Katsuki's POV:
Right after everyone left, my dad started yelling at me and hit me a few times. He'd never done that before and I was so shocked. I didn't do anything because I had no idea where this came from. He isn't a violent person, well he wasn't a violent person.
Before Todoroki and Kaminari left, they wrapped and cleaned up my arms where I had burned myself. I told them that it was an accident and I gave Todoroki his sweater back. They left about two hours ago and after my dad hit me, I just walked upstairs and lied down. I've been here for about an hour and a half. I don't want to get up. I don't even want to tell anyone what happened, but at the same time I do. Getting it off my chest is good, it feels good. I regret it immediately, but I can say that I tried. That I told someone.
I never even took my pills earlier. I should take them now. I grab the bottles from my pockets. Kaminari had put them in his pocket for me when my dad can home, and gave them to me when we hung out for a bit. I didn't take them then, but I should have.
They made tea earlier while my dad and Aizawa talked. I could barely drink it and now my stomach feels so queasy. It churns just thinking about everything.
I had walked them to the door and they left with their bags. I felt bad that they had to take care of me, so I apologized again. As soon as they left though, my dad pulled me away from the door and threw me down. I really wasn't expecting this at all, so the back of my head hit the floor with a loud thud.
I grab my stomach as I feel it churn even more at the thought of the loud thud that my head made once it hit the floor.
"Why didn't you tell me they were coming? You fucking idiot. I hate you and your mom hates you. I don't even know why we bother with you an-"
I run over to the restroom and barely make it to the toilet before I vomit into the bowl. Painful spasms make me empty out the contents of my stomach as my throat starts burning from the acidity. I throw up for what seems like forever, and I finally stop after a bit. I wipe my mouth and flush the toilet before trying to get up. It makes my head spin, so I slow down.
As I use my right hand to lift myself up, the right side of my chest burns along with my arm. I have a bruises from my dad punching me in the chest and the burns on my arm are new. I have to stop thinking too much. Maybe tomorrow I should talk to Mr. Aizawa. It's not a scheduled day, but maybe he has time. He has to go get permission from the parents about the dorms, but maybe even just 5 minutes will be okay. I hope so.
Once I finish brushing my teeth, I slowly make my way back to my room so that I don't throw up or pass out. I should sleep. I'll shower in the morning when I hopefully feel better. I grab my phone and look at it to see if anyone had messaged me. I see Halfie and Dunce Face's contacts and open Dunce Face's first since he texted me first.
Dunce Face- Hey, I'll head over in the morning and we can walk to school together, sound good? Let me know
7:00
Me- You don't have to, but sure
9:47
I sigh heavily. Why do they care about me so much? Isn't it too much work? How do they have that much compassion for another person. Not just another person, me. How do they have the patience for that. I'm impossible and I cry all the time. I'm so fucking stupid. I open Halfie's messages and reply.
IcyHot- Hey babe, just got home and checking to see if you're okay. Let me know if you want me to come by in the morning before school
7:05
IcyHot- I hope you're doing okay, let me know if you think that me going over before school is okay. I'm going to bed now, hopefully you're already asleep too. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow
9:26
Me- Dunce Face is coming over to walk with me to school already, but you should come too. I love you too and yeah I'll see you tomorrow too
9:54
I put my phone to charge and make sure the alarm is set. I feel absolutely horrible and I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. Yeah I'm tired, but my mind is racing. Should I have told them about my dad hitting me? He only did it this time, so it's not that important right? He won't do it again. He was just mad. Mad because I was being a horrible son. I deserved it, so even if he hits me again and again and again, it'll be because I deserved it.
I hear my phone buzz and I grab it, wanting to distract myself from the horrible thoughts.
Dunce Face- Cool man! See you then. You want me to go by early to help with your bandages?
10:02
If he helps with the bandages, that means my shirt will be off. If my shirt is off, that means he'll see the bruises my dad made. If that happens, they'll know and they shouldn't. It wasn't a big deal. It still isn't, so maybe it's a bad idea to let him help me with the bandages. I should be able to wrap my own burns. Maybe not as well as them, but if I get hurt now and then, it's not like I didn't deserve it. Agh, no, I'm not gonna let him wrap my arms. The burns are too high for me to just have a tang top or shirt on, it'll get in the way.
Me- No, I can do it myself. I'll be leaving for the school at 8, and I think Halfie is coming, so let him know about that. I'm going to bed, bye
10:10
I finally lie down and try to let myself relax. I just need to relax and get some sleep. Tomorrow could be a better day. Please let it be a better day.
~~~~~
A pain shoots up my back and my eyes shoot open as I groan. I'm on the floor and the light in my room nearly blinds me. It takes me a while to get accustomed to the light, and while my eyes are getting used to it, I hear yelling. "Get up Katsuki. Your alarm went off twice already. You're being lazy. This is why we hate you so much you damn spoiled brat," he says.
I look up at him and he leaves. I swallow hard and get up, but my back hurts a bit. My arms sting, but the pain in my back is a little worse so it's nothing to complain about. Fuck, I better not walk stupid or anything.
I grab my school clothes and phone before heading to the restroom to get ready and shower. Taking off the bandages are a real pain, but I don't have a limp or anything when I walk, so I'm good. It hurts, a lot, but it'll be fine. I shouldn't complain. He's right, I am spoiled and they should hate me. Hell, more people should hate me. Stop. I gotta stop thinking.
After the shower, I dry myself and put on my boxers and pants. Then I grab new bandages and start the wrapping process. Wait, am I supposed to put on some ointment or something? I stop and bite the inside of my cheek. Probably, right? Todoroki did put something on the burns, so I think that's best. I look under the sink and in the first aid kit. There's a bottle and thankfully there's a cream for burns and stuff. I never put this cream on other burns from past years, but if they get really bad, of course Halfie and Dunce Face are gonna worry, so I might as well do it so they don't have to.
I wince and bite down on my tongue as I put the cream on. It hurts so much, but I have to do it. I press down harder just to feel some more pain before there's quick knocking on the door. I jump at the sudden noise. "Hey bro, it's me, your bestest friend in the whole universe," Kaminari says. I can't help but smile at what he said. "Whatever dumbass. I'll be out in a bit, just wait in my room," I call out. He laughs a bit and then I hear his footsteps reatreat.
I sigh heavily as I think about having to deal with people today. Maybe Aizawa will start the 'less work' thing today. I hate that I had to ask him, but he seemed happy that I did. That I admitted almost everything. I still need to tell him about my parents and stuff. Now there's the fact that my dad hit me and is telling me over and over that he and my mom hate me. I probably won't tell him about the hitting, but the 'hating me' thing is something I really should talk about. I deserve the hitting, that's for sure, but I don't think that telling me that they hate me is right. I mean, neither is the hitting, but agh I don't know.
I try to hurry up and finish putting on the cream, without causing excess pain. Then, I wrap them up as best as I can before carefully putting on my shirt and making sure my hair is alright. I don't bother looking at my face. It probably looks tired and fucked up, like always. I grab my dirty clothes and close the door of the restroom behind me as I walk to my room.
When I walk in, I see Dunce Face sitting on my bed, frowning at his phone. When he notices I've walked in, he looks up and smiles instantly. "Help me out here," he says, motioning at his phone. I walk over, expecting something bad, but when I look, I see that he's dressing up this virtual cat. I deadpan. This dumbass. "Are you serious? What time is it?" I ask, walking away to throw my laundry in the basket and to get my socks. Before going to my bed to put on my socks, I take my pills.
"It's 8:21 my dude," he says. Fucking what? Fuck, I was kind of hoping to talk to Aizawa real quick before class. If we hurry, maybe we can still make it.
"Uh, damn. Let me grab my stuff and we'll head downstairs. Did you text Halfie about the time we're leaving?" I ask. He nods and stands up, getting my backpack for me and I put on my socks. I'm sitting on my bed and when I lean down to put in my sock, a sharp pain shoots up my body. In my back, chest, and arms. Fuck, I'm in so much pain. Luckily Dunce Face is too busy looking down at his phone. "He said he was running out for breakfast, so that we should just meet him at school," Dunce Face says. I nod and stand up carefully, but not enough to cause suspicion.
"You alright dude? You're moving slowly," he says. Fuck my life. "Yeah," I say and shrug on my blazer. We head downstairs and we luckily don't see my dad. "His car was gone when I got here," Dunce Face says. I guess he noticed how much I was looking around. I was being so obvious. I sit down and put on my shoes before we actually leave. Damn, I forgot how cold it was outside.
"Seriously dude, you don't look so good. Are you sure you're alright? You look horrible," he says. I groan. I just wanna talk to Mr. Aizawa already. "Tch, yes I'm good dumbass. Fuck off," I say. He just sighs heavily and wraps his scarf around me. "Fine, don't tell me, but you better tell Aizawa and at least use my scarf. Your hair is still slightly wet and I don't want you catching a cold. You're shivering like crazy," he says. "Whatever," I say, brushing it off.
We get to school and there's around 10 minutes before class. "I'm gonna talk to Aizawa, you going to class or coming with me?" I ask. "With you of course," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
When I knock on the door to the teacher's lounge, there's a 'come in' from the inside. I open the door and at first I only see Mr. Aizawa and Mic. I look over at Mr. Aizawa knowingly and he turns to Mic, sighing. They're so obvious. Mic gets awkward and laughs nervously. "Well, you need to talk to your homeroom teacher?" Mic asks. I nod and then he nods, leaving the room. I turn and see Halfie there, sitting on one if the couches near the end. He has a bag of food and he smiles. "Breakfast?" He asks. He takes out a plate and hands it to me, then one to Dunce Face. "Mr. Aizawa," Halfie calls. Aizawa turns around and sees Halfie holding out a plate for him. "We have to eat fast. Class starts in around five minutes," he sighs.
The other two nod quickly and I frown. Damn, I really wanted to talk to him before class. Just to get some stuff off my chest before I have to deal with people. I take off Dunce Face's scarf and shove it into his chest. "Thanks dumbass. Now you better not catch a cold," I grumble.
"Did you want to talk before class Bakugo?" Aizawa asks. I look over at him. Should I say yes? He'd be late for class if I said yes. That means everyone else would have to wait for class to start just because of me. "I can get Mic to cover for a few minutes if you did," he says, some how sensing my inner turmoil. I nod hesitantly. "Okay, you two, hurry up and eat," he says to the other two. "You take your time Bakugo, we'll talk for a while before we go to class," he assures. I nod and sit in front of him at the table. I look over at Halfie and he smiles. I give a weak smile back. Wow, I should've done better than that. Now he looks worried. I look down and open my plate to start eating my waffles.
I feel the warm air and I start digging in. The first bell rings and Todoroki and Kaminari get up, rushing to class. There's only like a two minute window for the first two bells of the day. "Thank you," I say to both of them. They both smile at me and wave goodbye before leaving the room. "So, you wanted to talk?" Aizawa says. I try to busy myself by focusing on my food and I nod.
"What about?" I suddenly feel like I shouldn't have asked to talk to him. Fuck. "A-about my parents," I say quietly. He nods as he also eats his food. "Okay, what about your parents?" He asks, pushing me on. "My dad, after you left, uh, kept reminding me about, uh, how my mom... hates me. And stuff. He also told me that he- he also hates me. He said it again this morning," I say.
He sighs heavily. "Listen Bakugo, you shouldn't let people's words bring you down so much. Even if they're words from your parents. From what I'm hearing, it seems like your parents aren't suited to be parents at all. They shift blame on you and make you feel like you're the problem. They don't seem like parents to me. Parents are supposed to encourage you and make you stronger. Yours are just tearing you down and giving you poor mental health. They're bullies and they neglect you. How long have they been saying that they hate you?" He asks.
I suddenly lose my appetite and now the thought of food makes me want to throw up. I can feel all the food I ate messing with my stomach. Please not again.
I swallow thickly and look at my hands instead of the plate of food so I don't actually throw up. "They had never said it before yesterday. It- I didn't actually think that they'd come out and say it to my face. I just thought that the way they were was the way they showed their love for me. It was weird, but they seemed to care a little bit. They gave me money for food. They never threatened to kick me out. They said they loved me. They did. They said it and then..." I lower my voice a bit, "I guess they changed their minds."
"What can I do to make it up to them? How do I make them love me again?" I ask, almost begging for him to give me an answer. He looks sad. "Bakugo, they're not good parents, but you love them right?" I nod. "I used to hate them sometimes. For not noticing how bad I was getting. For always leaving. And I hated myself for hating them, but I take it back. I'm sorry I ever hated them or for ever thinking that I hated them. Just tell me how to make it better," I say again.
"I'm being honest right now. I don't think you can do anything to change their minds," he starts and I feel a sharp jab in my heart. He quickly continues, "They seem like they still haven't matured enough to become parents. What they're doing is unacceptable. Telling you that they hate you? Disgusting. You shouldn't surround yourself with people like that anymore. You shouldn't want their love because they're not worthy of yours. You're a good person Bakugo. You encourage and inspire your classmates. You have people who love you here. I know that they're your parents, but all they did was conceive you. They neglected you for years after that. Left you to fend for yourself. Left you alone with your horrible thoughts. That's not parenting."
"I know it's hard for you. Just take in my words. Think about them. I have an assignment for you. Do you think you can handle that?" He asks. I nod, not wanting to talk. "Write a list. Ten things you like about yourself and five that you don't. Take as much time as you need, but give the list to me when you're done and then we'll look over it, deal?" I nod again.
"Okay, let's get to class. If you want, we can talk again tomorrow morning, because I'm going to be busy today after school because of the dorms. You want to talk again tomorrow morning?" He asks when he realizes I won't speak. I can't. I don't know why. I just don't want to. It's so simple. Just talk. Just fucking talk!
"You think you're up for class?" I don't want to be home alone, but I don't want to go to class. Class seems better. I nod at his question and he looks at my food. I only got halfway through. "You done?" I nod again. "Okay, let's head to class now. I talked to the other teachers yesterday and they all said that you having to do less work is fine. Your getting the same work as the others, but you'll only need assigned certain numbers. Okay?" He gets that I don't feel like talking so he's finishing everything with a question.
I want to die.
I stop walking and grip my bag tightly. No, I can't think about that right now. "Bakugo?" I look up and see Aizawa in front of me, looking back, worried. "What happened? Are you okay?" I shrug it off and nod. It was nothing. I'm okay.
"Okay, but if at any point in class you feel like leaving, tap your desk three times until a teacher notices. I'll tell each of them the signal, and if you need to hide away somewhere, go into the teacher's lounge. There's a closet to the left. I usually stay there in between classes to avoid coworkers and to sleep, so pretty much the entire time I'm not working. If you need a break during my class, stay there until I get there. Okay?" He asks and I nod. I clear my throat, wanting to give him a real answer. I can do it. It's only one word. Two syllables. Easy, just do it.
"Okay," I quickly say. He smiles a bit before turning back around. I walk up next to him and we start walking to class again. Fuck, people are gonna look at us. I have to pretend to be okay. No, I have to actually be okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
We finally reach the classroom and Aizawa turns to me. I take a deep breath and nod, putting on a scowl. He nods and opens the door. I walk behind him, hopefully looking like my angry old self. "Okay, Mic, thanks for handling these nuisances," Aizawa sighs as I head to my desk. There are some eyes on me, but I try not to focus on them. Can I tap three times now?
~~~~~
So far, the work has been alright. Every teacher has slipped me a tiny sheet of paper with each assignment, telling me which numbers to do. They haven't been obvious to the others or anything like that, so I hope it stays that way. It's almost lunch, which means only two more classes after that.
No one has bothered me because they haven't had the time. I need to finish the assigned numbers that Cementoss gave me. The book we're reading is an easy one, so the assignments should also be easy. Well, not for me. I know they're supposed to be easy. As I read the questions, I know that they are supposed to be easy, but I can't focus. I just have to do 10. He gave me the simple ones too, so just let it be simple.
Come on, just do it. At least 5. Just fucking do five. I tap my desk three times and Cementoss looks at me. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. He nods and I stand up without a word, leaving the class. I did all the other assignments just fine. Why couldn't I just do this one? Just this one last assignment before lunch. Fuck my life.
As soon as the door closes behind me, I run to the teacher's lounge even though my body hurts as I do it. Moving my arms back at forth. I can feel my back pain getting worse and the bruises and a real pain. I don't want to psych myself out of going and going somewhere else though, so I should hurry. I open the door and notice the other teachers looking a bit worried before minding their own business as I scramble into the closet. As the door closes, I fall the the floor and pull at my hair. Fuck my life. Fuck. I just needed those ten questions. Why did I freak out over ten easy fucking questions? I'm such a fucking disappointment. And Aizawa expected this. He expected that I would flip out over a goddamned assignment. That's how fucking predictable I am. He set up a whole ass syst- he's in here.
I look up and see Aizawa looking at me. Looking at me falling apart. I then notice how my vision is blurry. Fuck, I'm crying. I violently rub the fucking tears away and clear my throat. "What happened?" He asks, sitting on the floor in front of me.
"I did what you expected," I say. "Huh?" He asks, completely lost. "What does that mean?" He asks.
"I flipped out over an assignment. It was so easy. I just had to do ten questions and they were so simple too. I just couldn't do them. I couldn't focus. I tried. I really did. I was doing so well too. I did the work for the other teachers. I hope Cementoss isn't mad. Do you think he's mad? Will I get in trouble? Are you gonna do something? I'm really sorry. I'll go ba-" "Bakugo."
I take a deep breath and look at him. "You're not gonna get in trouble. Just breathe," he says. I nod and do as he says. It's the least I can do. I've been so much trouble. They're cutting me some slack and I can't even do the little amount of work they assigned to me. How pathetic.
"If you're beating yourself up about this, stop," he says. "I can't," I admit. "I didn't have to do nearly as much as everyone else and yet I still couldn't do the amount he asked me. Fuck, I couldn't even do one," I say, embarrassed. This is embarrassing. I'm an embarrassment. "Depression and anxiety don't care if the work is easy, it'll be hard no matter what. If you have these things holding you back, everything is going to be hard, impossible even. Don't blame yourself for not being able to focus. You took your meds right?" He asks. I nod. "See, that means that you're trying. You did the other work for other classes right?" He asks and again, I nod.
"Then that's all I'll ask of you. Do what you can. I understand. Focus on getting better. I'll see what I can do about the work. Tomorrow before school, come by and we'll do it together. Does that sound okay?" He asks. He'd do that for me?
"You're sure?" I ask. He nods. "Yes I'm sure. I've never been more sure," he says. I nod. "Okay, now for the rest of the school day, just collect your work. You only have two classes left after lunch, so just get the assignments and if you can do some by yourself, then go ahead, but if you can't, don't stress out. I'll be here in the morning before school starts and I'll talk to your teachers about turning in the work tomorrow. Just take it easy and stop stressing yourself out. Cut yourself some slack. You deserve it Bakugo," he says.
I believe him. I really do. I deserve this right? He wouldn't just say that if he didn't mean it. He could flat out tell me that he hated me if that's what he thought or felt, but he's telling me that I deserve to give myself a break. That not being able to do my work isn't my fault. "The who's fault is it?" I ask suddenly. He looks a bit taken aback, but he answers. "Everyone who ignored you. For instance your parents. They didn't give you the attention you needed. They left you for long periods of time. You stayed home alone and you probably felt so lonely during those times that they weren't there. It's okay to hate them Bakugo. It's okay. Just don't hate them forever. For now, in class, maybe try to pay attention. Again, if you can't- listen to me closely- do not stress out or worry about it."
I sigh heavily, taking in his words. I don't deserve to be hated. Do I? "Do you think I deserve to be hated? I'm not just talking about my parents," I say. "No. I think you deserve to be loved and cared for. You deserve the attention you didn't get when you were a kid. You were a kid Bakugo. You didn't really get to be a kid, did you? How old were you when they started leaving you alone?" He asks. He doesn't think I deserve to be hated. He doesn't. Don't cry. Don't cry.
"Uh, around 6 or 7?" I estimate. It was in elementary for sure. "Bakugo you were so young. We should talk about this in a better setting," he says, standing up. He opens the door and looks out. Mic, Midnight, and All Might are standing there and when they notice the door opened, they turn. They all look at Aizawa first, then at me on the floor, sitting criss cross.
"Do you need us to leave the room?" Midnight asks. Aizawa nods and they all grab their stuff before leaving. It's almost lunch time.
I keep my head down, not wanting them to see my face right now. "Bakugo," Aizawa says. I look up and he motions for me to get up. I nod and follow him to the couches. When we sit down, he looks at me.
"Tell me what started the negative thoughts? Or when they started exactly," he says. I really have to think about that. It's hard to say where they started, they've just always been there. Negative thoughts flooding my mind. "Since before middle school actually. Now that I think about it, the negative thoughts have always been there. Wait no, since Deku. I got my quirk, and I tried distancing myself from him because he thought he was so much better than me. The negative thoughts told me he was too, and so I tried shutting them out and pushing Deku away. I did anything to keep him away," I start.
I look at him as I make this discovery and he motions for me to continue. "It didn't really mean anything until middle school. That was when I started noticing how bad I was getting. Then the- the self harm started," I lower my voice at the end before continuing, "Then it didn't really click as 'depression' until my last year of middle school. That's when we started learning about mental health and stuff. That's when it hit me that I had depression. Then it got worse. I got into UA and it was both good and bad. I was strong enough to get in, but seeing everyone and how strong they are, it really put a dampener on my confidence. Although I always worried about other stuff, my quirk was something that I thought was amazing. I liked my quirk. Then I saw IcyHot and then fucking Deku had a quirk too. Hell, most of the class has quirks that seem way better than mine. Stronger. That and then my parents too. They started leaving for longer periods of time and I started thinking about why they would leave for so long and constantly. I kept thinking that maybe they just wanted to get away from me. You think that's why they did it?" I ask.
"I don't think they left because of you, they left because they weren't fit to be parents. Thinking that they could teach you the basics and leave you to fend for yourself is seriously infuriating. They left because of themselves. They didn't think about you. They are seriously really fucking horrible parents. I'm not sorry I said that. It's the truth," he says. The bell rings for lunch and the thought of food makes my head spin.
"You going to the cafeteria?" He asks. I shake my head. "Okay, you wanna keep talking then?" I nod as relief washes over me. I seriously can't eat right now. I don't feel so good.
"Okay, so your depression. Was there anything that happened when you were young? Something to provoke your depression?" He asks. "I don't know, let me think about it for a sec," I tell him. He nods and patiently waits for me to give him an answer. His body language is making me relax. He isn't hurrying me up and he doesn't look uninterested. He doesn't look impatient or annoyed. It makes me feel comfortable.
Okay, so nothing bad happened when I was little. No family deaths, no traumatic experience, hell, no sudden changes to freak me out were made. I've lived in the same house all my life, never switched schools, and I didn't lose any friends I liked. I was a kid, nothing important like that ever happened. "No, nothing. Everything was the same. I had a normal childhood. Hell, none of my relatives died. Well, none that I knew about at least. I had a lot of friends. The ones that left, weren't important to me. Everything was normal," I tell him. He sighs and nods. "Then that means your depression is probably genetic. Does your family have a history of depression?"
"What? Genetic? You mean I was fucking born depressed?" I ask, completely surprised. It's possible, obviously, but really!?
"Yes, genetic. So is there a history there?" He asks. I shrug. "I honestly have no idea. The only family my parents really keep in touch with is their siblings, and we don't ever see them. They just talk on the phone a lot, but I never really stick my nose in their business. Whenever I do talk to them, it's on the phone and it's usually about how school is going. My parents never told me anything about depression. They barely talk to me, I doubt they're gonna bring up depression," I admit.
"I see. We don't know for sure yet, but maybe you can ask your shrink on Wednesday to see if they can run some tests to find out. The antidepressants they gave you, have they worked?" He asks. "Uh, kinda, yeah. I mean, I noticed that they did have some effect on me. When I forgot to take them yesterday, my day felt a hundred times worse than the days I did take them. They didn't work at first and I thought that they weren't working at all until yesterday when I didn't take them," I tell him. He nods.
"Okay. Talk to your shrink about that. If they're good, they know what steps they should take. I, myself, am not a professional or certified therapist or anything like that, so I can't really give you advice on that. Just ask her if she can make sure that the meds she prescribed you are right for you. I'm doing this because I care and you seem to trust me. I have no idea why, but I'm glad you do. If you trust me more than your therapist, talk to me, but I can't really do anything besides listen and tell you what I think. I'm no professional, so I don't know if I should really be doing this, but you can talk to me," Aizawa says.
"Okay, I understand. I don't like the fact that I have to tell my problems to a complete stranger, but if she can help, I'll do it. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with this stuff, but I do look up to you. I kind of don't like that you're seeing me like this. That you know about my mental illnesses because I don't want you to see me at my lowest. I'm scared to disappoint you. I care more about disappointing you than I do my own parents. Sorry if that's weird." He shakes his head. "I'm glad kid. Like I said before, I don't know what made you look up to me of all people, but I'm glad I can help. We don't have a lot of time left to talk about more because I'm scared we'll run out of time, but we can talk tomorrow morning before or after we do your work. Sound good?" He asks.
I feel a bit better talking to him, but I feel bad for shutting Kaminari and Todoroki out. I should apologize. Ugh, I hate that idea, but it has to be done. I nod at Aizawa's question. "Okay, so you wanna eat something really quick?" He asks. I push the thought away instantly. I shake my head no. "No thanks," I say. He frowns. "Bakugo, you only ate about half of your breakfast. Are you sure you're not hungry?" He asks. "Yeah, I don't feel too good. My stomach does flips when I think about eating. I don't like it," I admit, already reaching for my stomach.
"Oh, I see. Okay, I won't push it, but make sure to eat something. Even if it's small. Crackers and water should be good. You got that Bakugo?" I nod quickly, trying to make him stop talking about food. I start feeling queasy and I breathe deeply. Calm down stomach.
"Okay, let's move on. Have you thought about the assignment I told you about?" He asks. I kind of thought about it, but I also kind of forgot. "Kinda, but not really. I was too focused on trying to complete pieces of the assignments throughout the day," I tell him. "Okay, you wanna start on that right now? You don't have to, you can take your time, it's just a suggestion," he says. I shake my head no. I really don't want to think about that right now. I need this nauseous feeling to pass.
"You need some air? We can go to the window if you're not up for going outside," he suggests. I clear my throat and say, "I want to go outside." He nods and stands up. "You want company or do you wanna be alone?" "Can you come?"
"Yeah, let's go," he says and we start leaving the teacher's lounge. I hope that we don't run into anyone. I wouldn't be able to do anything. They'd just see me with Aizawa and start asking questions about why I left class so suddenly. I wouldn't be able to breathe. It feels a little hard now, but I'll be okay. I just need to be outside. "Stairs or elevator?" I don't want to be in a closed space. I feel so trapped. I just need space. "Stairs."
We head down the stairs slowly and Aizawa doesn't mention the slow pace or the kind of awkward walking and I silently thank Christ he didn't point it out. I guess he knew that I needed to take it easy right now. Too many questions at once tires me out and I'd probably have another breakdown. I'm so tired already from the first one. My back was hurting when I ran out of class, but I was freaking out too much to care. Now that I've slowed down, I feel like shit. I feel the bruises on my torso. I feel the sharp pain in the middle of my back as I walk. But it's okay, I'll heal in a couple of days. It doesn't hurt that bad anyway.
Once we make it outside, I slowly let myself down on the grass and lie back. The pain in my back worsens for a bit before it eases back to a small sting. I look up at the clouds with my arms stretched out, so I'm making a 't' shape with my body, and I take a deep breath. Not a good idea apparently because I can feel my bruises stretch a bit. I wince slightly, but Aizawa doesn't say anything as he watches over me.
I take smaller breaths, but continue looking up at the sky as my anxieties slowly wash away. It's just the pretty sky. The sun is shining, but it's not too bright. The clouds are a bit gray and the air is still cold. The grass is a bit wet and cold too, but it's nice.
I take it all in. It's pretty. There's snow on the pieces of the grass. It looks like it might snow, but the sun kind of contradicts that. I kind of hope it does snow. I'm really cold all the time, but I love the snow. It always makes the sky look pretty. The white on the sidewalk and grass is so breathtaking. You can just stay inside and hide in a blanket, and when you go outside, you see how amazing it all looks.
The bell rings and it scares me slightly. I tilt my head back a bit to look at Mr. Aizawa and he looks back down at me. He was looking around at the front of the school. I really don't wanna go yet. He sighs and the tiniest trace of a smile quickly appears before leaving just as fast. "Fine, just a few more minutes. I'll write you a note," he says, giving in. "Thanks teach," I say. He just nods and looks back at the front of the school, arms crossed over his chest as he stands a few feet away from me on the cement.
I look back at the sky and sigh. "You better not catch a cold," he says. "Tch, fine," I say. He huffs out a laugh and I smile a bit at that. I kind of wish I could do this with my parents, but I quickly push that thought away. I have this now, with Aizawa and he cares about me, so I should be thinking about that.
The late bell rings and we stay there for a few more minutes before I sit up. "I guess it's time now," I sigh. He nods and I get up. As we walk back into the school, Aizawa finally speaks up. "If you need help moving to the dorms this week, I'll drive you to and from your house. Don't be afraid to ask," he says. "Okay. I think I will need help," I say. He nods. "Okay, also, we're gonna have to talk about some things this week. I didn't wanna push anymore because you seemed on edge already, but we do have to talk about them. Just relax for now. Remember, you don't have to do the work, just try to pay attention as much as you can, and tomorrow we'll to the work. If you can do the work without stressing yourself out, go for it. At least try to pay attention to the important parts. You can do it," he says.
I nod as we walk to the teacher's lounge. He has to write me the note before I head to class.
The warm air inside the school is a little suffocating all of a sudden, but I can deal with it. Just breathe and try to focus, but not too much where I stress myself out. I deserve a break, that's what Aizawa said. I deserve it.
He writes the note quickly and looks up. "You want me to walk with you?" He asks. I feel safe and okay when he's around, so I nod. I have to stop doing that. He deserves a verbal answer. "Uh yeah," I hesitantly say. He walks me to class and when we get to the front of the class, he hands me the note. Fuck, I should've just come when the first bell rang. Now everyone is gonna look at me when I enter. "Breathe," Aizawa says. I breathe in enough to calm me down, but not enough to hurt my bruises too much.
"You got this kid," he encourages. I nod and push the door open, walking in. Everyone turns to me and door. Fuck, I guess they saw Aizawa. I hand the note to Ectoplasm who's in the front of the class. Fuck, I interrupted him, now everyone is looking at me. I just hand it to him and silently walk to my seat where my assignment from Cementoss was left. I sit down and he continues like nothing happened. I sigh and almost hide my face in my hands, but quickly prevent myself from doing it. I grab a sheet of paper and try focusing on what he's saying. My mind keeps drifting, but I snap myself back each time. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
***
Word Count: 7,329
Hi friends. I hope you liked this chapter. Please give me ideas for future chapters. This fic will probably be longer than my other one, so that's cool. Anyways, thank you guys for reading. I love you all and the next chapter will be posted next week <3