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Nikki's POV, September 1988
So, I'd been thinking long and hard over a second child and I'd become a lot more comfortable with the thought but not enough yet to give a definitive answer- but I know I want it in the near future, I'm certain of that now.
So, I've decided to bring it up with Mick and Vince knowing they'd give me some constructive, or mostly constructive advice because I'm still on the fence, I waited until there was a appropriate time which was going to be today, we were recording yet again and Tommy had been elected to go on a food run at lunchtime and get the four of us some Chinese food.
It was then I was going to pull aside Mick and Vince and discuss what needed to be discussed. Right now, it was about 15 minutes until Tommy was due to leave for the food, we were all just chilling taking a break having some interesting little conversations.
"Nah, that ain't fair cause it ain't even funny the amount of times I've been mistaken for a chick- it's so fucking humiliating" Vince whines.
"Well, you do look like a woman like if I were straight I think I'd have hit on you by accident if I'm honest" I laughed nudging the singer gently in the shoulder.
"Fuck you, Nikki" Vince said attempting to sound pissed off but failing miserably "It's awkward though because I gotta turn around and tell them I'm a dude and some of those assholes blame me for misleading them like the fuck? Ain't my fault they need their eyes tested"
"Nah, but bro- ya gotta admit it's funny though, right? I mean you got a kickass song written about you, man!" Tommy exclaimed.
"Because having a song called 'Dude (Looks Like A Lady)' based on the fact Steven Tyler thought I was a woman and almost groped my ass is so dignified- the song should be called 'Dude (Doesn't Look Much Like A Lady But I Was Too Blasted To Properly Check)'"
"Singer, you don't have to be blasted to mistake you for a chick- I think we've all done it multiple times" Mick comments in his usual monotone voice.
"Don't dude, come on... I don't look like a chick!"
"Maybe not now so much, but you used to" I smirked giving Vince a pointed look.
He sighs and visibly gives up trying to argue his case "I ain't winning this argument am I?"
"No, sorry bro" Tom laughs before checking the time on his watch "Y'all want food yet or what? Cause I wouldn't mind some, I'm hungry"
"Your always hungry" Vince, Mick and I say simultaneously making the three of us burst out laughing, Tommy smirked and got up.
"You know it, so shall I go?"
"Don't see why not" Vince hums "You do have everything written down don't you?"
Tommy rolled his eyes and pulled out the slip of paper from his pocket and dangling it infront of the singers face "Yeah, I do.. I'm not that much of an idiot" my husband states before turning around only to walk into his chair.
Mick smirked, Vince snorted and I chuckled "You were saying babe"
Tom gave us all a middle finger before walking over to Doug who had been watching River for the session like usual and picked her up walking out the room with her swiftly to avoid further embarrassment, my eyes followed his every move and even when he was out of sight I kept my eyes on the door.
Vince shook his head fondly a amused smile on his lips "How do you live with him? He's such a dumbass"
"I don't know but I deal with it" I say for taking my eyes away from the door and focussing back on Mick and Vince "Guys.. erm, well, can... can I ask your opinion on something?"
Both men raised an eyebrow at me but it was Mick who spoke "Sure... what's up?"
"I.. Tommy keeps asking me something and I'm not sure with what to do, I've thought about it and feel more comfortable with it now than I did but... ugh, I don't fucking know... I'm scared it's gonna fuck everything again"
Vince looked at me confused not knowing what I was talking about but Mick on the other hand had got some kinda psychic abilities and knew exactly what I meant "He's asking for another kid isn't he?"
I nodded weakly and then the blonde turned to the guitarist "The fuck you figure that out?"
"Don't you fucking look? It's obvious- the interview the other month for one and two just the way he talks about River, it's clear what he wants. Sometimes Vince I can't fucking believe your not a natural blonde cause you sure act like one sometimes"
"Shut up, grumpy ass" Vince scolds quickly before addressing me "What you gonna do then, Nik?"
"I really don't know... I want it but I might fall back into depression and that's probably gonna mean a relapse, I can't risk that again- I don't trust my head and it's driving me insane"
"You ain't gonna relapse, Sixx"
"That's what Tommy keeps saying and I thought it too but after seeing my mom and being so close to giving into heroin, I'm not sure if I can take that risk, I don't wanna be that person again, Vince- it wasn't me"
"Exactly, it wasn't you, this is you and you made a mistake before but you learnt from it man, aslong as you communicate with us then you'll be fine- don't let what happened before hold you back from want you want- put it like this, if we all lived in fear of our mistakes nothing would get done and I'd never have driven again after Razzle but I didn't let what happened stop me from driving, don't let your addiction stand in the way of your family dude" Vince pointed out and he actually had a damn good point.
"Damn, Vinnie, when did you get so wise"
He smirked "I have my moments as you well know"
Silence settles for a second or two over us before Mick sighed "I second Vince, do what you wanna do bassist, your not who you were then, you know what to do now- you know what to expect from having a kid, it ain't gonna fuck you up and if you ever feel like it is then talk to us, talk to Tommy, Camilla, Rebecca- we're all here for you, we always will be"
Man, I was getting kinda emotional listening to what they had to say but they've done exactly what I wanted them to do- they brought me to a decision.
All that was left was to tell Tommy.
•☘️•
Tommy had returned with the food 20 minutes after my little chat with Mick and Vince, none of us said anything about what we'd discussed but I was bringing it up as soon as we got home.
We stayed in the studio for a further few hours after we finished eating finishing off a track we'd began earlier that day- seems as we were ahead of schedule the four of us decided to clock off early which was fine by me because I needed to desperately talk with Tom about my choice.
We parted ways with our singer and guitarist as we walked into the parking lot, I took duty of placing River in the car before climbing into the passenger side of the car as Tommy drove back home- we got back and I went straight upstairs for a shower because I hadn't had a chance to have one earlier mainly because I honestly couldn't be assed but I thought it best to have one now.
Tommy put River in her room as I went into the bathroom- upon exiting half an hour later Tommy was laying on the bed with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed "You aren't asleep are you?" I asked as I dried my hair off with a towel, one of the drummers eyes opened at my voice and a smile appears on his face.
"Nah, waiting for you"
I nodded and threw the towel across the room before climbing onto the bed next to my husband- the two of us just lay there not saying another, we just enjoy eachothers company, I was also thinking of a way to bring up the answer to the 'second kid' fiasco which was yet to be answered, after much mental deliberation I decided I'd just say it because I've got nothing to lose "Tommy?"
"Yeahhh...?" He drawls out turning his head almost completely to the side so we're looking directly at one another
"Y'know... well, you I've been thinking about the other week and what you said, even spoke to the guys about it today, and erm, well- my answer is yes"
"Yes to what?" Tommy says in a mix between shock and hopefulness, having a pretty good idea of what I was referring too.
I rolled my eyes "Damn it, Tommy, fuck- your gonna make me say it aren't you? Ugh, fine... yes Tommy, we can have another kid" Tommy let's out a less than manly high pitched squeak and climbs on top of me kissing me, I can't help but laugh at the man "Tommy..... Tommy!" I chuckled pushing him back "If we do this, this is gonna be it- because asking me to go through that agony more than twice is abuse"
Tommy grinned "Oh, come on... it's not that bad"
My eyes widen playfully "You did not just tell me that! You have no idea how much pain and effort is involved!"
"I'll take your word for it babe. Sooo.... when can I get to work?" He said wiggling his eyebrows at me suggestively.
"Fuck off Tommy, not any time soon because we actually need to finish the album then the tour for the album- we owe a full tour to the fans"
Tom groans "But that's like over a year away"
"So? We'll get there eventually- Tommy I've agreed to your suggestion, I'm gonna have another one of your spawn but you need to wait until we finish the tour. 2 years maximum- it's not that long, I promise"
The drummer thinks before attaching his lips to mine again "I guess I can live with that" he mutters.
"Good" I smile while flipping myself ontop of my husband "Now, your gonna let me take care of you seems as you can't be trusted not to impregnate me right now"
"Well, your not going to get any complaints here" Tommy grinned connecting our lips together lovingly.
In this moment I knew I'd made the right decision, I needed to trust myself again and trust Tommy and everyone else I love. Having another kid isn't gonna be easy but Mick was right- I knew what to expect now, I knew how to be a parent and this time around I wouldn't have the fear of people judging me- I knew I could do this and I honestly couldn't wait until the day where I tell Tommy I'm pregnant again.
Yeah, let's do this.
•☘️•
This is the last official chapter of this book, there will be an epilogue after this from Nikki's POV and will sum up what happened in the following years but this books over.
I'll explain about what's happening next at the end of the next chapter, stay tuned!
Much love to all of you! ❤️