From my spot of the roof, I watched as the same car from last week pulled up to my house. The two men simultaneously stepped out of the car and walked up to the front door, knocking.
"Christian! Open the fucking door and let them in!" my dad yelled. I snuffed my cigarette out and pressed pause on my music, the song ending abruptly. I climbed back into my bathroom and shut the window, throwing away the cigarette. Walking out of my room, I quickly pat Moody on his head and walked down the stairs to open the door for the two men.
"Hey, kid," one of them greeted when I let them in. I shot him a quick smile and stood awkwardly until my dad came out.
"Hello, boys. Four hundred, was it?" my dad asked. The men nodded and each pulled out two hundred dollars, handing them to my dad. He face lit up in glee and he smiled brightly at them. I wish he would smile at me like that. Like he was happy with me.
"He's all yours!" he exclaimed. I followed the men out to their car and got in the back seat. They began to drive in the direction of their house, putting on some music. I tried to drown out all sounds on the ride there and focused on containing my emotions. I'm doing this for dad. He wouldn't do this unless it helped me or I deserved it. Just cooperate and let them have their way with you. I'm fine. I'm always fine.
We arrived at the house and the three of us walked indoors. I expected them to get right to it like last time, but instead they sat me down on the couch and went into the kitchen. I sat stiffly on their couch for couple minutes until the men came back with cups. They offered one to me and I politely took it and sipped the hot liquid. It was hot chocolate. They sat down next to me on the couch and just watched me as I drank the hot chocolate. Was it poisoned? We're they trying to kill me? Was it drugged? I became paranoid and put the mug on the coffee table in front of me. One of the men chuckled deeply.
"It's not going to kill you," he said. I nodded, but still didn't fully believe him. I sat quietly and stared at my lap while the two men finished their cups of whatever.
"You're very quiet," one of them pointed out. I glanced up for a second.
"Sorry," I whispered. What was I supposed to say? Thanks for hurting me? Thanks for punishing me? I nervously played with my fingers, feeling their stares.
"Alright, let's get this over with. Come on," the other man said, standing up. His partner and I stood up after him and followed him to a bedroom which I assumed was his. Yeah. Let's get this over with.
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I limped to the park with my phone in my hand. The two men hadn't been gentle and my back and butt were hurting like hell.
You
Hey Scotty. I'm walking to the park now.
I had just gotten home a few minutes ago and decided to make sandwiches for us. They were his favorite too. I felt like I needed to make up for all the neglecting I was doing towards him. He was my best friend after all and I didn't want to lose him. Not like I lost her. Never again. My phone dinged and I opened the new text.
Theo :)
Hey wanna come to my house for a bit?
You
Sorry, not right now. I'm hanging with Scotty at the park. Maybe after?
Theo :)
Yeah,that's fine! I'll pick you up at the park after you're done. What time?
You
I'll walk, I'm feeling better now.
Theo :)
...okay. See you later.
I frowned at the text. Did I make him upset? I didn't mean to. A text from Scott popped up on the top of the screen. I clicked on the notification and sat down on a park bench to rest my body. It was about a ten minute walk from my house to the park, but I was still really sore so it took my about fifteen minutes to get there because of my limp.
Scotty :)
Okay I'm driving there now. I'm bringing your boyfriend along with me ;)
You
Yesssss see you soon I hope!
When I didn't get a response, I put my phone away and limped over to the swings. Sitting down in one, I began to pump my legs to swing higher. A couple minutes later, I saw a yellow Lamborghini pull up to the park and a Scott step out of the driver's side. I smiled brightly at him and waved from my swing. He smiled back and ran over to swing next to me.
"What's up, man?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Nothing exciting," I lied. I hated lying to him. "What about you?"
"Eh. My mom is pestering me about partying too much and my dad when on a trip to England for his business. I had to get out of the house before my mom castrated me, ya know?" he said smiling. His smiled dropped and his facial expression turned guilty.
"Shit I forgot again, didn't I. I'm so sorry, man," he apologized. I just waved it off and pat him in the back.
"Nah, you're good. It happened a long, long time ago. It's not the first time somebody forgot or didn't know," I assured. He nodded, but still looked like he felt bad. It's not like he was the only one who forgets. I almost forgot that his parents live together, but I think if I told him that, it would make him feel even worse. I jumped off my swing and resisted the urge to wince at the sharp pain that shot up by backside. Apparently Scott noticed and also jumped off the swing.
"You okay?" he asked. I nodded and tried my best to walk normally to one of the benches. I don't think I did a good job though, because Scott immediately grabbed my shoulders and helped me walk to the bench. We both sat down and Scott turned to me.
"What happened?" he asked, worry imminent in his eyes. I shot him a smile and shook my head, forcing a chuckle out.
"It's nothing really. I was hoping you wouldn't notice," I answered. He frowned.
"What happened though?"
"Just me being clumsy and tripping on my way here," I said. Technically, it wasn't a lie. I did fall multiple times trying to limp to the park, but he didn't need to know that. Scott shook his head and let a laugh out, patting my on the back.
"You are kinda clumsy," he teased, smirking. I pouted at him and crossed my arms for effect. A minute of silence and staring passed before we both broke into laughter. Scott was the only one who could genuinely make me laugh. Sure, I've laughed genuine in front of others before, but it was mainly pained laughter. We started choking and coughing and before we knew it, we were gasping for air, faces bright red.
"Let's not do that ever again! I thought I was dying!" Scott gasped. I nodded quickly, clutching my chest. The rest of our time was spent lying on the grass, pointing out cloud shapes in the sky.
"Woah look. A 'c' for Christian," Scott said, pointing. It was inverted, but it was still a 'c'. I looked around until an 's' formed. I pointed at it.
"And an 's' for stupid!" I teased. He glared at me playfully and hit my arm. I laughed. "Just kidding! Ow!"
Both of our phones dinged one after another coincidentally. We glanced each other and laughed, pulling our phones out and checking the texts.
Unknown
Christian?
I furrowed my eyebrows. Who the hell?
You
Who is this?
Unknown
Is this Christian Tazo?
You
Who is this? Answer the question first.
Unknown
You kinda just gave away that you are him. Not very bright.
I huffed and put my phone away, not bothering to answer the text. Should I block them? I'll ask my dad about it. Actually, maybe not.
"Hey Christian, my mom wants me home now. This was fun. I'll see you tomorrow?" he said. I nodded and the two of us got up.
"Yep, see you tomorrow!" I said, waving. We exchanged smiles and he got in his car and drove away. My phone dinged again.
Unknown
Ignoring me? I can fucking see you checking your phone, so nice try.
My eyes widened and I spun around, my eyes searching for anybody in the area. My phone dinged.
Unknown
Stop looking for me. Go to your friends house now.
You
Where are you
I began to panic. I couldn't lead him to Theo! My hands began to shake. My breathing became heavy. Not here! I shakily aimed for Theo's call button. Pressing it, I held it to my ear. My phone dinged again. I hesitantly checked the text.
Unknown
Tsk tsk. Guess you're not that dumb. But you're also leading me right to him.
My eyes widened.
"Hello?" Theo's voice sounded from the speaker. I quickly hung up. My phone dinged yet again.
Unknown
Good boy.
You
Whee are you show yurself
My hands were shaking rapidly and I was misclicking all the wrong letters. I looked around again before sprinting. My body shook with pain but I was trembling too hard to care. Don't cry. Don't break down. Not here. Not here. I ran as fast as I could, my phone repeatedly dinged. My house came into sight. Wait. That's Theo's house. I wasn't thinking straight and ran up to the door and banged on the wood, tears threatening to fall. My phone dinged again, but I didn't check the text. I fumbled with the settings and tried to block the number. The door swung open and I stumbled into Theo's arms. He caught me, stumbling back a bit and held me trying to calm me down. I wasn't crying, but I was barely breathing and I was shaking violently. He tightened his grip on my body and whispered words into my ear.
"Shh you're okay, you're okay. You're going to be okay. Sh sh sh."
My breathing became heavy again as I gasped for air. I couldn't see anything through the tears that built up in my eyes. I blinked them away, squeezing my eyes shut. I didn't even realize I was whimpering until I could hear myself whimpering into Theo's shirt. My phone kept dinging with notifications on the floor where I dropped it. Eventually, my breathing somewhat steadied and my shaking lessened. Theo didn't loosen his grip on me when he shut the front door and carried me to his couch. He held me in his arms and rocked me as I focused on his comforting whispers. They drowned out the horrid dinging of my phone.
"T-Theo..." I whimpered. I stopped shaking and my breathing steadied. I slowly opened my eyes, but Theo wasn't letting me go.
"Are you okay? What happened?" he whispered in concern. I shook my head, unable to talk and pointed at my phone instead. Theo nodded in understanding. He began to let go of me to get my phone, but I clung onto his shirt, surprising both of us. What was I doing? When did I become this dependent on somebody? I needed to stop before somebody got hurt. I forced myself to let go of his shirt and let him get my phone. He picked it off the floor and walked back over to me, cradling me in his arms when he sat down. I forced myself to move out of the comfort of his arms and sit like a normal person. My face had gone blank as I watched him scroll through the texts.
"Carson... this is illegal. We have to report this to the police," he said. I bit back a smile at the name, but shook my head 'no'. He furrowed his eyebrows.
"What why not?"
"I don't like the police! They are useless!"
"911? My friend! Please, help! She's dying! Please help!"
"I'm sorry, sir, how old are you? Where are you?" the voice on the other end asked. I could hear them typing.
"I- I don't know! Help! I'm five. Please help!" I cried, my tears blocking my vision. I held her in my arms the best I could as I held the public phone with one hand.
"I'm going to need to know where you are. What street are you on? Look at the street sign for me," they said calmly. Why aren't they worried? She's dying! I frantically looked for a street sign.
"Uh Prin- uh.. prinklah rd? Prinklay rd? I don't know! Please help!" I cried, trying my best to pronounce the street name.
"How long do you think your friend can last?" they asked next. What kind of question...
"I don't know! Her heart is slow! It's slow beating! Please, save her!" I tried. I heard a sigh from the other line.
"I'm.. I'm sorry sir. You're really far away, a twenty minute drive for the our closest officers. You'll need to run her to the bus stop about five minutes away from where you are now to meet the officer. It'll be quicker if you meet halfway. Can you do that?"
"What? I can't carry her! Please!"
"Bring the lake. With you and pick her up. You need to try. I sent the ambulance to that bus stop I told you about. Try your best to get there."
"It's not my phone! I'm using a public phone, what do I do? Can I save her?"
"No, I don't think so. What kind of injury?"
"I- I don't know, they're wer-" I started, but the line went dead. Did they hang up? What the heck? I picked her up and started to run. I didn't know where, but I put her on the side of the road and waved to cars. They didn't stop. Nobody stopped. Nobody helped. She was gone.
"Carson? Carson, are you okay?" Theo asked in concern, shaking me. I snapped out of my thoughts and stared at him through empty eyes.
"Yeah," I answered. He tossed me my phone.
"Why do you think the police won't help?" he asked quietly.
"They didn't help her and... nobody helped her," I said vaguely. He nodded and didn't push any further, taking the hint that I didn't want to talk about it. I read the texts.
Unknown
Run. Yeah. Like you always do. Like you ran that night but you didn't make it in time for her.
Unknown
I can see you banging on his door. You better hope he lets you in.
Unknown
Pathetic. Crying in his arms. Faggot.
Unknown
I know that you let your boy toy read these, so hi.
Unknown
Go ahead and block me. You can't get rid of me.
Unknown
Theodore Jack Millen. How are you? It's been awhile, huh?
I looked at Theo, but he just shrugged. I could tell he was nervous. How did this person know Theo and I? The two of us sat in silence for a good while until I stood up, immediately falling over when pain shot through my body because of my running. Theo caught me.
"Did you get..." he started. I nodded, already knowing what he was asking. He clenched his fist and I saw anger in his eyes for a second.
"Well, are you okay? Did he hurt you any extra?" he asked, and I shook my head. Poor Theo. I keep crashing into his house without permission. I pulled the twenty dollar bill the men gave me after our 'meeting' and handed it to Theo. He looked at it in surprise.
"What?" he asked.
"It's for you. I keep barging into your house, so this is sorry," I said, shoving the money into his hands. He shook his head with a smile and gave it back to me.
"No, I don't want it. You keep it. Come on, I wanna go to the hill again," he said and stood up, helping me to my feet. I nervously led him to the hill, constantly looking around to see if we were being followed until Theo grabbed my head and faced it forwards so I wouldn't trip.
"We're fine. I won't let anybody hurt you," he assured. I climbed onto his back and he carried me to the stump on the hill. The sun was just beginning to set and we sat and watched the sunset together. He put his playlist on this time and we silently listened to the music.
Oh, this is where I'm at
This is what I dress like
This is how I act
You cannot make me feel like it is now or never
"I like this song," I stated. Theo looked over to me and smiled. I laid down and looked at the sky, watching the stars slowly appear in the sky above us.
"They sky is so tragically beautiful. A graveyard of stars," Theo said. I hummed. I never thought of that. The brightest stars are most likely closer to dying that the duller ones. The dying ones shine the brightest. She shone so bright. They tried to put her light out, but she still shone. She smiled at me through the pain. We were so young.
I like watching Spy Kids 3, with the 3D glasses on
And I know every single word to every old school, pop-punk song
And I know you're watching me, thinking where did he go wrong
But I can tell you that I'm fine, and all my business is my own
"I like this song too. This person kind of sounds like me," Theo chuckled, sending a smile my way. I gazed at him with big eyes, watching him smile so easily. Remembering how I could also do that once. I reached out and touch his lips, tracing his smile. He blushed lightly and chuckled, letting me trace lines on his face. I stopped after a minute or two and turned back to the graveyard of stars. I loved how he phrased it.
And maybe I don't clean my room up just as much as I should
But I can play the ukulele and it sounds kind of good
Go ahead and try to test me cause I wish that you would
"I still love myself," Theo sang along with the song. I still love myself. Did I still love myself? I don't think I did. How could I? It was my fault she's not here. It's my fault I couldn't save her. I'll leave the self love to Theo.
[December 4, 2020]
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(3167 words)