CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
"Sino 'yon?"
That's been Kael's question since he saw us walking pass Darren at the garden. Nagkataong napadaan siya roon dahil hinahanap niya kami. He wanted to tell us the news about the dance competition. I let him say the news kahit na alam ko na 'yon dahil ayaw ko namang magmukhang hindi interesado sa sasabihin niya. And damn it, he looked so excited while he was talking to me.
"Elle, sino 'yon?" Pag-uulit niya. Kanina pa tumitikhim si Monica sa tabi ko. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at ganoon din siya. I looked at him with confused eyes but he stared back at me with the same emotion.
"Wala nga," I said for the third time. Mukhang hindi siya kumbinsido sa sagot ko kaya humarap ako sa kanya. "Do you not trust me?"
"I do, but I don't trust the guys around you," he said and smiled weakly.
I laughed at him. "Trust me, Kael. I should be the one jealous after tonight," I said. Ngumiti siya sa 'kin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Napatingin sa 'min si Monica at napangisi. "What?" I asked her.
"Alam niyo kayo, sana all," sabi ni Monica at tumawa. Dumiretso kami sa swimming pools ng SMC at nakita kong magsisimula na ang competition ni Yana. Agad kaming tinawag nina Kate at Julius na nag-reserve pa ng upuan para sa 'min.
"Oh magkasama kayo? 'Kala ko mag-aaway na naman kayo e," sabi ni Monica at inirapan lang siya ni Kate. Napahampas si Kate kay Julius noong hinawakan nito ang kamay niya.
"Kadiri kang punyeta ka!" Sigaw ni Kate. May ilang napalingon sa 'min. Maski ang ilang swimmers na nag-iinat bago magsimula ang laban. "Tangina ka, Eugenio, 'wag ka sanang magka-girlfriend."
I saw Yana sitting on the cold floor, wearing her racerback swimsuit. She was hugging her legs while staring straight at the pool. Katabi niya si Angelo na naka-black jammers at walang pantaas. So the rumors were true? Angelo's body is really hot! Maski si Yana ay sinabi noong gabing nag-rant siya patungkol kay Angelo.
"Ano ba ang kinagagalit mo kay Angelo, ha?" Tanong ko habang nagtitimpla ng kape. I need coffee para magising ako habang nagre-review! Two days and UniLympics will already start!
['Yung pagiging arogante niya, 'yung pagiging mayabang, 'kala mo naman ang pogi! Hindi porket maganda ang katawan niya ha! 'Di porket may abs siya na mas lalong magandang tignan kapag nags-swimming siya ay mambubwisit nalang siya! Nakakainis, may papatol kaya roon?]
Hindi na ako sumagot. Narinig ko nalang ang pagbuntong-hininga niya at pinatay niya ang tawag.
Yana, alam mo ang sagot sa tanong mo. Sinong papatol kay Angelo? Syempre ikaw, crush #1 mo 'yan e. You'll do anything para sa kanya. You told me that you'll do anything to get your #1.
I saw Yana smiling sadly while heading for the changing room. Na-delay ang simula ng laban dahil may nangyaring technicality. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na tumayo at lumapit kay Yana. I ignored Angelo and went straight to the room she went. Napansin ko ring sinundan ako ng tingin ni Angelo pero iniwas niya rin kaagad 'yon noong nagtama ang tingin namin.
Nakita ko siyang nakaupo sa sahig, yakap-yakap ang legs niya, habang umiiyak. Agad ko siyang dinaluhan at inihilig ang ulo niya sa balikat ko.
"Yana, what happened?" I asked her. Hindi siya kaagad sumagot, sa halip ay humikbi lang siya roon. Kahit na anong punas niya ay tumutulo pa rin ang luha niya.
"Yana talk to me, anong nangyari? Did Angelo say something to you? What happened?" I said, panicking. This is the first time I saw her crying like this. Kung iiyak man siya ay hindi naman ganito ka-grabe.
"No, i-it's not his fault. Ako lang 'tong ayaw bumitaw. Ako lang 'tong ayaw tumigil kahit ilang beses niya nang sinabi na hindi kami pwede. Ang tanga lang, Elle. Ilang taon, ilang taon ko siyang naging crush, just to get rejected? I was there when he needed help, I was there when he was drowning because of his problems pero bakit hindi pa rin ako pwede?" She cried even more and I hugged her. "Nakakaasar lang kasi andyan ako para sa kanya, andyan ako bilang takbuhan niya, pero bakit bawal pa rin?"
This is why I don't want Yana to be attached to her crushes, lalo na kapag may interaction na sila. A deep one and a sincere one. Nakakatakot talaga. Hindi mo alam kung anong plano sa 'yo ni Kupido kasi nawawala ka sa sarili tuwing kaharap mo na ang taong mahal mo at hindi mo na naiisip ang mga maaaring mangyari. Just like what happened to Yana, she was so blinded by love that she didn't notice that the more she helps Angelo, the more she was losing herself.
"I hate Cupid. Akala ko okay na kami e. Akala ko pwede na. Akala ko ayos na. Pero bakit may mali pa rin? Bakit parang may kulang?" She said and smiled bitterly. Mahina niyang tinapik ang pisngi niya. "Hay, Liana Agoncillo. 'Wag mong ipilit ang sarili mo. You're not the right word to rhyme and complete his poem."
"Yana, 'wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo, please. It's his loss. Please, 'wag mong ganyanin ang sarili mo para sa isang lalaki," I said softly and caressed her hand.
She shook her head before chuckling. "Hindi lang siya isang lalaki, Elle. Siya 'yung taong minahal ko sa loob ng limang taon," she said. My lips parted. So Angelo's the one she's been telling me since high school? Kilala niya na si Angelo kahit noong high school palang kami?
"Five years, Elle. I've waited for five years just to get rejected six times. Kahit hindi niya sabihin na ayaw niya sa 'kin, I already know it. Hindi ako manhid. I had diverted my attention to all my past crushes pero tangina nawala lahat ng 'yon noong gabing nagkita-kita tayo sa bahay niyo!" Naiiyak niyang sabi pero pinunasan niya uli 'yon nang tumunog ang bell sa labas na ang ibig sabihin ay magsisimula na ang laro.
Tumayo na siya at tinignan ang sarili niya sa salamin. Paalis na sana ako nang magsalita siya. "Elle, please don't tell this to the others. Lalo na kay Angelo, please. Kahit ito nalang. I don't want him to know na umiyak ako dahil sa kanya. I don't want him to know that I shed tears for him."
"Alright, you have my word. Tara na," I said and pulled her out of the room. Nang lumabas kami ay nakita ko ang biglang pag-ngiti ni Yana at pumunta na sa pwesto niya para mag-stretch. Bumalik na rin ako sa upuan ko at nakita kong nakatingin si Angelo kay Yana pero hindi siya pinapansin ng kaibigan ko.
Kinalabit ako ni Kate. "What happened?"
"Mood swings," I said and smiled. Napatango naman si Kate pero nakita kong nakatingin sa 'kin si Monica. Inangat niya ang cellphone niya at napatingin naman ako noong nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko.
From: Monica
I know what happened. Narinig ko sila.
Kumunot ang noo ko, is she talking about Yana and Angelo? Kailan ka pa naging tanga, Elle? Of course, she's talking about them! What does Monica know?
To: Monica
Let's not talk about this now. Meet tayo mamaya sa coffee shop? Privately.
From: Monica
Sure. Bothered talaga ako sa kanila kahit nung Friday palang. God knows how loud they were while arguing at our subdivision. Yana kneeled and pleaded, Elle. She fucking pleaded and cried in front of Angelo.
Narinig kong nagsimula na ang laban pero hindi ko maialis ang tingin ko sa reply ni Monica. Magka-subdivision sila ni Angelo at alam kong makikita niya 'yon. But Yana pleaded, kneeled, and cried? In front of that jerk? Really? Gusto ko siyang lunurin ngayon na. Nakakairita! Nakakakulo ng dugo!
When the competition ended, agad kong hinila si Monica paalis ng SMC. Yana won and Angelo was next in line. The UniLympics continues, starting the board games so we have the time to go out and talk about what happened at their subdivision. I don't care if I couldn't watch the other games, gusto kong malaman kung bakit lumuhod si Yana sa gagong 'yon.
I swear, I will punch Angelo straight to the face kapag nalaman ko ang totoong story nila ni Yana. She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment! All she did was to love him, care for him, and save him when he was drowning, then this? Ito ang isusuli niya? That heartless fucking asshole, Yana's right. Walang magmamahal sa kanya kung ganyan siya. But who knows, ako na mismo ang nagsabi, ang kailangan niya lang ay ang taong mags-stay.
But a quick question, can you stay even if it kills you? Will you stay beside him even if you'll feel a lot of pain caused by rejection and harsh words? Will you stay until he's healed? If I was the one to be asked, to be honest, I know I'll stay. Kailan ba ako umalis sa tabi ng isang taong alam kong kailangan ako?
Nang makapasok kami ni Monica sa coffee shop ay pumunta kami sa pinakasulok. I remember Daddy's order, he wants me to stay away from the Navarros but I won't, especially now that Monica and I are now close and best of friends.
"What happened?" I asked her. Huminga siya nang malalim at inabot ang cellphone niya. It was a video caught from a CCTV.
How did she get this?
"Pauwi ako galing sa bookstore to buy some art supplies for the UniLympics. I saw them arguing. I hid and watched them carefully. Something's wrong with them and Yana's my friend. They fought near our house kaya nakuha ko 'yan. I tried to stop them but they pushed me away. Watch, Elle. Watch how Angelo become a heartless and ruthless guy to someone who had cared for him." Tinanggap ko ang cellphone niya at pinlay ang video.
I was holding the phone too hard and I'm scared that it might break because of the rising anger in me.
"Angelo come on! We can talk about this! I am not dating your cousin! Fuck, Chance has eyes on somebody else! How could I date him if I'm in love with you?" Yana explained and followed Angelo.
Angelo stopped and faced her with anger visible in his eyes. Yana took a step backwards and Angelo walked towards her. Wala pa 'ko sa kalagitnaan ng video na 'to, kumukulo na ang dugo ko rito kay Angelo!
"I already told you, Liana. For countless fucking times, stay away from me!" Angelo shouted at Yana, making her shiver and be shock. Hindi nagsalita si Yana kaya sa halip ay tinuloy ni Angelo ang panenermon niya. "I told you that I don't care kung sino ang i-date mo! We're not together and we will never be together!"
"Angelo, putangina naman! Wala kang pakialam sa mga ida-date kong lalaki but you act like you're a jealous fucking boyfriend! You don't want me to date anyone, and you don't want me to be with you! Shit lang, saan ako lulugar?!"
Angelo scoffed. "Then get out of my life."
"Angelo, you're just saying that because you're afraid of facing your problems with someone willing to fix it with you. Angelo, I'm willing to stay! For five years, I proved myself! I cared for you! I was there when you needed me kahit na rebound lang! I was there during your dark days! Ito ba ang isusukli mo sa 'kin? I love you, you dipshit! Kahit na pinapasakit mo ang ulo ko, I'm fucking willing to stay!" Yana cried and looked down to wipe her tears.
"I don't need you, Yana. I don't need anyone. Kailan ba papasok 'yan sa utak mo? Hindi kita kailangan," Angelo coldly said.
What is his problem?
"Elle, calm down. Masisira mo ang cellphone ko," Monica said and touched my hand giving me a short glimpse of harmony and peace and made me calm down for a short span of time but rage and anger filled me again when I heard Angelo's voice.
"Liana, stop wasting your time on me. I'm not willing to be with you. Kill me, instead." He smirked.
My lips parted when I saw Yana knelt down in front of him, crying. The rain suddenly poured. This was the time where I hurried back to the library to meet Sirene and review for the Olympics. So this is why Coach Esguerra was finding Yana?
She wasn't at school, she's at Green Park Subdivision, kneeling in front of Angelo while crying. Oh my god, he's... he's crueler than we thought!
"Angelo, p-please... take me back..." Yana pleaded.
Take me back? What does she mean?
"No, Liana. I won't take you back. Do you understand me? I won't. I won't hurt you anymore so stop this nonsen—" She cut him off.
"You won't? Fuck, Angelo, you're hurting me right now!" Yana cried.
"This will be the last time, Yana. I don't want to see you cry. I don't want to see you shattered. Please, Yana, stay away from me. Ayokong madamay ka sa pamilya at mga problema ko," Angelo said and carefully assisted Yana to stand up but she insisted to stay kneeling down. "Yana, please stand up. Please, don't hurt me like this! You're hurting me, love. Please stand up."
"Liana Agoncillo, stand the fuck up!" I heard Monica's voice. Napalingon ang dalawa kay Monica at nag-aalab sa galit si Monica na tumingin kay Angelo. "Liana, stand up o kakaladkarin kita palayo sa kanya!"
Yana did stand up but she was crying hard. Kitang-kita ko kahit na umuulan. Agad sinampal ni Monica si Angelo at tinulak siya palayo ni Yana. Hindi naman gumanti si Angelo but he was still looking at Yana.
"Monica, stop hurting him! He's been through a lot of shits in life! Don't h-hurt him anymore, please!" Yana screamed.
"Bakit ba nagpapakatanga ka sa lalaking 'to, Yana? You're smarter than this! Don't insist to fit to the puzzle that is obviously you're not a part to begin with!" Monica shouted but Yana slapped her hard.
"Wala kang alam dito so please go away and let us settle this!" Yana shouted at Monica's face. Nakita ko ang galit ni Monica kay Yana pero agad din 'yong humupa.
"Fine, Liana. Keep it this way, magpakatanga ka dyan sa lalaking hindi ka kayang tanggapin sa buhay niya. He said stay away from him pero ayaw mo. Face the consequences, face the pain, Agoncillo. I warned you!" Monica said before running away.
The next conversation between Yana and Angelo was inaudible and when the rain stopped, nakita kong hinila uli ni Yana si Angelo at hinalikan bago yakapin. Bakit ba siya nagpapakatanga para sa lalaking 'to? I don't blame Yana for having this kind of feelings for him but can't she see that he doesn't want to be with her?
Alam kong ayaw lang ni Angelo na madamay si Yana sa mga problema niya, pero sana naman hindi niya nalang pinaabot sa ganito. I just wished that Angelo could've told her gently, not to the point that both parties were at hurt.
"Meet me in UniLympics again, Angelo. Please meet me kahit sa umaga lang. I'll stay away after the first day, okay? I'll do what you want. I won't care for you anymore..." Her voice broke. "I-I will try not to love you anymore. I will forget you like you want, Angelo, but please meet me for the last time. That's my debt to you, meet me, Angelo. Meet me, love." And with that, she ran away.
That's the debt Angelo was talking about? Akala ko ba magiging okay na sila roon? As far as I can remember, Angelo saw Yana got off from somebody else's car. Bakit siya nagagalit kung wala naman pala siyang pakialam kung sino ang i-date ni Yana?
"Shit," I whispered and handed Monica her cellphone back.
"I'm sorry, I tried but I can't," she said. Napailing naman ako kaagad. It's better, kaysa naman sa nanood lang siya at hinayaang gano'n ang kaibigan namin. Damn it, Diaz, you don't deserve my best friend.
"It's okay... l-let's just go back, baka hanapin na tayo ng iba," I said and with that, my phone buzzed. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad at tinignan ang cellphone ko.
From: Angelo
Can we talk, privately? I know you know what happened.
I frowned. The audacity of this man to try and talk to the best friend of the woman he hurt! The woman he broke and the woman who he ignored.
To: Angelo
We can't, Angelo. We can't. You broke my best friend's heart, I know the reason. Ano pa ba ang hindi malinaw doon?
Itinago ko ang cellphone ko at sinundan si Monica papasok ng SMC. Nasa classroom ang mga kaibigan namin, nagpapahinga. Sila lang ang nandoon at nakita kong tulala lang si Yana. I stared at Kate and she pointed to a man standing at the door.
It was Angelo. Naiinis akong tumayo at pumunta sa pinto. Kate was staring and observing my actions while Yana was still looking straight at the blackboard.
"Why the fuck are you here?" I asked him.
"I want to talk to her," he said and pointed Yana. Napangisi ako at mahinang natawa. Joke ba 'yon? Hindi kasi nakakatuwa, nakakakulo lang ng dugo.
Without thinking straight, I slap him. Nilapitan ako ni Kate at Kael at sinubukang pigilan pero hindi ako nagpatinag. "What is your problem? She loved you! She fucking loved you! Bakit mo siya sinira? Bakit mo siya sinaktan? Angelo Diaz, she doesn't deserve the pain! You're an ass! She didn't do an—"
"Yes, I am an asshole! Call me what you want! Call me heartless or cruel, I don't care! If she didn't deserve this kind of pain, she will not deserve the pain I could give because of my problems in life! As long as she won't get that, I don't give a damn fuck about your opinions! I told her to stay away from me because I want her to be safe! My father's a criminal, Elle, if you don't know that! My family is not a family anymore! I'm going through shits, so stop pretending that I intentionally hurt her when I did that to save her from me!" Angelo screamed and some tears were falling.
Saktong dumating si Darren na mukhang tinawag ni Julius. Oh my god, this is complicated! When Darren tried to pull Angelo away from us, his hand accidentally pulled mine and not Angelo's. I saw how Kael's eyes darted on that short touch then his eyes went to Darren.
"Angelo, what happened?" Darren asked his best friend. Napatingin siya sa 'kin at napatingin siya kay Kael na ngayo'y nakahawak sa kamay ko at kay Kate na nakahawak sa balikat ko. "Anong nangyari?"
"Your friend and Elle's best friend had a huge fight. He came here calling Yana and Elle suddenly came then she slapped him then shit happened," Kael explained.
"DJ, please take your friend away. We'll talk at the right time. We'll talk when we can settle everything," Yana coldly said and closed the door.
Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Darren at nginitian ko siya, giving him the cue to take Angelo away from here. But Angelo tried to fight against Julius and Darren's pull.
"Y-Yana please..." Angelo cried out. Napalingon si Yana sa kanya pero wala akong nakitang emosyon sa mukha niya. It was her numb face, and I know that it signifies her being done with all of this. "Love, talk to me please. Y-Yana, let me explain."
"Angelo, she said you two will talk in the right time. Please do understand, she'd been through a lot," Monca said and took a deep breath. "Matapos siyang umalis sa subdivision na 'yon ay sinundan ko siya. If you didn't know, Yana collapsed in the middle of the rain."
Angelo's eyes widened and even ours. "W-Why didn't anyone of us know?"
"Because she didn't want to let you all know," Monica simply answered him. Nang tuluyang nakaalis sina Darren ay nanghina ako bigla. Muntik pa akong mag-collapse at mabuti nalang ay naalalayan ako ni Kael.
"Elle, are you okay?" Julius asked.
"I-I need to talk to Yana... privately," I said and with that, they nodded and went away. Pumasok ako ng classroom at tinabihan ang best friend ko. Her tears started falling one by one.
"Yana..." I called her.
"Why do I have to be in love with a guy who doesn't know how to understand what love means? I took a risk, Elle. Kahit na sinabihan na ako ni Monica, I took a risk. God knows how I waited for him, how I love him, because up 'til now, I still do. How can I take this pain away kung ayaw ko siyang bitawan?" Yana cried. Niyakap ko siya mahigpit niya akong niyakap pabalik. Nararamdaman ko ang pamamasa ng balikat ko at hinayaan ko siya.
"If only I could, Yana. Ako na mismo ang mag-aalis ng sakit na nararamdaman mo," I said and smiled sadly. "Move on, Yana, like I did when my mother died. Be strong and build a better version of you."
"That's the other side of me, Elle. I can't move on, knowing this feelings won't fade kahit na anong mangyari. I'm going to lie low for a while. But please do know that I know he's dangerous like fire and I'm willing to play with fire again... whatever it takes," she said and smiled.
Oh Yana, playing with fire only brings a lot of wound.
It's already 5:30 and we went to the recognition hall where the dance and singing competition will be held. Kael and I never met again after what happened. Diretsong rehearsal siya matapos nilang umalis. Kate, Monica, and Julius don't know what to do but Yana keeps insisting them to talk and not act like someone died.
"Talk you guys! I'm fine!" Yana said and laughed. Napilitang tumawa ang tatlo at ngumiti kay Yana. She seemed convinced sa pagtawa ng tatlo kaya hindi na siya uli nagsalita. Umalis si Julius dahil tinawag siya ni Sirene at may binulong sa kanya at nagulat ako noong tinignan naman ako ni Julius.
Kuya Fritz went up to the stage and I was shocked when he was now wearing a white shirt and ripped jeans. Oh, I forgot that he's part of the MIST. Maraming nagtilian nang makita siya roon. Well, I won't argue with it anymore, naging crush ko rin naman siya dati. Ang lakas kaya ng dating ng mga dancers!
"Good evening, Olympians! Tonight we're gathered to see the singing and dance category competition between six schools! Who will be evicted and who will stay until the three more days!" Kuya Fritz said enthusiastically and shouted. All of the students cheered and clapped. "Alright! That's the spirit. So without further ado, let's start!"
Bumalik si Julius sa upuan namin at bumuntong-hininga. "So technically, our contestant for the singing competition is absent for today. Hindi pwedeng wala tayong contestant ngayon, dahil evicted na agad tayo."
"Oh? Sino raw ipapalit?" Tanong ni Yana. Napatingin sa 'kin si Kate at Julius at ngumisi, agad akong umiling dahil alam ko na ang iniisip nila.
"No! I'm not singing tonight! No way!" I protested and threw them a tissue.
"You need to, Elle. Walang gustong sumali maski sa higher levels. Please do it, maganda naman ang boses mo. We heard you sing last year! Ang ganda ng boses mo!" Kate said. "Please?"
Napapikit ako sa kaba at tumango. "Fine!"
You're just going to sing, Elle. Nothing more, nothing less.
Julius went to Sirene and told her that I'll be the one to compete during the singing category. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung anong kakantahin ko! Naghanap ako sa YouTube ng minus one ng isa sa mga ng A Rocket to the Moon. It's one of my favorite songs at kabisado ko ang lyrics nito. Mabuti na rin 'yon para 'di ako mahirapan.
Maya-maya ay may humila sa upuang katabi ko at nakita ko si Kael na nakasuot na ng costume nila. I can't describe their costume that much since it's too cool and hard to explain but he looks good with it. He looked calm, hindi ba siya kinakabahan?
"Ikaw daw lalaban sa singing competition?" Kael said and kissed me on the cheek. I flinched when I felt his lips. I am really not yet used with his gestures! "Huy, okay ka lang? Mukha kang nakakita ng multo." He laughed.
"O-Oo raw, ako raw ang kakanta mamaya para sa SMC," I answered and looked away.
"Anong kakantahin mo?" He asked again.
"While the World Let Go ng A Rocket to the Moon," I said and he nodded. Hindi naman na siya nagsalita uli. Nag-usap lang uli sila ni Julius patungkol sa sports at sa Olympics. He left us when Sabrina called him at the backstage. Yana even ranted about Sabrina pero sinaway ko dahil wala naman akong nakikitang mali sa pagtawag niya.
After a few minutes, the singing competition started. Nasa backstage na rin ako, kasama ng ilang participants. Ako pa 'yung huling sasalang sa stage! God, I never knew na dalawang category ang sasalihan ko! Singing and Mind categories? It's a big no for me pero para sa SMC, gagawin ko.
Nabigla nalang ako no'ng bigla akong kinalabit noong isang estudyante ng AU at sinabing tinawag ako nung sound department. Dali-dali akong pumunta roon at tinatanong kung anong naging problema.
"Ikaw na 'yung susunod, diba? Nagkaroon kasi ng technicality. Your minus one can't be played," paliwanag noong isang SSG officer.
"Po?" I asked again, trying to process it in my mind. "Mag-a-acapella po ako?"
Tumango siya. "Pero kung marunong ka mag-gitara, manghiram ka nalang. Marami namang may dala," he said and smiled at me. "I'm sorry," he added.
Ngumiti nalang ako at lumabas para maghanap ng gitara. I know the chords of the song and I know how to play a guitar, kaso matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakakagamit ng gitara since busy na rin ako. I just wish na sana maging maganda ang performance ko ngayon.
"Darren!" I called him when I saw him holding a guitar on his hand. Napalingon siya sa 'kin at ngumiti.
"Oh? Bakit?" He asked me.
"Can I borrow that guitar? Sa 'yo ba 'yan? 'Yung participant kasi namin absent ngayon, kung walang kakanta para sa SMC ngayon, evicted na kami. Ako 'yung kakanta para sa 'min then a technicality happened so..." Hinawakan ko nang mahigpit ang kamay ko. Sana pumayag siya.
"Oh sige, akin naman 'to. Here," he said and handed me his guitar. Tinanggap ko 'yon at ngumisi sa kanya. "So, I'll be hearing you singing again tonight?"
"Again?" I raised a brow.
He chuckled. "Yeah, Darlyn showed me some of your videos last year."
Darlyn... why?
"Hey..." He placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled. "Don't be embarrassed, okay? Your voice is beautiful. It's a pleasure to hear you sing, Elle."
Napangiti nalang ako at napawi rin noong narinig ko si Kuya Fritz na tinatawag na ako. "Now for our last contestant, please welcome Elle Arellano from Saint Mary's College!"
"I'll get going," I said and ran towards the stage. Nakita kong hinanda ni Yana ang camera niya sa gitna para kuhanan ako ng video. She gave me a thumbs up and winked at me then went back to her seat. My eyes darted upon Angelo who's watching Yana with sad eyes. Damn, I want them to be happy pero hindi ko alam kung paano sila aayusin.
Umupo ako sa harap ng microphone at nag-hello sa kanilang lahat to test the microphone. I also saw Kael standing at the other side of the stage sitting on a chair with his legs crossed and his hands holding his cellphone. He even mouthed 'Good luck, baby.' before smiling.
"Kaibigan ko 'yan!" Kate shouted and clapped, making everyone else shout and clap. Even the judges clapped and smiled at me, and it made me more nervous.
"Uhm, hi? I'm from Saint Mary's College. This song is to all my friends, my family, and everyone I care about. Please do remember that someone will always stay even if you think that the world lets go of you," I said and smiled.
I started strumming the guitar. It's pure silence. Nakakabingi kahit na ang tahimik. Their eyes are all on me. I saw Darren took a seat and smiled at me. I smiled at him and started singing.
"I said don't go, I need you here
Just hold me close until the coast is clear
And I will fall, I'll fall so hard
In hopes I land in your arms..."
My mind started flashing memories of Kael and the group, laughing, smiling, and talking to each other. I saw Kate and Julius shouting at each other. Yana smirking while she's texting someone on her phone and Kael looking at me while smiling.
"We can watch the world go by...
Falling like stars in the sky..."
I saw Yana holding back her tears and Kate trying to stop Yana from hitting her. I saw Monica staring at me with meaningful eyes, Julius and Darren were smiling too. My eyes darted at Kael who took a seat beside Julius staring straight at me.
How can that eyes scream so much love while looking at me? How can I save myself from all the future consequences because of us? How can I save him from all of my problems? How can I not choose him kung mata niya palang ay hinihila na ako pabalik sa kanya?
"I'm never gonna let you go
Your love's gonna save my soul
And after all we've been through fire and smoke
And through it all we've kept a hold of hope
While the world let go..."
I closed my eyes and continue singing. Some of the students are raising their hands, swaying along the music. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng kaba na naramdaman ko kanina ay unti-unting nawawala. As I let the lyrics of the song come out of my mouth, I can feel musical notes everywhere. Memories with my friends, family, and I were flashed in my mind.
"If the moon doesn't come
And we're left without the sun
I will hold you tight
While we wait out the night..."
My eyes went to Yana. Just like the lyrics of the song, I want to hold her tight until the pain she's feeling goes out of her system. I want to take away the pain of all of my friends, I want to be there light during their darkest days. Gusto kong nandyan ako kapag nahihirapan sila para kahit papaano ay maibsan ko ang sakit. Kahit 'wag na sa 'kin, basta gusto ko may makikita silang liwanag kapag may problema sila.
I can always make a way for my own problem, right? Kaya ko naman siguro lagpasan 'yon nang mag-isa. Hindi ko naman siguro kailangan manggulo para maayos ko 'yon.
"I swore I'd never let you end up on your own
I'll always be around to let you know..."
As I strum my guitar and let go of the words, I felt my eyes burning. Naalala ko ang sinabi sa 'kin ni Mama noong bata ako at noong pinaalam niya na may sakit siya. It was the day when she informed us that she has lung cancer. The day where Daddy won the election and my 11th birthday. The only January I could never forget.
Hindi naman dapat sasabihin sa 'min ni Mama sa araw na 'yon but she coughed blood. Ako mismo ang nakakita no'n noong nasa terrace kami at tinitignan ang buwan. She was smiling all throughout the night.
"Elle, anak?" She called me and I faced her. Magsasalita na sana siya nang umubo siya and I saw blood on her handkerchief. Aalis na sana ako nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at umiling.
"Ma, ano pong nangyari sa inyo? Mom, are you sick?" I said, panicking.
"I'm okay, Elle. I'm fine..." she said and smiled weakly.
"Ma naman, don't lie to me! Anong sakit niyo, Ma? I've been observing you, and you are obviously not okay!" I said and tears started falling when I saw her smile at me again and she caressed my cheek.
"I don't want to ruin your eleventh birthday, anak. Pumunta ka na sa mga kaibigan mo at makipaghalubilo roon," sabi niya at tumingin sa malayo bago bumuntong-hininga.
"No, Ma. I'm not leaving you, I'll stay. Please tell me what's wrong. Ma, anong nangyari?" I asked trying to stop my tears from falling.
"Call Elton and your Dad, I have something to tell them." I quickly went downstairs and made my way through the visitors and called my brother and Dad. Sumunod naman sa 'kin at naabutan namin si Mama na nakatingin sa mga bituin habang nakapikit ang mga mata.
"Ma," I called her. Lumingon siya at napangiti noong nakita niya kami. Tumabi ako sa kanya at nanatiling nakatayo ang kapatid at tatay ko.
"I-I have lung cancer... last year ko pa nalaman. Last September. I don't plan on telling you this now but Elle pushed me to do this. I don't want you three to cry, okay? I just informed you para alam niyo. Please don't change your interaction with me. Please pretend that I'm okay, alright? That's all, please leave Elle and I. May pag-uusapan kami," she said. My brother's mouth was parted and my Dad didn't know what to react so instead, they left us two after hugging my mother.
"Anak?" She called me. "Kapag nawala ako, please remember na lagi mo akong kasama. Hinding-hindi kita hahayaang mag-isa. Nandito lang ako palagi sa tabi mo. Kausapin mo ako kapag may problema ka, ha? Mahal na mahal kita, anak. Lalaban ako para sa 'tin. Lalaban ako para sa pamilya natin."
She hugged me tight that night. I never knew that that hug will be the last because the day after that, she was admitted to the hospital. Hindi ko alam kung sinong kakapitan ko. My brother was devastated just like how I was. My father wasn't there and my grandparents came early in the morning but after a week, Mama already died.
I wish my eleventh birthday lasted long. I wish Mama is here right now. I missed her so much. Walang araw na hindi ko tinitignan ang picture frame naming dalawa sa side table ko. She was the one by my side when nobody's there. She's been my strength since the day I was born. Sa kanya ko nakuha ang pagiging palangiti ko at ang kakayahan kong i-conceal lahat ng problema ko. If I didn't see her coughing with blood, I wouldn't know about her sickness. She's good at hiding secrets na maski kaming pamilya niya ay pinaglihiman niya patungkol sa sakit niya.
"I swore I'd never let you go..." As I sang the last line, the whole crowd stood up and clapped. Tumulo na rin ang luha ko pero agad ko 'yong pinunasan para ngumiti sa mga taong nandito. They cheered for me especially Yana who came up the stage and hugged me tight.
"Gago ka, pinaiyak mo kami!" She whispered. Napalingon ako sa mga kaibigan ko and I saw their red eyes. Maski si Julius at Kael ay pinupunasan ang luha niya. My gaze went to Darren who's smiling at me and then to the judges who were also tearing up.
Bumaba na ako ng stage at pumunta sa upuan namin. Agad akong niyakap ni Kate at umiyak sa balikat ko. "Bakit ganyan ka? Daig mo pa ex ko sa pagpapaiyak sa 'kin! I hate you!"
Natawa nalang ako at bumitaw sa pagkakayakap ni Kate. Julius and Yana kept teasing Kate because her tears won't stop falling.
"Iyakin mo, pre, boo!" Julius teased Kate. She literally took her middle finger out and showed it to Julius but it only made him tease her more. Monica was smiling at me and pointed Kael who's looking at me right now.
"You're sad while you're singing. Did you remember someone with that song?" He asked me and I slowly nodded. He held my hand tight and made me lean against his shoulders.
"Si Mama," I said and smiled. "I missed her so much."