It was dark outside when Ella noticed that it was time to close the store, she had stayed overtime with some new records that had arrived, she finished checking and arranging those when she saw a strange man outside, Rick had offered to pick her up at 8:30, she had told him earlier that day when he visited her that she would have to work after 7, it was already 9 pm, and not a sign of Rick or his van, so she decided to call John, so he could pick her up.
"John, could you please come to the store?"
"Why? Are you going to give me a record?"
"I told you before, I work here, but I don't own the place,"
"Spoilsport , then no."
"Please John, there is a strange man in front of the street," she begged
"Just kick 'im in the goolies, you'll be fine," he almost hung the phone up.
"John!" She looked outside "He is looking at me,"
"Aye, someone's got a fan," he laughed
"This is not a joke, please come and pick me up," she insisted
"I'm busy, listening to the radio, you should listen to it, there's a Buddy Holly special and..."
"JOHN!" she shouted.
"All right, I'll tell Paul to go."
"Not PAUL, I want YOU to come pick me up! John?" but it was too late she heard John telling him to go, she also heard when Paul refused at first, but John said something about Paul owing him a favor.
"He'll be there, bye luv,"
"John? No , no, no please tell him..... John?" He already had hung the phone up.
She waited for several many minutes more, the man was still there, she was reading a magazine trying not to think about it, but every time she looked at the window she could see the man standing pretending to read a newspaper.
Then she saw him crossing the street, she froze when he saw he was near the door, she pretended to call someone, she went behind a shelf.
Paul saw the man trying to open the door, he shouted at him, "Hey, what is it? The store is closed. "
The man saw him, he stopped attempting to open the store.
"I was just leaving,"
Paul wasn't sure whether he was about to punch him or to escape, but said something between his teeth, the few he had left, and simply turned around the corner, leaving the place.
"If I see you again near here, I'll call a bobby," Paul looked through the window, he saw Ella hiding, he knocked. "Ella, open up!"
That voice, that lovely voice, she saw Paul outside. She unlocked the door and he came in "Is he gone?" she asked.
He nodded, "He frightened you, did he tell you something?" He softly patted her hand.
She fearfully cleared her throat "Nothing, but he wouldn't leave. I didn't know what I-- I-, "
Paul interrupted her, "He's gone, don't think about that, I'm here."
She let out a relief sigh.
"Have you been returning home all by yourself?" he asked
"No, with Lizzy, but this time I had to stay some extra hours so she left, I asked Rick to come here at eight, but I don't know why he didn't, have you seen him?"
He had seen him, that was a fact, that afternoon before arriving to John's house, he saw his car in front of the house of a girl George used to date, but he decided not to tell her.
"No, I'm sorry," he started to look at the records, "You shouldn't wear that necklace, not if you are returning by yourself."
"Do you really think this is the reason?" she asked, pressing on the necklace Rick had given her.
"It's flashy to them," he smiled, "I suppose that's why you liked it so much; it came from the striking Rick."
"Are you blaming me for this?" Her voice was stronger this time.
He turned to see her, "No, I'm just remarking how much you love that necklace; you wear it all the time, even if that means putting yourself at risk."
She rolled her eyes,"are you trying to say I'm shallow?"
"Well, are you?"
"I am not; I wear it because it's a gift," she claimed.
"Let me ask you something, did you read my letter?" he moved closer to her.
She stuttered, "Why do you, of... yes!"
"Are you sure?" he moved even closer, so she moved away.
"Fine! I didn't,"
He made a sarcastic smile after that confession, "Okay, Miss 'I'm not shallow' now tell me, Did you put the flower in a glass of water after I gave it to you?"
She felt her eyes watering; therefore she turned in an effort to hide her embarrassment.
He grabbed her by the arm, she turned to see him and he asked, "you didn't, did you? you were stunned with Rick's gift, he practically bought you with that," he said pointing at the necklace,
She looked at his eyes, and slapped him in the face.
"Oh gosh, Paul I didn't... I just," there was no turning back.
"Let's go, before it rains," and they left.
She was really ashamed, she walked behind him, He glared sometimes, just to see that she was fine and following him, they didn't talk, when they arrived she went straight to her room, she heard John telling her to stay with them, but she was still embarrassed about what she did to Paul, so staying in her room was the best option.
John was eating some biscuits and enjoying a comic book, he glared at Paul.
"Why you took so long? You naughty boy,"
"There was a man trying to open the door y'know?" He sat beside him.
"What happened is she alright?" he stood up .
"She's fine, I told him to leave and he did."
John noticed the redness on his pale cheek "Did he hit you?"
"No! Why you ask?"
John pointed at his face, "Your cheek..."
Paul started to laugh, "Ella slapped me, I deserved it so don't worry."
"Oh rough love!" he said in a French accent.
"Nah! That's not even puppy love," He tried to speak softer "Rick was supposed to take her home, but he didn't show."
"Of course not," he put his feet on the table, "you know that mate finds girls everywhere, I bet he wakes up and finds two in his shower."
"Will you tell 'er?"
"I told 'er that Rick was the most requested lad at pubs, and that 'e wasn't the good boy 'e pretended to be; but she decided to ignore me saying she wasn't dating him."
"Nevertheless, we should mind our own business,"
"That's where you are wrong Paulie, I care for 'er, and I don't want that bastard near 'er, in fact anyone of ya! I'll keep 'er in a convent if I have to." he joked.
"John, you know you can't trade 'er for a couple of nuns, right?"
"You've broken me heart Paul, all my dreams are over now," he said sarcastically.
Lizzy waited for Ella, she had entered a community center that offered different courses, that got her interest, she came out with some flyers and show those to her friend.
"It's not as expensive as I thought." She answered.
"It's just a philosophy course, of one month... I could start with that right? That can't upset my parents, I believe." Ella told her.
"Hey," Lizzy hugged her, "they are far away...and you're saving for this, just do it." She encouraged her.
Ella simply smiled, as she walked along her, a van approached next to them and parked, she recognized it was Ricky's.
"What kind of troubles are you causing, girls?"
Lizzy giggle, "none, what about you?"
"I always behave, have you eaten anything?" He asked
The pair said they hadn't , so he invited them to a coffee shop, they got in and accepted his offer.
They arrived at a small coffee shop, with no more than 6 tables, they sat just beside the entrance.
"What were you doing downtown?" He asked, as he told the server for some coffee for them.
"I'm looking for a place to study, I can't just yet, enroll for a university... so Lizzy accompanied me to check the options."
"Brainy girl I see," he exclaimed, "you should try the soup, let me order it for you," He went to the counter.
"HE seems very interested in you, Elle." Lizzy whispered.
She only blushed and smiled, it wasn't really that she liked to think on that, but she thought it embarrassing.
When he returned to the table he noticed, "You're wearing the necklace I gave you, it suits you."
Ella was about to thank him again, when she saw Paul and another man entered the place, although they stayed by the counter. He turned to see her, and saw her company.
"Hey, it is Paul," he called for him.
He seemed like he didn't want to, but he couldn't stop himself from being polite, so he went towards the table.
"Hi,"he said monotone towards them, and in a deep voice he asked exclusively to Rick, "tomorrow the rehearsal it's at your place, right?"
"I forgot, but yeah... tomorrow at 6, wait we should invite the girls, do you want to join us?"
"We don't have a band, "Ella said trying not to sound too reclutant, and not to make it seem that it was because of Paul, why she didn't want to go.
"It'll be fun, c'mon." Rick tried to convince her.
"Anyroad, I have to leave, my brother and I only came for a cake we ordered." He said goodbye and went beside the counter.
After that, Ella had trouble focusing on the conversation her friends were having, in the corner of her eye she could see Paul waiting, and possibly judging her, it was such a bad habit of her to not let people get mad at her, she wanted to be liked, not that she tried to pretend friendships, but "in good terms with everyone" was a way of living she wanted for herself, to please people and be accommodating. But with Paul, she felt awkward doing so, it simply hadn't gone her way, and she wanted to prove that she was the bigger person between the two of them.
When Ella arrived at the house, she went and looked everywhere for the letter Paul had given her, she was so certain that it was just a meaningless "happy birthday" letter, and Paul was making storm in a teacup, she found it next to the trash bin in her room, she opened it, it had written simply happy birthday and good wishes, also it had an instruction: go to the city's library, second floor, and look for the book with the call number PH-W3271, page 56, lines 19-22
A big heavy sentiment filled her chest, she tried to tell herself that it was just something simple, that he hadn't taken the time to do something thoughtful for her. That night, she couldn't sleep, she felt so much guilt. Next morning she woke up, she left early leaving only a note to John and Mimi, who were still asleep; once there and as she waited for the doors to open, she felt that heavy feeling again, that even time felt heavy making it slower. Once opened, she went directly to look for the book in the instruction, she smiled to herself, it made her feel like an adventurer looking for clues, then her smile disappeared thinking no one had ever made something that special for her. There it was! The book, she turned around to see if there was a sign of Paul around, probably not it was stupid to think that. She took it and read, it was by one of her favorite philosophy writers, the book opened easily to the page, because he had taped a small note on it, she carefully and quickly took the note from the page, and read, it said:
I hope you had a swell birthday yesterday, and before you read those lines, I want to tell you that the gift is first, to make you look around those shelves, take good look and picture yourself spending lots of time here, researching for your homework and projects, you said to me you'd like to find studies here that fit your passion for philosophy, so if you like this place, nothing will come between you, those books and your goals. Now, I may be here, waiting for you at the desk on your right
She turned, stupidly expecting him to see him. But days have passed since her birthday.
And please, do not come to me until you have read the lines I instructed in your letter. P.
When she returned to the book and at those lines the quote said: "Everything ritualistic must be strictly avoided, because it immediately turns rotten. Of course a kiss is a ritual too and it isn't rotten, but ritual is permissible only to the extent that it is as genuine as a kiss." by Wittgenstein
She reread the lines, and looked at the page thinking she had mistaken it, but no, those were the lines Paul selected for her. The pain in her chest went to her stomach, confusion had always caused an upset stomach for her.
She would not have time to process those lines, hours later she accompanied John to Rick's flat, George and Paul were already there, so she went to a sofa in a corner and sat, as they plugged the guitars to a small amp. George approached to her, and asked for Lizzy, she answered that as soon as her parents saw Lennon with her, they made her deny the invitation.
They rehearsed a couple of songs, when two friends of Rick arrived, he offered them beer, and gave one to Ella, the pair tried to make conversation with her, but with the loud music playing by the band, it was almost impossible to continue with it, so that interrupted her from any distraction. The only thing she could do was to avoid seeing Paul.
Minutes later four other friends arrived, with more beer and an hour later they decided to play music on the record player and turned it into a small party. Rick put on some records, and played them loud, he approached with another beer to Ella, who had finished the first one.
"This one doesn't taste like piss," he told her, and gave it to her.
As soon as she took a sip she made a grimace, "it does not! And it does not taste good."
He sat on the arm of the sofa, next to her, "First time drinking beer?"
"No!...just first time drinking British beer." She laughed.
"It's actually a Belgian one,"
"They must want to drunk the British, then," she joked, but could not stop drinking, she knew she was a lightweight when it came to drinking, but it was more of an impulse to take small sips, because she could not help but think how rude she had been to Paul.
As the minutes progressed, and now on her third beer, her mood changed, she laughed so much at the jokes Rick and his friend were making; she could see John in the distance almost falling asleep, she stood up and that was when she realized how drunk she really was, she leaned on Rick, before she could tell him that she had to go and wake John, he asked her to join him, he put his arm around her waist, and told her that he wanted to show her his collection of famous signatures, specially a signed book he had of Sigmund Freud.
Ella walked beside him, towards his room, "C'mon it must be a fraud, most all of his theories are." She giggled.
"Oh don't say that, I stole it form a sale," he admitted.
Paul was listening to a conversation between George and another woman, when he noticed that Ella had struggled to walk along with Rick, and saw that he had been offering beer after beer, as soon as he saw that he took her to his room, he decided not to take an eye off the door, so to make sure it remained open.
"This is it! Look at it," he gave her the book, as he finished the beer she'd had in her hand.
She had trouble reading, "Why am I trying to see if it is genuine! I don't even know how does a real signature by him looks!" She laughed so much, that she felt her body shake, so she sat on the bed."they gave you a Freud" , she made joke playing with the words Freud and Fraud.
He giggled, and sat beside her, it was his opportunity, he began to smell her hair, and took his lips to her neck, as she was still trying to read the now blurry autograph.
He decided to close the door, as soon as he did that, something clicked in her. When he approached to her side, and before he could kiss her she said.
"I think I might puke, my head is spinning."
He smiled, "I knew it was too much beer for you, let me bring you a coke."
"I don't do drugs." She awkwardly mocked.
"I mean as in a coca cola, it'll make you feel better and take the dizziness out you." He said, and went out of the room.
Paul who had approached the room, saw him go out to go to the fridge, he went into the room and found Ella sitting on the bed, rubbing her eyes.
"How are you doing?" He asked, as he kneeled in front of her.
She blinked twice, "Paul? Is that you?" she still was dizzy.
"Yeah, do you want to go home, Ella?" He asked.
He stood up and she tried too, she grabbed his hand, "I do, let's look for John." She said and pretended to lead the way, but it was clear she couldn't, he grabbed her arm and lead her outside the room.
They bumped into Rick who had a bottled coke in his hand.
"Thank you! We'll take this one," Paul said and gave it to her.
A confused, and quite angry Rick saw them go and wake John up, who was drunk asleep in a corner.
"Harrison are you coming?" Paul asked, but his friend told him that he'd stay.
John was walking just ahead of them, with his eyes almost closed, a bit drunk and sleepy. Paul was walking beside Ella, who was telling them that they had played so well.
"It is strange don't you think? that when Pete plays , your songs seem something completely different from what I heard tonight."
"As ...in better?" He asked, watching her walking in a cheery way.
"I... don't know, just different, when I went to music school to learn violin, they told me that we had to understand what our fellow classmates were playing, not only reading music sheets but joining with the band, a team work." She almost trip on a rock, because she had tried to take sips from her coke, he held her by the left elbow.
"Yeah, I see your point, that's what we were saying the other day, and the drummer is the spine of a band,"
She pointed at him, "And, I don't know if Pete is better, but with Rick, you sound as if all of you were in a riot," She laughed, "what do you say John?"
He didn't answer nor looked back, only mumbled something.
They walked for some minutes more in silence, trying not to be left behind by John.
"I do want this to work." He said in an almost whisper to her ear.
"What?" She 'woke up' from her state of reverie.
"The band, I feel in my gut that this is what I meant to do, is that weird?"
She put her arm around his, and since the effect of the alcohol was disappearing because of the walk back home, she panicked for a second at the gesture of affection she did, Ella tried to remember what her answer was, "No.. it is not, and I see your dedication, nothing as important as what you care for can be weird, " she let go of his arm, "and I think John cares too... John! Do you care?"
"No!," he answered as he quickly turned to them, and then turned back.
"He's moody now." Paul warned.
Ella mischievously smiled, "JOhn! ArE you moody?"
He put his hands on his ears and tried to walk as fast as he could.
The pair laughed,
When they arrived at the house, John struggled to open the door, his friend went to help him, once inside he said "thank you, George," then closed it.
Paul chuckled, remembering his days in Hamburg when Lennon drank as if there were no tomorrow day, when he turned to Ella, he found her sitting there on the floor of the front porch, "Are you ok?"
As she held her head, she responded, "Sure, but let me stay here for a couple of minutes, I'll enter when the house stops shaking," she joked, the state of drunkenness was leaving and regret (along with dizziness and a headache) were arriving.
He sat next to her, "I'll wait here if you don't mind."
She turned to seem him, "thank you... didn't you drink?"
"Nah, I wasn't in the mood." He said, as he cleaned some spots in his shoes, trying to hide that he wasn't as confident as he seemed.
"I'm sorry, Paul, you were right I'm an ungrateful brat," she admitted while drinking the last of her fizzy drink, She was sitting with her knees bent and legs to one side, "I read the letter..."
"Did you go-?"
"Yup, I went to the library," she said forgetting for a moment the quote he selected for her, "It was a lovely thing to do, I did imagine myself in another reality walking between those shelves."
"Why another reality?" He said looking intently at her.
"Can't picture myself in this one...too much trouble and disappointment."
"Doesn't have to be like that," he hold her hand.
"Yes it does! I told you my family... I don't have the guts to go against them.. I wouldn't even know how to, and it is the strangest thing because they always say I'm going against their rules when I wouldn't even raise my voice at them." her lower lip quivered, as in anger.
"That's because you lived with them, at their command... here is your opportunity to reflect on yourself, without having them snooping on your affairs." His voice seems to be cheering for her.
"I guess," she sighed, she turned to see him staring at her, that's when she remembered, "I ... read the Wittgenstein quote, did you read the book then?" She asked trying to change the subject.
"Some pages, I was supposed to be there... I went there the day after your birthday, waited for you to show and explain it to me." He said in a fake dramatic tone, "and you never came."
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry, see that's why I'm a spoiled brat.. a very stupid stupid girl."
"You're not stupid."
"And??? ..."
"Oh I won't refute the spoiled brat bit," he giggled.
She smiled, "I guess, if you're open I could talk to you about his philosophy, and those lines you chose, some other day."
"It's only but eleven pm," he stared at her, this time wanting to say so much more with his eyes.