Shehnaz was up at six in the morning, she walked around the house in discomfort, and then she moved the blue sheet a little bit and walked over to the other side, which didn't look so other anymore. The place was cleaned up nice and well, the wall that had the main door didn't even look like there was a door there, the walls were freshly painted. Their own living room was empty and clean for the new furniture. The floors matched the wooden floors of their house. There were still 3 days till their anniversary, Sidharth's company workers were going to come down in an hour to begin working on the interiors of the house, and he was still asleep. She pushed the blue sheet back into place and walked into their room to wake him up.
"Sidharth uthja. Rajiv aur teri team aarahe hain ek ghante mein. Main poha bana rahi hoon." Shehnaz said, shaking him awake.
"Leitja." He mumbled, pulling her down. She sat next to him and sighed. Suddenly her stomach churned. The whiff of coconut oil from his hair threw her off, she felt so nauseated. She gagged. And then she got up and paced towards the bathroom, hunched over the toilet bowl and hurled. Loudly. Sidharth's eyes opened widely, he dashed out of bed and went into the bathroom to see what was happening. She had already flushed down whatever was in there and leaned against the glass wall of the shower.
"Aye kya hua?" He frowned, filling up the cup with water and handing it to her. She rinsed her mouth and spat it out. She didn't look sick at all. She looked perfectly fine.
"Tu naha jaake please. Yeh nariyal ka tel kitna ghatiya hain." She grimaced.
"Huh? Tu ne lagaya kal raat ko mere sar mein." He said, perplexed.
"Please naha jaake." She whined.
"You're mad baby." He said, standing up and in front of the mirror to brush his teeth. She did the same, scrunching her nose up at him. He did go shower, she wouldn't even let him come close to her. She kissed him the first thing he came out.
"Thank you?" He mumbled, annoyed.
"Kya?" She asked.
"You were being so mean." He said.
"Huh? Main? Mean? Yeh kab hua?" She frowned.
"Tu mujhe dekh ke muh bana rahi thi. Paas bhi aane nahi diya."
"Tujhe nahi, tel ke wajah se." She whined.
"Right... Right." He mumbled.
"Sidharth aisa nahi na hota." She whined wrapping her arms around him, her tshirt was getting wet, but it didn't matter. Her little child was in the mood for a tantrum.
"Sidhaaaarth!" She cried when he didn't hug her back.
"Tu mujhse pyaar hi nahi karta. Samajhta hi nahi." She said, her voice was cracked. Hos eyes widened and he sighed in disbelief.
"Why the fuck are you crying?" He said.
"Tere liye." She said.
"Abey ey yeh sab pagalpanti math kar. Muh bandh rakh ke baith yaha." He scoffed, sitting her down on the bed. She angrily bit down on his hand. He sighed and stared her down.
"Hogaya?" He asked. She shook her head and bit harder making him wince.
"Kya hain? Pehele toh you're so mean. Phir kaat rahi hain. Pagal aurath." He yelled. She spat his hand out of her mouth, literally and stuck her tongue out at him.
"Tujhe aaj poha without kaandha milega. Kutte." She said and walked out of the room.
"Main nahi khaunga kaandhe ke bina."
"Tere saamne kaccha aloo aur pohe rakhungi, woh bhi khaalega tu. Bakwaas karta hain." She yelled back.
"Aur idhar aake mere liye boost bana." She screamed. He huffed and pulled on a pair of shorts and walked into the kitchen. From the past week, she drank milk extensively. That was the only thing that settled in her stomach, and for some reason, only the milk that he made. Neither of them questioned what exactly was going on, they were too busy to.
The workers arrived a while later, they got to work as soon as they arrived. Shehnaz and Sidharth had already picked out what they wanted, how they wanted it. It was mostly Sidharth, Shehnaz added her own little touch to everything. Shehnaz left to go meet Kaushal an hour later, Sidharth stayed at home, this was his work too. They had three days time for this. They began moving Sidharth and Shehnaz's furniture into to a bigger room at the farthest corner of the newer part of the house. It didn't even look like it was an extension, the architect did a wonderful job.
He oversaw everything they did. They repainted the entire living room, he redesigned his own room, most of it was for Shehnaz's comfort. She had literally just moved into his room after marriage, without changing an inch of it. So he pushed her to tell him what she wanted, he helped her pick out designs. The house they brought was bigger than the one they lived in, Sidharth was a single bachelor who lived with his mother so he didn't need much space, that's why he preferred the smaller house, but this one, their new home was perfect for their family. His heart felt so full watching this newer and bigger space coming together.
The now huge living room was in a lighter grey color with neutral furniture, and of course, the mirrors, just like how he had designed it for himself. There was an 'L' shaped couch with an extension in the middle, against the wall. The floors had black walnut wood, it was expensive to say the least but a home was worth all the investment. There were dim yellow lights in the house, that was something he liked, white light wasn't something he preferred and Shehnaz had developed a liking towards that. There was a throw blanket, cushions, a carpet and everything perfectly being arranged. The old couch was in the guest room. There was a study in the extension, he was thankful for that. Their closet wouldn't be filled with files anymore now.
Their room was in a brown grey color, with wallpaper rather than paint, straight from Switzerland. He went all out with his designer skills, he realised how much his mind wanted to do but was always restricted by the clients. This, on the other hand, his own home, he squeezed out every ounce of creativity he had and tastefully put their home together. Their room had the same bed and brown couch, but the room's walls and the dim lighting, chandelier and the decor that she picked out made all the difference.
There was just one thing that was a surprise for Shehnaz. All of the rooms, she knew what exactly was going on, but this one was overdramatic and extremely extra. And he knew for a fact that she'd cry out of happiness when she sees it. Just last month, they laid in the cane seat in the balcony. She hated how the city covered up the stars, stars mesmerised her. Stars had a special place in their relationship. The recliners and a couch had already arrived and put it the spare room, ready to be fixed together. The room was pained in a very dark shade of blue with dim lights on the walls. Only one of them was in a shade of beige. This part he wanted set up by himself.
He waited till the next day to do it. Shehnaz was out with Shehbaz to meet an old friend from Punjab who was a family friend. He stood on a step ladder and fixed them up, the optic fibre illusion star lights on the ceiling, perfectly proportioned, with the positions of the special stars in place. She wanted stars, he'd give her stars. They set up the entire room perfectly and fit in the seats and the projector. It was almost evening by the time they were done. Sidharth locked the room up so that she didn't go inside to explore like she did the rest of the house.
They sat on the booth table, wanting to use the new dining table later on after they prayed for the new extension. They slept in the guest bedroom too. Shehnaz was tired, her head rested on his shoulder as she sipped on the milk, maa was reading a book while Sidharth read through his phone.
"Maa next month ke groceries order kardoon?" Sidharth asked.
"Itni jaldi? Kyun?" She frowned.
"Busy hojayenge shayad issiliye." He said.
"Okay." She shrugged. There was a list that they stuck to for every month. This was domestic life, there were lists, there were payments, there were things that they did themselves no meet how famous they would become. Because these things couldn't be expected from help, because it was their home, and they wanted to run it.
"Baby tujhe kuch chahiye? Apne aap ke liye?" Sidharth asked. Maa's phone rang, she excused herself and left to her room.
"Dher saare boost ke dabbe aur mujhe na aamchur wale aalo ke parathe chahiye lekin aamchur khatam hogaya." She said.
"Okay." He chuckled.
"Aur kuch? Something that you need?" He emphasized.
"Wohi jo harr mahine chahiye hote hain. Wipes, shampoo, Pa..." She said, and then paused. Her eyebrows furrowed and she grabbed her phone.
"Date kya hain?" She asked.
"24th. Kal anniversary hain." Sidharth said, scrolling through his phone. Her heart sank. That was an entirety of five days late. Her heart crippled with fear. All the possibilities rushed through her mind.
"K.. kuch nahi chahiye. Main leitne jaarahi hoon." She said, she gulped down rest of the milk and walked into the room, leaving him confused. She went on google, typing away hurriedly on her phone. She didn't understand much of it, but she did understand something. She needed to talk to someone, anyone. She thought of going down to Preeti di but she couldn't risk it. Her mind clicked, Maahi. She quickly called her up.
"Hello?" Maahi answered on the third ring.
"Maahi siyaapa hogaya." She said hurriedly. She wanted to vomit. And that reminded her of all the nauseating times.
"Kya hua?" She asked.
"Tujhe kaise pata chala ki Tara hone wali thi?" Shehnaz asked awkwardly.
"You mean pregnant? Sana tu pregnant hain?" Maahi gasped.
"Bakwaas math kar. Aise math bol..abhi pata bhi nahi hain. Maahi mera mann baitha jaa raha hain." Shehnaz cried.
"Tu dukhi kyun ho rahi hain? Pagal hain? This is a good news."
"Good hoti agar Sidharth ke saath discuss karke hoti." She said.
"Discuss kya? Tu ne akele banaye kya bacche?" Maahi said.
"Maahi bol na... Woh sab baadh mein. Please." She almost sobbed.
"Pehele toh periods kab hue last?" Maahi asked.
"Last month..."
"Date yaad hain?"
"Main track karti hoon phone pe. 20th ko." She said, her voice shook.
"Shit.." she gasped.
"Maahi!" Shehnaz whined.
"Acha don't panic. Dates kabhi kabhi badaljaate hain." Maahi tried to console her.
"Sirf woh hi nahi. Doh baar, bina koyi reason ke ulti hue hain. Aur kal jab Baaz ghat chod raha tha na, sar ghoom raha tha mera." Shehnaz whispered. She felt her heart flutter. Her hand softly touched her belly, and she looked at herself in the mirror.
"Abhi ghar aasakti hain?" Maahi asked.
"Sidharth ko kya bolu?" She asked.
"Ki Maahi ke ghar jaana hain." She said obviously.
"Phir woh bhi chalega saath mein." Shehnaz whined. She couldn't stop touching her stomach.
"Aane deh. I'll find a way to give you a test." Maahi said. Shehnaz felt incredibly grateful for her.
"Thank you Maahi." She whispered, her voice cracked. Shehnaz let out a sob as soon as she hung up. Sidharth wanted to wait for at least a year. He wanted to do big things. And what boggled her mind was how it even happened when she was taking her pills everyday, not one day did she miss. She pulled out her receipts. She got the exact amount of pills enough for a month and a few extra every month. There was no way she could have not taken it.
She looked through the receipts from October, November and December. Each box had 40 pills, the last she brought was on 13th December, the day after Sidharth's birthday and the pack she brought before that was on 2nd of November. She cursed out loud. Of course, she had asked Sidharth to pick them up on his birthday but he had forgotten and it slipped her mind too. But as far as she remembered, they didn't have sex on his birthday. Or maybe they did, drunk, and she didn't remember. She remembered waking up with her skirt hiked above her hips. She had her panties on, but they were soiled. Her heart sank. It was a mistake. What if she had to pay? A few tears slipped out of her eyes. She looked back down at her stomach. There was a possibility that her little baby was inside. She cried out loud at the thought. She wanted that. So badly. Desperately. The more she thought of it, the more she wanted it. But what would she say to Sidharth? What if he got angry? Or blamed her? She had to know. She washed her face, tried to look normal, as if this entire thing wasn't killing her on the inside.
"Sidharth. Mujhe Maahi se milne jaana hain." She said hesitantly. Her hand reached out to touch his face. She needed courage. He pulled her hand down and kissed it.
"Abhi? Kyun?" He frowned.
"Main jaake aajaungi. Woh usko kuch kaam hain. Aur bacchonko bhi dekh ke itne dinn hogaye hain toh.." She said.
"It's 7 in the evening. Itna traffic hoga." He said.
"Please. Main chali jaungi."
"Pagal hain? Bilkul nahi. Main ready hoke aata hoon." He sighed, walking into their room. She groaned. He was back out in 5 minutes, just pulled on a pair of jeans in the place of his shorts. He grabbed his keys and got ready lo leave.
"Achanak kyun?" He asked as they got into the elevator.
"Bas milne ka mann kiya. Aur abhi baat bhi kar rahe the aur Tara ko dekha toh.." She said, not meeting his eyes. He instantly knew something was up but decided to remain silent. She'd tell him whenever she wanted to.
They reached their house in about half an hour. Her heart was in her throat through out. She wiped at her eyes multiple times, goodness, she wanted this. And she wanted Sidharth to want this with her.
"Sana!" Maahi breathed as soon as she opened the door and pulled her into a hug. Shehnaz didn't say anything, she just hugged her back.
"Hey Maahi!" Sidharth grinned. Little Tara was trotting now, a little in between walking and crawling. She smiled widely when she saw Sidharth and crawled faster. Sidharth grinned widely and crouched down, spreading his arms out for her to crawl into, she did, fast and slammed into him. Shehnaz wanted to throw up as she watched them both. Her stomach churned in the best way possible.
"Ab main kya karu? Marr jau?" She mumbled to Maahi, still staring at Sidharth who pressed a kiss to Tara's chubby cheek and chuckled.
"Nahi. Mere saath andhar chal." Maahi said.
"Sid, take care of the kids." Maahi called.
"Jay kaha hain?" Sidharth said in panic.
"Aayega. Doh minute mein." She said and dragged Shehnaz into her room.
"Ab bol, kya kya symptoms hain?" Maahi asked, digging through her cupboard.
"Periods nahi aaye, ulti hui doh baar. Aur pata nahi.."
"Itna soch math. Don't worry. Yeh le." She said, handing her boxes of pregnancy tests. Shehnaz gasped, they made it a reality.
"Maine nahi lena Maahi. Maine marr jaana hain." Shehnaz whined.
"Abhi math le. Ghar jaake, when you're ready, Sidharth se baat kar. Tab lena." Maahi said.
"Maahi" She said, tears slipped out of her eyes.
"Tch. Sana!" Maahi sighed, pulling her into her arms.
"Pagal hain? Kyun roh rahi hain? Samajhti hoon ki unplanned hain, aur sudden hain and you probably don't want it, lekin yeh ek bohot pyaari journey hoti hain baba. Bohot khoobsurat hota hain.." Maahi said.
"Mujhe chahiye.... mujhe bacha chahiye." She sobbed.
"Toh roh kyun rahi hain?"
"Sidharth.."
"Usko dekha hain Tara ke saath? Ruhi ke saath, Rajveer aur Khushi ke saath? Natural hain. He'll come around. Tension math le. Kuch nahi hoga. Ab ghar jaa jaldi." Maahi said. Shehnaz shoved the boxed into her bag and wiped her face. They stayed for a bit longer, playing around with the kids and taking to Jay and Maahi, and left a while later.
As soon as they got home, Shehnaz put her back away in the closet of the guestroom. She made dinner just to get her mind off of things but couldn't even keep a bite of it down.
"Idhar baith." Sidharth said sternly to her.
"Nahi khaana mujhe. Mujhe baingan dekh ke hi dimaag sadd jaata hain." She whined.
"Kisne bola banane ke liye phir?" He said, irritated.
"Wohi dikhe mujhe." She said, pouting.
"Shehnaz muh khol. Tu khaane mein aaj kal bohot nakhre kar rahi hain." He said.
"Nahi khaana. Nahi jaayega andhar." She whined like a little child.
"Kuch aur chahiye? Preeti ne kuch accha banaya hoga." Sidharth said.
"Nahi. Mujhe boost chahiye." She mumbled, cursing herself. Another symptom, a craving. The mood swings. The nausea. It all made sense now.
"Abey kitna piyegi? Jaane se pehele hi toh piya tha." He frowned.
"Aamchur ke daale hue paratha bhi." She said, her mouth watered.
"Abhi kaha se lau sweetheart. Maa bhi sogayi hain." Sidharth said.
"Phir boost banade."
"Ek roti khaale. Phir main banadunga."
"Dahi mein shakkar daalke deh, roti ke saath khalungi." She made an offer. He sighed and walked into the kitchen. he had no idea what was going on with her, but she was becoming whiny. He stared at her from the kitchen, she looked so deep in thought, she leaned back, looking exhausted and tired, but scrolled through her phone.
"Phone neeche rakh. Thak gayi, aankh bandh horahi hain lekin phone use karna hain tujhe." He scolded. She huffed and threw it onto the table. He watched as her hand softly laid on her stomach, she rubbed it, loving. Like how she rubs his cheek, or his back. Then she winced, as if something hurt her. He quickly walked with mug full of milk and a cup full if sweetened yoghurt. She grinned widely as soon as she saw them. He sat next to her and kissed her softly. She giggled and sipped on the milk.
"Roti kha pehele." He said.
"Dahi kha rahi hoon na?" She whined.
"Tujhe kya hua hain? Itna ajeeb kyun kar rahi hain?" Sidharth frowned putting some pickle into the plate.
"Ma..main kya ajeeb kar rahi hoon?" She mumbled.
"Whatever you're doing. Woh sab chod. Kal kya kya order karu raat ko?" He asked. She looked lost in through, he put some roti in her mouth. She chewed absent mindedly, telling him what all they had to do for tomorrow. She was so child like, it was so easy to work with her. He chuckled silently as she continued to talk and eat. She herself was desperately trying to divert the attention from her behaviour, and in the process fell into an easy conversation.
She knew she had to know, otherwise things would go downhill. Dishonesty and hiding things from him would never do them any good. If he really didn't want the the child right now, then well, he had no option, they were a team. She needed to face it. She had to know before it ate her up. She remembered how Maahi told her not to heighten her expectations, because sometimes the symptoms were just because of hormonal imbalances. She checked out the symptoms again. She didn't feel that tired, nor were her breasts tender, nor did she feel like she was bloated, and she didn't pee more often than usual. So in comparison to the symptoms that she did have, there were twice as many that she didn't. She didn't want to be disappointed if she woke up with blood in between her legs the next morning.
She woke up in the middle of the night. This ordeal it seemed so surreal, a pregnancy scare. She giggled, it seemed so farfetched. It didn't seem like a reality. She grabbed the phone, it was 3am now. It was their anniversary. She kissed his sleeping face, all over it and the his lips, wishing him. She got out of bed and out of the guest room. She wanted to go into their new bedroom and look at it, but she didn't. She told Sidharth that she wouldn't. The blue sheet didn't cover the half of the living room, but the entirety of it. She pushed it to the side and turned on a dim wall light. It was beautiful. He did amazing, he was amazing. So skilled. There was a long mirror on the wall, she could see herself in it. She bit down on her lip, she didn't knew what she was about to do was extremely stupid. But she did it anyway.
She picked up one of the cushions and lifted her shirt up and stuffed it into it. Right in her stomach and covered it back down. She stood to the side and looked at her fake bump. She felt herself choking up. If there was a baby in her, it would grow, her body would nurture the it, she'd carry a little life inside of her. Hot tears streamed down her face at the thought. Nothing else would matter. Apart from her little family. She wiped her face and pulled out the pillow. She had half a mind to go into the bathroom and do it, to just pee on a stick and let that stick tell her if life would change its course now. But she didn't. She was putting it off. She instead walked into the bedroom and shook Sidharth awake. He opened his eyes and groaned.
"Soja baby." He said.
"Uth Sidharth..." She whined.
"Kya hain bey, aadi raat ko?"
"Kutte. Uth. Last year tu ne mera dimaag sadaya." She said.
"Hmm?"
"Happy Anniversary Sidharth..." She whispered, kissing his cheek. He was suddenly very awake and very aware. He sat up and took her into his arms.
"Happy Anniversary Baby." He mumbled, kissing her softly. His hair was a mess, his eyes tried to open, but they couldn't.
"Balcony mein chalein?" She asked. He nodded and got up, draping an arm over her shoulder and letting her lead him into the balcony. Their balcony was pretty. Shehnaz out lights and plants everywhere in it after they got married. She wrapped her arms around his neck, he looked down at her lovingly, resting his on her hips and kissed her forehead.
"Dance?" He chuckled. She nodded, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his chest.
"What's up baby?" He mumbled as they swayed from side to side.
"Stars... Nahi hain." She pouted.
"You're a star."
"Saccha wala." She said.
"Sacche wale taaron se zyada pyaari hain tu." He said, kissing her softly.
"Lekin dikhte kyun nahi hain?" She whined, resting her face against his chest, her cheek squished into it. His hand rested against her face, holding it softly.
"Very soon. Dinn mein bhi dikhaunga, agar tu chahti hain." He said.
"Sidharth..." She scrunched up her nose and giggled.
"Waise nahi. Sach mein." He chuckled.
"But... If that's what you want.." he shrugged, a suggestive smile on his face. She giggled, kissing him softly.
"Hmm?" He hummed, still kissing her.
"Andhar chalein?" He muttered against her lips. She wanted to, so badly. She could feel herself burning with desire, but she was also scared.
"N..neend aarahi hain." She mumbled looking away from him. He could tell that there was something definitely up with her. But he simply nodded and sat on the cane seat, pulling her into his lap.
"Let's sit here for sometime." He said, leaning back. She wanted to cry. She wanted to drag him into the bathroom and take that test to put herself to rest and to take the positive or negative with courage. But that's what she didn't have. The dilemma of wanting it to be positive, of wanting a baby, and then the need of it to be negative because she was in talks for a movie, a big deal, Sidharth would probably hate it if she put her career on hold. But wasn't their child over all that? She let out a cry. Her heart was trembling with fear, there was so much to this, so many things that followed.
"Kya hua?" Sidharth asked. He didn't seem too shocked, or too over the broad scared about how she was crying. His voice was calm and collected. He held her silently as she cried. How could he not support her? How would this tender loving man get repulsed at the idea of a child? He had already told her how much he wanted one, but her career was so important to him. She didn't know if she made him that proud yet but she was happy with everything that she had done thus far.
"I love you baby." He whispered, as if the words were enough to fix everything. They were. She snuggled into his body. He was worried for her. He had his eyes on her Instagram and Twitter comments, there were so many who supported her, but the little bit of filth that's thrown at her, it made his own heart wrench. He wondered if that was the reason for her ill mood all month. Ever since her music video was out with Badshah, she had a bit of hate being thrown at her. She looked hot in it, she looked incredible. Sidharth himself was enticed, but that didn't sit well with a few haters. Little did he know that she could care less about all of that.
She fell asleep in his arms and he carried her to bed, laying her down. She whimpered when she wasn't in his hold, his heart raced as he pulled her back into his arms and pressed soft kisses to her face, all over it. He leaned back against the headboard, the time read 4:44am on the clock on the wall. He missed his bed, he couldn't wait to go to sleep in it. He fell asleep in an awkward position, his head on top of hers so when he woke up again in the morning, he was in slight pain. He left to the gym, leaving her sleeping in bed.
She woke up to the sun glaring in her eyes. She needed to clean the entire house up. She could hear Meena outside. They were having a prayer in the house this evening for the anniversary and to warm their new home, only family and a few friends were invited; Vikas, Jay, Maahi, Kushal, Asad, Fifi and Kaushal and the rest of the team were coming. She didn't bother showering, she would sweat anyway. She wanted to make some food at home for the sisters and gurus that were coming from the Bhrama Kumari's.
"Subah subah kya bana rahi hain?" Maa said, coming into the kitchen.
"Kuch nahi maa. Woh shyaam ke liye soch rahi thi. Aur yeh abhi gym se aayega toh ande boil kar rahi thi." She said, staring into the fridge.
"Yellow daal, paneer, roti aur pulau?" Shehnaz said.
"Itna banayegi?" Maa asked, amused.
"Aur kheer."
"Phir Sidharth kya mangwaraha hain?"
"Maine raat ko nah bol diya." Shehnaz shrugged.
"Kaam kyun bada rahi hain tu?" Maa said.
"Meena haina maa. Aur Naina bhi aayegi thodi dher mein." Shehnaz said.
"Don't strain yourself too much baccha." Maa said.
"Aur chopping main karadungi. Main Satish se sab kuch mangwati hoon." Maa said, leaving the kitchen.
"Okay maa." She said.
"Meena 3 tak aajana please." Shehnaz said to the girl who stood at the sink to do the dishes, her stomach churned, the smell of coffee was making her sick. She sighed and walked into the bathroom, sat on the floor and held head in her hands. She was so tired. She waited for something to come out, nothing did.
"Aye. Kya hua tujhe?" She heard Sidharth's voice.
"Kuch nahi. Earring ka screw girrgaya tha aur baith gayi aise hi." She pouted.
"Are you okay?" He asked, bending down and kissing her forehead.
"Haan. Ande boil karke rakh diya. Mujhe nahana hain." She said, smiling up at him.
"Mujhe bhi." He smirked, taking off his shirt. Panic set forth in her chest. What if she was? What if this would harm....the baby?
"Uhh. Nahi. Tu nahale. Main baadh mein naha lungi." Shehnaz stammered. He sighed.
"Chill. Sirf nahayenge. Uth." He said, pulling her up. He held her under the hot shower, and just hoped that whatever was going on, it would settle. Being pressed bare against him was better than nothing, she tightened her arms around him and sighed at the hot water scorched her skin. She wanted him, so badly.
Once they were out of the shower, they got dried, dressed and ready to say up for the evening. He ordered lunch for her three of them, they had enough work to do for the evening. Meena and another helper, Raza, wiped the new hardwood maple floors all over the house, the blue sheet was finally off and the house was glowing. Naina and Ruhi arrived an hour later, just in time to help.
"I still don't get it. Yeh khaana order ya banwa sakte ho tum log, but you wanna cook." Naina said, wiping her eyes as she cut up some onions and put them into a chopper.
"I said the same thing." Sidharth shrugged.
"Naya ghar hain aur prayer meeting hain baccha. Woh log bhi aayenge." Maa said. None of them would have cared if the food was from outside, but it was sheerly out of respect for them. These prayer meetings and wise words had helped her at a very hard time in life and she would always be indebted to them. Everyone helped with the cooking, even little Ruhi. Her tastebuds danced when she poured milk into the saucepan. She looked at Sidharth instantly. He sat on the booth table and was peeling potatoes. She lowered the flame and walked up to him and sat next to him, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"Sidhaaaarth." She mumbled.
"Haan baby?" He said, looking away from Ruhi and kissing her nose lightly.
"Mujhe kuch chahiye." She whispered.
"Kya?"
"Boost." She said, pouting. She was pretty sure that she was annoying him.
"Abhi?" He frowned. She nodded.
"Did you get your periods?" He asked her sceptically in a whisper.
"Uhh...k..kya? Matlab.. haa..nahi... Haan." She stammered.
"Kyun?" She said.
"Bas pooch raha tha. Kya hua baby?" He asked, frowning.
"Kuch nahi." She mumbled. Sidharth grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen, she rid herself from his grip and started off with the kheer. He pulled out a cup from the shelf and put in some boost and sugar along with milk. She sighed in relief, she really needed some.
"Sanu tu doodh kyun pee rahi hain?" Naina grimaced in disgust.
"I like it." She giggled. She looked like she was ready to worship the man when he handed her the cup.
"Second packet this week." Sidharth chuckled, putting the sealed packet back into the shelf.
"Kyun? Tu theek toh haina? Pagal hogayi ho?" Naina gasped. Shehnaz usually didn't enjoy milk that much.
"Sirf yahi nahi, yeh toh poori..." Sidharth began about her weird behaviour but she squeezed his hand and cleared her throat. She was too close to Naina. She'd figure it out in minutes. Sidharth stopped mid sentence and she shook her head at him. He frowned but remained silent. They were done with the cooking in the evening. Shehnaz showered again and got dressed in a white dress, Sidharth too wore a white kurta and pyjama, just like everyone else in the house. She was brushing through her hair in the mirror when Sidharth, very worried, visibly stood behind her.
"Ek baat bolu?" He asked softly, picking up her mangalsutra.
"Hmm?" She hummed and watched as he hooked up it around her neck.
"Theen saal ho gaye hain. Main tere chehre dekh ke baatein samajh leta hoon. Whatever is bothering you, tu chupa nahi rahi hain, avoid kar rahi hain. Math kar. Maine hazaar baar bola hain, kuch bhi galat ho, hum saath mein face karenge. Humesha tera saath doonga." Sidharth said, kissing her cheek and putting a pinch of sindoor in the partition of her hair. Her mind got stuck on the word 'galat', what if it was mistake? But he was promising his support no matter what. But that wasn't just any matter, this was alter their lives, it would change everything. But this was it. She needed to do this.
"I love you." She whispered, kissing his lips softly.
"I love you baby." He mumbled. They were in their old room, she walked into the guest room and pulled out her handbag and pulled out the tests, they stayed hidden under her dupatta as she walked back into the room and swiftly into the bathroom. She didn't have much time, Gurumata and some other preachers would be here any second now. She picked up the paper cup from under the cabinet, took off her pants and dupatta and took a deep breath. This was going to be it. Her heart raced, she had never in her life forced herself to pee, she did today. Into a cup and she could feel a ball in her throat. Her heart raced as she put the cup on the counter. She felt the urge to throw up but now was not the time. She felt like she would pass out as she pulled 5 sticks out. The more the better. She felt like she was going insane.
She laid out a toilet paper on the counter and looked at the boxes, 'preganews', she literally believed she would fall to the floor any given second. She read through the instructions, english was better than hindi. There was a pink plastic covering on all of them and she shut her mind out, she wanted to do it like a procedure and just that. She was going to act like this wasn't going to change her life now. Under the covering, there were three marks, two lines and a drop, according to the instructions, the pee had to touch it all the way till the drop mark, for ten seconds. She grimaced as she dipped the stick into the cup, counted till ten and then covered it up again and put it flat on the paper towel, repeating that five times. It would take three minutes for her to find out. Three minutes felt like a millenium to her.
She put her hands together and closed her eyes. She didn't pray for a positive or a negative. She prayed for Rabji's will for her and Sidharth to take place in their lives, tears streamed down her face as she prayed that she'd find courage and strength and the same for Sidharth, along with acceptance, for guidance and for hope. This was the future she was anticipating. There was an equal chance that she might not have been pregnant, she prayed that she would even had strength to bear the void that would be created in her heart if it turns out to be a false, a negative. She knew it had been more than three minutes now. She sniffled lightly wiped away the tears and opened her eyes. Her heart plummeted against her chest, as she got closer to the counter, the louder the plummeting got.
She looked down, her eyes were on the tap, the moment they flicked towards the tests, there was a knock on the door.
"Baby, aagaye hain woh." Sidharth said. She gasped loudly. Her eyes widened as she rolled up the tests in the paper towel, more towels were wrapped around them. She took the boxes and the tests and threw them under the cabinet. She poured the rest of her pee down the toilet, threw the cup into the bin and flushed. She washed her hands vigorously as if it would clean everything up, all the burden she carried in her heart. She pull her pants back on and put on her dupatta. She rubbed at her face and sighed, this would have to do. She took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom, empty. She still didn't know. She walked into the living room, the newer bigger one, the living rooms were now combined and incredibly huge. The entire family was there, Sidharth was waiting for her, as soon as she walked out, he grabbed her hand in his and walked out.
"Oh Shanti Gurumata." Sidharth said softly, putting his hands together, Shehnaz stood right next to him, her dupatta was wrapped covered her head and draped over her shoulder. She put her hands together and closed her eyes.
"Jeetey raho Parmaathma ki kripa se." Sister Shivani, a very famous Bhrama Kumari's teacher and speaker said. She was a very good friend of maa's.
"Happy Wedding Anniversary, donoko!" Gurumata smiled, patting their faces. Preeti and jiju greeted her too, followed by Naina and Ruhi. Shehbaz did too, smiling sweetly. Asad stood awkwardly, joining his hands to greet her. They met up with Vikas, Jay, Maahi, and everyone else.
"Rita, pehele bhi yahi rehte the na aap?" She frowned.
"Ji Sister. Lekin yeh doosra ghar khareeda, aur extend karadiya." Maa said. Sidharth went on to explain it all to her.
"Aap pray kardengi, toh hum rehna start kardenge." Sidharth joked, grinning sheepishly.
"Ji ji beta. Chaliye." She chuckled. They walked into the new part of the house, there much much more seating space now. Everyone seated around the living room on the couches, the poufs and everywhere. Gurumata closer her eyes and prayed, putting a hand out to bless the new house. Sidharth and Shehnaz sat right in front of her. She prayed for them too.
"Doh theen baatein hain. Thesri anniversary hain, congratulations, upar se ghar khareeda hain, aur badi baat hain... Lekin baccho, paudon se kuch seekh lete hain." Gurumata said, her voice was warm, and peaceful, like she was telling a story to children who sat around to listen.
"Iss duniya mein doh paude aise hain jo kabhi murjaathe nahi aur agar jo murjhagaye toh uska koyi ilaajh nahi
Pehela - Niswarth pyaar
Aur doosra - Atoot Vishwaas"
"Aap donon apne vivaahit jeevan mein ek aur yaatra shuru kar rahe hain, ek naye ghar mein, jisse aapne apne liye banaaya hai, tukade-tukade jhod ke. Isse baat par thodee seekh, paudhe aur ped jeevan mein bohot mahatvapoorn hain, woh aapako jeevan ke saans dete hain. Ek vivaahit jeevan mein, atoot vishwaas aur nisvaarth prem woh paudhe hain, jinke bina aap nahi reh sakate. Ek-doosre par bharosa karein aur ek-doosre se pyaar karein, aur baaki sab aap se jud jaenge. Parmatma ke kripa se, iss ghar mein shaanti, sahaas, boore samay ka saamne karne ka himmath, pyaar, aur vishwaas humesha banaya rakhe. Om Shaanti." Gurumata said.
Reality struck Shehnaz like a slap of bricks. Their marriage was built upon trust, faith and love. And these things, they would never let them down. So now, if this did become another life altering journey, she just needed to have faith that they would walk through it hand in hand. He was already holding hers tightly. He had never let go of it thus far. He would never, moving forward. He pulled her up, they both bent over and touched Gurumata's feet for blessings.
"Griha mein pravesh toh hogaya, lekin yahi prarthana hain ki iss grihasti mein khushiya bhari rahe, aur aapke vivaahit jeevan mein bhi." Gurumata said. Shehnaz felt herself grinning, they could conquer the unattainable with love, she and Sidharth had more than love, it couldn't be explained. Sidharth took Gurumata around the house, to show her the new house. Maahi pulled Shehnaz back.
"Liya tu ne?" She asked.
"Haan." Shehnaz whispered.
"Kya hua?" She gasped, her eyes widened.
"Dekha nahi." Shehnaz said sheepishly.
"Liya par dekha nahi?" Maahi frowned.
"Abhi abhi liya Maahi. Aur Gurumata aagayi thi toh.." She whispered, walking into the kitchen.
"Darr lag raha hain?" She asked, helping Shehnaz bring out the bowls of food into the dining table, the new one.
"Abhi utna nahi lag raha hain. Lekin kya pata, dekhne se phele phirse haalath kharab hojayegi." Shehnaz said, annoyed with herself. They both stopped talking as soon as Asad joined in and began helping them out.
"Tu aaj itna glow kyun kar rahi hain, Sana?" Asad grinned, draping an arm over her shoulder.
"Tu jo hain yaha." Shehnaz grinned back, very sarcastically.
"Very funny. Ha ha ha." He chuckled.
"Tu yaha Naina ko taadne aur khaana khane ke alawa kuch aur karna aata hain yaha? Bada aaya." Shehnaz said.
"Please bro. Woh baat bhi nahi kar rahi hain." He sighed, annoyed.
"Kya kiya tu ne?" She giggled.
"Woh ladh rahi thi. She started it, pillow uthake maara toh maine bhi maara. Domestic abuse domestic abuse lagake rakha hain usne. She told Umeed also. Gandhi gaali padi. Hypocrite insaan." He scoffed.
"Ek solution doon?" Shehnaz giggled.
"Uske ideas ki tarah hi bakwaas hongi but please, go ahead." Asad sighed.
"Tu bakwaas hain. Get out." She scoffed, finding Sidharth right next to her, talking to Jay. She wrapped her arms around him with a pout on her face.
"Sidharth iss kutte ne mujhe bakwaas kaha." She said.
"Huh?" Sidharth looked at them both amused.
"Bakwaas kaha." She said nodding at Asad.
"Don't talk shit bro. Maine idea ko bola."
"Idea toh mera tha."
"Toh?"
"Aur tu ne Naina ko bhi bola."
"Idea ko bola." He groaned.
"Chittar maarungi tujhe."
"Kyun maregi?"
"Because you deserve it."
"Sana ka English haye haye."
"Durr fitteh muh. Sidharth." She whined.
"Naina ko bula, khud seedha hojayega." Sidharth chuckled, wrapping an arm around her.
"Naina se ladayi hui." She giggled.
"I don't wanna know." Sidharth chuckled, leaving a grimace on Asad's face. Gurumata came back from Maa's room, they led them to the table, as they sat down. Gurumata and the other Bhrama Kumari teachers that came with her, Maa, jiju, Preeti sat at the table. The others sat around the house, chatting and wishing Sidharth and Shehnaz, some spoke to Gurumata. Ruhi was amused to find someone younger to her, she played with Rajveer and Khushi, little Tara was the center of all attention.
"Sid, you next." Kushal joked, pointing to Tara.
"Yeah right. Work next." He chuckled, pointing to Shehnaz. She wanted to smack him, so hard. But she didn't take him seriously, at all.
"Bakwaas." She muttered.
"Huh?" Sidhnath looked at her.
"Tu bakwaas. Mere liye roti leke aah." She demanded.
"Maine kya kiya bey?" He asked, putting Tara down,her bottom lip quivered, she looked up at him and let out a screech. His eyes widened and he picked her up again and kissed her cheek. He walked to the table with her in her arms and brought back a roti for Shehnaz. He loved a friend's kid so much, there was no way he wouldn't love his own.
But it was that one factor, her work, and she knew that would affect him. He always felt like he was a negative point in her career, but she thought otherwise. She had absolutely no interest in acting in series and all, she liked making music, she liked making short term music videos. He blamed himself for not getting suitable roles, or when she turned some down. She knew for for a fact that he had absolutely nothing to do with it. She voiced for a Punjabi animated movie too, even though she wasn't in the limelight, it was one of her biggest successes. And that success didn't have have anything to do with him directly just like her losses, apart from the way he loved her and supported her through it all. He did the same when she faced a loss. She found it so stupid when he thought that she refused roles because of him, she had to very gently clear it up to him that not everything she did was because of him. She refused roles because of self satisfaction. There was this issue when you were too in love, that made her giggle out loud. She looked at him sweetly, he loved her way too much. His looked at her as soon as he heard the sound of her giggle, he kissed her cheek lovingly, proving every part of her mental debate. She finished eating quickly and walked into their old bathroom with a plastic box. She crouched down in front of the cabinet, she closed her eyes as she put the tests into the box and hid it under her dupatta and hid the box under the cabinet of her bathroom. It was much bigger, much fancier and much more classier.
It was 10:30 at night, the family stayed back to clean up and cut a cake for them both. Once they left too, Sidharth found her sitting in the new balcony, her hands joined together as she prayed vigorously. He sat down next to her, wondering what she prayed for. Once she opened her eyes, she laid her shoulder on his.
"Kya pray kar rahi thi?" He asked.
"Himmath ke liye." Her voice shook.
"Kis baat ke liye?"
"Kuch nahi. Yeh naya balcony kitna pyaara haina?" She smiled dreamily.
"Hmm."
"Phir bhi taare nahi hain." She pouted.
"Tujhe kuch dikhana hain. Chal." He grinned, pulling her up and dragging off to the room that hid away in a corner. He handed her a key.
"Khol." He grinned.
"Kya hain andhar?" She asked, anticipation filling her up.
"Khol toh sahi baby." He chuckled. She pushed the key into the keyhole of the knob. The lights were already on inside, there was a huge couch and 3 recliners, there was a little snack bar and a huge white wall. The walls were a dark color, with dim lights, like a lounge, a recreational room. It was amazing.
"Close your eyes sweetheart." He said, kissing her neck softly. She giggled in excitement and did as told.
"Bilkul open math karna." He mumbled as he turned of the lights and stood behind her. Her hand laid over her eyes, and he softly pushed her head back so that it was facing up.
"You're a star baby." He mumbled, moving his hand away from her eyes, they fell open and she was met a ceiling full of stars. Her stomach fluttered, she felt like she was going to pass out. They even twinkled. She gasped loudly.
"Sidharth..." She gasped.
"Happy 3 years, baby." He said, kissing her neck.
"Tu ne mere liye stars banaya?" She asked with watery eyes. She couldn't stop looking up.
"Lagaya baby." He chuckled.
"Tu jaanta bhi hain tu kitna accha hain? Mera dil phat jaayega." She gasped.
"I love you." He mumbled, pulling her into his arms.
"Tujhme Rab dikhta hain, ab main kya karoon?" She said.
"Meri drama baby." He chuckled, kissing the top of her head.
"Sach. Taare toh Rabji ke hain. Yeh humare hain." She said, hugging him tighter. She wanted to do this. And she wanted to do it with him.
"Anniversary gift hain." He chuckled.
"Mujhe bhi ek dena hain." She said, her voice shook.
"Kya hain?" He asked.
"Shayad gift na lage tujhe. Shayad gift ho hi na." She said in a low, fearful voice. Tears streamed down her face.
"Roh kyun rahi hain? Aur kya bol rahi hain?" He frowned.
"Mere saath chal." She said, breathing deeply. His heart raced, something told him that what was going to happen now would change their entire life. He just didn't know what. She took him into their bathroom, the new one. She crouched down and pulled out a purple colour box. Her hands visibly shook.
"Isme kuch hain." She said. Her eyes met his. He looked so confused.
"Kya hain?" He asked.
"Pregnancy test." She whispered. His eyes widened.
"What the fuck?" He muttered, crouching down in front of her.
"Kya? Pregnancy test?" He asked. She couldn't decipher the tone of his voice.
"Sidharth main jaanti hoon ki tujhe wait karna tha, lekin main jaanti nahi thi. Yeh mistake se hua hain. Main sach mein nahi jaanti thi, Rabji ki kasam khaati hoon... Please." She cried. She didn't know what she was asking him for. His stomach churned. He wanted to throw up or cry.
"Are you pregnant?" He asked, his voice cracked.
"Pata nahi. Maine dekha nahi." She said softly.
"Tu ne le liya?"
"Haan."
His heart raced, it pounded against his chest. The moment they'd open the box, their entire life would change. He looked Shehnaz, his beautiful Shehnaz, whose nose turned red as she cried, staring at the box. And goodness did he want this baby. She was shaking with fear. He knew it was because of how his reaction would be.
"Come here." He whispered, pull her up and into his lap as he sat in the floor. His eyes turned red. She cried louder, the acceptance. The way her heart pounded with happiness.
"Please kholu? Doh dinn se mere andhar bohot kuch horaha hain. Mujhe jaan na hain." She said. Her heart was sinking lower and lower by the second. He opened the box, they were still wrapped around in the toilet paper. He kissed her lips softly before he took them out.
"I can touch them right?" He asked, scrunching his nose up. She giggled loudly.
"Cap ke andhar hain." She giggled.
"Kya?"
"Susu." She giggled.
"Whatever." He groaned. He was so nervous.
"Peit mein kuch horaha hain." He said and pulled the sticks out.
"Itne saare kyun liya?" He asked, absent mindedly.
"Sure hone ke liye." She said, her voice shook. He picked one up.
"Two line ho toh positive." She whispered. He nodded, kissing her again.
"Ready baby?" He mumbled.
"Haan."
He turned it over. Her eyes welled up and she let out a sob. Her heart sank right into her stomach. His own eyes welled up. Disappointment filled them up, completely. Fully filled them up. Like a sinking boat.
There was only one line.
"Nahi nahi nahi." Shehnaz cried loudly. His arms wrapped around her tightly, trying to comfort her, he rocked her back and forth. He couldn't even speak. She laid her hand on her stomach and cried, sobbed. She wanted this.
"Kuch nahi hua baby. We can always try." He said, his own voice was heavy and cracked. She was stuffed into his chest. There was no way. She somehow, in some supernatural way felt her little baby, right in her womb. Even before she saw the results, she knew.
Sidharth's heart ached as he held her crying body. He picked up the box and looked into it. And then his eyes widened. He gasped out loud. All four of them had two lines.
"Shehnaz! Shehnaz! Baby yeh dekh." He almost yelled.
"Fucking hell baby." He cried.
"Kya?" She asked in a shaking voice.
"2 lines. Sab pe. Yeh dekh." He gasped, picking all of them up in his hand.
"Kya?" She said in disbelief, her eyes widened and blurred with tears, fresh, hot tears.
"Positive meri jaan." He laughed through his tears.
"Baccha hain?" She asked softly, her lips curved into the smallest, into the most tender smile.
"Haan baby. Humara bacha.." He whispered. His palm laid flat on her stomach, hot tears flowed down his face.
"Lekin woh negative kyun tha?" He frowned.
"Maahi ne kaha tha ki kuch tests false hote hain. Woh ma..mal.."
"Malfunction?" He chuckled.
"Haan. Woh karte hain. Lekin 4 positive. Humara baby Sidharth, Main pregnant hoon." She gasped, wrapping her arms around his neck and grinning widely.
"Yes we are!" He chuckled, he felt like heart would fall out of his chest with happiness.
"Tu khush Haina?" She asked. His hands came up to hold her face, pressing his forehead against hers.
"Khush? Pagal ho raha hoon khushi se. We're gonna have a baby." He laughed loudly. She grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach.
"My baby.." He whispered, kissing her. They cried in happiness, His hand caressed her stomach so lovingly, as if he was touching pure gold. Except, it was much more precious, much more precious than gold or anything at all.
"Happy Anniversary.." Shehnaz giggled through her tears.
"Theesre anniversary pe hum theen.." He chuckled loudly. She cried more, out of sheer happiness.
"Boost ki bhooki issiliye thi tu baby?" He laughed.
"Haaye sau lagge, main sirf boost peelu poori life." She gasped.
"I love you. Jaan hain tu meri." He whispered, pressing his lips against hers. She was giving him everything. Absolutely everything, an entire life.
"I love you." She said, hugging him closer.
He picked her up in his arms and laid her in bed. The shock had not died down, not one single bit. She had dried out streaks of tears on her face, his heart beat loudly, vigorously, like it would plummet out of her chest. He was going to be a father, a father. A daddy, a baba, just like his own baba. A little baby in his arms. A piece of him and a piece of her, a life. Their love, in the most physical and human form. He felt like a wimp for crying again, he kneeled down next to her and rested his heat on her fairly flat stomach.
"Hi." He whispered, Shehnaz smiled, her heart fluttered and her eyes became heavy with tears. She ran her fingers through his hair and giggled as he pressed kisses all over her warm belly, her skin tickled. What was this feeling? She didn't feel human anymore, how could one feel so much? And this way? She wanted to scream and tell the world that this was her life. That it was there happiest.
"Idhar aah." She whispered, she grabbed his face and pulled it on top of hers to kiss him, to tell him everything she couldn't put into words and to show him that her heart beat for him. And now for their little one, their little baby. He touched her tenderly, lovingly and so gently, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up and cradling her in his arms.
"Thank you, for making the happiest man alive." He whispered against her lips.
"Thank you for making me the happiest woman alive." She grinned widely, mimicking him word to word. He laughed loudly, kissing her nose.
"Jaan ho tum dono meri." He whispered. Her heart raced like a bolt of lightning crashing onto this earth. He climbed into bed next to her, pressing soft kisses all over her face.
"Aur tu humari. Aur tum dono meri. Mere sab kuch." She said.
"We need to find a doctor baby." He said after a while of staying cuddled in bed, in their cocoon of happiness, of love, of heartfelt gratitude for this life and just them. Him, her and their unborn little one.
"Main jinke paas jaati hoon, woh bohot acche hain." She said.
"Dr. Janki?" He asked.
"Haan. Woh toh kitne old bhi hain. Aur tu bhi toh jaanta hain unhe." She said, he met her once, when he accompanied Shehnaz to the clinic for a check up last year.
"Haan. But is she the best?"
"Best toh pata nahi lekin di ne bolatha ek dinn ki Ruhi ke time pe woh unke paas hi gayi thi." Shehnaz shrugged.
"Tu comfortable hain unke saath?"
"Bohot."
"Phir kal chale?" He asked.
"Haan. Lekin unhone injection lagaya toh?" She pouted.
"Toh kya hua? Tu toh meri sabse strong baby hain." He grinned.
"Hein?" She giggled.
"Absolutely."
"Sabko kab bolenge? Doctor ke paas jaane ke baadh ya jaane se pehle?" She asked.
"Baadh. Subha subha chale jaayenge aur phir ghar aaneke baadh bolenge." He said.
"Okay... Boost chahiye." She said sheepishly.
"Gladly. Oh my God!" He said happily. His wife's pregnancy craving. He couldn't stop smiling. He went into the kitchen, she followed behind and sat on the counter as he made her a cup. He never thought he'd in the kitchen so willingly.
"Pakode banaye?" She giggled.
"Itni raat ko?"
"Khaana hain. Aur itna saara paneer hain andhar." She said.
"Theek hain. But tell me something. Tujhe kya kya khaane mein sochke ulti aati hain?" He asked, remembering how she threw up the daal chawal he fed her.
"Baingan, bhindi, daal aur apple juice abhi tak." She said thoughtfully.
"Will keep that in mind." He said, handing her the cup of milk. She said on the counter, criss cross and instructed him, step by step how to make pakode. It was chaotic to say the least. He jumped an entire mile after dropping the coated cube of paneer into the oil, making her yell at him to not jump around the oil. He grimaced. The sound and chaos woke maa up.
"Kya chal raha hain? Ek baje hue hain. Kya kar rahe ho tum dono?" They heard maa's voice from the entrace into the kitchen.
"Aur tu itna upar chadke kyun baithi hui hain?" She asked Shehnaz. Her voice was slightly stern. She looked at Sidharth and in an instant, they decided to tell her. It was maa after all. And they had their time alone after finding out in their cocoon of love.
"Bhook laggi thi kisiko." Sidharth smiled sheepishly, kissing his cheek. Maa noticed how her kids were glowing. Red in the face, indicating that they had been crying, not the glowing happiness on their face told her otherwise.
"Kya hua tum dono ko?" Maa frowned.
"Bhook laggi thi maa." Shehnaz slid forward, letting her legs hang off the counter and wrapped her arms around her mother-in-law and rested her head sweetly on her shoulder, maa's arm automatically wrapped around her, stroking her head softly.
"Itni raat ko? We had such a heavy dinner. Acidity naa hojaye." Maa said.
"Nahi hoga maa. Main akele thodi khaungi." Shehnaz giggled. Her heart raced as they got closer to make the revelation.
"Exactly. Woh akele thodi khayegi." Sidharth grinned, taking out the last of the pakodas and turning off the stove and draped an arm over her, turning her around so that they were facet Shehnaz.
"Matlab? Tu khayega?" Maa stayed obviously.
"Uske alawa, ek toh aapki bahu khayegi.."
"Aapki baccha..." Shehnaz corrected and then bit down on her lip as she grabbed her hand. Maa seemed slightly confused.
"Aur yeh baccha." Shehnaz giggled, laying her palm on her stomach. Maa looked confused for an entire fraction of a second before her eyes widened and she gasped.
"What?" She said in utter disbelief.
"We're pregnant.." Sidharth said softly, wrapping his arms around both the woman.
"Sach bol rahe ho tum dono?" She gasped, cupping Shehnaz's face in both of her hand. Shehnaz had a watery smile on her face, her eyes were heavy with tears again, she had the most beautiful smile on her face as she nodded. Maa pulled her her face down and kissed her forehead.
"Mere bacchonke bacche. Oh my! Main daadi banne wali hoon." She said, her voice cracked. Shehnaz had never, very strangely, had never seen maa cry in the three years of living in the same house as her. Not once. She became emotional, her voice cracked, she hid away, but not once had she ever cried. So when tears filled her eyes and flowed down her face, she couldn't help but let out a cry and pull her into her arms.
"Maa.." She mumbled. There was so much behind those tears of satisfaction. She loved Shehnaz like she was her own, but Sidharth was her own. Her little boy. Who had left hope of ever being happy in life, and as a mother, watching her child become so void, so empty and so broken, watching her strong little boy give up, it had broken her own self. He had become a man now, the girl she found for him and told him to get married to, that girl gave him another life and she made him happy, just like how he made her happy. And now they were going to give life to an entire being, to their own little child.
"Thank you. Mere bacche ke liye aur iss bacche ke liye." She whispered. Shehnaz hugged her tighter and kisses her cheek.
"I love you babe." Shehnaz's voice cracked, but she still managed to giggle.
"I love you both. Yakeen nahi horaha hain. Daadi." Maa chuckled. Sidharth dropped a kiss on the top of her head and hugged her closely, so tight in his arms.
"Dugna pamper karungi teri abhi." Maa said, laughing through her tears.
"Aap dono na, Sidharth aur aap, jaan ne se pehele hi extra pampering kar rahe the. Aapko pata bhi nahi main kitni khush hoon aur kitni lucky hoon." Shehnaz smiled, maa pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.
"Kissi aur ko pata hain?" Maa asked as Sidharth handed Shehnaz the plate. Maa smiled widely.
"Sirf aapko bola hain abhi tak." Sidharth said.
"Shuru se bol. Sab kuch." Maa said, grinning with excitement, Sidharth draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled into his side.
"Mujhe toh pata bhi nahi chala. Main toh yeh soch rahi thi ki tabiyat kharab ho raha hain kyunki doh baar ulti hui thi aur baat baat pe rohna aaraha tha. Phir ghar ke samaan mangva rahe the na..." Shehnaz launched, maa chuckled nodding.
"Tab yeh pooch raha tha ki mujhe kuch chahiye, tab yaad karte waqt dimaag mein aaya ki iss mahine toh periods aaye hi nahi the. Aur sab kuch samajh mein aaraha tha. Phir Maahi ki call kiya darr ke, raat ko uske ghar gaye the phir usne tests diya mujhe aur.. aur phir maine shyam tak nahi liya tha. Lekin leliya aur yeh hogaya." Shehnaz said, smiling happily and then bit into the pakoda.
"Hogaya?" Maa chuckled.
"Hogaya. Mera shona putthu." Shehnaz giggled, patting her stomach. There was an entire being in there.
"God bless you both. And my grandchild." Maa laughed in utter disbelief.
When they woke up the next morning, they laid in bed, completely in disbelief, happy and couldn't stop smiling despite them groggy states. In their new room, on their new journey, and happier than ever before. It was like a dream.
"Sapna toh nahi tha na?" Shehnaz mumbled.
"No. Test idhar hi hain." He chuckled, he put the plastic box on the side table.
"Che Sidharth.." She giggled.
"Abey dabbe mein hain." He defended.
"Phir bhi.." She laughed.
"Chal bey." He said, she cuddled into his side as he scrolled down on his phone.
"Abey tu padna bandh karega iske baarein mein?" She couldn't help but laugh as he continued to read through pregnancy articles.
"Nausea hua hain." He mumbled.
"Matlab?"
"Ulti wali feel aur ulti."
"Haan."
"Frequent urination?"
"Susu?" She giggled.
"Haan." He chuckled.
"Haan. Kal shyam se sirf lekin. Maine bhi pada yeh sab." She said.
"Tired and slugging. Haan. Tu aaj kal bohot thak jaati hain." He said, she nodded, pouting.
"Missed period, breast tenderness, irritability?" He read through the list.
"Haan, nah, haan."
"Haan woh bhi." He chuckled.
"Kaise?" She frowned, squeezing the fleshy mound softly.
"Main last week hi soch raha tha." He laughed shamelessly, her face turned red. Absolutely red as he grabbed it.
"Sidharth.." She whined.
"Acha sorry sorry. Symptoms hain baby. Kuch HCG hormone or whatever." He chuckled, as he read the long paragraph.
"Mujhe nahi lag raha tha." She mumbled.
"Trust me. They're tender." He laughed, kissing her cheek.
"Sidharth, baby ko hurt hua hoga kya?" She asked, worry overtaking her features.
"Kis baat ka?" He asked.
"Sex. Aur maine birth control bhi liya poora mahina..." She said.
"Fuck.." Sidharth gasped.
"Doctor ke paas jaa rahe haina. We'll ask. Kuch nahi hoga." He said, patting her back, he was pretty sure there were many cases like that.
"Dizziness or fainting?" He continued.
"Haan bas ek baar. Jab Baaz aur Qiran ke saath gayi thi Anu ko milne." She mumbled.
"What? You fainted? He asked urgently.
"Nahi nahi. Bas chakkar aaya tha. Tab tak door ke saamne khadi hui thi." She assured him.
"Bola kyun nahi?" He asked.
"Bhool gayi."
"Gadhi."
"Chal oye. Aur uthke ready ho. Hume doctor ke paas jaana hain." She said.
They left home as soon as they got ready, Shehnaz had her heart in her mouth as she sat in the passenger seat, the first ever hospital visit. It was insane, this was actually happening. The moment they entered into the clinic and into Dr. Janki's office. She was a middle aged woman, little over her mid forties. She smiled warmly at Shehnaz as soon as she walked in.
"How are you Shehnaz?" She smiled.
"Main theek hoon, Doctor." Shehnaz smiled back.
"Good to see you again, Mr. Shukla." The doctor smiled, shaking her hand.
"Bolo, full check up karana hain?" She said, sitting down in the chair while they both sat opposite to her.
"Aap hi bolo. Main toh pregnancy test karwane aayi hoon." Shehnaz giggled.
"You're pregnant? My goodness! Congratulations to you both!" Dr. Janki said.
"Thank you." Sidharth chuckled. He leaned back in his seat, grabbing onto her hand.
"What were the symptoms? Ulti hui? Missed menstruation?" She asked.
"Dono."
"Tests laye ho?" She asked.
"Haan." She said, pulling out the box and giving it to her. She pulled her gloves on as she opened the box and looked at the tests.
"Ek malfunctioned hain." She nodded.
"Haan." Sidharth mumbled. He was nervous for some reason.
"Thoda blood lungi, is that okay? And urine bhi. You can use that bathroom." She said, handing her a plastic bottle. Shehnaz gulped with nervousness as she walked into the bathroom and pulled up her pink dress. She sighed awkwardly, peeing in a cup in a clinic wasn't very ideal, but she did. She washed her hands, and the closed bottle, wrapped some toilet paper around it and went back out and put it in the tub, and sanitised her hands.
"Idhar leit jao. I'll draw some blood. Don't get tensed alright." The doctor said, patting her hand. Shehnaz took in a deep breath and laid down on the bed. A nurse came in, the bed was to the wall so there was no place for Sidharth to stand, he stood at the foot of it and grabbed her foot. She looked at him and pouted.
"Rani plaster the urine sample aur blood draw karna hain. I need you to the samples and bring back the tests for pregnancy, general, haemoglobin levels and sugar levels. I need them STAT, 10 minutes. High tier hain." She told the nurse.
"Shehnaz, aur bolo. Cravings ho rahi hain?" She asked as she tied a band around her forearm with her gloved hands.
"Boost aur aamchur wale aalo parathon ki." Shehnaz said, excited and winced slightly when a needled was poked into her arm, she could feel a dull pull on her arm as it sucked the blood out of her.
"That's nice. Perfect! Hogaya." She said, shaking the 3 tubes. That was alot of blood. The nurse slapped a sticker on all of them and wrote 'Shukla', on the stickers.
"Ek aur test hain, and then we'll talk. Okay?" Dr. Janki said. Shehnaz nodded.
"Agar tumhare husband yaha rukenege toh you have no problem right?" She asked. Shehnaz shook her head instantly, making Sidharth smile softly.
"Yeh gown pehen ke aajau. Take off the undergarments." She said, Shehnaz grimaced as she walked into the bathroom. She dreaded what might come next. She quickly changed and handed her clothes to Sidharth and laid back on the bed. There was a machine, it had a screen and sometimes that looked like mic. She put a clip like thing on her left index finger which instantly shower her heart rate on another screen, which instantly increased.
"Nervous ho?" The doctor chuckled.
"Haan. Kya karoge?" Shehnaz asked in a small voice.
"Kuch nahi karunga. Ek liquid dalungi, yeh peit pe lagaungi aur phir screen pe hum kuch dekhnege. It's a normal sonography. Sidharth, you can come sit here." She smiled sweetly, instantly putting them at ease. Sidharth sat down next to her and pulled up the blanket just as the doctor asked him to, covering her up. The gown was hiked up till her breasts and she squirted a cold liquid onto her lower stomach making Shehnaz wince. She gasped as the device was pressed into the belly, she moved it and pushed it further in to find the foetus. There was a dark screen with a shaky, incoherent image. Sidharth looked intently at it, Shehnaz craned her neck as she looked back at the screen.
All of a sudden, a few minutes later, there was a slow, very slow sound. It went up and down, 'thump-thump', Sidharth had a vague idea of what it was, his own heart raced as he grabbed onto her hand.
"My goodness, there's already a heartbeat. You're between 4-7 weeks pregnant. Yeh dekh rahe ho?" She said, pointing at a hole like thing on the screen, Shehnaz's eyes welled up.
"That's the foetus." The doctor grinned. That was their baby. There was almost nothing on the screen, nothing but the little circle kind of a thing pumping and the sound of a heartbeat. He resisted his tears despite the heaviness in his eyes as he kissed her hand. That was their baby.
"Sidharth.." Shehnaz gasped as she stared at the screen with a smile on her face.
"I'll check your breasts too, is that okay?" The doctor smiled. She nodded nonchalantly, still looking at the screen.
"Print karke doon?" The doctor chuckled at the couple. They nodded eagerly as she typed something on the keyboard and moved the stick away, the screen went blank. She pulled to gown up and over her breasts and pushed down her fingers on them, checking for any anomalies.
"Tenderness hain. Pain horaha hain?" She asked. She looked at Sidharth's face who looked like he just won at something, he smirked at her, she squinted her eyes and giggled.
"Nahi."
"Nipples?" She asked, pushing down on them. She gasped loudly, they had never ever felt so sensitive before. Her face turned red for mistaking it for Sidharth's handiwork over the past few weeks.
"Haan." She scrunched up her nose. She put the cold liquid and pushed the stick around, checked them too. The nurse knocked and entered the room, Dr. Janki quickly closed off the system and pulled off the gloves and disposed them.
"You can clean up." She said, handing her a box of tissues. Shehnaz's arm was folded up as she held the cotton in between her arms. Sidharth grabbed the box and wiped off her stomach.
"Maine bola tha." He said proudly as he wiped off her breasts.
"Beysharam." She scoffed.
"I won. I always win."
"Koyi game nahi khel raha tha kutte." She said.
"Kuch bhi ho. I don't like losing." He shrugged.
"Chal oye." She said as he helped her up and pulled the gown down.
"They've gotten bigger too." He whispered.
"Muh thod dungi." She said red in the face, looking at the doctor who was looking at the papers and sighed in relief.
"Okay." He laughed, handing her the clothes and helping her down the heightened bed.
They sat in front of the doctor again a few minutes later as she continued to look into the reports.
"Last menstruation kab hua tha?" She asked.
"20th December ko." Shehnaz said.
"What? Sweetheart tab tak tum already pregnant thi." She said.
"Lekin bleeding hua tha.." Shehnaz frowned.
"Was it heavy? Normal tha yah phir chote chote spots the?" The doctor said.
"Doh dinn hi hua aur chote spots the. Matlab bohot kam." Shehnaz said.
"Yeh normal hain?"
"Kabhi kabhi hota hain itna hi." Shehnaz nodded.
"Woh spotting pregnancy ke first kuch dinn normal hain lekin not during your usual periods. You're anemic. Haemoglobin is at 6, normal is between 9-12. You need to iron rich food. Mujhe yeh at least 8 tak chahiye by the next visit. Understand? Not at all healthy. You need to take care of yourself." The doctor said sternly. Shehnaz sighed and nodded, Sidharth looked almost pissed.
"Lekin pain?" Shehnaz frowned.
"Peit mein tha ya lower back mein? "
"Back mein bohot."
"Because tumhari body is used to the cycle. Lower back pain ab bhi hota hoga?"
"Haan. Bohot."
"It's because of the pregnancy. Not the periods. And you're extremely anemic." The doctor said, shaking her head.
"And don't worry. Indian women mein common hain yeh. Just eat lots of fruits, eat spinach, red meat, apples, dry fruits. Doodh bhi. Eat alot and eat well. Tumhe aur bacche ko zaroorat hain. I know shoots ke wajah se aur all that you don't have time but you need to take care now." They both nodded obediently.
"Ah doctor, we didn't know till yesterday, she was taking birth control pills and we had sex, will it cause any problem?" Sidharth asked.
"No no don't worry. It's very common. Implantation hone ke baad birth control pills don't do any harm but stop taking them now, pehele trimester mein ho so it doesn't matter. And sex is good, it's good for the body, drive bhi high hota hain abhi because of hormonal changes. Don't worry at all. Just be careful. Shehnaz be very careful with what you eat, don't do any heavy work. Uthaana math kuch bhi heavy. Don't sleep on your stomach, and rest. Kaam math bandh karna, you'll get depressed. Work, rest, eat, be happy. And Mr. Shukla, you need to support her a lot. Affection, care and just being there is important." Dr. Janki said. Doctors, apart from physical health are also responsible for their patient's mental well-being, so Dr. Janki wanted to make it very clear that Shehnaz needed support. They both nodded again.
"Here are the list of medicines, and kab kya lena hain sab iss paper mein hain. And Rani ka number bhi hain. She'll call you regularly and remind you of your appointments. Hospital environment accha nahi lagega, I know lekin ab frequent visits are necessary, to keep you in check." She said.
"I'll make sure we're here for all the appointments." Sidharth nodded.
"That's right. Again, bohot khayal rakhna. And you need to somehow get your haemoglobin up, minimum 8 aur maximum 10 by the next visit in two weeks. Eat alot of food and doodh piyo bohot. You need to energy and strength. And walk at least 10 minutes everyday and slowly increase the time, meditate and exercise. Be safe. Okay?" She said.
"Yes Doctor." Sidharth nodded. .
"Perfect. Then see you in two weeks." The doctor smiled and congratulated them one final time before they left and handed them the little print outs of the sonogram.
"Dhak dhak suna?" Shehnaz asked softly, looking at the picture in her hands. Sidharth hand an arm draped over her shoulder as they walked out of the clinic and into the car.
"Haan. Kitna zinda lag raha tha na baby?" He chuckled, his voice was thick.
"Hum mamma aur papa banenge." She giggled in disbelief.
"You've given me everything Shehnaz. Ek naya zindagi, pyaar, saath and now you're giving me my life. I love you baby." He said as they stood at the car. She was already emotional, her hand constantly touched her stomach and she softly kissed his hand.
"Aur tu ne mujhe. Sab kuch diya mujhe tu ne. Aur tu sab kuch hain mera." She said with heavy and wet eyes.
Life definitely threw surprises, this one was the best one yet. And they would keep it and love it. A part of him and a part of her, and a whole of their love. Their little baby. Their nanhi si jaan who gave life to their love.
*****
Thank you.💖
May you always be so happy and filled with love. May Sidharth and Shehnaz, one day, by the grace of God find happiness like this.