen, if you don't want to meet with my mom tomorrow because you can't, then it's okay. I don't like you pushing yourself too much," I say, squeezing his hips.
"No, I want to go. I just have that urge sometimes. The eating has gotten easier. Way easier, but sometimes it just hits me. I get really down and the thought of eating makes me feel anxious," he says, reaching for a seasoning on the counter. When we sees it's not the one he wants, he sighs and reaches above the stove where the other spices are. His hoodie rides up a bit and I take that chance to run my hands against his skin.
"Your hands are cold," he complains.
I fix that by activating my left side. He sighs and leans back, letting himself relax. I press a kiss to his cheek and rest my chin on his shoulder as I watch him check the different pans. I run my hands back and forth under his sweater and he squirms.
"Tch, why are you so touchy?"
"It's not my fault you're built. I also just love being like this with you cause no one else can. Sucks for them," I say and he laughs a little. My chest warms at that.
My hands keep moving and he huffs. "I swear, if you're hard you're not getting my help. I just want to eat and go back to sleep," he tells me and I smile. "I'm not hard. I just like touching you."
"You sound like a perv."
I kiss his neck, right under his ear and he shivers. He clicks his tongue in annoyance before hitting my face with the side of his head. Not hard, just enough to hurt. "Ow," I complain. "Shut it. If you didn't want that to happen, you shouldn't have done that."
"Do what?" I ask before kissing his neck. "That?"
He puts the spoon he was using down before turning around right face me. My hands were still under his sweater. He galres at me. "I swear to fuck if you don't stop it, you're not getting food."
I gasp and pout at him. "Fine. I guess I'll stop," I give in and he turns back around with a proud nod. He grabs the spoon again and I run my hand over his nipple. He jumps and snacks my face with the spatula. Pretty hard too.
I had to make myself a sandwich.
~~~~~
Katsuki made it through the day shakily. He had to leave earlier for lunch, but stayed in the closet in the teacher's lounge. I joined him when lunch began and he just latched onto me until the bell rang. There was no talking or anything. He just asked me to put on some music and that was all.
I'm worried about tomorrow. I don't want him to push himself to go. He might feel worse throughout the day.
He did do all of the work though. He did every single assignment and answered every question. I think he just wanted to get ahold of something. Maybe his grades. Like something to ground himself. I think he wants some normalcy in his life again. Everything changed for him at the same time.
Two people found out about his depression and neglectful parents in the span of a week. In the next two weeks, the rest of his friends found out after he tried to kill himself. After getting back from the trip, he told his teacher, his mom almost died, and his parents lost it. His dad blamed him and both told him that they hated him. Then his dad beat the shit out if him and had to take it easy for about a month. It's been a while since then, but his case was out and everyone knew about it. He was probably waiting for everyone to find out he tried to kill himself and he has anxiety and depression. Hell, it might come out that he went to a mental hospital when he gets admitted.
He's been in bed all day since after school. He did even change into something comfortable. He fed Oroka and just curled into a ball like yesterday. He was okay last night.
"You want me to get you some clothes for change into?" I ask and he peeks his head through the blankets and pillows he barricaded himself in. He gives me a look and I question in. "Youuu... want some of my clothes?" I ask and he nods. I smile. "Okay, I'm leaving your door slightly open. I'll be back as quickly as I can," I tell him and he nods before burying himself in the small cocoon.
I walk quickly upstairs to my room. I see Sero leaving his room and he smiles. "Hey man, what's up? Is Bakugo doing okay? He seemed pretty down," he says, frowning on worry at the end. "He just wants to stay in bed, so I'm getting some clothes," I say and he nods.
"Tell him that I hope he feels better. I really appreciate you being there for him. I never knew how to get close, buy I'm glad someone did. I really respect you," Sero says before patting my shoulder and heading towards the elevator.
"Thanks. I'll tell him."
His words made me feel happy.
I quickly grab some sweats for myself. I get my favorite hoodie for Katsuki and his favorite joggers of mine. I run back, feeling like I already took to long. I slow down once I get to his floor and knock twice so he knows I'm coming in before opening the door. He's still wrapped in the blankets but Oroka is lying down next to him now. He's petting her lazily and she purrs.
"I'm back," I announce as I close the door behind me. I pass Katsuki the clothes I got for him and he sits up, grabbing them. Oroka let's out a displeased meow at the movement and lack of petting. Bakugo places a quick kiss to her head. "Thank you," he tells me. I smile.
He stands up and starts pulling the clothes off. I turn around and start doing the same. "Why are you turning away? You've literally had your fingers up my ass," he says and I laugh. "I don't know, in, I guess I didn't want you to feel exposed. You let me see you during those times."
It's quiet. "Is it okay if I turn around?" I ask and he hums in agreement. He only had his blazer off. I kiss his cheek before pulling away and changing. I see him looking at me and I feel my face heat up. When I pull the sweater down, I face him completely. He's gripping the clothes in his hands tightly and I look at him in confusion.
"You okay?" I ask.
His face is a little red and he shrugs. "You and your stupidly built body," he grumbles and pulls his clothes off. My?? Stupidly built body???
His abs are toned even though he hasn't been working out as much. His arms flex and look fucking chiselled. I huff in annoyance and frustration before getting on the bed. I make sure I'm not bothering Oroka but she gets up and hops off the bed anyway.
He joins me when he puts our uniforms together. I love when he asks for my clothes. I know he waits for me to offer them, but it's way better when he asks. "Perv," he says, snuggling into my chest. "What did I do?" I ask.
"Looking at me while I was changing."
I gasp and shove him playfully. "You were staring at me and almost burned my clothes. I saw how tight you were holding them." He laughs into my chest. "Shhh, I'm trying to nap."
I laugh and after a while, we end up falling asleep.
***
Word Count: 5,480
Welp, guess who ended up passing her history college class???? WWOOOOOOO. That shit was horrible. I ended up with a 75, but that shits passing so I'll take it. It's the first and only c since ever, but damn am happy. I took the final on Monday and that shit stressed me tf out. I also had my final STAAR on Wednesday which was also for History. Idek if I did well tbh. Anyway, if you read this, I love you. And if you liked the chapter, I love you even more. I don't know where to take this fanfic. I still need to write where they go shopping with Todoroki's mom, where they meet Kaminari's parents, and where Bakugo goes to a hospital to get help. I might end it with Bakugo going to the hospital 👀🙈. I'll write an epilogue about him coming out of the hospital or something like that. That will probably be like 5 or more chapters :'). I want to start working on my Shinkami fic again. Anyway, sorry for the extra long author's note. I hope you all liked this chapter, I love you all, and next chapter will go up next Sunday.