A young woman with platinum blonde hair and icy blue eyes stood alone in the darkness.
What am I doing here?
She looked around but found nothing. Frowning, she started to run wherever her legs took her to.
Where is everyone? Where am I?
She stopped running when she saw two figures and the scenery surrounding her changed. One of them was the younger version of her. And the other was,
...Onii-sama...
Catarina stared at the younger version of her and her brother.
"Onii-sama, you should rest. You haven't returned to the mansion in two days!" The younger Catarina requested the young Camus.
"I said I am fine. I need to return to my duties."
"But you haven't rested a bit! Please take short break!"
"That is not necessary." Camus was going to leave but Catarina grabbed his arm.
"Onii-sama, plea-" Camus forcefully retracted his arm.
"Do not bother me! I am not under any obligations to listen to someone like you. Now be gone from my sight and do not bother me again!" The male stormed off.
"O...O-Onii-sama..." Catarina dejectedly left the place before rushing to her room.
...This is the memory of when he first snapped at me.
Suddenly, the scenery changed again and this time Catarina found herself in another place that she recognized.
. . . . . Am I going down my memory lane?Though I can tell this is a dream. She thought to herself when she saw the younger Catarina again.
This time the young girl was walking excitedly. "Onii-sama!" She exclaimed when she noticed the young platinum blonde. But the boy did not look at her.
Thinking that he didn't hear his sister, she called again, "Onii-sama." Catarina smiled when she saw him walking at her direction, although looking at the papers in hand and not at her.
"Welcome home, Onii-sama." Catarina's smile fell when Camus walked past her without a single reply or glance.
Ah...the first rejection. The elder female looked at the shocked and sad version of her.
Once again, the scenery changed and she saw her younger self running down the royal palace halls. Why the heck am I even going through my own memory?
Catarina's eyes widened when she realized she remembered this memory. I remember this...
Meanwhile, the younger female reached a certain room and entered there after knocking.
"Onii-sama," She said while panting lightly. She knew she shouldn't have ran here but she couldn't stop herself when she thought her brother might be in need of these files.
"You..." Camus looked up from his papers. "What are you doing here?"
"I...I brought your files." She showed him the files in hand and walked towards his table.
"I can see that but why are you here in the royal palace?" Camus glared at her. She flinched.
"I-I..."
"I remember telling someone to bring it. But I do not remember asking you to do it. Are you that desperate to ruin the family name by doing the works of peasants?"
"I-I am s-sorry." She was feeling scared of her own brother. His glare was colder than the blizzard. She shakily kept the files on the table.
"Leave and do not ever come here without a valid reason. This is not your playground. It is the royal palace of the queen."
"Y-Yes." With a bow, Catarina left the room and walked away while holding her tears.
Poor me...
Again, she went through scenery change and reached a night she remembered well.
How can I forget this night....? Catarina's eyes softened when she looked at her injured younger version crying in the dark room. The younger girl had a bandaged head, hand and a leg with some scratches on her body.
Catarina looked at her past self crying her heart out silently. Tears were streaming down her face and her good hand covered her mouth to silence the sobs coming out from her.
This is night I realized the harsh truth.
"Why...?!" The young girl whispered to her. "...Why do you hate me,Onii-sama...? . . . .I do-don't understand wh-what I did wrong!" She kept sobbing silently.
Catarina approached her past self. At the sound of her footsteps, the younger female looked up.
"Who are you...?"
The present Catarina smiled softly and sat in front of her. "I'm Catarina, your future self."
"My...future self?"
"I look like you, right? That is because I am the twenty year old Catarina, ten years older than you."
"Twenty year old me. . ." The girl looked at her properly. "You really do look like me!"
"I know right." Gently, the present Catarina wiped her tears. "Hey, don't cry like that."
"B-but. . . ." The ten year old Catarina began to cry again. "O-Onii-sama,he-"
"I know." She whispered before carefully hugging the dream her.
In between her sobs, younger Catarina asked, "Why does he....hate me?"
"Unfortunately even after ten years, I still don't know." The injured girl cried even harder at the lack of answer.
"I know you feel alone and abandoned now," The blonde woman spoke, "and it hurts. But remember you are not alone."
"No. . . .I-I have been alone all my life!"
"Listen to me, that was in the past... You have music by your side and after some years, you will finally have a family." Catarina smiled at the remembrance.
". . . A family?"
"Yes. You will meet wonderful friends who will end up as your family. You will meet many other friends who will care for you dearly.Not to mention, you will be surrounded by music."
"I will....have friends?"
"Yes. They are wonderful friends who will help you get over your past. They will become your brothers." By this time, the girl stopped crying.
"My brothers? Will I really have friends and brothers?"
"Mhmm. And you will fall in love with one of them. He will treasure you more than anyone and make you feel loved. Everyday will be happy with him."
"I will fall in love? That's impossible."
"Believe me, it's possible. You will deeply fall in love. Even if I used to tell myself I won't ever fall in love, I fell for him before I knew it." Catarina chuckled. I don't know why I am saying all this to my younger dream self... But it feels nice to comfort myself like this.
"Hey, future me?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you happy?"
"Very."
"Even if Onii-sama isn't there?"
"Onii-sama...." I decided to forget the fact that I'm his sister. "I..."
Before Catarina could give her answer, everything started to disappear around her.
"Eh?" The young Catarina was also disappearing. But she was telling the present Catarina something.
"Hey, are you really happy without Onii-sama? Don't lie to your feelings."
"What?" Catarina was dumbfounded.
"Do your best, future me."
With that everything disappeared.
. . . . . . .
A hand... Catarina stirred when she felt a hand stroking her cheek. She still didn't open her eyes. So it was a dream in the end... The hand on her cheek felt gentle. Eiichi?
The blonde opened her eyes and her eyes met with another pair of icy blue eyes. Catarina blinked. Once. Twice.
???
"....Oni- Camus-san?"
The sunset rays poured inside the room and a silence was surrounding them. Only Catarina and Camus were in her room.
Catarina kept looking at Camus with confused eyes. "Camus-san, what are you doing here?"
She was really confused. And weirded too. She was admitted in the hospital the previous day and aside from HEAVENS, STARISH, Haruka, Tomochika and other members of Quartet Night came to visit whenever they got the chance. Catarina was not surprised to not see Camus among them. He had the least reasons for visiting her. He didn't visit her when she was gravely injured so why would he see her at a time like this? This is what she thought but here is her brother Camus, in front of her, while stroking her cheek.
Camus finally spoke, "I came for you."
"Eh?"
"I came to see you."
"Eh?...Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it."
"Does it hurt?" Camus asked referring to the bandage.
"No. I've been through....worse." It slipped her tongue. She internally cursed herself. She shouldn't have thought about the accident ten years ago!
Catarina gave an awkward smile before sitting up. Before she could say anything, Camus spoke.
"I am sorry."
"Huh?"
"I am sorry."
"What...?" He was apologizing!? For what? Did he eat something weird? Is that why he came to the hospital because he wasn't feeling well? These were the thoughts rampaging in her mind.
". . .Why are you apologizing?" Catarina asked.
". . .For everything."Camus looked straight at her. At that time, Catarina couldn't see any trace of the usual coldness in his eyes. "Catarina, I apologize for everything."
"Ca-Camus-san...what are you ta-talking about?" Catarina nervously asked. He can't be talking about the past! "I'm afraid I can't understa-"
"Catarina."
"Y-yes?" The sudden firmness and strictness of his voice surprised the young woman. She was even surprised when Camus gently took hold of her hand.
"I am sorry, Catarina." These words were surprising Catarina every time she was hearing it. It was very out of character for him. "I am sorry for leaving you alone and for hurting you for all these years."
"Wha..."
What in the world is going on? Is this another dream?
"I have hurt you many times, more times than I can count. I realize my mistakes. I apologise for all the suffering I caused you." He..
Something snapped inside Catarina when she recalled the images of her past. None of them were happy memories.
"Apologize..?" Her eyes got covered by her hair. "Do you seriously think apologies are going to cut it!?" She glared at Camus.
"You don't know how I felt. You were the only one I had at that time. I was happy just being with you but then you suddenly left me!" Tears started to gather at the corner of her eyes.
I cannot cry in front of him!
But the tears continued to gather as she put all her bottled up feelings into each and every word. "One day you are promising me that you will always protect me and from the next day, you start to hate me! No matter what I do, you would get angry at me and tell me to get out of your sight and disappear. You would snap at me at every opportunity you got."
She continued, "But I could bear with it. I could bear with you screaming at me if it meant I can talk to you. Yet, all of a sudden you started to ignore me. I would call you, stand in front of you but all you did was walk away as if I never existed. Maybe I really never existed!" A tear slipped from her eyes. "I never existed to you!" This time the tears start falling from her eyes. She made no move to wipe her tears.
"And when I was seriously hurt, you weren't there. You weren't there for a single second! I couldn't move, my whole body hurt... But the realization that you hate me hurt more than all those pains. It was clear from the beginning but I was a fool for not noticing. . . . You always wanted me to die, to disappear! That's why it didn't bother you a single bit when I was had that accident! Why would it even bother you? Your wish of me disappearing from your life was going to come tr-"
She gasped loudly when Camus hugged her.
He spoke in a hurt voice, "That's not true. I never wished that or even thought about it.I never wanted to hurt you."
Catarina tried to push him away but couldn't because she was feeling tired. Her hands also betrayed her when they grabbed hold of a piece of his shirt in their fists.
"No!You're lying! You've always lied to me. You lied saying that you will protect me! You lied saying that you will always be beside me! You lied all along. All those times, you pretended to be a kind big brother! You never cared about me..... Never. All those times were a lie...." Her cheeks became wet because of her tears.
. . . . . .No matter how much I deny it, I never actually got over my past...
"Those times weren't a lie. Those were the times when I was true to my feelings."
"They were lies! Nothing...but lies. Or else you wouldn't have been able to abandon me like that! But now after all those years, you come to apologize to me without even giving me a single reason for why you hated me!"
"I do not hate you! I never hated you." Camus whispered.
"Then why else would you hurt me like this?!"
"I am sorry. I hurt you because of my foolishness."
"Huh?"
"It was all my fault that I hurt you. After becoming a knight, I learned about the cruelty of this world. In order to protect you, I thought I had to keep you away from me. But I ended up going too far. I,myself, was too much pressured by my duties as the knight. Before I understood what I was doing, I began taking out my stress and anger on you."
"What...?"
"With each passing day, I forgot my real purpose. I became too engrossed with my duties that I kept hurting you. Without knowing, I pushed you, my most important person, away from me. I was unable to see your sadness, sufferings and pain. I am sorry, Catarina. No excuses can justify my actions. Every time I would think of apologizing and being nice to you, my pride would get in the way."
Before Catarina could speak, Camus continued,"That was the same during the time you had an accident. I wanted to go but I was unable to. After that, you became cold towards me. You would not smile at me, try to talk to me, follow me or even look at me unless it was an urgent matter. Even so, during last year's meeting, I hurt you out of my pride and anger.But I want you to know that I never hated you nor do I hate you. In fact it is the opposite.You are precious to me. I love you."
Catarina sobbed. "No......why would you say all this now....?"
"Because I cannot bear it any longer. I must repent to you."
"Th-that's not fair! After all this time, all those loneliness and sufferings, you are saying all these! Do you know.... how lonely I was?!" Catarina tried to hit his chest with her fists but ended up resting her hands there as she kept crying.
I should hate you. I am supposed to hate you. I have to hate you. . . . But I was never able to hate you. Despite my resolve, I couldn't hate you...
"I know my apologies aren't enough for what I caused, so please allow me to demonstrate my sincerity from now on. I will not hurt you ever again. I promise." He hugged his sister tighter. In his embrace, Catarina continued crying like a kid.
Eiichi leaned back on the wall with a smile and closed the door. He had watched the entire scene because he came to visit Catarina just a few moments after Camus did. So, he knew everything that had happened. In his heart he was glad that his girlfriend will finally be able to move from her past. Quietly, he moved from in front of the door and decided to leave them to sort things out.
* * * * * * *
Minutes later, Catarina stopped crying. Camus let her go and was wiping her tears. The girl was still sobbing.
"...Sorry,you had to see me like this," Catarina whispered.
"No. I want you to be true around me. You have no need to maintain a strong and polite act around me."
"That's. . .easier said than done." Catarina chuckled nervously.
"So Catarina, will you give me another chance to be your brother?" Camus asked.
"I...." Catarina stared at her brother who had the same features as her. ". . .We might not be able to become close as siblings from the start, so let's have a new start,Onii-sama." She smiled.
"Catarina.." Camus also smiled. It was not the butler smile he gave his fans, nor the twisted evil smile he gave people who knew his true nature. But it was his true smile that he showed from the bottom of his heart.
"However Catarina," Camus began. "Knowing your personality, you would not have decided to call me something formal like 'Onii-sama'. I would prefer if you call me something that you would call your brother."
"Eh? Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then, do I call you. . . .'Myu-chan' ?" Catarina asked teasingly.
The male sighed. "Anything but that ridiculous nickname of Kotobuki."
She giggled. "Okay, Camus-nii."
"I like the sound of it. Now, let me do this." All of a sudden, Camus took her right hand and bent on one knee, just like a knight.
"Camus-nii?" Catarina tilted her head in confusion.
"Catarina, I swear on my name Camus, that I will serve faithfully as your brother and knight. I will protect you even if it means defying the queen and costs my life. I swear to devote all my loyalty to you as your brother." Camus kissed the back of her hand and smiled at her.
A knight ceremony.....
Tears once again gathered in her eyes. But this time, instead of crying, Catarina smiled him brightest smile he ever saw.
To be Continued.