"What? No, I think you have something to tell me. Harley told me about Ryan. And I assume that's why you have been... quite?"
This time, I freeze.
"Wh-what did she tell you?" I look down at my lasagna instead of looking at Mom.
"You know what I was talking, honey. Okay, I was as shocked as you. I admit that. Well, maybe because I like him and did not expect that. Do you like him?" Mom says, of course she likes Ryan. She invited him here all the time.
I don't know what to answer. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Yes, I did like him before. But now, I don't know. I was beyond devastated.
"I-I don't know what to feel. He broke me first." I shrug, trying to hold my tears.
"Oh, baby. I know you liked him. I've never seen you so happy before you met Ryan, especially after the incident. I feel like he changed you, in a good way." Mom stands beside me trying to comfort me by pat my shoulder.
"Yes, he did. And that just makes it harder for me now." I push my dish aside and hold my head in my hands. I can't hold my tears anymore. I let my hair covers up my face. I've already looked miserable, nothing to hide to Mom anyway.
This time, Mom hugs me and I can't help but cry soundly. I was sobbing really hard and I don't care if our neighbours will hear it.
"I've never liked anyone like this. It hurts, Mom. I don't know what he's up to. Why? Why did he play with my feelings? What did I do?" She strokes my back while I'm talking in between my cries.
"Hey, Abby. Take a breath. Breathe. I know what you're feeling. It's okay, baby. It's okay."
I take some deep breaths to control myself. I can't let this ruins myself.
When I finally relaxed, Mom look at me in the eyes.
"Hey. Look at me. There's nothing wrong with you. You're sweet, kind, amazing. You're perfect. You're everything that I could have asked for." She wipes my tears and tuck my hair behind my ears.
"You're strong, Abby. You know that. I know this is not how you handle situations. You're more than this. You think maturely, you are considerate with people around you."
I sob a little.
"Talk, Abby. Talk to Harley, talk to Ryan. Well, if you aren't ready yet for that, at least talk to Harley. You don't know how worried she is when you shut her off. She's your best friend, darling. She will do anything for you. If you don't want to believe Ryan anymore, then believe Harley. She will never break your heart and you know that."
Maybe Mom is right. I've never been like this. I shouldn't act like this. Especially for Harley. She did nothing wrong and was worried about me. I have people who still care for me but here I am crying for someone who doesn't deserve my tears.
If anything, I don't lose him. He lose me.
I nod a little before saying, "I will talk to her. I was just... I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I shouldn't fall for him in the first place."
"Abby, falling for someone is okay. It's totally okay to admit to your feeling. You're not pathetic for that. Heartbreak is just a lesson. I know how does it feel. I have lost someone I loved dearly before. And that just makes me even stronger." I see her watery eyes while talking about it. I know she meant my late Dad.
Dad was an angel. He died from a bacterial infection in his blood. One thing I was glad, he passed away with us beside him all the time. We spent all of our times at the hospital, Mom insisted. I remember once she said to me that she has eccepted and opened her heart if anything happens and that is why she never leaves the hospital as long as Dad is still there. She just didn't want to regret if she lost him and she wasn't there. And Mom did the right thing I guess. He died peacefully in his sleep after Mom put him to bed after taking his medicine. And yes, she was the last person he saw before he was gone. I think they have the sweetest love story.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I know I was selfish. And thank you so much for being my Mom. I don't think I can handle this without you." And I hug her again.
*****
I wake up the next day, trying to look as normal as possible. Taking a look in the mirror, my eyes isn't swollen as much as yesterday luckily. I decided to put on something that makes me look more confident instead of another sweatshirt and jeans.
I decide to let my hair loose today. I curl it a little at the end and put on some light make up. My usual make up. Don't want to show up as a clown. After applying my eyeliner, I get my sneakers under my bed and rush downstairs to eat my breakfast and start a new day.
"Good morning!" I sing cheerfully and take a seat.
"Morning, honey- Ouh, you look pretty!" Mom reacts when she sees me. Of course I don't have the confident to wear something other than shirts and jeans or leggings to school and seeing how I'm dressing up today must be shocking.
"Really? Thank you."
"Well, I wonder where do you get the genes from." She raises her eyebrows and put some scramble eggs in our plates.
"Oh, I don't want to say it." And we laugh.
"So, did you talk to Harley?" She says and takes a bite of the bread.
"Not yet. But I texted her and told her I'm okay."
I texted her last night before I sleep and she replied immediately. I wonder how long did she waited for my text and luaghed a little. She promised me to treat me lunch today and being a good friend I am, I accepted her offer. Haha.
"Good, then."
Before I could say anything, Mom talks again.
"Oh by the way, I have a business lunch today and maybe a lit late. Can you drive? I'm afraid that I can't pick you up on time."
"Mom, of course. I don't mind. My car has been in the garage for too long, I need to give it more ride." I smile.
"Is it business lunch, or lunch date?" I smirk at her.
"What? It's for business, Abby!" I swear I see her blush.
"Yeah, whatever you say. I get to go. Bye! Love you." I take my bag and hug her before I go to my car.