thanks for being so patient waiting for this chapter! big things are coming and i can't wait to share it with you all!>w<
ok you can read now!
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34~Second Thoughts
Everest's POV
"Jenna?" I breathe out shockingly, the name leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. "Why are you here? I-" I shake my head, cutting myself off. This isn't happening right, this is not happening right now! I heavily exhale out of my nose, almost forgetting to breathe. "You know what, I didn't even want to come and I knew I shouldn't have. So, I'm leaving, have a good life!" I end abruptly.
"No, you're not," my aunt interjects, making her way in front of the door just as my hand reached out for the knob. "You are staying here and we are all going to talk, now!" She demands, her voice rising with each word.
"Criss, I have nothing to say to her, okay-well nothing appropriate," I truthfully say. Hey, I'm not holding anything back. "But you know the point! Now, please move so I can leave and be with people I want to be with!"
She simply shakes her head, arms crossed over her chest. "No, sit," she says with a settler but forceful tone, flicking her dead towards the dining table. I widen my eyes a bit, a little shocked she used a forceful tone on me. "You too, Jenna."
Nodding once, she turns on her heel, positioning herself in the seat at the far end of the table, Criss shuffling past me and settling herself in the middle. I huff in absolute annoyance and finally pull out the seat across from Jenna, leaning back against it. I just want to get this over with. I then glare in her direction, only her eyes glued to the floor. She then catches my threatening eyes for a split second, then averts them away quickly, almost as if she were like a frightened child. Good.
Criss clears her throat, noticing me. "Alright, we are going to settle things right here, right now, okay? Now, we can either spend the whole night here at this table, or talk things out now and go home. Your choice." Crissy ended with a harsh tone, looking in between me and Jenna.
It's quite awkward in here actually, all three of us have been sitting in here for nearly seven minutes and haven't spoken a single word to each other. I like this.
I then hear a sigh escape from Jenna's mouth. "So, Eve, it's nice to see you again," she hesitantly says, her voice just barely above a whisper.
I role my eyes, shaking my head and locking my jaw. "Don't ever call me that again. Ever," I bitterly say through gritted teeth. "It just brings up bad memories. I hate that name."
She nods and shakily exhales. "'M sorry."
"Don't be."
"Everest." Crissy snaps.
"Well!" I yell, flickering my eyes towards Crissy. "She doesn't need to be. I don't want her apologies I just want her to leave! You know, why are you even here?!" I yell even louder, snapping my eyes back at Jenna.
"It's your dad," she simply answers, her voice stronger than the first time she spoke.
"And you think I care?"
"Yes, actually," she says. "I think you do, you just won't admit it."
Our eyes are locked on each other so intently you can literally feel the tension around us. And then out of complete nowhere, I begin to randomly laugh. Laughing hysterically at... all of this.
My hysterical laughter grows louder, and I can feel Crissy and Jenna's eyes glaring at me in confusion and somewhat shock.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" I laugh. "You are seriously messed up in the head if you think I actually care about him."
"Everest, he wants to see you. He's... dying," she mumbles, never breaking her eye contact with me. "The cancer is getting worse, and the doctors told him he doesn't have that much time left. All he wants is to see you before he... you know. He just wants to see you again." she informs me sadly, her features screaming worry.
I bite my lower lip, shaking my head slightly with a cold smile tugging at my lips. "Then send him a picture of me." Okay, I know I'm sounding like a complete bitch here, but let's not forget that this man physically and verbally abused me and my mother. Let that sink in.
"Everest, you know what I mean," she says through gritted teeth. Getting a bit edgy, eh?
"Oh, getting irritated aren't we?" I sarcastically call out, faking a smile, just playing with her silly little head.
"Yes, because you're acting like a child!" She unexpectedly hollers, causing me to flinch lightly when suddenly she stands to her feet. "You think this is a funny? You think this is all a joke? Well hate to break it to ya Everest, it isn't! We're talking about the man who helped give birth to you. We're talking about someone's life hanging onto a single thread, and you think this is something to laugh at? So yeah, he made pretty shitty decisions, and did some terrible and unexplainable things to you, and trust me I get it. But don't we all?! He was an addict and he needed help! God, I wish you could just accept the fact that those things happened in the past and will forever stay in the past, 'cause believe me he will never ever hurt you ever, ever again! I swear if he ever did hurt you again I would personally kill myself because I still care and love you so so much!
And I'm sorry we couldn't help you, okay!" By this time she's in tears, and sniffs loudly for a second to catch her breath. I watch her with my mouth slightly agape as she continues. "And that's another thing I wanted to tell you. The reason why we couldn't help you all those years is because your father threatened to hurt your mother if we tried to help. We were too afraid to call CPS or the police because we knew what he would do! We never knew she was also being abused, Everest! That's why she was so distant from us, to hide her scars and bruises that we never knew were there." She sniffs loudly once more before finally ending, "So, now you know. Everything. All of it. But I just wanted you to know that he's changed, and has transformed into a completely different person. If we can forgive him, then so can you, Everest."
I am in absolute awe, in a weird way numb to my body if that makes any sense. In fact bewildered. My heart is beating at an unimaginable speed, and my brain is so full of questions I can't even think straight. The only words I can process through my head at the moment are, 'What the actual hell?'
This is all so crazy. What felt as if a jumbled million piece puzzle has now been put together, all too fast. I don't know what to think. Hell, what can I think? I mean, her story makes sense and I think I believe her. However, deep deep down I have some doubts about it. Even though she told me everything, the whole story, the mystery I've always wanted solve, it doesn't make me happy. I'm not happy. I'm actually the complete opposite of happy.
And the only question that roams around my mind is 'Has he really, truly changed?'
I just want to scream, or maybe punch a wall, or maybe even blow up a building. So many thoughts and questions race around my head like a constant derby, I have no way of processing anything else.
Okay, so here's the truth. A part of me honestly wants to believe every word she said, wants to hop on a plane and fly out to Kansas and find out for myself if she was really telling the truth about him. However, the other part of me wants nothing to do with this, just wants to storm out of here and back in Harry's comforting arms and ask him to tell you everything will be okay when you know everything won't be.
The hardest part in the situation is which part will take affect?
"Everest, please?..." My cousin murmurs, looking up at me with her big, watery eyes, cheeks stained with tears.
Suddenly, I stand up too, looking at my stunned aunt first, then turn my gaze towards Jenna again, her eyes burning little hole into my flesh as she keeps staring intently at me, awaiting for me to speak. So I do,
"...You wish," I hardly say, just above a whisper.
"Now Everest, wait a minute," Crissy snaps. "I think you should think about what you're saying-"
"No," I interrupt, inching my way slowly towards the front door. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. Please just accept the fact that I am not ready to face him. I've already thought about it and... I just can't, alright! Look, I... forgive you. I really and truthfully do...," I trail off, feeling like all the air around me is being sucked away, my throat and Inge dry. "But I'm done." And with that I grab the cold doorknob and swing it open, simply fleeing rom the area just like that.
"Everest!" I hear Jenna call. I race down the few step to the front porch and quickly jog to my car, immediately unlocking it with my key by pressing a button. I nearly make it to my car when suddenly a hand jerks my shoulder back and turns me around slightly, my eyes meeting Jenna's cold blue eyes once again.
"Let go!"
"Don't do this, Everest. Don't lie to me. I know deep, deep down you do care about him, you're just too scared and ashamed to admit it!" She says as if she knew me. "Just come back to Kansas with me and we can figure this all out together, okay. Please, Everest, I'm begging you..."
Her words sink deeply into me, and my vision becomes blurred by warm tears that shouldn't be there.
'There is no reason to cry! Dammit, Everest!' I yell at myself, feeling like such a damn idiot. Why am I crying?!
"I have to go," I finally say, my voice cracking at the end. She looks me in the eye for what seems like forever, then finally pulls her hand away from my shoulder, turning her back towards me and crosses her arms.
I pull my eyes away from her, climbing in my car as fast as I can and start up the engine. As I begin to pull out of the driveway, only Jenna's head turns to the side to look at my moving car. Disappointment is clear in her expression as well as anger. We stare at each other for a few more seconds before she finally turns on her heel and heads back to the house, leaving me to drive away.
I make it to the end of the street and stop on the break as I approach the stop sign. Then out of complete no where, I decide to let out the worst throat-aching, blood-curdling scream I can make out. Gripping the steering wheel, I hunch my shoulders and scream at the top of my lungs. I tightly squeeze my eyes shut and just let everything out from within me.
And then it suddenly hits me. I have come to realize that it is me who is now the one completely... broken.
Then the tears finally begin to fall freely, spilling from my eyes and down my rosy cheeks. I shrivel up into a tiny ball in the drivers seat and begin to cry uncontrollably. I don't know why, honestly. These tears are useless. These tears aren't needed. I just feel so pressured and so burdened, all I can do is cry I guess. I just can't do this anymore. I can't see him, more or less I don't want to see him. It's like no one understands what he put me through all those years. The beatings, the torture, the pain. I cried every night because of him. My life was hell because of him. I didn't have a normal life because of him.
I thought I could hide my past in a locked up chest for forever, but it turns out I wasn't the only one with a key.
This may sound like a childish move, but it's the only one I got. Yes, I know there will be more complications and more accidents, and it may seem like the worst decision to ever make, but what do I have to lose?
I don't care what the cost is, I don't care who gets hurt during the process, I just want out.
And that's just what I intend to do.
Over the past few minutes of just sitting in my car parked next to the same stop sign on the same street, I've been rethinking everything I'm about to do and all the decisions I'm about to make.
And the next thing I know, I'm dialing Harry's number.
I rub my tired, red eyes in little circles and try to clear my mucus-filled nose by sniffing, letting out a heavy sigh when the ringing stops.
"Hello darling, how did everything go?" He asks in a cute way, hope laced in his tone. No offense, but I'm not really in mood. I'm not gonna sugarcoat what I'm about to say by acting cute, I want him to be serious about this.
"Harry?" I say seriously, sighing again.
"Everest, what's wrong? What happened?" He asks, his tone suddenly changing.
"So, do you still want me to come on tour with you?"
"Everest... what're you-"
"Well, I've changed my mind and made my final decision about this, and... and I want to go on tour with you."
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~A/N~
OMG SO SHE DOES WANT TO GO ON TOUR WITH HAZZA AND THE BOYS! OMG! do you think it's a great idea or not??? comment what you think! and tell me, do you think she should see her father? tell me why or why not!
ALSO don't forget to check out my new books!!!
Fairytale Endings // N.H.: http://www.wattpad.com/81688417-fairytale-endings-n-h-coming-soon-prologue
Something Great // Z.M.: http://www.wattpad.com/85398112-something-great-z-m-prologue?d=ud
please read them and give them some votes and comments! and please give this chapt. some votes and comments!! all the love!
btw, dang i miss talking to yall:( wattpad isn't the same without you guys
~lindsey:))) (also follow me on twitter: @ _replaylouis_ )