Hey everyone! Sorry for taking forever to update but I should be back on schedule now. Enjoy this lighter chapter!!
Amara POV
I had the best time at the park and no one judged me for being extremely childish.
I was beginning to think my new life was possibly changing for the better but I couldn't help but have my doubts about it. I just wish I could feel comfortable with them, completely, not just where I believed they wouldn't hurt me like my parents did.
There is always a chance for them to change and that scares me to death. They could always change and start believing how much of a mess up I really am. They keep telling me how much they won't hurt me and that I am safe with them but I don't know how much I really believe it. I want to, but it's hard with my past.
All of these thoughts just keep swarming around my head every time I look at them and I can't stop it no matter how much I try.
"What's got you thinking so hard Princess?" Greyson asked, sitting next to me on a swing while Hudson and Hayden sit at a park bench not to far away.
My shoulders slumped and I let out a breath. Maybe Greyson was the best person to tell since he wasn't either of my legal guardians. It also felt as if he understood where I was coming from or at least somewhat how I felt.
"Just things.....hey Greyson? How am I supposed to know when to let my guard down?" I asked, staring off into space as I felt his eyes boring into mine. He seemed surprised I actually opened up to him. It surprised me as well but I needed someone to talk to about my doubts.
"I guess it depends on trust. You have to be able to trust the people around you enough to believe you can drop your guard. You also just have to trust yourself Mara. At some point, you need to trust yourself to take some risks and put your life into other's hands" he explained thoughtfully.
His words made me think. I had gained a lot of trust in my new guardians but I had no trust in myself. I felt as if my heart couldn't take another let down and so I protected it with all of my might. But could Greyson be right and I just need to trust them?
"How....how do you just let go? I don't want to get hurt again. Because then I have to rely on myself and I've been doing that for so long and I'm tired of it Grey." I spoke, my voice thick with emotion.
He sat for a moment. "Mara think about why we saved you from your parents. Because I can assure you that it wasn't to use you for our benefit or hurt you in any way, mentally or physically." He looked to me.
"I..I don't know. You all keep saying that you won't hurt me and I mostly believe you but it makes no sense to me. What good am I to you? I can't give you anything" I explained, feeling an ache in my chest where my heart was.
"Princess we love you. We love you with all of our hearts and we want you here with us because we care about you. We have all wanted to protect you from the moment you stepped into our lives and to be quite honest, Hayden and Hudson were already looking into adopting someone before they met you. They wanted someone to love, care for, and help and what better way to do that than to care for someone who hasn't experienced that type of love before" he explained, his smile never fading as he held eye contact with me.
"Greyson's right sweetheart. We already love you to death and would do anything for you. We want to show you the type of love you deserve and that includes caring for your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. But the only way that we can do that is if you let us in" Hayden chimed in from in front of us. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't realize them walk up to us.
Hudson squatted in front of my unmoving swing and wiped the tears off of my face that I didn't realize were streaming down my face.
"I want to let you all in and I want to say I love you back and I want to be able to call you Dad and I want to be happy but I can't. I don't know how" I wailed, hiccuping every few seconds and letting them see my fears first hand.
"That's good sweetheart. And you will, you just need some time and we are willing to help you through it. These things just take time but this is a very good start. We want you to feel safe enough to talk to us about these things and we want you to come to us anytime you need anything. Even if it's as simple as telling us what kind of food you want for dinner" he chuckled.
"Sweetheart you are safe with us I can promise you that, and we would never do anything to harm you in any way. We need to make sure you believe that and we will do everything in our power to make sure you are happy. Now, how about we go home and enjoy a movie on the couch with some junk food?" Hayden suggests after making me feel like my heart was going to burst.
I eagerly nodded and smiled widely at my new family.
Guys this was one of my favorite chapters to write and I feel like we have finally hit a breakthrough. Please tell me what you thought!❤️❤️