"Shit..." Jennie said under her breath as she struggled to pull herself on the couch, her main concern being to not pass out while laying on the floor. She didn't even know how much she had drunk but she was pretty sure that it was lot, Jennie was not someone to drink one or two glasses and pass out, her alcohol tolerance was bigger than anyone else on planet Earth. After what had happened in the hospital, the words that Jamie decided to share with her, Jennie had been feeling sick, so sick that she decided to get even sicker by drinking everything that contained alcohol in her house. She felt like a teenager again that was taking advantage of the fact that her parents were not home and they wouldn't be since they were visiting some friends in Melbourne. And Jennie, well Jennie was drinking on her kitchen floor without having any regrets, the only thing she wanted to do was make herself get over Lisa's absence.
"Jesus Christ," Jennie sighed and closed her eyes once she managed to lay on her back , everything around her spinning as she desperately tried to calm herself down. Having another person to relate to, especially another adult that was going through the same thing she was going through in a way, really had a toll on Jennie who had asked some time away from her shift. "Lisa..." The name dropped from her mouth without her even realizing it did, the tears that had started forming in the corner of her eyes for some time now rolling down her cheeks, flowing like a river does. "Why are you such a coward..." Jennie kept on talking, asking questions that she may never get the answers to but acting like she had Lisa sitting right next to her on the couch. "Why can't you just risk it one more time..." Jennie asked another question, the sobbing noises that escaped her lips not even bothering her, she was not in a state to understand what was going and it was understandable considering the amount of alcohol she had taken down.
"I-It fucking hurts Lisa, it r-really does," Jennie managed to say in between her sobbing, her hands coming up to wipe away the tears even though her face would be stained once again as the new round of tears would roll down her cheeks. "I miss you too much, I really do," Jennie spoke up again and kept her eyes closed imagining that she had Lisa in front of her or that she was on the other side of the line listening to her opening up her heart for her all over again. Things that she said too late and things that she never found the courage to tell her face to face. "I tried to stop but it's not something I can push away... I don't just like you," Jennie paused and took some time to breathe in properly when she felt like the oxygen was not enough anymore, her lungs closing in on her and not allowing much air to go through them.
"I love you and it hurts so much because you'll never be mine now," the drunk woman gave up on trying to talk to the person still stuck in her head, her lungs giving their best performance by enduring such intense crying, her gasps in need of air and oxygen becoming even more frequent the harder she cried alone, laying on her couch with an empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. "I o-only want y-you stupid" was the last thing she could voice, the only occasion that her voice came up again and echoed in the house was due to her intense crying session, the woman curling up into a ball and holding her knees close to her chest just like babies sleep. She really thought that she would be able to move on, not right away but eventually she would be able to understand that Lisa was not available anymore.
It had been two months, December was going away and New Year's was approaching slowly but surely. She didn't want to be stepping into the new year without her by her side, she was a firm believer that whatever you do or whoever you're with that day then you'll be with them for the rest of the year. Even though she would rather have Lisa for the rest of her life on that Earth a year sounded very appealing now that she didn't have her at all. "What the hell..." Jennie cussed when the annoying sound of her phone ringing was heard echoing throughout the entire living room, Jennie reaching out with much struggle to grab it from the coffee table. "It's 2AM, what do you want?" Jennie said as soon as she picked up waiting to hear Chaeyoung chuckle from the other side of the line. "Jen," Lisa's voice was heard instead, Jennie's heart stopping immediately as she even paused her breathing for a couple seconds.
"Jennie?" Chaeyoung's voice was now the one coming through, the woman that was still laying on her back being a hundred percent sure that the alcohol combined with the thoughts she had about Lisa previously lead to believe that she was actually hearing Lisa's voice in the call. "Hey, sorry for not talking" Jennie sighed and tried her best to keep it together, her heart still racing as Lisa's voice replayed one more time in her head. "It's alright but you don't sound okay, did something happen?" Chaeyoung asked and Jennie wished that she could just say come over and let's talk about it like she used to say every time her head would be troubled by none other than Lisa herself. At least one thing remained the same no matter how many miles away she was, Lisa was still the one troubling her. "Well, I guess my wreckage found me one and a half months after leaving Korea" Jennie laughed while ignoring the pounding at the back of her head, her headache getting worse and worse by the minute.
"Speaking of Lisa... She flew to New York last night after we slept." Chaeyoung said and lowered her voice a little bit hoping that Jennie wouldn't have heard her clear. "New York? Why?" Jennie asked shocked and pulled her body up so she would be sitting up, her back against the cushions and her head thrown back. "Is she fucking crazy?" Jennie scoffed and acted like the reason that she was a mess was not Lisa, the superiority coming out of her for just a split second. "Yeah she is for trying to find your ass in a city like New York, the biggest one there is" Chaeyoung laughed and completely brushed off what she just said but Jennie, Jennie was holding onto it from the moment her best friend finished her sentence, an empty feeling in her chest. "I think I belong to New York or something. I'd like to work in a children's hospital once in my life" Jennie remembered and her knees were now starting to get weak again but this time she couldn't understand if it was from the amount of alcohol she had in her system or from what she had heard.
"Thank God Jisoo convinced her to come back, she'll be returning tomorrow" Chaeyoung informed her and a small piece of Jennie calmed down while the other one wanted to book the first flight for New York and go there but she knew something like that was impossible, she had her job and even if she made it to New York she wouldn't have the balls to call Lisa and arrange a meeting with her. She would die and she wouldn't have the chance to even look at her properly. "I think I completely sobered up after what you told me," Jennie truthfully said and took a deep breath now gathering the strength to get up and walk all the way to the kitchen, the need to hydrate herself being too strong to ignore. "But thanks for telling me, just make sure she's safe okay?" Jennie asked for a lady favor from her best friend,one that she knew Chaeyoung and Jisoo would do the best they could to do, all of them cared about Lisa. "Of course, get some sleep we'll talk again," Chaeyoung said and hang up, the line cutting while Jennie stood in her kitchen with her eyes looking out of the huge windows that allowed her to have a view of her whole backyard but also the lit up from the moon sky.
"I left to give you back your life and you... You keep chasing me," Jennie said and formed the same discussion between her and Lisa in her head, once again voicing her thoughts as if Lisa was there to hear them. "You really are crazy after all, I ruined you for real," Jennie laughed and took another sip from her water, her heart stopping when her doorbell rang at 2:30AM, the first thing that came to her mind being that her parents had a change of plans and came back a day earlier than they had expected. Sighing she threw a hoodie over her body since she would have to open the front door, the cold wind of the night was cold enough to affect her even a little bit. "You forgot your keys dad-" Jennie joked as she pulled the door open the smile that she had on her face fading away immediately when she saw the pair of eyes looking back at her.
"So this is the right address," Lisa laughed and stood still a couple steps away from Jennie who was frozen. She was not even blinking, breathing or moving at all. Jennie was simply looking at her, the woman's face as pale as a ghost. "I was scared of knocking at someone else's door-" Lisa spoke up in an attempt to explain but she was soon cut off by Jennie raising her hand, signalling her to stop talking. "What are you doing here?" Jennie asked and wrapped her arms around her own body, the cold reaching her and she couldn't imagine how much Lisa was freezing. New Zealand is hot and stuff but when the sun falls down it's nothing like the rest of the sunny day. "I fucked up and... It took me some time but... I came for you," Lisa confessed and took a step closer to her while keeping her eyes glued on Jennie's that had started to turn that bright red colour.
"I read your letter many many times" Lisa said and pulled out the still neatly folded paper that had been given to her by her two best friends when Jennie left Seoul. "I read about Evelyn, it was true" Lisa laughed and looked down for a moment as she remembered that day, a day that she wasn't going to talk about in detail while standing out in the cold the first minutes after seeing Jennie again. "I'm sorry for that, I thought you had to know," Jennie apologized and felt her mood drop when they started talking about Evelyn again, Lisa now looking at her again with a faint smile on her lips. "Whether you had told me or not I was going to cancel it anyway," Lisa pointed out and let out a small laughter while thinking that she almost got married to someone that had been fooling her twice as much this whole time.
"I know this is too much to ask and you might not even want me in your life anymore but..." Lisa stopped and thought about what she was going to say next, standing in front of Jennie and actually talking to her was twice as hard as making up this whole conversation in her head, at least there she was not scared of something going wrong. But this was the real deal, this was the scary part. "I can't spend a minute of the day without thinking how you're doing and... I've said I love you so many times to you in my head that I think I'm going crazy," Lisa laughed and suddenly felt another body colliding with hers, both of them being knocked down and onto the lawn in the front of the house. "Jesus," Lisa laughed and opened her eyes again only to see Jennie looking right back at her, her eyes even redder now that she has started crying.
"Don't talk please, just shut your mouth and let me have this, okay?" Jennie laughed and the tears that rolled down her cheeks now started falling on the thin shirt that Lisa was wearing. "Okay, I'll do that," Lisa smiled and wrapped her arms around Jennie's fragile looking body while Jennie layed on top of her with her head resting against Lisa's chest inhaling the perfume that the woman was wearing. "Don't take this like a warm welcome, you're still a piece of shit and I want to punch you." Jennie explained and light punched Lisa's stomach as she was laying there, Lisa simply laughing a little but not spilling any word or sentence just like she was instructed. "You've got a lot of explaining to do, I'm just really intoxicated and you just came here." Jennie pointed out again and closed her eyes again, exhaling deeply as she reached up to hold the back of Lisa's neck, her thumb brushing the skin there as always.
"There's always tomorrow for that,"