Here's the thing. You're in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head, that you're trying to, but cannot fix. The only thing you can fix is yourself. This has gone on way too long. Enough is enough.
I painted a picture of him. One with no flaws, pure raw perfection.
I thought I knew him well. Well enough to give him second chances twice. I got a habit of seeing what isn't there. Maybe I was the one being blinded by the lights all along. Not even 20/20 vision could've wipe my windshield of blur and confusion.
Got caught up in the moment, way too many times. My imagination's too creative. My friends, they see demon while I saw angel.
I needed something to believe in. My problematic mind fooled me once again. I thought he was the one... but it was all in my head.
" HEWOOOO!! EARTH TO DASHIEEEE!!"
" Soar?" I respond with my head in the clouds obviously not thinking straight. I sometimes forget Pinkie calls me that. Why did I think it was Soarin tho? He does not scream in a high pitched manner-
" Last time I checked I'm still Pinkie Pie" she chuckled, intentionally teasing my mistake in wording.
" haha. I'm laughing outloud" I sarcastically say with my arms crossed.
Pinkie's smile widened. " REALLY?!"
" imagine a world like that " I phrase an Ariana Grande lyric from her 'thank u next' album.
" Awww" Her eyes sadden as she pouts her lips in a babyish way.
Geez... what'd I say wrong this time?
" What's with the long face?"
" Imagineee. It's such a sad song " It was a bad idea to phrase a lyric from that specific song in the first place. I mean, at least it wasn't 'ghostin'. Luckliy, I know what's Pinkie's guilty pleasure song. To cheer her up I play 'be alright' on YouTube.
" You feeling better now? "
" YAS! I'M GONNA BE ALRIGHT!" she bubbly exclaims.
Unluckily for me, the bell rings. "... 5th period" I accidentally say my thoughts once again out loud to the worst person possible.
" OMG! WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Pinkie gasps. ( 'le gasp?') " You LOVE P.E!!"
" Quibble is the reason I HATE P.E "
Oops... i did it again. So typically me.
" HA!! I KNEW IT!! YOU SO ARE INLOVE WITH SOARIN SKIES!!" There she goes again, making the wrong assumptions. Her Pinkie sense ain't accurate.
" Shush!" I well... shushed her. " You're being too loud!"
" WHYY?? CUZ ITS TRUEEE" There's no point in shushing her. She won't listen anyways.
" Uh... no"
" YES IT IS!!" She insisted, and wouldn't stop persisting.
~ during p.e ~
Look at you, boy, I invented you. Your Gucci tennis shoes... running from your issues. I figured we could work it out but it seems as some things weren't made to last.
They say if you love something, it's best to let them go. If it's meant to be they'll come back to you everytime. I let him go, he came back. But the thing is it wasn't love. What I felt wasn't string enough to be love.
Everything he is made himself is everything he isn't.
I saw his potential without seeing credentials. Maybe that's the issue, maybe that's where I went all wrong. Where it all broke down. How it all came to this.
Can't hold that shit against him, guess I did it to myself. Maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for my naive, thoughtless imagination.
Thought he was somebody else. My mind playing tricks, cause I really thought he was somebody else. Yeah, someone else.
Maybe I want someone else. What if it happens all over again? I choose the 'right' person, and just like now it was honestly all in my head.
" Hey Babe " Oh, hell no. I ain't dealing with this- byeeee.
Yes, I literally pretended to not hear him and walked away. Okay... more like ran away. He'll be NASA and i'll be the universe. I want him as far away from me as possible. I can't even look at him right now-
Yet I'm able to at Soarin straight in the eye. I know cause I'm doing so right now.
" Don't you have English class right now?"
" Uh... yeah, but I-"
" He's not ditching In case you're wondering, neither am I " Spitfire advised in a firm manner " We were just here to deliver a package to Mr. Thunderbolt "
" Shouldn't the janitor do that?" I asked.
They both shrug, wondering the same exact thing.
" But since we're here, why not stay a-"
" No Soarin. We really should be getting back to class!" She argued " You can talk to your gir- Dash later!"
Soarin rolled his eyes at the idea of long literature lectures. " Fineee" he grunted.
' See you later' he mouthed to me, before Spitfire forcing him to leave one way or another.
' Miss you 'til then' I mouthed back. Part of me cringed, while the rest truly meant it. Ugh. This is starting to sound like a corny romance novel.
What is happening to me? More importantly, what is happening to Soarin and i? What have we become?
Also, why am I asking so many questions?
" I'm baaack!" a voice panted, nearly running out of breath. I recognized it right away, causing butterflies to form in my stomach.
I ceased the nervous feeling I felt deep inside by making a sarcastic comment. " Aren't you supposed to be the most athletic guy at school? "
He chuckles " When you're running from Spitfire, no. "
I laughed along. More like a girlish giggle when they're speaking to their crush. Wait, what?-
Pinkie Pie was right. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
" So, you ready for tommorow?"
" Obviously! I can't wait to publically humiliate Quibble in front of everyone!"
He whispers, low as possible. " Isn't he in this class?"
" Oh... yeahhh" How many times have I messed up today? My oh my, how does my mind function?
My face heats up, madly blushing red. You'd think that it'd be 'coz of my awful choice of wording, but no-
Oh my God, what's happening? Thought I was fine.
I got everything I wanted, but you're everything I need. Hopefully, you'll be my rise and shine once them stars align. I promise to never let go this time.
This time i'll make everything right, the way it was supposed to be. You and I.
✨Authors Note ✨
y'all notice all the song references above? no? Some are relevant and some are simply just for fun XD ( bet you can't guess them all!)
Also, I know this was an unexpected chapter since the A/N I published a couple days ago didn't mention anything with the title of 'in my head'. This chapter wasn't supposed to happen but yesterday I was listening to Ariana Grande ( when am I not??) and I carefully listened to the lyrics, thus getting the inspiration for this.
Credits go to Ariana and her songwriting crew, since the beginning was obviously not written entirely by me. I simply just added on, adjusting it to fit with the chapter plot. Then the last part was a mix of Ava's 'OMG, what's happening?' Ari's 'NASA' and a little song I wrote.
Before I go, I have a crucial announcement to make. I won't be online anytime soon, possibly the remaining days left of this month and the beginning of November due to... well, I have my reasoning. When I come back it'll only be to give y'all chapter 21 :3
- DJ signing off for a while, love y'all. Take Care 💖❤💛