''He didn't tell me what happened either, Mel'' Trent shrugged sadly with his arm wrapped around Quinn's waist. We were sitting in a booth, close enough to the counter so we could talk to Meg and Dylan too.''I did everything I could to get him out of that black hole, trust me. But something is killing him...it's just a matter of time before he relapses again'' He added, making us all sadly sip on our drinks.
After talking to Ethan, I knew he already relapsed by then. I knew how addicts took things. I knew how they dealt with their feelings. I knew all about it, from childhood.
''I don't care anymore'' I muttered under my breath, placing my cold glass of water on the table. It took everything in me not to get shitfaced drunk. I just had to tell myself that I'd be a hypocrite if I allowed myself to do that.
''We all know that's a lie, Mel'' Quinn rubbed my back in a comforting way.
I grunted, not really caring about other people's opinions at that moment.
''Speak of the devil...'' She huffed, nudging Trent with her elbow to make him follow her gaze. I turned my head too, spotting a completely disoriented Ethan by the bar's entrance. He stumbled a little, his shoulder slamming into the wall but that didn't stop him. He continued to make his way towards Dylan, his eyes were hazy.
I watched as he sat down on the barstool, letting his head drop into his hands. He groaned, loud enough for us to hear.''I fucked up again'' He admitted, still not lifting his head from his hands.
''What's up?'' Dylan greeted him, glancing at us before pouring him a drink.''You alright bro?'' He gave him a light reassuring pat on the back.
Ethan looked up at him, barely keeping his eyes open.''I'm high again. Shocker, I know'' He nodded at his own words, his movements slower than normal. I had never seen Ethan in this state before. He was always strong, never vulnerable.
Dylan's eyes met mine and Ethan noticed this straight away.
''What are you-"
He cut himself off, a sour look creeping up onto his face.''Oh,'' He nodded again, looking away from me. I watched him exhale heavily.''Just tell me, is she actually sitting there? Or am I so fucking far gone I'm imagining her everywhere I go?'' He asked Dylan with a pained look in his eyes.
My heart ached at his words.
Dylan nodded slowly, passing him a glass. He was about to take it when he stopped, getting up abruptly.''Fuck y'all'' He growled, storming away.''I don't need any of you!''
''Bro, think this through'' Dylan spoke to him, successfully catching his intoxicated attention.
Ethan stopped, running a hand down his face. He was shaking all over and I desperately wanted to help him. Flashbacks of helping my mother when I was younger invaded my sober mind and it felt unbearable.
''There's nothing left...'' He looked Dylan right in the eye with little to no emotion.''Nobody's left''
''E, think about your mom-''
''She's dead'' Ethan interrupted Trent with an empty stare. ''Has been, for a while now'' He added, turning his gaze to meet mine now.
My breath hitched in my throat at the news.
''Why didn't you tell me?'' Trent stared at him with tears in his eyes.
I blew out a heavy breath, my hands starting to shake. It all started to make sense all of a sudden. Our fights, him disappearing all the time, him distancing himself from everyone...and now drugs. How did I miss all of this?
''What would that change?'' Ethan scoffed as he shook his head, his eyes never leaving mine despite speaking to Trent.''I didn't need anyone's pity or support. I never needed it. Right, Mel? You should understand me, right?'' He gave me a cold glare, referencing all the times I refused to let him in.
I gulped, averting my eyes.
''What would it change?'' Trent grew angrier by the second and in a way, I understood him. Ethan was his best friend, his family. He truly cared about him.''Are you fucking kidding me, E?!'' He shouted in Ethan's face.
They stood there, staring into each other's eyes with pained expressions. Trent was on edge. It would only take one slight inconvenience to send him off the rails. Ethan was lost. He looked shattered, broken, torn...you name it. He was gone.
''What about all of us, E?'' Trent asked, his jaw clenched.
''What about you all?'' Ethan asked, shaking his head as if he couldn't understand what Trent was getting at.
''What about me?'' Trent's fist shook with rage, his knuckles turning a deathly white color.''You never care about what your actions do to the people around you, do you? I fucking stuck with you through everything. I didn't care if you were a dick to me at times, because I knew you had a fucking reason. I stuck by you, E. I pulled you out of the drugs with the last bit of strength I had. And you just go and throw it all away like that?!'' He shouted in his face again, losing his control.
''I never asked you to do that'' Ethan replied calmly, fighting the truth.
Trent shook with rage.''What the fuck is your problem, E?! Just fucking tell her that you love her! Just fucking do it. Just fucking stop thinking that everything in this world is a fucking mind game! She loves you, can't you fucking see? Let her in!''
I knew he was talking about me.
Everyone knew.
''That's the thing, Trent'' Ethan gritted his teeth, avoiding my stare.''I did tell her. And guess what? She doesn't give a shit, just like I thought. So please do tell me how I should let her in!''
I do give a shit.
''You're blind'' Trent shook his head.''Both of you are blind''
''And maybe you're right'' Ethan shrugged before giving me one last glance. I stared back at him, an emotional storm tearing down my freshly built walls. He shook his head at me and headed out of the bar.
''Mel'' Trent begged.
I knew what he wanted me to do. He wanted me to go after him. He wanted me to save him. Like they saved me, he wanted me to do the same for him. And I really wanted to do it.
''I'll be right back'' I excused myself, despite Meg's angry stare. I also knew that she wanted me to move on. Start fresh and forget everything that caused me to end up as I did. But I couldn't. I owed Ethan my life. I would never be able to forget everything he did for me. And I would never be able to forget him.
I walked out of the bar, spotting Ethan straight away. He was sitting on the steps that lead up to the street. He had his head in his hands, sobbing quietly. My heart struggled to function as I realized that he was crying. Ethan Summers was crying right in front of me.
I froze to the spot, thinking of ways to comfort him.
''Go away'' He shook his head, still keeping his head in his hands. He was defeated and it hurt me to see him this way.
''I can't'' I shrugged simply.
''But you will'' He scoffed, still not looking at me.
''Not yet'' I argued, attempting to come closer to him.
He snapped his head up at the sound of movement.
''So what's the point? You're just going to leave! Why bother to do this? I won't take it. I can't take another person I love leaving me! I just fucking can't!'' He cried out, his eyes begging me to help him.
''Just let me help you'' I whispered, fighting his refusal. I walked right up to him, looking down at his tearstained face and bloodshot eyes.''I need to help you. It's the least I can do...''
He stared up at me, his bottom lip trembling. It pained me to see him this way.
''Please, Ethan'' I begged.
He shook his head, a tear-soaked strand of his hair falling in front of his eyes.
''Ethan, hear me out...please!'' I cupped his face with my hands, trying to be as gentle as possible.''I love you'' I whispered, searching his eyes.
He stared into my eyes, an unknown emotion in his.
''I know you love me too'' I added, swallowing my pride.''So please, let me do this''
''I can't love you'' He choked, shaking his head.''And I can't let you love me'' He added.
''Why?'' I failed to hold in my emotions, my voice cracking in the most heartwrenching way.
''Because we're just not meant for this'' He whispered.
''What do you mean?'' I shook my head, not understanding him at all. He dropped his head back into his hands, sighing heavily.''Ethan, explain. Please, just tell me what you're thinking! Just tell me. Tell me why!''
He looked up again, a silent battle could be seen in his eyes.
I opened my mouth, ready to shout at him again when he grabbed me and pulled me down into his lap.''You make me...'' His hand wrapped around my neck, gripping it angrily.''...want to kill you'' His eyes burned a hole through mine.''And then,'' He whispered, his lips almost touching mine. He quickly dropped his hand from my neck before speaking again.''It all goes away and I'm left here crying like a fucking child because I'm terrified of hurting you''
As I stared into his eyes, I was completely speechless. I was in such a daze, I didn't even register the position we were in. My legs were tightly wrapped around him and his hands were holding my waist in a deathly grip.
''You won't hurt me'' I reassured him, my bottom lip touching his. The sudden contact sent shivers down my spine and he watched me carefully.''If anything, I hurt you. I hurt you all the damn time'' I shook my head.
''No, you don't'' He argued, keeping his tone low as he watched my lips.''I know I hurt you. I've done it a lot these past few weeks''
I shook my head again, now watching his lips too.''Do you hear us? Were ridiculous'' I chuckled a little, moving ever so slightly in his hold.
He suppressed a groan and I couldn't help but bite my lip.
''Deen'' His eyes darkened as he stared at my bottom lip.
''Summers'' I managed to choke out through the raging fire I felt in the pit of my stomach.
With that, he crashed his lips onto mine and I gasped.
This only sent him further off the edge, his grip becoming even tighter. I moaned into his lips as he deepened the kiss, making it more desperate. I craved his every touch and it made me more scared than I've ever been.
''We shouldn't be doing this'' He groaned, letting his mouth roam my neck.
''But it feels right'' I threw my head back, my body instinctively pushing further against him. He growled, grabbing my neck with one hand.
''Does it?'' He asked me, his eyes darker than ever. I nodded, his grip on my neck tightening.''Are you sure it does?'' He asked again. It felt as if he wanted me to disagree. He wanted me to give him a reason to stop. He wanted an excuse.
And I couldn't give him one.
''I've never been this sure about anything before'' I panted quietly, my eyes searching his as one of his hands still gripped my neck.
After a second of intense staring, his free hand traveled down from my waist to my ass, gripping it with all his strength. A throaty moan left my mouth and he stood up abruptly, my legs still wrapped around him. He adjusted the hand which was still gripping my ass so that he could easily carry me up the steps.
''Where are we going?'' I whispered, my hand gently wrapping around his. He loosened the grip on my neck a little, never leaving my gaze.
''My house'' He replied once we were at the top of the steps, pulling me closer by my neck. My heart rate picked up speed as he gently pecked my lips.''I need you'' He whispered into my lips.
''I need you too'' I nodded, getting lost in his piercing green eyes.