(J-monster's POV)
All of us were shaking heavily, we couldn't stand properly on our feet.
Our first debut, our first song and even the one that came after it.
The anxiety of knowing everyone is awaiting something big from you, everyone watching you closely.
But I had looked at the other six girls, all of them in the same shoes.
They had a shaky smile, chanted our slogan and strong back of the leader strode forward, leaving us all behind just for a second before we went after her, the bright lights illuminating her from afar, making her look bigger than she was.
'We will do it. All of us seven are going to survive this together', she had said firmly without looking at us and so we made our way in frilly school-uniform dresses matching our theme entering our first stage.
As I woke up from my little flashback the very same K that just flashed by from two years ago stood in front of me, patting Zeya's and Varoe's shoulders.
"Are you ready guys? The eight of us are going to write history!", that sentence seemed so off, so strange in my ears.
I couldn't comprehend them.
There was one face missing.
The traitor's face.
We weren't wearing frills today.
Well they are cute but hell no I don't want to wear something like that again.
It's not my style.
No, there was not a hint of frills today.
We were wearing all the same, all clean white military commander uniforms that were tailored elegantly, feminine and graciously for us girls.
No skirts today, black high-quality pants, golden buttons and accents on our clothes with little crimson lines on our epaulettes were little gold chains were attached, fake military badges on our chest that looked a little bit too fancy.
Formal suits today.
Only three of us who Minho thought were capable to do so, wore a long black cape with crimson inseam and a white captain hat with shiny black parts and little gold symbols.
I was one of them and the other ones were K and Varoe.
If Varoe would be the right choice, I would still overthink that.
Makii would totally trip over it and P-love would roll herself up in her cape just like Mina would.
Well leaves only her I guess.
Pulling my hat a little bit to the side I looked at the mirror.
Today is war, revenge and even more.
Let's see how big your mouth is after that Chase.
"J-monster, why are you late. Get in line!", K yelled at me.
Today is not my day.
We positioned ourselves on the stage, everything was dark.
They couldn't see us but we could see them.
My eyes scanned the crowd until I spotted the first familiar face.
Canon.
Right, the fire that had brought this whole calamity into life, that made this song and the stage we are doing today the way we would perform it, it's all for you.
Rather it is your fault and we want to repay our debt.
But still.
I clenched my fists.
I still can't believe it, and because you made it clear on that day and made us all suffer.
You made Makii fake date Joon-woon, you made K take all the burden and force her to dance with Clide, you made the new members doubt every one of us unjustified.
And the worst of them all, you made me shoot a movie with that Chase.
But I kept silent.
My face even in the dark stayed the same.
Fake it until you make it, right Company president?
The next one I spotted was METRO and on top of that I saw that jerk's face.
Clide was silently sitting there in anticipation for something.
Does he know?
Or is he waiting for K to beat him already?
She is far better than you, you don't deserve even one glance, no not even to be in the same room as her!
The hatred for Clide spread in me more and more.
I will dance so you will never forget.
And suddenly something popped up in my head.
'Be ready to start the shoot for the movie in exactly a week.'
Straightening my expression again to a nonchalant or rather matching expression for our comeback, I tried to not think about the shoot anymore until I see Chase's dirty smirk on set.
Or his crying face, amusing myself while he sees us perform.
"Ladies and gentlemen, RisingStar with their new song 'Silent stranger war'! Enjoy those beauties show", the moderator yelled in his microphone again.
You freaking idiot stop yelling into the mic already.
Suddenly the lights went off almost blinding me with their brightness.
The stage was looked like a battlefield, even little fake weapons were lying around, the screen was showing little explosions.
This is war.
I stared at Clide and the melody started to play.
An energetic, powerful beat and melody heating up the hate for all of them.
(silent stranger war,
Silent, strange and war.)
Look at them crawling in fear,
What have you done my dear?
(they made you insane
They made you play this game.)
All what was left,
was that little humanity you had have.
(look what you have become,
Look what they have made you done.)
This isn't right,
Shouldn't be right.
Justice left this world behind,
You crave for more,
Crave no more.
Let it slip,
Let it drip.
I know your name,
Had known your name,
now look what made you go insane
It's this world's game of turning you into a monster.
Are you a stranger too?
Playing silently along.
This is war,
Crave for more,
Let the world forget your name!
Are you a stranger too?
Now zip your mouth through
This world's stranger war.
(silent stranger war,
Silent, strange and war.)
Go on,
Pretend,
Like there is no one who would judge.
(Hatred consumed you all,
Hatred built up this wall.)
Looking at me,
While you pretend you wouldn't see-
(Did you forget my name,
Are you playing this game?)
This isn't right,
Wasn't right.
When did justice leave this world behind?
You crave for more,
Only more,
Let it go,
It was just show.
What was your name?
Who took the blame?
now look what made you go insane
Look at me, you know my face!
Are you a stranger too?
What gave you this clue?
This is war,
Crave for it more,
Let them forget your existence all along!
Are you a stranger too?
Pretend like you are someone else,
This world's stranger war.
After an energetic and different kind of dance we put on this time, different from our usual image we looked stronger much mature, the sweat beads rolling down my face didn't bother me.
That felt good, like all my pent-up anger vanished.
We saluted at the end and I smirked at Canon's shocked face.
You can't even hide your surprise, I see.
Seems like it was very effective.
But—
I couldn't make it out in her face something was mixed in it, not only shock but a little bit of hurt?
In an instant she smirked, smiled and clapped looking at K.
That wasn't what I expected.
K gave us the sign to move backstage and so we did.
The leader ordered and we followed.
I know that the staff is watching us closely in order to tell that shrewd company president.
The dangerous intent behind every single word she utters makes me feel like we are caged in.
Only little pets that she needs to care for since she took us in, no more no less.
While I was deep in thought I didn't realize that everyone went to the wardrobe already, it was only me left.
Crap!
I took of my hat and went with my hand through my hair, still sweaty and nervous from the performance some minutes ago.
Sounds of clapping reached my ears as I passed by the empty lounge.
"Amazing! Wonderful!", I never could forget that voice even if I wanted to.
Ignoring the very person who clapped her hands I wanted to go on.
"Why are so scared, Jessie?", in an instant I turned around trying to hold back the fury that came up.
'Fake it until you make it.'
"Oh, Lin. I didn't see you there. What are you doing backstage when you are not performing today?", I smirked and pretended like she wasn't causing me any emotional outbreak.
Scary freaking creep, I hope you get lost somewhere and never return you callous freak.
"I wanted to see you guys, since we were partners. I mean don't you remember the gold ol' times?", she smiled sweetly with her big blue eyes, looking as deep as the ocean.
Behind them I saw the pleasure she felt while she was provoking me.
You mean the good old times where you threatened me and Makii, giving us nightmares every night?
Yes, I clearly remember you – 'Rookie-crusher'.
And I guess nobody forgot about you!
"I remember very well. Thanks for visiting us, but please enjoy the rest of the show with your new friend. We will give our best to entertain you guys", I waved with the hat in my hand and turned around as quickly as possible, gritting my teeth.
I feel disgusting sweet-talking to her.
"I will. Since I can take better care of my friend than you guys ever would have. See you around", I heard her giggle before she returned to her seat.
Better... than us?
What did Canon tell her?
No, what did she not tell her?
I slapped my face lightly.
Jessie, this is only her trick to make you crazy, don't fall for it.
"Today is not your day. Usually Mina is the slowest but you?", K scolded me.
"Yeah, I am the slowest. Hakuna matata is my life quote. Did you take a liking too?", she asked me while gulping down her water.
"Leave some for Makii", P-love nudged her and Mina almost choked on it.
"Please, don't put me in the same boat as you", I patted her back to support her.
After coughing for some minutes she frowned.
"A murder almost occurred!", she exclaimed.
"Don't worry in case that would happen I would find the culprit", K patted her shoulder and Mina's jaw dropped open.
I don't think anyone would be happy to hear that, K.
Makii came in.
"Didn't you tell me I was the slowest?", I glared at K and she shrugged.
"She was here but... the company president called", the anger flared up in me again.
Why is she calling her that often, is she some puppet or what now that she started that fake date thing?!
"If there is any culprit I would find him and you would be my little Watson", Makii smirked and pointed at K who started a discussion with her that Makii was smaller and on top of that, she brought up statements why K would be Holmes.
"You don't have experience!"
"Watching detective series isn't experience", Makii yelled and P-love nodded.
"Darling, it is not."
"It is, 900 and more episodes of thrilling deductions are burned into my brain", K said proudly.
"That's why you forget birthday dates so easily, your memory is occupied with trash", Zeya muttered.
"It is not trash", K and I said at the same time.
"You said you can do formal dances because you watched movies, after that one my trust in you broke into pieces when you humiliated me in front of Minho!"
"It is not something new that you humiliate yourself in front of Minho", Edo said deep in thought.
"There is actually nothing that wouldn't humiliate you in front of Minho", Zeya muttered.
"I don't care about Minho anyway!", she pouted and especially the K and P-love changed the topic.
"Get ready for your performance Maknae-line", K clapped her hands and shoved us out.
"We will, watch us closely! It is my time to shine!", that brat Varoe was pulling Makii and Mina close with both of her arms and smiled widely in self-satisfaction.
"I am worried about the pressure on them though, two performances and on top of that those kind of performance", P-love whispered to me and K.
K nodded.
"They will manage, I believe in them. I hope Varoe can cope but she is even more excited than the others."
Suddenly a faint knock resounded in the room followed by a loud and energetic one.
"Come in."
Yoo-jung stormed in followed by Joon-woon who nodded his head in apology.
"I told him not to knock that violently", he muttered but not as shy as usual even his stance was... different.
With a lot of caution, I regarded their movements.
Those two may have caused no trouble at all, and with no trouble I meant they didn't bother me in this while METRO fight, but coming in here after that song directed towards them and Canon...
Yoo-jung clapped his hands and ruffled through Mina's hair.
"You looked so cool I almost got scared Mina. That salute thing at the end was amazing", he imitated her while leaning down to keep ruffling through her hair.
"A murder will occur", Mina muttered, "and this time the victim will be Yoo-jung."
"What do you mean?", he looked shocked and stopped in his tracks, clearly feeling intimidated when it came from Mina.
"My stylist Trista will kill you for ruffling through my hair", Mina looked very concerned, staring at the floor not bearing to look at Yoo-jung.
"Don't scare me", he laid a hand on his chest and sighed in relief," but I feel jealous when I know that other people can touch Mina's hair so easily", those words seemed not like the nonsense he usually uttered but words he actually meant.
I forgot that those guys are idiots as well.
Suddenly I realized Minho did enter with them as well but he kept silent for a whole while and only watched from afar with a little smile on his face.
"Why did you come?", I hissed annoyed at them.
"We wanted to cheer you guys on", Joon-woon smiled helplessly with his warm aura and suddenly I felt bad for hissing at him since he truly seemed to mean it.
"Oh, I guess it is okay. Don't bother them too much", I muttered embarrassed and started to put Mina's hair right again subconsciously only to get a weird smile from Yoo-jung.
"I came to cheer you guys on as well. The Maknae-line will perform, right? Best success to you from the cutest boy Yoo-jung", he praised himself why putting an arm around Mina and pushing my hand away slowly.
Behind Mina's head he gave me a meaningful glance.
Is that brat actually jealous?
She is my fa-
My band member, of course we would touch and talk to each other.
"Yes, I am anticipating an amazing performance. Don't be nervous you won't mess up. I know you will manage you worked so hard for it", Joon-woon stepped forward to Makii and stroked her hair gently, beaming at her.
They look like a real couple, I can't believe he is pulling it through even now.
Is he afraid of being caught?
I stared at Minho whose smile didn't falter but his whole attention was on them, not being used to that picture.
"Thanks a lot! I feel a lot better you are right. We will manage. I won't mess up! I worked hard!", she told herself at the end and looked up to Joon-woon smiling back.
She is rather the passive role, but a freaking good passive role.
I never thought she would be the cute and obedient type of girl.
Maybe if a day like that really comes, I will be an aunt and—
Wait no!
Minho uncrossed his arms, his smile didn't falter even after all this time when he usually gets easily annoyed by our behaviours, but something seemed very off, very distant and irritated.
"I wanted to cheer you on too. Give your best out there", he smiled and patted the shoulder of Mina and Varoe, getting a death glare by Yoo-jung.
"Did you just— ", Yoo-jung started until Joon-woon immediately grabbed him.
"Time to go. See you guys later!", Joon-woon basically escaped with Yoo-jung in his arms, looking like they were struggling.
This would have been the third potential murder that could have occurred.
"Why is it that you guys get along so well, huh?", Minho flicked Varoe's forehead and removed his hand from her shoulder looking nonchalant.
"You two-faced snake!", she yell-whispered while looking at the mirror if any red spot formed on it.
It didn't.
There he goes on stand-by again.
When Makii approached him to scold him for flicking Varoe's forehead so shortly before a performance he froze and stared at her confused.
"Yeah, but... never mind. Don't tell me what to do", he looked away.
Does he feel guilty since she is fake dating?
Since it is her?
"So even someone like you feels empathy?", I scoffed and he looked puzzled.
"Empathy? What do you mean? Who should I feel empathy for?", he asked me honestly, tilting his head while folds started to form on his forehead from all the thinking.
He doesn't know...
He doesn't know?!
Wait, why doesn't he know?
That can't be?
And on top of that you should feel empathy in general!
"Empathy is important", I just said and changed the topic.
There must be a good reason why he doesn't know.
I won't deny that they would make a good couple but I think even he would get irritated by it. By those two dating.
"I don't get you grumpy", he muttered shrugging.
"Don't call me grumpy, you antisocial idiot", I cursed.
"A-antisocial? Oh, please I am the most— ", he started his arrogant talk but I cut him off.
"Shut up!", I just said until K came along and clapped her hands.
"Stylists are coming, everyone get out!"
With no choice left we made our way to our seats while hearing a loud discussion behind us regarding Mina's hair and how she was defending herself shoving the blame on Yoo-jung with no success.
Someone hit my shoulder with a great force and I almost stumbled if it wasn't for Minho who caught me in time making me stand straight again.
"Sorry, I didn't see you", Chase pretended to apologize with a big smile on his face and nodding while he walked on.
It hurts, my arms hurts.
I grabbed the spot where he hit me and Minho still didn't let go.
"Are you okay?", his voice asked me cautiously as he leaned down.
"Yeah it's fine. You don't need to worry I am not a kid", I sighed and avoided his stare.
Looking around I realized nobody was around.
Why did he help me then?
Why is he concerned?
He isn't smiling like usually.
Could it be... that he is seriously worried?
Shifting form one leg to the other I made a gesture to go on.
This is freaking weird.
Everything.
I will pay you back you son of a farmer, Chase!
"I will kill him", I hissed and Minho chuckled.
"The fourth murder?", he asked with all honesty.
That guy can't be Minho.
"Guys, they announced the next performers, get to your seats!", Zeya called over and I stepped forward leaving Minho behind.
"I don't know what is going on but stop being a freaking weirdo, I mean more than usual", that might have sounded harsh but when I turned my head to the side only looking at him from the corner of my eyes I saw him pulling his lower lip.
"I'll try, but I am not a weirdo, don't mingle me in with you guys", his voice low, the smile on his face, that was the sign the topic was closed.
We sat down close to the stage, the performance was almost over and we waited for the lights to go dim.
"Please, please let them succeed", P-love made a little prayer and I asked myself if I would ever be as concerned about them as she would.
Maybe I shouldn't scold Minho when I am not better myself.
Joon-woon may be a nice guy but it would be unfair to let go things that way.
I need to talk to the others about this.
Not here.
I am not freaking dumb to risk anything.
That scary woman will take my head.
"And now ladies and gentlemen RisingStar's mini-unit song 'Cyber step heartbeat'", the moderator yelled.
"Stop yelling already, it is not funny you freak!", I almost yelled if it wasn't for Zeya clasping her hand over my mouth and laying her finger over her own mouth, indicating that I shouldn't curse.
"Enjoy the show girls", Edo smirked mischievously.
Pixels filled the screen and cubes of all sizes and colours laid around resembling a little computer game.
I saw the girls stepping in wearing sleeve-less hoodies with shining LEDs on them each one having another colour, on their whole outfit from head to toe.
Makii was wearing a stylish visor, Varoe a cap and Mina a beanie, all having a strong electro-hip-hop-tech mix in their clothes.
Wow, they look so flashy and cute but at the same time so weird.
I think I will never forget that outfit to be honest.
While all the other boring livings are sleeping
and all of the losers are already weeping.
Our steps are echoing through the night
today will be the real fight.
No, we won't stop yet
the game started just now.
Flying~
Like nobody would know
Hype up and get up your dreams
because we will make them steam!
Hey hey come take the difficulty further
Is this all you can give?
My experience points show zero
Yes, yes our level surpassed your imagination
just now it was a big cyber step!
Slowly hurrying under the dark black ocean
the pixel stars looking like our only lotion.
A heartbeat doesn't exist anymore
just some old beeping sounds at the shore.
Still our level is going up
No, we won't stop yet
the game started just now.
Flying~
Like nobody would know
Hype up and get up your dreams
because we will make them steam!
Go, Go the grow-up mushroom is not faraway
Stop, Stop getting off the track before the Boss runs away
Don't Don't tell me our level is set back to zero
What just happened to us
to the main heroo?!
(not restarting again?!)
With a cocky smile Varoe threw a little ball in the air that exploded and pixie dust filled the stage and air, making their last dance steps look even more sparkling and energetic.
"They were amazing", Zeya sighed in relief and so did K.
P-love probably clapped really loud, or too loud for her usual restrained behaviour.
But they were right.
They scored!
My gaze fell on Canon who silently clapped and watched Makii and Mina closely.
Something distant in her eyes, again my guts twisted.
The happy feeling vanished in an instant as the slight hurtful expression came up on her face again and disappeared as quickly as it came.
Swinging over to METRO I barely noticed that Clide stood up and passed by.
"Come over for a second, K", the faint voice of Clide resounded and K stood up in an instant followed by me before she waved me away.
"This is my job", she said and went away, a sigh next to me.
"Now I want to know", P-love sighed again one hand on her cheek the other one supporting her arm.
"Oh you want? Why do I not wonder?", Minho smiled just to get an inconspicuous nudge by P-love.
To be honest there is something you should know, but with that attitude...
We had slight discussion about the performance before K returned passively angry telling us that it's time to go home.
"They are waiting outside", she just hissed and stormed out.
"They?", Minho asked.
"Our members, probably Joon-woon and Yoo-jung as well", P-love added.
"Yoo-jung is such a hassle. He always drags Mina into trouble", I complained.
"I heard someone is talking about me!", he yelled in my ear.
Furiously I turned around.
"Woah, I am scared save me!", he hid behind Mina pretending to be scared while he laughed.
Mina blinked at me confused and tilted her head.
She is too innocent and cute to be hanging around with that brat.
Not that I would tell her that.
"We came to get you guys, you are slow. Hi, Minho", she smiled at him widely.
"Hello", he just nodded with a smile not indicating any further involvement with RisingStar.
Save your skin from Yoo-jung!
- - -
We almost arrived at home, Tak praised us the whole time and said that he could praise us even more since Minho isn't around.
"It's okay Baek-nim, you're making me feel uncomfortable", Makii muttered with a red face shuffling over to Mina.
"Praise me more!", Varoe yelled with an excited beam on her face.
The other one is too humble and the last one is too self-satisfied, both brats.
I sighed as I stared at Mina who stared back.
"If it comes from you, I would take all the praise", her calm attitude always throws me out of my flow.
"Get real, you won't hear any praise from me", the harshness of my voice didn't bother her at all and she laughed it off.
But you did really well Mina, I can't deny that.
As we arrived at the dorm I overheard K and P-love talking in another room about the fake dating matter and couldn't hold back meddling in.
"I told you, she seems a bit too happy if you ask me", P-love said in an overly concerned manner crossing her arms in a dangerous way that showed, that she was overthinking.
"What are you saying? She seems like she always is. There is nothing different... ", K tilted her head and looked over to me.
"Jessie is something wrong?", she asked me and raised an eyebrow.
"Actually, something has been bothering me and I hate it when something is bothering me. I need to get it off that creepy feeling of guilt", my voice sounded more disgusted than I expected to.
"Just in case, check if someone is around eavesdropping", P-love nodded over to the doorframe and to the hallway.
I sighed due to her overcautious nature and checked, everyone was either in the living-room with the volume too loud even for my ears or they were sleeping, which meant that the maknae-line was sleeping.
Edo was typing wildly on her notebook while Zeya watched the latest news about some celebrities.
I get the chills when Edo is typing like that, she could be initiating the third world war and we wouldn't know.
Which means she will be too busy to eavesdrop and won't hear anyway with Zeya pushing the volume up.
I went back and gave them the clear sign.
"Okay you can spit it out", K waved over to me and I nodded.
"Not literally, okay?", P-love added and with a frustrated expression I clicked my tongue.
I am not dumb.
"It seems like Minho doesn't know about the fake dating thing, I don't know if that was intended or not, but don't you think it is unfair to not tell him about it? It feels wrong to lie to him", I muttered while shoving my hands in my jacket.
K ruffled through my hair as I tried to shuffle away from her.
I hate it when people touch me, beside Makii somehow my body doesn't react like that towards her.
Maybe because she is so weird that she doesn't count as human anymore?
"You care frankly about him that is so unusual and cute of you", both of them closed in and hugged me and the warmth of their bodies felt comforting but itching at the same time.
"Let go of me! Don't touch me! You creeps! Stop!", I yelled and after five whole minutes they let go.
I feel drained, so drained.
Itchy, annoyed, urgh!
I don't hate them but no!
"Back to your question: It surely was intended. Minho should find out himself we can't chew everything up for him like a bird mom. It's part of his growth as a human being and confronting emotions, his own and those of others", P-love explained but I had the weird feeling she left something out.
"You just want revenge since he teased you a lot lately, don't you?", with that K exposed her real and maybe bigger reason to hide the truth from him.
"Can you blame me?!", she asked K frustrated and serious.
"The thing is", and now K's attention was back to me, "I assumed it was weird that everyone was at the meeting beside Minho, of course since METRO was there he couldn't attend but even in the meetings after that the company president never spoke about it in front of him. So I asked her if she intended to leave him out", she paused for a moment.
"Oh, you asked her?", P-love seemed all curious as well now.
"Yes and her response was that Minho has no reason to know about that and she only wants the people who are involved to know. Since Tak is in charge of PR he needs to know about it, but Minho plays no bigger role in the fake dating. She thinks that as many close staff members and people think it would be real, the more realistic it seems to the others. Shortly: less people knowing leads to more realistic dating. She clearly prohibited to talk with anyone beside METRO, Tak and RisingStar about it."
"See, I had a good reason", P-love nodded proudly at me and I scoffed.
"You didn't even know until now", before she could defend herself the dorm bell rang.
"Jessie! For you!", Zeya called and I dashed over to see who it was.
My eyes rested on the person in the doorframe and I wanted to go back to the room, escaping.
"How rude grumpy!"
When you speak about him... did he feel that we talked about him?
Does he know?
"Seeing your face for the second time today makes me puke", I waved him away, "for whatever reason you came just make it quick and don't let me see you."
So, my guilt won't eat me up.
"I came for you, Jessie", in an instant I turned around, my brows furrowed and I felt my heart beating.
The tone in his voice was gentle, deep and considerate, and he didn't call me monster which was even worse.
This is his stage behaviour why is he using it now.
"W-wha— ", he cut me off laughing.
"Seems like even you get caught off guard by that", he snickered and moved towards me.
Fury, that was the only feeling left inside me.
"You son", I considered that he was the son of the company president," of an amazing woman."
"Thanks, but for real. I was sent to help you out. So, I basically came for you but not me. I was sent against my will", he shrugged and sat down far away from Edo and in safe distant from Zeya.
I kind of understand P-love now.
"Why? Why would you come to help me? And help for what?", I hissed as I crossed my arms, standing in front of him and looking down annoyed.
He didn't even care the slightest bit and just looked past me.
"Zeya that show is fake, don't watch it that guy actually harasses the female singers", he waved over to the TV.
"For real? What a jerk! Like I am so going to ruin his career", she typed wildly on her phone while Minho went into a defensive posture himself, scared of Zeya's secrets.
"Back to you, my Mum sent me to give you some advice on acting since it will be your first time, right? I acted in a lot of movies and she wanted to make sure you won't look like a total loser", he didn't even blink while he said that no emotions while her disregarded my abilities.
"Total loser? Guess what, I am not taking advice from you. Go jump into a ditch", those words slipped out and the consequence was visible on his expression as he stood up and towered over me.
"Look, I really need to help you or I can't go home. She watches us", he pointed at the hidden cameras, "I won't risk my life."
Life? What do you mean life, is that woman that dangerous?
A shiver went down my spine.
"J-Just get it done quickly, okay?", I hissed and he nodded showing that he didn't want to waste a lot of time as well.
It took basically more than thirty minutes of only talking and another thirty minutes of little expressions, gestures and so on.
He added even more.
To be honest it seems like he really likes to give advice and teach, maybe that's why he has so much patience with our non-dance line...
The feeling of guilt crawled up again, spreading through my whole chest, I felt like choking.
Should I tell him or not?
Or at least give him little hint to figure it out himself.
I was about to open my mouth but nothing came out, the feeling of guilt intensifying even more until I grasped my shirt in order to stop it.
"Are you okay?", again he peeked in my face checking if I was really fine.
I can't, especially after K warned me and P-love added we shouldn't tell him.
The company president would kill me.
"Sorry", I muttered without realizing.
"Sorry? For what? How come someone like you apologizes?", he snorted.
"Oh if you would know", we started a loud discussion about him being arrogant and me looking grumpy all the time.
"Oy, oy, oy what is going on here?", Makii poked her head out of a room rubbing her eyes from sleep.
"It's so loud", Mina was like a walking zombie approaching us with her eyes still narrowed, "you guys woke me up."
"I am so close to murdering you if it wasn't for meeting Jungkook", Varoe stormed towards Minho pointing at him in a dangerous manner that even Minho backed off.
She was a monster when she was waken from sleep like that on top of that we just finished a performance and hard weeks of training, commercials, shoots and shows.
"What are you even doing here?!", Varoe yelled at him and he smirked imitating the cringy pose of Varoe from her mini-unit song.
"Congratulations for not messing up", he said while he still imitated her and Varoe's face changed colours immediately not waiting even one second before she started attacking him and he laughed up loudly.
"I am going to kill him!", she screamed and we held her back.
Now even Makii came out of her room her eyes still half closed but she was more awake than earlier.
"Do you have snacks at least, like you woke me up after all the exhaustion over the weeks", Mina pouted.
"No, he won't", everyone including me denied that Minho would give her some beside him who pretended to think it over.
"Let me consider that, if you do well in the next meeting", he joked and her eyes narrowed inspecting him closely, "maybe later, okay?"
Mina nodded satisfied with that answer.
"What about me? You still owe me some since you stole more from me than I did from you", Makii added still a bit sleepy but fully aware that he owes her snacks.
How does it come you never forgot that someone owes you snacks but everything else, huh?
You are actually just the same as Mina, wait nobody can be as worse as Mina but close to her for sure.
Surprisingly Minho didn't say anything and just stared at her for a while before muttering: "I will think about that."
He looked at his watch, his expression changing into a smile.
"Well seems like I need to go. I have stuff to do as well. No time to help you rookies that long."
But it was you who stayed that long you gave me one advice after another.
I didn't need that you idiot.
"Wait Minho", Makii ran after him as he went to the door he didn't even look back.
"Yes?"
"You forgot your choreography notebook last time", she handed it over to him and he just nodded and took it.
"Thanks. See you guys", he waved his back facing us and leaving in a weird manner.
"That's odd", Edo popped up behind me.
She almost gave me a freaking heart attack!
But—
Minho isn't the kind of guy who talks to you without looking at your face.
My gaze fell on P-love who silently smiled but her whole body seemed tensed up, not only body but her face looked tired and the fold of her eyebrow showed that she was concerned.
I sighed deeply.
- - -
Several days later it was the day that kept bothering me for weeks now.
As I arrived at the set I greeted everyone and smiled, the happiness I didn't show but felt when I looked at all the people who will be playing in this movie added up every time I saw a new face.
And then I saw Chase's face and all that added up happiness was scratched to zero.
His gaze was on me as he smiled and waved, he came over.
Why can't you just stay there and let me think that fake smile was enough?
You rude jerk!
I couldn't even hide my bad mood anymore.
"Jessie, nice to see you! And with nice I meant that I didn't think someone like you would find the set due to her incompetence and unprofessional behaviour. You should smile, remember?", he blabbered in a very unprofessional manner himself.
I smiled widely.
"Oh right, Chab. Thanks for telling me that I almost forgot that I shouldn't take you as a role model when it comes to professionalism", I whipped my hair back with my hand and a familiar face came over.
"Jessie how are you doing? I didn't see you in a while", one of my friends from the background dancer group greeted me
"Who is that?", she asked me and pointed at Chase, a little bit too interested if you ask me.
"That is Chab. He is a part of a popular boy-group called METRO", the girl smiled and giggled.
"I heard about them, but I am not that interested when it comes to groups."
"By the way, why is the set looking so gloomy?", I asked while looking around and even Chase's fury that was almost letting out little explosions lifted.
"You didn't know?", he snorted.
The girl seemed puzzled and explained that it was a thriller movie with a lot of scary aspects and horror included in some scenes.
My heart stopped for a second.
Gloomy, thriller, horror...
No way, no freaking way.
No, no, no!
I tried to stay composed.
The girl went away as she was called over by one of the stylists.
"Back to the Chab thing", he glared at me but I barely heard him.
I stared over to the props and then I saw it: real-looking corpses, parts of human bodies (fake), blood, spiders etc.
Grasping for air seemed even harder now.
Tak didn't tell me about that!
He knew I would deny!
I couldn't even deny!
"Don't tell me you are scared?", his eyes followed my gaze that lasted on the props and set.
"Shut up", I just muttered closing my eyes.
They are not real, they are not real.
"Wow look at those spiders. So hairy and real. Oh my god", something touched my shoulder, "don't move!", he whisper-yelled in my ear.
My knees felt like they couldn't support my body anymore, I didn't open my eyes or maybe they were open I can't even distinguish since the dizziness overwhelmed my mind.
"I-I was just joking!", he grabbed my shoulders before I could collapse to the ground and shook me.
"H-Hey it was really a joke come on don't be a coward. You are J-monster not J-coward, get a grip", those words seemed far away, not close at all.
All noises, all voices seemed muffled, the lights looked like little stars distorting.
"It's not real. Don't worry even if they were, we are here", the voice broke through and I felt reality crash back.
I expected to see one of my member's face, even if it was unreasonable nobody of them is here.
But when I heard those words the first thing that came into my mind was them.
'We are here, what more do you expect?'
When Chase's face came into my sight a sudden lonely feeling was there.
I wish one of them would be here, even if it is for just an hour.
"A-Are you okay? Are you there?", nobody seemed around thank goodness.
Then I remembered what caused all of this situation, fear and anger and something else crawled up and I slapped Chase's hands away, steading myself.
I held back my tears.
"You are the worst, Chab!", it just slipped out of me a bit too emotional than I planned to.
Even he seemed flustered and avoided my gaze.
"You guys! Here is the script. Since you will come in later go and read yourself into the role!", one of the assistants yelled over and handed each of us a script.
Without a word Chase and I went into a room reading silently next to each other.
Everyone else already was either on the set or should arrive later.
Just the two of us.
Interesting seems like Chase and I play the roles of the protagonist's childhood friends who will help him to find clues about his missing sibling.
I think a show like that even though it seemed scary even I would watch it.
Probably the others would love that concept.
A little smile formed on my face when I thought about RisingStar watching a movie where I am playing a little role, it would be embarrassing but still cool.
"Seems like something your girls and my members would watch", Chase muttered and I just realized that he was watching me from the corner of his eyes.
"Yes, but you know I don't care about you guys anymore. The only ones I could tolerate are Yoo-jung and Joon-woon. Especially Clide, don't ever mention him in front of me", the hate in my voice was clearly visible.
"Clide? Clide is the best and most honest guy I would ever know after Joon-woon. You have no right to talk about him like that", the anger in his voice was clearly intended.
"Then let's not talk about them at all", that was the best way to avoid this situation coming up over and over again.
The company president could have spies here, I can't allow to ruin this chance.
That's why even if it is scary and suffocating, I need to give it my best.
K does, Makii does and now it is my turn.
"To be honest here, it is kind of weird how quickly the tables turned. METRO and RisingStar were such a good match. Like if you guys wouldn't have done those kind of things, hiding, betraying and insulting... I think we would kind of enjoy this, wouldn't you think so too?", he turned his head to me and stared intensely as he asked me that question.
I will not even bother to answer his question.
There is no need to talk with him about RisingStar and METRO, they wouldn't understand anyway and he just proved me how distorted his perception of the events happening and the blame is.
Someone like that doesn't even deserve an answer.
I kept reading and reading, and suddenly I snapped.
"That can't be!", I read the line over and over again.
Chase looked over on my script and I turned it away.
"You know I have the exact same script, I will read it anyway you idiot", he took his script and smirked.
"Shut up!"
"I didn't say anything", he furrowed his eyebrows.
"You said it with your face!", I grabbed his collar and he his smirk turned into a smile.
People started to come in and we pretended to have a nice conversation about our roles and the others.
This kept on for some days maybe even a week until the day came it was our turn to act.
It was the scene I hated the most.
We filmed the part with the protagonist who went to a closed-down and abandoned hospital building, telling his childhood friends to wait outside and keep watch.
"Thanks guys, I don't know what I would do without you", he hugged both of us and went in.
I waved with a lonely smile looking after him as if he would never come back again.
"I am scared", I said nonchalantly.
"It's funny, I am scared too but you don't even look like it", Chase laughed next to me with a slight concern shown on his face.
"I wish I could be as strong as you", his hand dropped from waving and he turned to the fake sky.
Think of something that would heat up your face...
Minho told me to think of memories to bring up certain feelings in acting.
Something popped up and my face got all red.
"I am not that strong. I am just bad at expressing", I muttered shyly.
My character sucks she is such a loser.
Like why is she so shy?!
I kept glancing at my childhood friend.
"To be honest you are very expressive", he smiled widely, a cute and honest smile on his face ruffling through my hair, "Even though I am scared don't worry. I will protect you all."
While fumbling with my fingers, I grabbed Chase's shirt gently and he leaned down to check on me.
"Is everything okay? Did you hear something? Another clue?", his eyes wide in surprise.
I must say Chase is a very good actor, I never thought always angry guy would slip into his role that well.
"There is something bothering me for a while now", I stared at my shoes.
Now remember that.
"You can tell me, if there is something bothering you I am here", his eyebrows furrowed in worry, he put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my face.
I avoided his gaze.
"I know you kept ignoring it, but I will spell it out for you. Since I am afraid that if... if something happens at least I want you to know", now I stared up to him, acting all cute and innocent.
Like a little schoolgirl in love.
And then I confessed my love for him, over all the years he never noticed I told him all the feelings bottled up.
"I see", he said in an emotionless voice, removing his hand from my shoulder and rubbing his neck showing that he felt uncomfortable, "I am sorry, I knew but I hoped it wasn't true. I can't return those feelings. You know it's not the time for something like that anyway", he turned around his back facing me.
"Let's pretend that never happened, okay?", he asked from me.
"No", I muttered.
"No, I won't deny it! If you want to fine with me! But those are my feelings. I won't deny them!", I stormed into the abandoned hospital and held back my tears.
My fingers slowly reach for the pendant that was hanging from my necklace.
"I won't deny them anymore", I just whispered before I entered a room with a corpse in it crying with a smile, "At least even if it would happen, even if you forgot about it, I could say it."
The protagonist came and pulled me away, telling me why I left and that he didn't want to lose someone else.
Over the other scenes I needed to play the rejected girl who helps with the investigations, proving to be helpful and pretending that she was never hurt and strong.
Acting like she usually would while in the scenes where she was all alone she would cry once in a while and try to help her friends, even if it meant sacrificing her own life.
"Cut! Very good! Especially you Jessie, I don't even need to correct you, your acting was amazing, so authentic and realistic", the director praised me.
And not only him when I left for the breakroom everyone else told me that too, praising me and making compliments.
I on the other hand smiled and thanked them, bowed and hid the shyness I actually felt.
Disgusting to play the role of being Chase's rejected lover.
On my way to the take a break suddenly I felt the presence of someone pacing faster to catch up with me.
The curious face of Chase popped up next to me as he started to ask me: "Why is your acting so good, seems like everyone is praising you for that. As if it was real or something..."
I didn't know why but he hit a nerve somehow, it snapped.
All the days I held back whenever he brought up something just snapped.
"You know, there is nothing worse than being rejected when you genuinely care about someone, and RisingStar never did that", my voice was weirdly calm and emotionless.
As I wanted to close the door before he could enter, he slipped in and closed it instead.
Only him and me in the breakroom.
Even I was surprised by that act.
"What do you mean with that?", he looked dead serious with that puzzled glare.
"Nothing", I just muttered and wanted to grab a drink but he grabbed me by my arm and pulled me back.
"Don't run away when I am talking to you. I didn't say anything when you ignored me before and didn't respond but after an answer like that you can't just go around and say things like that!"
"I am not running away", I narrowed my eyes indicating I was annoyed.
Don't boss me around anyway!
I tried to free myself with not effort.
"What did happen that you said something like that? Personally, I would feel like something happened in your life so you would say that", he looked concerned, it weirded me out that expression that I only saw while acting.
That soft and warm Chase that acted like he could be someone important in my life, like my role considered him dear.
But that is Chase's role and my role.
It has nothing to do with the actual Chase and the actual me.
"Maybe I will understand you. I mean I... I too did experience several things. I don't think we are that different", and now even his voice became gentle and soft.
His grasp loosened and I smiled at him.
He was taken aback and I grabbed the door handle.
"You know Chase, I think back then I would have been really happy to talk with you about that. Really happy to act and talk with you about several things, it's how you said we may seem similar", his face seemed relieved and the tension around him lifted, "but you should have considered that before attacking my family, because I would never attack someone who would be dear to one I consider very similar while I know that", I grabbed my bag and left the set.