Chapter 30~
It seemed as if time froze. Literally. During those four knocks he made, my head was swimming and my eyes were glued to the door. I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t even remember how to breathe properly.
The door was opened frantically, revealing a much disheveled looking Alex- who looked as if he hadn’t slept in days.
“Ashley!” he exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug. Although the hug was warm and much needed, it didn’t exactly calm my nerves. Apparently he didn’t notice his dad yet. Weird.
It was when he pulled away did his green eyes flicker towards my father. Without a second to lose, his face went hard and rigid. His eyes that were filled with relief a split second ago were then replaced with anger and betrayal. He reached for my arm and yanked me inside the house behind him, leaving my dad on the porch.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Alex asked coldly, trying to calm down but in actuality was trembling with anger.
“Hello Alex. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” my dad replied nervously, trying to soothe the tense atmosphere. Pfft. Like that’s going to work. When Alex is on a roll, he is sure on a roll.
“I said, what the fuck are you doing here?” Alex repeated in a hard voice. “Alex…” I said softly, tugging at his arm, but he ignored me.
“I came back to my family,” my dad told him, almost casually, though there was a hint of anxiety. Alex shook his head vehemently. “No. You have no family. You have no family since the day you left us. You are no one to us. A stranger. An outsider.” Alex snarled.
I noticed my dad flinch the teeniest bit at his words, but other than that, he wasn’t fazed. “I understand how angry and upset you must be at me. And I know it isn’t my right to come marching in here claiming I’m family. But, if you give me a chance, I would like to explain everything. From the beginning,” he explained.
Alex’s fury wavered for a second, as if he was debating to allow him to explain. Finally, with a clenched jaw, he muttered, “I suppose you can get five minutes. But only five minutes,”
My dad looked very noticeably relieved, and even I nearly jumped in joy. Everything was going smoothly…so far. My dad stepped in, and Alex held the door opened for him, a hard expression still on his face. He was clenching the door so hard that I thought he was going to break a chunk of the wood out.
I followed my dad into the living room, and nearly banged onto his back when he abruptly stopped. I could hear his sharp intake of breath as he took in his surroundings. And I knew what he was thinking. Things have changed.
Maybe not so drastically, but the house was less homey. It was messy and…empty. I looked at him and could’ve sworn his eyes watered the tiniest bit, but vanished when he noticed me looking at him. He smiled warily and I returned it, squeezing his hand lightly.
“Sit,” Alex ordered, gesturing towards the dusty couch. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that is was the same couch from the family picture. I’m pretty sure my dad realized it too, since he stared at it with an unidentifiable expression, before finally seating himself on it.
“Explain,” Alex demanded. I shot him a glare for being so rude, but he paid no attention to me. My dad scratched the back of his neck nervously, a thoughtful look on his face.
“Alex, I know I haven’t been the best dad to you in the past-“
Alex scoffed. “You haven’t even been a dad to begin with,” he said coldly. I bit my lower lip in worry. If Alex kept saying stuff like that…let’s just say things won’t get pretty.
My dad sighed and nervously entwined his fingers on both hands. “That is true. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the pain I put you and Ashley through. I-“
“What about mom, huh? Do you know how much pain she went through? She literally went into zombie mode for the next few years. She wouldn’t sleep, eat or speak. All she’d do is either cry her heart out, or zone out completely,” Alex yelled, the vein in his neck popping.
My dad was taken aback by this. And guilt rode all over his face in a matter of few seconds that he took to register his words.
“I know, Alex. And I’m so-“he started.
“Alex, what’re you yelling for? I’m trying to sleep, but I can’t because….” said a familiar voice at the bottom of the staircase. We all snapped our necks at the same time towards the sound of the voice. It was my mother. She was in her long nightgown, and her long black wavy hair was pulled into a messy bun.
For a second, I was happy to see her. She was my mother, after all.
She made eye contact with me, and I couldn’t tell whether the expression on her face was of relief or annoyance. But then her eyes moved from my face over to her husband’s. And that’s when her face grew white with shock. It was like she saw a ghost. But I knew this was way worse.
I glanced at my father, my heart pounding. His eyes were nearly bulging out of his sockets, and his jaw was slightly open. Alex was looking back and forth between them frantically while I just sat there, frozen, realizing how messed up this whole scenario was.
“W-W-What’re y-you d-doing here?” she finally asked in a small voice, but all of us could hear her because of the deafening silence.
A few moments passed. Maybe an hour, I didn’t know. It seemed forever until my father finally replied in a choked voice. “I-I came back. To see you all,”
Her dark green eyes widened, and she took a step back. Surprise and shock were written all across the face. I saw her pinch her arm lightly. She was trying to make sure this was all real. I didn’t blame her for thinking it was a dream. It would all be too surreal for me too.
“W-Why?” she half-whispered. My dad stood up swiftly, and Alex mirrored his movements, with an uneasy look upon his face. I clumsily stood up too, nearly knocking a vase down that was sitting precariously next to me.
“Because….because I still love you,” my dad said firmly, looking straight at my mom. She gasped, and brought a hand up to her mouth. “I-I don’t…I can’t…I…what?” she stuttered, looking flustered.
He took a step towards her, and Alex did the same. “I’ve loved, love, and will always love you, Sarah,” he said, still gazing at her with gentle adoration on his face. She looked at him disbelievingly for a long time, as if weighing how truthful he sounded.
“Please say something….anything,” my dad begged. He took another step forward, and Alex did too again. I stayed rooted to the spot. Too terrified with anticipation of what might happen within the next 30 seconds.
She shook her head slowly. “I…I can’t,” she replied after a while, looking at him with tear-filled eyes. “Yes you can. Tell me. Please. Tell me how you feel. I beg you,” he pleaded, his voice raising. I could see Alex tense a little, but he didn’t do anything more.
“I-I can’t!” she yelled, tears now spilling out of her eyes. “I don’t know how I feel! You can’t…you can’t do this….”
My heart wrenched as I saw my mother crying for the umpteenth time in the past 12 years. It was just too much of a painful sight. It was my mother. My own flesh and blood. I knew I never hated her. I may have said it before, but then when I saw her crying again after a long time looking vulnerable, tears barricaded my vision as well.
“Just tell me god dammit!” my father yelled at her. She looked at him, her anxious face turning into an expression more of fear. No, not again. He noticed her frightened expression, and his gaze turned softer and more guiltier.
Before I could even blink, Alex drew out a fist and punched my dad square in the face. “Never speak to her like that!” Alex spat at him, throwing a few more punches at him. My dad hit the floor with a dull thud, and a squeak came out of my mom.
Alex got down on the ground too, and continued punching him, taking his every ounce of anger on him that seemed like 12 years worth of anger and helplessness. Finally, I snapped out of it. “No!” I shrieked, and rushed over to them.
“Alex! Alex, stop! Please! Stop!” I screamed, tears flowing down my cheeks. “Stop it!”
But Alex didn’t listen. He continued pummelling my dad, who lay motionless on the ground, but was still awake. “Dad? Dad! Why aren’t you fighting back? Defend yourself!” I yelled at him, irritated at his defencelessness.
“No,” my dad replied wearily through Alex’s punches. “I deserve this. All of this,”
Suddenly, Alex stopped punching him and stood up, ignoring his bruised and bleeding hand. “Just leave, dad,” he muttered in defeat. My eyes widened. What?
My dad got up slowly, holding what looked like a broken bleeding nose. There were a few nasty bruises already forming on the side of his head and on his chin that looked pretty painful. “Alex-“he started, but Alex cut him off by raising his hand, his palm facing our dad.
“Stop. Just leave, okay? Go, get out here,” he muttered again, running a hand over his face. I looked at him in disbelief. After all the trouble I’ve gone through to get him here, Alex is just going to make him leave?
“No!” I objected, stepping forwards. “No way am I letting dad leave again,”
Alex looked at me with anger on his face. “You’re the reason for all this trouble in the first place. Everything is your fault. If you just stayed out of it, nothing would be this fucked up!” he screamed at me.
I flinched at his words, but then realized that what he said was true. It was my fault. I made him leave; I brought him back, causing all the problems in the family.
I looked up despairingly at my dad, but he was staring at my mom. Oh right, my mom!
“Mom…mom, please….please! Don’t make him leave. I beg you!” I cried, looking at her. She looked back at me, tears still flowing down her face. “I…I can’t,” she whispered yet again.
I let out a yell of frustration and stomped my foot childishly. “No! Dad, you can’t leave. Please don’t. I just want to have a normal family again,” I fought, glaring at him through my tears.
He looked at me with such a pained expression that it made my heart clench uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, princess. But I don’t belong here. It’s not right,” he replied, still clutching his bleeding nose.
I sniffed and let out a sob before throwing my arms around him. “Please…please don’t go! I’m so sorry. Please don’t…”I wept into his shirt. He sighed and ran his hand through my hair gently before kissing the top of my head.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Then he pulled away. “I’m sorry for causing so much pain for you all. I don’t know what else to say, other than me being truly sorry and guilty for missing out on all of your lives. I love you three so much. More than you can imagine. Goodbye,” he said.
“No!” I shrieked again. He couldn’t be going….he just couldn’t. He was my father. I needed a father. I needed him. I loved him.
I grabbed his hand and tried to stay rooted to the ground so that he wouldn’t be able to move. But he continued walking towards the door, dragging me by my heels effortlessly. “Please don’t! Please!” I continued crying.
He opened the door and gently pried my tight fingers from around his hand. He looked at me again with the same pained expression. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, before turning around.
And just like that, he walked out the same door again. Twice in our lives.
He stepped out into the pouring rain and walked towards his car. I watched as he started up the car and reversed into the opposite direction, zooming off into the darkness. Torrential tears were still gushing from my eyes.
Why did he leave? Why? I thought everything was going to be alright. I thought we were going to be a family again. Why did Alex have to be like that?
Rage suddenly exploded inside me, and I felt hot with anger from head to toe. It was all Alex’s fault! I spun on my heel and marched right back in. Alex was talking to my mother, who had her face buried in her hands.
“You,” I hissed at him. He turned around, and to my very shock, he had tears trickling slowly down his cheek. But that didn’t waver my anger one bit. “You. You fucking piece of worthless shit! It’s your entire fault!” I screamed at his face.
He looked back at me with an unreadable expression, tears still trickling down at a snail’s pace down his scarred cheeks.
“We were going to be a family again! Did you not see how much I wanted this? How much we all needed it? You fucked things up big time! And then you say that I’m the fuck up. Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful,” I snarled at him, punching his hard chest.
“Why”
Punch.
“Would”
Punch.
“You”
Punch.
“Fucking”
Punch.
“Do”
Punch.
“That?”
He continued looking at me blankly, as if the punches didn’t hurt him the tiniest bit, which was probably true. My punches were pretty weak. But that got me even more irritated and riled up.
“I had to go through a lot to get to New York. Do you have any idea how much I’ve been through the past few weeks to New York? Did you know that I came across Nathan, my raper that you failed to find? Yeah, he nearly raped me again. But dad stepped in and knocked him out cold before he could do it. Dad’s changed. But you didn’t give him a moment to prove it,” I said, breaking at the end.
It was then when I mentioned Nathan’s name that Alex’s expression came back on. He looked at me angrily, and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“And don’t even bother asking if I’m okay. Because I’m not, and will never be since you chased away the only thing that I had been set for ever since it left. Dad,” I finished.
I rubbed my watery eyes angrily with the back of my hand. “Don’t bother with where I’m going,” I muttered, before turning around and marching out the door into the pouring rain.
But I didn’t care about the rain. I took off running from my house. Running to the only place where I knew and trusted.
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A.N.
hallooo! im baaack! :D
yes yes, i know i havent updated in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! -.- bad ashika. and i know i've been such a prick for leaving you on a giantass cliffhanger, but this chapter certainly smoothens things out a bit, huh? ;)
soosooo, where do you think ashley is going now? do you think her dad did the right thing to leave? PLEASE VOMMENT!!! <3 greatly appreciated :)
oh and, i kinda have two different endings for the story planned. i dont know if i should make it a cliché happy ending, or a sad one....cant decide. HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED! :D
andandand, LONG WEEKEND!! :D more uploads! woop!! :D
lovelots:*
XxAshikaxX
PICTURE OF SARAH WALKER (THE MOM) ---->