Even though I was having fun at Zack's house tonight, I started to feel my anxiety creeping in. There are about twenty five people here, and this is the largest crowd I've had to deal with since that night.
I had been talking with the girls, and we were laughing and having fun. Everything was fine. But out of nowhere, I felt an anxiety attack starting. I quickly excused myself and slipped outside. I made it around the side of the house before I let my hyperventilating start.
Hands. His disgusting hands are all over me. I blocked out a lot of that night. His hands had roamed freely over my chest, squeezing hard at my breasts. The fear. I felt nothing but fear. Oh god, I can't breath.
"Tay? Listen to me." I heard Brian say calmly.
Wait, where the hell did he come from? I was alone. I glanced up to see him standing in front of me worried.
"One breath, Tay. Just one." He said calmly.
I sucked in a tiny breath of air. He nodded, breathing with me. Tears rolled down my face quickly as I started to calm down. Brian didn't say anything else. He just hugged me tight.
"Everyone here is a friend. There is no one here that would hurt you." He said quietly.
"I know. I just, I haven't been around a lot of people since this happened. I don't know what happened just now." I sobbed out.
"Anxiety attack. I'm surprised you haven't had more of them honestly." He said.
"Tatum? What the hell is going on?" I heard Matt behind me.
"I came out for a smoke and heard her hyperventilating, man. She was having an anxiety attack. I wasn't going to leave her alone just to grab you. I'm sorry." Brian said carefully.
"Shit. Come here, baby." Matt said quietly.
Brian released me, and Matt stepped in his place. His large frame engulfed me into a hug. Safe. Now I'm safe. I took in everything about Matt in order to calm myself down. His cologne. I love the smell of it. The way he runs his hands up and down my back when he holds me.
"Are you ok?" Matt asked.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Hey, stop that. You can't help it." He said.
"Need a cigarette?" Brian asked, handing me his pack.
"Thanks." I sniffled, taking one.
Matt and I finally pulled away from each other. The three of us sat down and smoked cigarettes without a word for a while. I'm finally calm.
"The Berry twins gave me the nickname of Yoko." I said out of nowhere.
"I'll fucking snap their necks." Matt growled.
Brian and I chuckled.
"Nah. They're shitfaced, Matt. They aren't being mean." I said.
"They do need a new nickname for her. Yoko is not cool." Brian laughed.
"Agreed." I grinned.
"She's not Asian either. I keep telling her this." Matt smiled at us.
Brian and I laughed. It was nice for the three of us to joke around and laugh together like we had in the past. The weird tension between all of us is gone, and I'm glad it is.
"True. If this girl was any whiter, she would be clear." Brian grinned.
"Very true." I grinned.
"Uh, everyone getting along ok?" Matt asked.
"Oh my god. You two worry too fucking much about me. Do you see blood on the floor, or hair ripped out anywhere?" I asked them.
"Well, no. But we were worried." Brian muttered.
"Didn't know what you had up your sleeve, babe." Matt laughed.
"Actually, Michelle, Gina, Lacy, and I are making a shopping trip sometime soon." I said.
"Yeah. And Matt and I are supervising." Brian said.
"Nope." I said.
"Uh, yes we are." Matt laughed.
"You two have to be kidding me. We have gotten along rather well tonight. I like her." I shrugged, seeing the suprised looks on their faces.
"I never expected this." Brian whispered.
"Me either. Babe, how hard did you hit your head? I'm really becoming concerned." Matt grinned.
"Hard enough. Stop worrying. Just like earlier when Dan had his arm around my waist, you about freaked out. You need anger management." I told Matt.
"I don't share well with others." Matt glared.
"Oh this should be good." Brian laughed.
"Neither do I, but he is your friend for christ sake. You really think he would do something?" I asked him.
"Not the point, Tay." Matt smirked.
"Yes it is the point, Sanders." I grinned, hearing Brian laugh more.
"What's mine is mine." Matt told me.
"Oh what in the fuck!" I shrieked, hearing Brian laugh his ass off.
Matt smiled wide at me and kissed my cheek. What a dick.
"You wanna see me get all overly possessive of some fan girl hanging on you?" I asked Matt.
Brian may piss his pants from laughing. Matt looks terrified of this question.
"Babe, we have to keep up appearances. It's part of the job." Matt explained.
"Uh huh. See how that shit goes when a bitch is missing her teeth." I smirked.
"Fuck! I absolutely love this!" Brian laughed harder.
"No beating a bitch down." Matt grinned, pulling me against him.
"You sassy ass little thing." Matt smirked.
"You ok over there, Brian?" I grinned at Brian who was calming down.
"God, you two are a pair. She doesn't back down from you for a second, Shads. And you think that whatever you throw at her is gonna phase her. She doesn't get worried about it. Fuck! Matt Sanders has met his match." Brian smiled widely.
"Keep it up, dickhead." Matt growled.
"Laugh it up, asshole." I smirked at Brian.
"Oh, I intend to. I gotta find Michelle. You ok?" Brian asked me.
"Yeah. Thanks for that." I told him quietly.
"Anytime. See you guys." He grinned, walking off.
For some reason, after Brian walked away, there was an awkward silence between Matt and I. I don't know why exactly, but I had a feeling it had to do with Brian being the one to comfort me and not Matt.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked, hearing Matt sigh.
"You realize how odd this whole situation is, right?" He asked me.
"Yes." I sighed.
"It just made me feel weird when I found him hugging you and comforting you. It should of been me." Matt told me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to come undone with everyone here." I explained.
"I know. I'm not mad. I'm really not. Brian is one of my best friends. I just almost liked it when you two hated each other." He grinned weakly.
"Matt, I'd never do anything with anyone. I'm not that way. I did feel awkward when anyone but you touched me tonight." I said, seeing him look at me surprised.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yes. It didn't feel right. It never has. I mean, yeah a quick hug here or there with the guys is one thing, but anything else just feels wrong. I'm sure that is dumb." I told him.
"No. Not dumb at all. I'm kinda relieved to hear that. I have trust issues of my own, Tatum. After what happend with Val, it makes me feel like I can't let my guard down too much." He groaned.
"Matt, I get it. I really do. But, at least you found out a different way than I did." I grinned weakly.
"Jesus, yeah. I guess you're right." He smiled.
"I only want to be with you. That's it. Brian and I can be good friends. I won't lie and say that I don't enjoy his company, because I do. He makes me laugh alot. I can't help that. I just hope you accept it." I told him.
"I do. And, I feel better after this talk just now." He smiled, kissing my lips.
"Good. Can we now bury the topic of Brian and I? Michelle and I have for fucksake." I grinned at him.
"Seriously?" He asked.
"Yes! She straight up asked me if Brian and I slept together. I answered her honestly. No, we didn't. He never got past first base. Now it's done." I shrugged.
I don't think Matt will recover from what I just said. His jaw hung open slightly.
"He didn't?" Matt asked almost excitedly.
"For real? You are this happy about that?" I laughed.
"Fuck yeah I am!" He smiled.
I giggled as he pulled me into his lap. His lips found mine, starting a very heated kiss between us. I pulled back and we smiled at each other.
"Should we go home? It's been a pretty eventful night." Matt said to me.
"Yeah. I'm tried." I grinned.
"I gotta know one thing though. Do I kiss you better than Brian did?" He smirked slyly.
"A lady never kisses and tells." I grinned at him.
Matt looked around us rather confused.
"When the hell did a lady get here?" He asked me.
"You dickhead!" I shrieked, watching him laugh his ass off.