Saffron
"Mum, please be okay, please be okay,"
Cold. Stiff. Silent.
"Mum! Wake up! Wake up! Please,"
I held her tightly, and she began to move, slowly sitting up.
"Saffron,"
"Mum, you're okay, you're okay,"
"Saffron, look behind you,"
I turned around to the window, watching it slide open by itself before a cloaked figure floated through.
"I'm here for Mikayla,"
"No! Take me, take me instead,"
As if she was in a trance, mum rose, but I grabbed her arm to pull her towards me.
"Mum," I sobbed, "Please,"
"Let go,"
"No!"
"Let go!"
The cloaked figure grabbed my throat and I let go of mum, trying to pry their hands off me instead. As my breathing slowly became shallowed, I watched her go under the cloak and disappear.
"Mum!"
I let out a blood curdling scream and sat up, scream after scream escaping. My throat felt tight so I clutched it, the image replaying in my head which only resulted in more screams.
Calum switched my light on and sat beside me, Ashton following before throwing a heavy blanket around my shoulders; I pressed my head into Calum's chest but I couldn't stop sobbing and whimpering.
"My throat, my throat,"
Ashton took my hand away from my throat and held it, interlocking our fingers, while Calum held my head to his chest and breathed slowly.
"You're here, in Australia, with Calum Hood and Ashton Irwin, in our flat, and our friends Michael Clifford and Luke Hemmings live not too far away. It's winter here, but our flat is warm, and locked up to keep the cool out. We are here, supporting you,"
"They took mum away,"
"Who?"
"The grim reaper, she was dead, then she came back to life, and I tried to stop her and I got choked, and she went, and I couldn't save her, and-and-and,"
I let out another wave of sobs as I pictured it again.
"That didn't happen, I promise," Ashton said, "The paramedics are the only ones who moved her body,"
"Okay," I said, my breathing fast and shallow, "And me,"
"Yes, that's all," he soothed, "It will be okay,"
I looked up to Calum and saw that his eyes were raw and red, but not wet, so he must've cried before coming in here. He placed a kiss on my head and laid me back down, keeping the weighted blanket over my body.
"Do you want Ashton to stay?"
"Why not you?"
It only took one look for me to figure out he'd actually not slept at all, and obviously needed his own bed, so I just nodded and let him tuck me in besides Ashton. Though he stayed on the other side of the bed, I knew it would be okay if something happened. He was tall, and looked strong.
"Ashton?"
"Yeah,"
"What's the happiest memory you have of my mum?"
"Hm... there was this one time we all went surfing. We planned a whole day at the beach, and all five of us woke up at the crack of dawn. I drove us all down there and we watched the sunrise , then spent the whole day hanging out with a picnic. It was really fun,"
"She is a really fun person,"
"You need sleep, darling, we can chat tomorrow,"
"Okay,"
I struggled at first, the image filling my head, but then I pictured mum at the beach surfing, and melted into sleep.
The sound of the kettle boiling and pans clattering downstairs woke me up, and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. On the desk, the clock said nine, which was pretty good considering how the night had gone, so I climbed out of bed and headed downstairs.
I still wore the shorts and sweatshirt, but Calum was dressed already in jeans and a green hoodie.
"Goodmorning,"
"Where is Ashton?"
"He's at work love,"
"Oh, yeah,"
"I think today we need to do a bit of shopping for you, your things aren't coming until Monday now," he said, putting a plate of bacon and egg infront of me.
"Okay, if we have to,"
"There are some jeans from my mum, if they don't fit then we'll make some of my joggers fit you,"
I shrugged, looking down at the food. From everything going on, I had lost my appetite, but I managed half of the meal again before pushing it away.
"Saffron, sweetheart, can you try a little more?"
"I'm full,"
"It's not healthy to eat so little," he frowned, "Coming from a doctor,"
"I'm full,"
"Okay... just keep trying as much as you can. I'm proud of you,"
"Thanks," I sniffed, taking my plate and scraping the food into the bin, "Please can I borrow deodorant?"
He nodded and I followed him upstairs, taking the spray deodorant to my room. As I thought, the trousers didn't fit me either. Today, it made me hate my body, and mum wasn't here to call me beautiful anymore.
I'd lost weight already, and I was so proud of that, but not fitting in the 'average' clothing made me feel bad again. I threw them on the floor and climbed under my duvet, breaking into cries again.
I was so fed up but I couldn't stop. My body ached, my stomach cramped, my head hurt. Everything was overwhelming me and I didn't have a rock.
Hesitantly, Calum entered the room with some of his joggers, which only made me cry more.
"Oh sweetheart, do you wanna talk about it?"
"No,"
"We'll get you some clothes," he whispered, kissing my cheek, "And I am not judging what size you need at all. Everyone is forever changing,"
"I lost weight and I'm still not average,"
"That is totally my fault, for using that word. I shouldn't have said they were average, they're most likely not. You're incredibly beautiful,"
"I don't feel it right now,"
"I know, I don't feel great about myself either, but we're gonna get what we need so that you can start getting back to a routine,"
He passed me the joggers and I slid them on under the blanket, then he rolled up the legs and we tied the waist band tight enough. I put on the sweatshirt and then borrowed one of their coats to go out in.
"I don't want this to be a fun shopping trip,"
"We'll be back before lunch,"
"Good. I want a yellow dress, for tomorrow,"
"We'll see what we can do,"
"Mum is always so vibrant," I mumbled, "You can never dull her,"
We went down to his car and got in, driving into the main city. After searching for the perfect parking space, we got out and I took his hand, letting him lead the way. I knew nowhere and no one here.
First, we picked up my toiletries, stocking up which filled a bag. When all my things arrived I would use my reusable bag, but for now we only had plastic.
We went into a couple of shops and found some jeans and tops, but then we headed into a huge shop and I followed Cal upstairs. There was an entire section for dresses.
"Do any catch your eye?"
For a moment, I looked around and bit my lip, but the I caught glimpse of a yellow dress and beelined for it. The top was fitted, but the bottom was layered with thin, loose yellow material. It felt wrong to find a dress so beautiful for such a terrible occasion.
"Try it on,"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's almost lunch,"
I smiled slightly and picked up my size, heading into the changing rooms alone. I slid the curtain back and undressed, hastily sliding the dress on to avoid seeing myself.
And it fit perfectly. I could just about hear mum clapping in excitement.
"Does it fit?" Calum asked, taking it from me as I walked out.
"Yeah,"
"Lets pay then, and get home,"
"Thankyou,"
"It's okay. You're family to me, we're in this together,"