Last night, or, early this morning technically, Ashton took me to Times Square. Something about standing there at two in the morning as people rushed around as if it was the middle of the day was so exciting.
We eventually made it back to Ashton's place, though we didn't sleep much. We were now at a cafe around the corner from Ashton's high school.
"I love being here. Like I said, seeing you like this is so much fun." I tell Ashton, smiling at him.
"Well, we're going to spend the rest of the day doing tourist things again. I have the wedding coming up, but then we have a couple days after that as well."
"Okay, perfect! I can't wait." I smile. I look down at my phone, seeing a notification from Luke, and my smile drops.
"Luke?"
"Yeah." I sigh. "I really wish I could just talk things out with him. I don't even know how to talk things out with him."
"You two do need to talk it out, and I know it's not easy. But I promise that you two will figure it out. You're situation really isn't easy. We came here to distract you so let's do that! We'll head home so we can get ready to go be tourists again."
I nod, "Yes, okay. Let's do that."
The two of us head back to Ashton's house, to quickly get ready. It doesn't take long, since we were pretty much ready to go.
-
Ashton and I were in the city, taking the subway to to get to the next place he was taking me. I honestly wasn't paying much attention since I was just focused on dodging people in the crowd.
When we get back out to the busy streets, Ashton holds my hand as we walk through the streets. I try to take in everything around me as we walk, there's so much happening around me that I can barely soak it all in.
"Okay, here." Ashton smiles, as we arrive at Rockefeller Center. "Every tourist comes here."
"Obviously!"
"We're doing top of the rock, so you can get your basic tourist pictures."
"I love it."
"We've got a busy day so we're not gonna be long here. I wanna get as much in before the wedding in a couple days." Ashton tells me as he leads me to where we need to go.
"Of course. I'm so excited for anything. Literally anywhere you bring me will impress me." I tell him, still just letting him lead me wherever.
When we finally get to the top, I couldn't help but smile as I take in the view around me.
"I can't believe you lived here." I tell him as he walks up beside me.
He shrugs, "I mean, you saw where I lived, it's not exactly like this. We literally live in Los Angeles now."
"But it's so different there. I don't know." I reply, taking pictures of the view.
"Yeah, I get it."
"Are you planning to see your friends?" I ask, as we walk across the observation deck.
He shrugs, "I don't know yet. We'll see. You're more important, so."
"I appreciate that, but you don't come home often! See your friends!" I tell him.
Ashton just shrugs again in response.
Once we're finished with our little tourist attraction, Ashton guides me along the busy streets to our next stop.
"Where are we going?" I giggle, as Ashton drags me through the crowd in Times Square.
"Just come on!" He laughs, as we make our way out of the crowd.
"Wow, I thought it was busy when we were at Times Square when we were here in the middle of the night. This is wild."
"Do you now understand why anybody who lives in New York hates this part of New York?" Ashton laughs, the two of us walking slower now, side by side.
"Where even are we now?" I ask, looking around and seeing Broadway theatres.
"Currently? 8th and 47th. Theatre District."
"Where are we going?" I ask again, "Are we seeing a show?"
He groans, "Kels!"
I smile, laughing at him, "I guess it's yes?"
He sighs, leading me down 8th, "Yes. We have to."
Cheering, I swing our hands back and forth, "That's so fun!"
"Okay, come on, this way." He says, not acknowledging me and pulling me around the corner.
"I'm glad I decided to come here with you." I tell him.
Ashton doesn't say anything right away as he stop, before he yells at me to run across the street with him.
"Ashton! Warning next time?"
He just laughs, "I'm glad you came here with me too."
-
Ashton was getting ready to leave for the wedding now. The past couple days have been so much fun with him.
Though the point of this trip was to distract from Luke, I've been thinking a lot about him. I've tried my best to not to think about him, since that's the whole point of this trip, but it's so hard.
"So, I look okay?" Ashton asks, walking into his room.
"You look so good!" I exclaim, looking Ashton up and down.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! Wow." I reply, mumbling the last part.
"I know, I'm hot." He chuckles, looking at himself in the mirror.
"Ashton, we gotta go!" His mom yells.
He quickly rushes around, grabbing his phone.
"Have fun!" I call after him, as he waves at me while leaving his room.
I sigh, curling up in Ashton's bed, and grabbing my phone. Kiana has sent me all the wedding pictures earlier today, I just hadn't had the time to look at them yet.
I knew this would make me think of Luke when I should be distracting myself, but I couldn't help it. Since the wedding I've been waiting for the pictures. Of course there's going to be ones with Luke, but that's fine.
Seeing the pictures of Kiana and Harrison, I can't help but smile. She looks so happy, it made me happy.
When I get to a picture of Luke and I, my smile grows and it feels like my stomach is doing flips. Just a picture of us made me feel this way. The two of us on the dance floor together, starting at each other while slow dancing. Though I wish I wasn't thinking about it, all I could think about was that this is what we'd look like at our wedding. Not that I wanted that anytime soon, I don't even know if we're going to be able to work this out.
Tears well up in my eyes, through I don't even notice at first. I sigh, deciding that maybe looking at these right now wasn't the best idea.
Suddenly I find myself packing, hastily rushing around to grab my things. All I could think about was Luke. And telling Luke that I love him.
Maybe this was stupid, but I couldn't stop myself as I quickly pull out my phone to buy a plane ticket. I have no idea what I'm doing. It feels like I don't have control over my body as I do so, unable to catch my breath over my panicking.
Rushing to find something to leave a note for Ashton. I don't want to text him, I don't want to ruin the wedding for him.
'Hey, Ashton,
I didn't wanna text you because I didn't want you to leave the wedding. Anyway, I left. I'm so sorry. I'm flying to Seattle to see Luke. I have to figure this out. Please don't hate me. I'm sorry. I love you so much.
Kelsey'
I sigh, leaving the note on Ashton's bed. I feel bad, but I'm losing my mind here. I can't keep thinking about him, and not talk through things. I know that it's impulsive, but at the same time I ignore all those thoughts. Normally I wouldn't ignore them and try to think rationally, but I guess it's fine to try something different.
Grabbing my suitcase I head out to catch the taxi I called to take me to the airport.
The whole ride to the airport was me taking deep breaths, trying to keep myself calm. Doing this to Ashton made me feel awful, and heading to see Luke was extremely stressful. I knew a panic attack could happen at any second, so I do anything I can to try and control it.
When I get on the plane, before turning my phone off, I decide to send a text to Calum.
'I might've done something stupid'
Almost immediately, Calum replies.
'what's up, Kels??'
'I'm sure you didn't'
'Cal, I just left Ashton a note and now I'm on a plane from New York to Seattle to surprise Luke'
'WHAT THE FUCK'
'DONT TELL HIM'
'I WONT BUT WHAT THE FUCK'
'I'm gonna be sick'
'okay, relax it's all fine. I know Luke will be SO excited to see you'
'I'm sure Ashton will understand, Kels'
'It's unfortunate but don't worry'
'yeah'
'it'll be fine'
'okay I'm gonna have to go we're taking off'
'wanna meet me at the airport?'
After giving him my flight information, Calum said he'll meet me there.
-
The flight felt like forever, and at least once every hours I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Whatever I could do to distract myself, I did. I did sleep for a bit which I'm was nice.
As I was walking towards Calum, he was smiling and waving at me.
"I think I'm gonna throw up. I can't believe I came here." I tell him, taking deep breaths.
"Hey, Kels, nice to see you too."
"Sorry! I'm a little panicky right now."
"Well, what's the plan? Am I taking you to Luke's?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought anything through! I don't even know where I'm staying!"
"Honestly, I figured that. You can stay at my place. You can take my bed, I'll take the couch. I'm sorry you'll have to put up with the mess the three of us make. I did clean my room for you, though."
"Thanks, Cal. That's really sweet."
"So... Luke's place or mine?"
"Honestly, I think I should go straight to Luke's. I'll just panic if I don't."
"Alright. I'll take you there now then."
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hello! I hope this was good :)