I'm about to lose the allusion my heart
Pictures that I thought that could faint
Colours I've just come along getting blurred
Like it ain't never gonna be the same
And I know that I've messed up with the chances I got
All I do is try to make it right
All I do is try to make it right
Guess I'll do this all my life
Nothing ever seems to be easy
All I do is stand in the rain
I don't really know how to get there
Just tell me 'bout the rules of the game
Everybody says that I'm dreaming
But I'm just tryna cope with the pain
Song: The Game, by Milky Chance
***
FLASHBACK
2019, October, 7th - monday | 9am
Narrator's P.O.V.:
Aster always loved to wake up at dawn.
She always loved to watch the beginning of a new day, the aurora lights filling up the sky with pastel colors making everything look so dreamy and peaceful. It brought a sense of calmness to her heart, it feed meaning to her starving soul.
But waking up in the warmth of his arms, with his soft kisses on the crook of her neck and his wandering hands all over her body instantly became her new favorite way of awakening.
And the sex, Jesus Christ. Aster was still trying to wrap her mind around how incredibly good it was. She simply couldn't choose what had been better - the rough, hardcore fuck of the night before or the lazy, slow sex of that morning. They both felt perfect in polar opposite ways, first desperate and brutal, then calm and filled with intent. How his words coaxed her through the entire experience, making her heart race even faster than her breath.
It was everything she ever needed and didn't know till that moment.
The decision to leave while he was still asleep was made against her heart, the first rational decision ever since she texted him the night before. If she was to follow her heart, she would still be in bed with him, rolling around and exploring each other's bodies, sharing wet kisses and soft moans, switching between rough and delicate and feeling everything she has denied to herself her entire life.
But she knew she couldn't do that, so instead of following her heart, Aster took a deep breath, placing a last chaste kiss to his pouty lips while he was still sleeping and sliding out of his bed and away from his apartment.
She took a long shower, washing away the evidence from the night before. Well, not everything - Harry did a great job of leaving his mark in every inch of her skin. She wanted to be mad at him for making her look like Tate, but deep down, she was kinda revilishing in the way he claimed her. He made her his, at least while she was still there with him. The hickeys and love bites scattered all over her body was visual reminders of the wild experience they ha together, and she cherished them in a weird way.
However, she obviously couldn't simply wear those marks proudly while at work, and that's why she took extra time doing her makeup and covering the round, dark red marks on her neck and jawline. It was cold outside, so she chose to wear a long sleeved blouse and Burberry scarf to hide most part of her neck. Ever since she started working at S&L, she always wore her head tied up on a high bun - it was part of her signature look, along with the black clothes and red lipstick. However, she decide to wear her hair down that day.
Rationally, it was just a way to add another layer around her marked neck. Subconsciously, it was a quiet indication that something was changing inside of her.
She was awfully distracted that morning, barely noticing the streets passing by as she drove to work, her mind drifting back to the night before, her stomach twisting and turning with excitement every time she relived the sensation of his calloused hands touching her skin, blunt nails digging into her hips, hard cock pulsating inside of her.
It was the unbelievably good, and the notion scared the shit out of her.
Because it was Harry.
The most complicated, frustrating, nerve wrecking person that has ever stepped into her life. The scariest part was the notion that he was capable of turning her head and changing her opinion of him all the time. While growing up, he was her best friend in the world, he was her shelter. While teenagers, he was her major crush, then her first kiss ever, then her biggest disappointment when he simply vanished from her life. Now they're both adults, coexisting for only one month, and during this short period Harry managed to be the person she despised the most in the world and, at the same time, the person she desired the most in the world.
It was frightening how much power he held over her without even trying.
She promised to herself going to his place was going to be an one and only time kind of thing, but deep down she was already planning how to make that happen again.
But that wasn't her fault, really. It was Harry's fault - how would she be able to keep him as an one night stand when he managed to wreck her reality over and over again, making her feel things she'd never felt before? He was the only one to blame if now she couldn't have enough of him.
After parking her car, she went upstairs to her office, in an awfully good mood, greeting everybody in her team with a large smile and pleasant words. Well, almost everybody - she still couldn't stand Stephanie. Every time she looked at the intern, her stomach turned with unwarranted anger.
Not completely unwarranted, but Aster didn't even want to think about that.
She was staring blankly at her laptop screen for the past 15 minutes, clenching her legs together as memories from that morning flood her mind, when her phone rang, causing her entire body to jolt with startle. She answered the phone with a huff, but quickly straightened her body posture when her father's voice echoed in the other side of the line. He wanted to see her and talk about her trip to Washington.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to focus on what really matters - her job and everything that comes with it. She shouldn't waste more time thinking about the way Harry felt inside of her, or how roughly good he fucked her. She needed to concentrate.
Her father was on the phone when she entered his office, which was a bit annoying - he knew she was going there, after all. But at least he was kind enough to turn it off once she sat on the chair across his desk.
They talked for fairly 30 minutes, Aster going over everything that she learned at the fair while in Washington. For some reason, she felt strangely proud every time she had to mention something Harry said or did, and she wasn't short on praising his posture and attitudes during the trip.
The little smile playing on his daughter's lips every time she mentioned Harry didn't go unnoticed by Phillip, who knew in that moment he had made the right call in luring Harry to that warehouse. His only regret was not having hit the boy harder, apparently it wasn't enough - especially considering the dark round shade on Aster's jaw, which she clearly tried to cover up with makeup and the scarf.
"What happened to your jaw, dear?" Phillip interrupted her, having enough of her little rant about how thoughtful Harry was on approaching new clients.
"Oh" Her cheeks turned immediately red as her hand shoot up to the mark, covering it with her fingers. "Nothing, I... I kinda fell from bed this morning, didn't notice my foot was tucked into the covers and ended up stumbling."
Phillip squinted his eyes, for a moment considering calling her out on her clear bullshit, but ended up deciding against it. He knew his daughter well enough to know the best way of approaching unwanted subjects with her was to simply introduce an idea to her mind, preferably with a double meaning comment, and her anxiety would do the job itself, making her overthink so much she would end up changing her whole behavior just to fit to what she might think it's what he wants.
"You gotta be more careful, dear, don't want you to hurt yourself like that." Phillip says nonchalantly. "Now tell me... What about the homeopathics lecture? Find it any interesting?"
That was just half a second of hesitation from Aster, but her father noticed it anyway. "Hm, actually, not much. It's a nice market, but I don't think it's suited for S&L. Honestly, the lecture was a little dull."
"Yeah, I've was never too fond of the segment either. Harry told me he didn't even stay the whole lecture, though. I'm hoping you did..?" Phillip threw the curve ball.
As he usually does, Phillip underestimated Aster's quick thinking. He didn't even realize what he just said, only noticing how she quickly put two and two together when the question fell from her lips before she could bite her tongue.
"Oh, so you talked to Harry already? Didn't imagine he would beat me on giving you the news, considering it's Monday morning."
"Yeah, I... Had dinner at Desmond's last night and Harry was there." Phillip quickly make amends, only digging deeper into his lies.
Aster raised her eyebrows, surprised that her father was lying. Of course Harry wasn't having dinner at Desmond's last night - he was having her for dinner over his kitchen counter. But as she usually does, she let it pass - maybe that's why Phillip always underestimated her in the first place, she almost never called out on his bullshit, even when it was obvious he was lying.
She respected him too much, admired him too much and, above all, trusted him too much. After Maddie passed and her mother was gone, it was just the two of them - they only had each other, and Aster grew even more attached to her father even though he was never good at showing emotion. However, he'd always did his best to raise her and that's why she'd always so freely put all of her care and trust on him.
Later that day she would crack her head open, trying to figure out when Phillip actually talked to Harry and why he felt the need to lie to her about it. What was he hiding? Did her father and Harry had something going on that she wasn't supposed to know about? That didn't sound possible, especially after how their conversation went on.
"Talking about Harry, I wanted to thank you for being so professional about everything. I know you and him used to be close while growing up and it makes me so proud to see how flawlessly you deal with his lack of maturity." Phillip smiled mechanically, icy blue eyes that matches his daughter sparkling with intent. "I've always trusted Desmond with all my heart, that's why we've been partners for so long, but when it comes to Harry, I don't know. Can't trust the guy, he is too irresponsible."
Aster shifted on her seat, wearing her best poker face, watching her father with a neutral expression that unmatched her racing heart and the discomfort on the pit of her stomach. Although his father's rant was very alike her own opinion on Harry, she didn't like hearing the words and this alone scared her even further - to realize she was going soft for him after only one night of steamy sex.
However, she knew it wasn't just because of the great sex. The trip to Washington changed something inside of her even before she went to the Red Room with Harry - after all, she only went there because her opinion was starting to mutate. Travelling with Harry was like getting in touch with a side of him she thought it was long gone, the part of him she loved so much when they were younger. The good humour, the confidence, the charming smile and that deep, dark voice that vibrated in her chest every time he'd speak.
"I know working so close to him must be kinda difficult, but I'm proud of how you're dealing with him. Always keeping it professional and distant, like partners should be. I know it's hard but also trust you'll never let him misinterpret things and take it to a personal level. Thank God S&L will always have you to take the lead and be the person this company needs." Phillip ended up his little rant with a widen smile that didn't reach his eyes, but for Aster, it meant the world.
"Thank you, dad." She smiled, hers being sincere. "I'm glad you think this way."
The remainder of their conversation didn't last long - Phillip had another meeting soon -, but Aster couldn't reproduce how it ended even if she was at gunpoint.
As soon as her father's words started to sink in, she felt uneasy, images of the night before and that morning flashing on her mind. If her father had any idea of how she actually handled Harry, he would be so disappointed. He would know she is nothing like he believed her to be and this idea alone kicked all the air from her lungs.
She could never handle the idea of being a disappointment to her father. After everything that happened to their family, after losing her sister and her mother, Aster simply couldn't lose her father too, with the same intensity she didn't want to be a deception in his life. She was his only chance of having a well-succeed daughter, and she'd promise herself a long time ago she would do whatever it takes to be this person. To be what he needs her to be.
Whatever it takes.
Even if it meant to shut down the doors she was just starting to open. Even if it meant to kick Harry out and never be with him in that way again. Even if it meant she would never feel him again, never lay with him again, never kiss him again.
Specially considering who Harry was. She would have to be unbelievably dumb to imagine things could change between them just because they had sex. He was a jerk, always has been, and he would probably just use the fact he has made her cum 5 times in the same night to taunt her and make fun of her.
Even if that didn't make much sense, considering how caring and considerate he was that morning, it didn't matter. Her father's little rant was the heads up she needed to be brought back to reality and realize what happened between Harry and her couldn't happen again.
Her original plan was to just take it off of her system and that's exactly what she would do. She had to be strong, had to keep focused.
Even if it meant now she had to find another way to get rid of all this new found need for him too.
***
A/N:
Hi! I know this was a shorty, but I'm wrapping up a double update for ya'll! Just give me a couple of days.
Love ya'll and thank you so much for all the support.
Fun fact: Aurora is officially my book with more comments!
It makes me so happy to read what you've got to say about this story <3