The sky was black now, as we reached the peak of the darkest hour. We had been on the road for hours, the colours of the sky changing from blue to pink to black, the only part of the journey that I could currently focus my attention on. The faded street lamps dully lit the road, our car headlights constantly being bright until we met another car and had to tone them down. I hated the dark, but driving in the dark provided a certain type of peace that you couldn't find in the day.
I laid my head against the window, not wanting the tiredness to take over in case the phone rang. I still haven't heard anything from Jamie's foster parents; I'm not sure if it was a blessing or a curse. Part of me was leaning towards it being a curse, as surely they would have rang me back if everything was okay - especially after my panicked voicemails that I had left throughout the entire day.
Liam had driven us most of the way, until I realised that he was falling asleep at the wheel as he hadn't slept the night before. I offered to drive then, but as my attention wasn't the most focused right now Carter decided that he should probably be the one to take over. So that's where we currently were in the car: Liam fast asleep in the back, sprawled out as if it was a double bed - while Carter and I sat upfront, with the dull sound of the radio in the background.
"You know how I can tell there's something on your mind?" Carter turned to me from the side, one hand on the wheel while his other hand had his fingers laced through mine.
"How?" I turned my head from the window to face him, thankful for some sort of conversation to try and distract me from everything.
"Everytime this song has been played no matter where we are, you always sing along and I don't even think you realised that this song was playing right now." He gave me a small smile, turning the radio up slightly so that we could hear it clearer.
I listened out for the song now, realising that it is in fact my favourite song at the minute. I can't believe Carter noticed that I liked this song, when I had never even told anybody about it. He honestly was unlike anybody I had ever met before, and I know how dramatic that sounds, so I would never truly admit it outloud.
"We've never properly spoken about why I said no to being your girlfriend, Carter - and I feel like I should properly explain myself." I whispered suddenly, feeling the need to get it off my chest. Driving in the dark would let me expose my darkest secrets, there was just something about the vibe of it all.
"You don't need to explain, not right now. I understand that it was because of everything you've been through." He traced a circle over my hand with his thumb, trying to reassure me that I didn't need to explain. But, I felt as though I owed him a true explanation.
"It wasn't just because of everything... well, I suppose it was." I began, leaning my head against the headrest as I watched him watch the road. "I did want to say yes, Carter, trust me I did. But... I put all of my trust in Ryan. He was my first boyfriend, the only boyfriend that I've ever had - I think in some sort of weird way my brain now just expects every person that I ever even like to turn out in the same way. And having not told you about my past, I didn't want to put your family at risk without knowing how you would feel about it... but then, I also didn't want to admit outloud everything that I had been through."
"Don't worry, Amelia, I won't hold it against you," He chuckled, having a quick glance at me before turning back to the road. "You can trust me though, I promise. I wouldn't ever put my family at risk unless I had to though, and there's not even a choice in it right now - I would never abandon you to protect my family, you mean too much to me."
"Ask me again." I stated, not wanting this moment to run away from me.
"Ask you what?" He replied, the moment completely going over your head.
"Ask me to be your girlfriend, Carter. Let's pretend that the last time never happened, let's wipe the slate clean. If you try it again, I'm pretty sure there will be a better outcome." I smirked, still whispering as neither of us wanted to wake Liam up.
"What if I've changed my mind? Maybe I've found somebody else..." He laughed, before cocking his head to the side and looking at me properly. "Amelia Heart... will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?"
"I'm not sure you know, that's a pretty big commitment..." I gave him a serious stare, watching as his face dropped before laughing again. "Of course I will, Carter." I placed a kiss on his cheek, not wanting to distract him too much from the road ahead.
"Oh, get a room already!" Liam mumbled from the back of the car, resulting in me throwing an empty water bottle at him and telling him to go back to sleep. We didn't need an eavesdropper right now, especially not one in the form of my brother's best friend.
As the journey was starting to come to an end, the final hour beginning, my mind was constantly wandering off thinking about Jamie. Was he being treated okay? Did he blame me for what has happened? Was he even aware that Ryan had kidnapped him again? A tear slipped down my cheek as reality came crashing back down on me, the peaceful car journey over in an instant.
"I almost lost him once before, you know." I whispered into the darkness, my head leaning against the cold glass of the car window. I didn't even care if anybody responded, I just needed to speak my mind.
"When Ryan took him last time?" Carter questioned, still being the one driving.
"No... well, I suppose but deep down I knew Ryan wouldn't hurt Jamie last time," I closed my eyes, thinking about the actual time I was thinking about. "No, I once almost lost Jamie completely... he almost died." I glanced at Carter, who remained silent as I thought about the memory.
"I'm home!" I yelled into the house, shutting the front door behind me. I wasn't fully aware who would be home right now, but mum's car was in the drive so I knew that she was most likely here.
When I heard no reply, I went on the search to find my mother. After taking my shoes off and kicking them to the side, I wandered down our hallway and into the living room. Hope filled me for an instant, before seeing the expression on her face and realising that my real mother hadn't returned just yet... but tomorrow is a new day and maybe it will return to her then.
"Did you need something, Amelia?" She queried, not looking over her shoulder as she idly flicked through the magazine in hand.
"No," I barely whisper, scared to say how shit she was making me feel when she didn't have any memories of me. It wasn't her fault... she was doing surprisingly well given everything. "How was your day?"
"Oh, yeah, good. I went on a walk around the village this morning, sadly no memories, but it was a very nice walk. I can see why you picked this house to live in."
"And Jamie? How did it go with him? Wasn't it your first time picking him up from school today?" I pressed, desperate for more than just a nice walk.
"Yes, fine, Amelia. Don't worry. I was there on time and we came home, he insisted on playing with some lego thing and then I gave him a bath..."
"And then you gave him a bath and what?" I repeated, watching as she suddenly sat upright and stared at the wall in front of her.
"I... I don't remember getting him out of the bath..."
I launched myself upstairs and into the bathroom in seconds. My brain had barely even registered Jamie lying there still, I had not had time to process how far under he had gone or whether he was just playing. I had pulled him out and laid him on the floor, waiting for his response or his moan that I had ended his bath too soon. Jamie loves the bath. But, he didn't seem to be moving.
"Jamie? Jame... breathe, Jamie!" I shook his body as he laid there, still. I flung my phone out of my pocket and rang the emergency services immediately, whilst moving my head down to his nose and mouth to see whether I could hear his breath. I couldn't. After shouting for the ambulance down the phone, I eventually got through to the right service.
"Ambulance service, how can we help?" The operator said calmly, a sentence they must say a thousand times a day.
"It's my little brother, he's 5 and he's not breathing... I... I... think he's drowned. He's not breathing... he's not breathing..."
"An ambulance will be on it's way, I just need you to confirm your address for me, please."
After giving them our address, tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared at his lifeless body. The woman claiming to be his mother was nowhere to be seen, not even trying to help her son who was currently not breathing. I had to do something, anything to bring him back.
"I need you to confirm whether he's breathing or not. I would like you to place your ear towards the child's mouth and nose, and also look for any signs that their chest may be moving."
"No... there's nothing... What does that mean? Is he dead? Is he dying? He's not breathing!" I choked down the phone at the operator, crying for some sort of help. I couldn't lose Jamie... not now, not ever.
"The ambulance is a few minutes away, but if you feel comfortable I'm going to give you instructions for rescue breathing. Is that okay?" I yelled yes down the phone, desperate to bring Jamie back to me. I need you. "Okay, honey, make sure he is on a flat surface, and if you think he has not suffered a neck or head injury then please tilt his head back..."
I continued following her instructions, panicking profoundly as I tried with everything within me to not break a rib whilst trying to allow air to his lungs once more. Come on, Jamie, you're stronger than this. Please be okay. Please.
After a few moments, he suddenly began choking profoundly as I rolled him to the side to heave up the water inside of him. I burst into tears as I hugged his tiny body against mine, hearing the ambulance pull up outside as footsteps began running upstairs towards our location.
"Amelia? Amelia, what's happened?" Joe shouted suddenly, rushing up the stairs to where I was now standing on the landing as they checked over Jamie.
"I- Mum, she- I don't-" I choked, before his arms were around my body and pulling me in tight as I sobbed. I felt his eyes never leave Jamie's little body as the ambulance crew checked him over in the bathroom, telling us that he was going to be okay. That didn't take the pain of almost losing my little brother away, the pain that stayed in my chest even after they left our house.
"How could you?" I screamed at the shell of my mother as she walked towards her bedroom, not even asking if Jamie was alright. Joe had taken him to lay in my bed, both of them starting a movie that I was about to join.
"He's old enough to know that he shouldn't stay under the water too long." She responded idly, sighing as she turned back around to look at me.
"Old enough? He's 5!" I cried, fresh tears rolling down my face again.
"He's not my responsibility!" She flung her arms up in the air, as if she was not the woman who gave birth to him. Jesus Christ, have some compassion.
"He's your son! My brother! Part of our freaking family! Heck, even if he was a 5 year old stranger I would probably still be crying the same way I have! It's called having a heart!"
"Honestly, Amelia. You are so dramatic, part of me is happy I don't remember you because if these are the conversations that we had weekly I would not be able to cope with you. You are a spoilt brat-
"Do not speak to my sister like that," Joe interrupted suddenly, startling me as I hadn't realised he had left my bedroom. "I don't care whether you look like my mother, or sound like my mother, or are my mother. You will never ever speak to my sister that way ever again. We are trying to help you. We don't have to. So I'd suggest you carry on with whatever boring task you were about to do, and leave the three of us alone. Our dad might need you, but we don't."
"She left us a few days after that, I think Joe still feels guilty for it - as if it was his fault. It wasn't. She just wasn't who we grew up knowing, and the person she had become definitely didn't want kids in her life. But, that day with Jamie continues to haunt me. I wish I could have that memory disappear... what if this time he doesn't make it? What if we never get him back?"
"Don't think like that, okay?" Carter rested his hand on my leg, giving me a tight smile. "Until we know everything, don't let your mind wander."