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"You're shaking," Lisa's voice reached her ears one more time as the two of them stood against the railing, Lisa's arms still pretty much wrapped around Jennie's body. "Are you sure you want to stay here?" Lisa spoke up again and slightly pulled back so she could look at Jennie's face again, immediately noticing how the woman's cheeks and the tip of her nose had turned red from the cold. This must have been the worst fall that Seoul had seen the past couple years, Lisa doesn't remember having to wear a coat in October all the previous years. "I told you, I just want to stay alone with you for now," Jennie said, her teeth grinding with each other as she slightly bit down on her tongue to stop the trembling of her mouth as much as she could. "I prefer it when it's the two of us," Jennie added and looked up to meet Lisa's eyes that looked down at her, the smile that curved Lisa's lips feeling like a knife in Jennie's chest.
"I know, me too" Lisa smiled and used her hand to stroke a stand of hair that was falling on Jennie's face, Lisa tucking it behind the woman's ear while Jennie stood there like the idiot she was. "Don't you think it's unfair sometimes?" Jennie asked while snaking her arms around Lisa's waist, her hands clutching onto the warm coat that Lisa was wearing. "The timing," the woman explained when she noticed that Lisa was having trouble understanding what Jennie meant, the words that rolled off of Jennie's tongue instantly causing a thought to pop in Lisa's head. She knew what the woman in front of her was talking about, she wasn't that stupid or oblivious no matter how much she tried avoiding and ignoring some things now and then. Lisa mostly did that to protect her own self but still she seemed to have ended up in the same place.
"Do you remember... On of the first days that this started..." Jennie started off and swallowed down the big lump that appeared in the back of her throat, her chest tightening up as she went down the short memory lane that she had built with Lisa. "I was sleeping, or at least pretending to, and you said that you wish you'd met me years ago" Jennie managed to speak again and her grip on Lisa's coat got even tighter than before, her fingertips turning pale white from how hard she was holding onto the thick fabric. "I remember that but I haven't said it just one time, you've fallen asleep next to me countless times" Lisa answered in the calmest and softest voice that Jennie had ever heard until then, the smile that she had previously painted on her lips still there. Jennie doesn't even remember if she had ever seen Lisa so calm before, this could be one of the most rare moments that Jennie got to witness before leaving.
"Have you? Have you wished that?" Lisa turned the question around now, her eyes looking at Jennie intensely as she anticipated to hear what would come from Jennie this time. Shaking her head, Jennie didn't break the eye contact not even for a second and that's how she was able to see the smile fade from Lisa's lips. "If I met you back then I don't know how I would have treated you. I wouldn't want to go back and meet you because the thought of hurting you is what I'm scared of the most" Jennie admitted and her arms pulled back again so she could try and reach for Lisa's hands this time, her fingers soon intertwining with hers. She could feel her heart hurting but she was feeling happy that she was making sure Lisa didn't get hurt. Jennie would rather hurt the most than to see Lisa wipe off that smile off of her lips, it suited her a lot after all.
"I hate myself for ever believing you don't a give a damn about me," Lisa laughed and tried to hold back the few tears that were gathered in the inner corners of her eyes, her vision soon getting blurry from the amount of tears that were threatening to roll down her cheeks. "Well I don't blame you, I wasn't the nicest person all the time or even half of the time" Jennie joined Lisa as she laughed with her own self too, her hands still holding Lisa's in them as the two of them stood on the bridge above Han River. That's definitely a place Jennie would be thinking about as she would take off in the morning, she will be looking down to see if she can catch a glimpse of that place before she reaches the clouds and never gets to see Seoul again. Looking at her watch, Jennie felt her heart stop immediately. Time was passing by, really quick, so quick that she didn't even notice it while standing there with Lisa holding her.
"Something wrong?" Lisa asked as soon as she notice how Jennie's expression changed completely, the woman in front of her panicking for a moment before she snapped out of the trance she seemed to be lost in. "No no, I just have to get home" Jennie said after clearing her throat hoping that her voice or her face didn't give away anything. In reality she was scared of having to say goodbye to Lisa, goodnight or even see you again the time that she knew she wasn't going to see her again. She didn't know how but she somehow managed to pull it off, she managed to hide how broken she felt and she never loved herself more other than that particular moment. "Oh, shall we walk back then?" Lisa asked and by the way she was looking at Jennie the woman could understand that she had no idea what was coming, she was completely unaware and it was breaking Jennie's heart even more.
"Yeah but can you hold my hand?" Jennie asked and she didn't even have to ask twice, her hand was quickly embraced by Lisa's hand as they walked towards the direction where they had come from. This was nice, at least she had some time with her even if she knew she wouldn't have the same luxury again. Small things like holding Lisa's hand, looking at her face when she was having trouble understanding something or laughing at her when she desperately tries to beat Jennie at their very own "dumpling eating" competition were all things that Jennie was going to miss. Maybe this is what it feels like to actually lose something. This is what that empty feeling that the movie stars describe in their movies feels like, like a huge gap in your chest that makes it harder for you to breathe.
"We're here," Lisa suddenly said and caused a panic feeling to take over Jennie once again, the woman looking around to make sure that she wasn't being fooled and soon enough she wasn't. She was standing right under her balcony with Lisa still holding her hand and having a smile on her lips that Jennie desperately wanted to share with her but couldn't for obvious reasons. "Don't say anything" Jennie said before pulling Lisa close to her and pushing herself on her toes so she could reach Lisa's height, her lips crashing onto hers. Lisa's arms wrapped around Jennie's small body and held her carefully as if the woman was going to break if she did any sudden movements. "Jen-" Lisa tried pulling back so she could catch her breath but Jennie's hand quickly found its way where it always liked to rest, the back of Lisa's neck, her nails slightly digging into the woman's skin. "N-No, just a little more" Jennie said and locked their lips again, her grip of Lisa getting tighter and tighter since she didn't want to her let her go, ever.
"What was that for?" Lisa laughed once Jennie pulled back completely, their eyes meeting again this time. Jennie looked down for a moment, catching her breath before she could look up again to see Lisa's wondering eyes. "I just wanted to kiss you, that's all," Jennie half lied and took a step back, her eyes looking over her shoulder to look at the entrance of the building she was standing under from. Swallowing hard once again she looked back at Lisa and approached her again, her arms opening to hug her again but this time their embrace was quicker, colder than it was before and Jennie could feel herself turning off again. Switching. "I'll be going now, see you" Jennie smiled and turned her back to Lisa, the sound of a footstep filling her ears immediately as she herself took a few steps closer to the glass door.
"See you soon, I love you"
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Jennie felt herself jumping in her sleep, her body covered in sweat as she realized where she was. The last thing that her head remembered being the image of Lisa from the reflection that the glass door created, Jennie's eyes locking with hers as she heard the three words that made her heart stop immediately. I love you, three words that other times mean nothing when coming from the wrong person and other times they mean everything when they come from the right one. And Lisa was definitely not the wrong person, she was the only person that Jennie wanted to hear those words coming from, the only person that could give meaning to those three words. The pressure that she was feeling in her chest while thinking that this was her last interaction with Lisa was making her sick, it was making her stomach turn and her heart ache. She held it back until she could take it anymore, her chest exploded and hell broke loose right there and then.
"Jen? Are you okay?" Jisoo's voice came up out of nowhere, the sound of footsteps filling the entire house as Jisoo pushed the door of Jennie's bedroom open. She wasn't sure if she had seen any sight quite as heartbreaking as that, but what she was seeing right at that moment was definitely a punch in the gut. The small amount of light that fell on Jennie's curled up body was enough to provide Jisoo with a visual of how Jennie was sitting on her bed. "Jesus, are you okay?" Jisoo asked and rushed closer to her new friend even sitting down next to her on the bed, her hand quick to pat Jennie on the back when she noticed that the woman was bawling her eyes out. "U-Unnie," Jennie said in between her sobs and pulled herself up on the bed with all the strength she had left in her, her now weak from crying arms wrapping around Jisoo to pull her close for a comfort hug.
"Shhhh, it's okay" Jisoo simply said and kept drawing small and big circles on Jennie's back using her index finger hoping that in that way she would help Jennie relax. She wasn't an expert on comforting people and she didn't have a degree over her head to tell her how she was supposed to handle situations like that one but she definitely was a human being with human feelings that had been through similar things once or twice in her life. She couldn't imagine how hard it was for Jennie though who was completely not used to feel pain like that one. "I don't want to leave her, it hurts unnie" Jennie cried out and her hands clutched into the shirt that Jisoo was wearing as if she was Lisa and she was trying to hold her close to her again. "I don't want to lose her" Jennie went on and the tears that fell from her hazel brown eyes landed on Jisoo's shirt, staining it temporarily.
"What the hell is going- Are you crying?" Chaeyoung walked in the scene as well, the woman getting up from the couch she was sleeping on when she heard the fuzz coming from Jennie's room. Rushing close to her as well, the woman jumped on the bed and immediately bear hugged Jennie from behind, creating a sandwich like situation between the three of them. "Please don't cry, it breaks my heart Jen" Chaeyoung sighed and hold back her own tears, the amount of emotions she had been holding back the past couple days or even weeks were endless. Hearing Jennie sob like that from how much she was hurting was not something that she could take at all. "She told me that she loves me," Jennie admitted and another wave of emotions hit her, her crying getting even more intense now as she replayed the scene in her head. "S-She said see you s-soon," Jennie stuttered and looked up to take a look at the reactions of both of the women in the room, Jisoo and Chaeyoung having the same reaction.
"But I'm leaving in three hours"