this is basically flashbacks of all of harrys decisions to clear up most confusion along with a little bit of the present with him at the end kay
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Chapter 62.
Harry's POV
Waking up, feeling the way I did, I felt so perfect. Her flawless bare body laid in a tight embrace with mine, our legs tangled together, my arms tightly around her petite waist, the sheets being the only coverage.
I pressed a cheek to her forehead and laid there, thinking of how much she had trusted me last night, letting me take the last part of her innocence. I was no longer falling in love, I was there, I had fallen to the ground and she was right there beside me, healing the wounds of my past and even present.
She was all I needed, all I wanted.
As she started to stir, I started kissing her neck and a giggle escaped her lips, before she realized she wasn't fully covered and pulled the sheet to her chin.
"Come on, baby, we have a flight in three hours," I said with a smirk, teasing her as her cheeks flushed, "Round two in the shower?"
"Harry," she whined and I chuckled, "No."
"I've never taken a girl's virginity before," I admitted in a murmur, my lips pressed softly against her ear, "You'll be my first and last, baby. Forever."
She smiled at me, rubbing her thumb softly across my cheek before murmuring at how she needed to shower.
"Mhmm," I agreed, "We'll shower together." I gave her a wink and she nodded, but as soon as I had pulled the covers off of me, my phone vibrated on the side table.
I honestly didn't usually give a fuck, doing my best to give Ella my full attention, but seeing that name, 'Chance' on the other line, one that I hadn't and didn't plan on hearing from ever again, had been the one calling me.
Ignoring Ella, I answered the call, pressing the phone to my ear as I tugged my boxers up my legs along with some sweats, stepping out of the hotel room before letting myself speak.
"What the fuck is it?" I said in a hurried voice, I knew if he was calling me, something had to be really, really wrong.
"Harry," he breathed out in a not so friendly tone, "You need to get the fuck out of here."
"What?"
"Jai, he, he's pissed the fuck off, Harry. He wants to kill you."
"So what? He's said that before-"
"No, Harry. They said if you don't come back, if you don't keep fighting, he's going to kill her first, and then he'll kill you."
My breath hitched in my throat as the words came out of his mouth. They weren't going to get my girl, my Ella, and I wasn't going to cause her harm. It wasn't fair that she was being threatened without knowing it, that she was silently being tortured into this. I didn't deserve her, I know I didn't.
"W-What do I need to do?" I breathed out quietly, wanting so much to punch something but pushing myself not to.
"Get the fuck out of here, man." He answered and I silently agreed.
"Yeah-yeah. I'll get me and Ella to-"
"No, Harry, she needs to stay home. You can't take her with you." No, he wasn't saying that, he couldn't mean it. That wasn't fair.
"Chance-"
"Harry, I mean it. If you both disappear and they find you, they'll think she's part of it. But if she doesn't go with you, if you leave her heartbroken, they won't have use of her. If they think you guys are done, they'll leave her alone and you know it."
"Okay. Fuck-we'll see."
As I walked back in, I watched Ella in my sweater out of my peripheral vision, refusing to actually look at her. This wasn't fair, I didn't want to lose her. I walked straight past her, throwing my phone on the bed and went onto the balcony, leaning against the rail and watched the people of New York go about their lives, while I stood up here, thinking of the only one that meant anything to me anymore, and how I was going to lose her.
Before I knew it, I felt her arms wrapped around my torso from behind me, and I couldn't bring it in myself to shove her off of me, this was all I wanted. I felt her lips press to my back, sending tingles shooting through my entire body before she spoke.
"Are you ready to shower?" She asked innocently, completely oblivious to what was going on. I gently brushed her off, already missing the warmth of her skin, before looking down at her without making direct eye contact, "Nope, you just go."
She furrowed her eyebrows, before quietly turning around and disappearing into the bathroom. Fuck, what was I doing?
I huffed and out of annoyance, kicked the balcony railing before going back inside, pulling off my clothing and going into the bathroom. I opened the shower curtain, not letting myself look at her, as I wasn't going to have her anymore, she wouldn't be mine to claim.
She quickly rushed herself and wiped the rest of soap off of her, before stepping out of the shower, leaving me alone in thoughts I didn't want to think of. When I finally let myself get out of the shower, I came out to see the hotel room empty, and Ella had left a simple note, saying she was going to tell Carter goodbye and she'd be back before we needed to leave for our flight home. Speaking of home, I was really hoping she would still move in with me, besides me being a jackass, and the fact I wouldn't be around anymore if things ended exactly how I didn't want them to, but would have to if I wanted to keep her safe.
To waste the time while she was gone, I took it in myself to pack our bags, making sure not to forget anything. I changed into clothes and let my hair dry, before she had returned. I refused to look up at her as she returned, telling her we needed to leave in a few minutes to head to the airport.
She didn't know I could read her so well, but without even having to look at her, I knew she was going to cry. And being the selfish asshole I was, I refused to follow her into the bathroom to comfort her. When she finally came out, I could tell she had given up. She made no effort to acknowledge me, and I knew then I had fucked up another trip.
--
Despite how I had treated her, how I had been treating her, she still moved in with me.
She was still there, supporting me, trying her hardest not to hurt me, but trying to be there for me at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to touch her anymore, knowing one day I'd just be gone, and that someone was after both of us. I wanted so badly to show her I loved her, but what was the point if on the inside I'm crumbling at the thought of never seeing her again?
She thought I couldn't hear her as she wept herself to sleep. She thought I was already asleep, not caring about her anymore but it was the exact opposite. I loved her, fuck I'd always love that girl, but my mind was clouded with so many other thoughts that I couldn't seem to focus on anything anymore.
Waking up that Saturday afternoon, she was already gone from the bed. Panic coursed through my veins at the thought of her leaving me, but I knew that was unfair of me to think.
I laid in the bed in silence, too afraid to go out of my room to an empty house, too afraid she had left me.
But, as soon as a loud boom came from out of my room, I jumped out of bed as quickly as I could, not bothering to put a shirt on as I opened the door of my room and raced into the kithcen where the noise came from. As I appeared in the kitchen, she jumped at the sight of me, before I walked and crouched over to her level, furrowing my eyebrows at the sight of glass shattered across the floor, a piece lodged into her shin.
I watched the tears form in her eyes, and somehow I knew it wasn't just pain from the blood creeping down her leg, I knew it was me. I wanted so bad, right then to kiss her, to love her, but I couldn't bring myself to.
I gently grabbed her waist, trying so hard not to do anything stupid as I gently sat her on the countertop. I'm so sorry, baby, I'm sorry I wasn't here to prevent this.
I quietly grabbed the broom from the closet and swept up the glass into the dustpan, before quickly taking it outside and dumping it in the trash can, then returning inside and putting the broom back up. I left the room and quickly went into the bathroom, grabbing my mum's first aid kit and returning to the kitchen, laying it on the counter beside Ella and opening the box.
I needed to pull her skinny jeans off, but I had to take tweezers and carefully pull the piece of coffee mug out of her leg, throwing it in the trashcan and trying to ignore the pain she was in, and not just because of her injury.
I then grabbed her waist, her body melting into my hands and I wanted so badly to touch her even more. I wanted to kiss her lips and kiss her neck and-
I shook my head of the thoughts and crouched down, unzipping her jeans and gently pulling them off her legs, before setting her now halfway bare body from the counter.
After I finished cleaning up her wound, and finally bandaging it, she was still crying, making eye contact with me and trying to stop her tears but she wouldn't stop.
Whatever came across me in those moments, I wish I could have kept it, as I put my hands on her thighs and rubbed them up and down as gently as I could, trying to melt our lips together but she wasn't paying enough attention, so instead I kissed her bandaged leg.
A sob escaped her lips as I hovered over the area longer than I should have, before she murmured a soft 'thank you' and jumped off the counter, leaving the room as if nothing had happened.
"Fuck," I murmured angrily, not knowing what the hell I was doing to her. But I soon knew, when she appeared from our room with her bag in hand, and I didn't know how to react. I couldn't move as I watched her, silently begging me to beg her to stay, which is exactly what I wanted to do.
But I couldn't.
She sniffled quietly and wiped under her eyes, though tears were still falling as she spoke to me. "I just want you to know...that I still love you, but I can't watch you not love me anymore, I can't stand to see you so dull, because you aren't here. Physically, yes, but you've just been so distant with me and I don't know what I did. But I'm still here. I shouldn't be." she spoke softly, wiping her eyes before finishing the sentence,"But I'm too crazy in love with you to leave."
She thinks I don't love her anymore, she thinks I've used her...What the fuck have I done?
She took in a deep breath. "If all you wanted was to have your way with me, then I guess you got it, along with me heart," she choked out, her voice cracking as she spoke what would be her last words of the night, "But this is hurting me worse than when I caught you in bed with another girl."
A sob tumbled from her lips and she turned around, walking out the door, leaving me speechless.
Fuck. Fuck. "Fuck!" I yelled aloud, tugging at my hair in frustration, beginning to pace the room. My fist collided with the lamp and it shattered on the floor, before the coffee table was knocked over.
I angrily grabbed my keys and left the house, going to the liquor store and buying the two biggest bottles of the heavy substance, whiskey, before going to the house that was only a home when she was there.
--
The next night, I had become even more hammered than before. My back leaned against the couch, the almost empty bottle tipping back every few seconds to take another gulp of the liquor.
I heard the door open and I hoped it was someone to come and just shoot me, but I knew it was her when I felt the broken glass of the lamp cracking underneath her shoes as she took a seat beside me, bringing her knees up to her chest, which only caused me to take another swig of the drink, finishing the bottle.
"You're right," I slurred, breaking the silence, and she didn't say anything.
"I'm pathetic."
She took a deep breath, but still didn't say anything.
I continued, "I should have never let myself bring you into my life, but I couldn't help it, I'm so sorry."
I could feel her eyes on me, probably silently shaming me.
But I was wrong, as she finally murmured, "You're not pathetic."
I finally took the courage to look at her, shaking my head slowly in disagreement, taking in her beautiful face before forcing myself to look away. It was then she quietly crawled to sit in front of me, resting herself in between my open legs, sitting on her knees.
I refused to look at her, but I felt her eyes piercing onto me before her soft hands had come into contact with my cheeks, stroking them gently with her thumbs, her face inches from mine where I could smell her minty breath, and I'm sure she could smell the alcohol reeking from me. My breath hitched in my throat at her being this close to me, and my hear was racing, tingles shooting through my body. And I know she felt it too.
I was trying so hard to fight it, to not give in, but when she uttered the words "Please, please come back to me," pleading for me, fighting back tears rolling down her chest, I leaned into her hands, closing my eyes as I had finally given up.
But, one thing that kept creeping into my brain was that I had to leave; tomorrow.
I then wrapped my arms around her waist so fast, rubbing my hands up and down her back and my face nuzzled into her neck and hair. Her arms found their way around my neck, laying her head on my shoulder as we tried to get as close as possible.
"I'm so sorry," I murmured against her hair, meaning it in so many ways but she didn't answer, embracing the moment we had together. I pulled my head away, making sure to keep her as close as possible, before I nudged her nose with mine, leaning in slowly and pressing my lips to hers, passionately kissing her with all that I could. I tried to tell her silently that I wasn't going to be here anymore, putting all my emotions in one kiss.
I needed her, I needed to be as close with her as I could, knowing she could trust me again, just for tonight, because tomorrow it'd be wrecked again.
We finally pulled away breathless, and I rested my forehead on hers, watching as she looked in my eyes, reading through me like she almost always could. I sighed as I looked at her, and she finally pulled her head away just to crawl around and sit back beside me.
"Did you really think I didn't love you anymore?" I murmured, running a hand through my hair and slumping against the couch. She stayed silent, which was the only answer I needed to show that she, in fact, thought it was her fault I was acting like this. I shook my head slowly, not saying anything as I stood in front of her and picked her up bridal style, watching her furrow her eyebrows but not arguing.
I carried her to our bedroom and laid her down softly onto the bed, hovering over her and pressing a kiss to my lips. "I'm so sorry," I murmured against her skin and dipped down my head down to kiss her collarbone.
"Please," I begged, "Let me show you how I feel about you, please," I pleaded and she soflty nodded, giving me permission to show her how much I actually loved her, something she could remember when I wouldn't be here to remind her.
--
Present Day
The smoke escaped my lips and blew out into the spring air, before I took another puff of the cigarette, leaned against the bus stop, my bag thrown over my shoulder.
My phone was long broken and thrown across a lake, not letting anyone track me, or find where I would be.
Not even her.
Saying I missed her was such a fucking understatement, I longed to see her face again, to touch her skin again, to run my fingers through her soft, brown hair. I couldn't even think or say her name, it being too painful to think of. I knew if I uttered her name it'd only hurt me more. Leaving her was the worst decision I've ever had to make.
I wondered what she was doing now, if she was asleep and going through our pictures, if she was missing me, or if she had already moved on and found someone who actually deserved to be with her.
Someone like...Louis.
I never thought about it much, but deep down I knew he could treat her better than I ever could.
My thoughts were stopped as the bus pulled up to the stop, me being the only one getting on at this time in the morning. I groaned as I climbed upstairs and paid the too happy for me man driving the bus, and took a seat in the very back, across from a girl, maybe 14, with black stained lips and black lines around her eyes. Personally, she looked like a raccoon, especially with the tattered clothes and combat boots, and I was in know way attracted to anyone like that of that age, but the way she was looking at me told me she didn't feel the same about me. This was my life now.
I rolled my eyes and huffed, dropping my bag in the end seat and sitting next to the window, refusing to look at the girl across from me.
I didn't know where I was going, but I did know I wouldn't be able to stop running, because if I even slowed down, or tried to stay in one place for too long, I would break, I would become weak and I would miss her too much, and then I would return home.
I'm so sorry, beautiful, I'm so fucking sorry I did this, but I had to protect you.
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you arent supposed to know everything especially where and what harrys doing while hes gone ok it adds mystery thats cool right
and your welcome i double updated and this is longish