"Time may heal all wounds but it does not erase the scars."
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•Rae•
It's getting dark. Kyle and I are watching TV after eating dinner.
I told him everything that Peter told me yesterday. About how my grandparents murdered someone and spent years in jail, and how his parents wanted to take revenge on them by hurting their family, which meant their only daughter, my mom. It was too much to take in, it was all so sudden and unexpected. And I can't stop thinking about my grandparents. But I understand why Mom wanted to hide this from me. She was trying to protect me like any mother would've done for her child.
I had been feeling awful by the time I got home, but the sight of Kyle talking with his mom brought a smile to my face. Martha had called me while I was in the police station, and I hadn't picked up because Peter was in the middle of explaining everything to me. I had been planning to text her after I got home, so finding her here surprised me.
Kyle and I hadn't talked about her after he told me he was trying to keep the promise he made me, and I didn't pressure him for more information. I can see they're making progress and that's all that matters. I didn't expect him to forgive her right away anyway.
A talent show is just starting by the time the doorbell rings. We glance at each other and just like always Kyle goes to open it. I keep watching the show, but then what I hear next makes me whip my head towards the door in shock. I see Jess sobbing, throwing herself into Kyle's arms and almost knocking him down to the floor.
"Jess?" I ask, my heartbeat picking up in speed as I approach them. "What happened?"
She keeps sobbing into his chest, giving no indication that she heard my question. Kyle and I share a confused look as he starts leading her to the couch.
"Jess, what is it?" he asks, still holding her close. "Did you have a fight with Trevor?"
She pulls back and sniffs, but tears keep streaming down her face. "This isn't just a fight. It's over."
I sit next to her and rub her back, trying to sooth her. "There's no way it's over, Jess. You guys have gone through a lot, and you always worked things out."
"No, Rae, you don't get it." Jess shakes her head, struggling to see me through her tears. "He hates me now."
"What happened?" Kyle asks her.
"I'm pregnant," she states, grimacing at the word.
Kyle and I just blink at her for a moment, look at each other, and then blink at her again.
"Jess, why is Trevor mad about that?" I ask her slowly, frowning in confusion.
"Because," she cries, "I told him I'd get an abortion."
The three of us sit in silence for a moment, the only sound being her constant sniffing. We know how much Trevor wants to start a family with her, and it'd be hard for him to forgive her if she got in the way of his dream of becoming a dad. But at the same time this is the kind of thing both of them need to agree on. It's her body and it's her decision as much as it's his. I wouldn't want her to be pressured into doing something she doesn't want to do. If she decides to never have children, I'll absolutely support her.
Kyle hugs her from the side as she continues to cry. Eventually she calms down and pulls away, and I go into the kitchen to bring her a glass of water.
"It's not that I don't want a baby," she blurts out after taking a sip.
Kyle and I stare at her, waiting for her to go on. She never explained why the idea of having kids freaks her out so much, so we had just assumed she's not ready because she's young.
"It's just... I don't wanna end up like our mother," she says quietly.
Kyle's eyes widen and he glances at me. We've never even thought her reason would have something to do with Martha.
"What if I turn out to be like her? A bad mother."
"Jess," Kyle says, giving her a stern look. "You will not turn out to be like her. Trust me, you're gonna be an amazing mom."
"You don't know that!" She huffs, staring at the floor. "What if I don't take care of my kids properly and they hate me for it when they grow up? What if I... what if I abandon them when things get hard? What if I can't stay strong for them? What if I become a selfish mother?"
Kyle and I share a glance, and I notice the frustration on his face. He doesn't know what to say to Jess and neither do I. But I have an idea. I signalize for him to follow me as I head towards the kitchen. He tells Jess he'd be right back and follows after me.
"We need to do something." I glance at Jess as she continues to cry while holding her head.
"I know," he runs his hand down his face in frustration. "But what can we do to convince her?"
"I... I have an idea..." I trail off, dreading his reaction.
"What is it?" he asks me eagerly.
"Um, maybe if Martha talked to her--"
"No," he cuts me off, shaking his head repeatedly. "There's no need for that. We'll convince her ourselves."
"Kyle, if Jess thinks that way, if she believes she's going to be a bad mother, this means she'll never be ready for a child. That will break them up. Trevor won't be able to live without kids no matter how much he loves Jess. You know that, don't you?"
He glances at Jess and hesitates. "How is getting her to talk to Jess gonna help? Jess won't listen to her anyway."
"It's worth the try," I say, desperately trying to get him to agree with me. "This is happening to Jess because of what she experienced during her childhood. So the only thing that can change her mind is if she understands things from her mom's point of view, you know? Maybe if Martha makes it clear to her that she does love her and regrets not showing her that from the start, Jess might change her mind. We need to try this, for Jess."
Kyle sighs and keeps silent for a moment, and I know he's accepting the idea.
"Kyle, there's no other way. The only person who can fix this is Martha," I add.
"Okay, what should I do?" he asks me.
"Go to her house and tell her the situation. And then bring her back here and we'll leave things to her."
"But Jess will be angry with us for this," he mumbles.
"It's for her own good." I remind him, reaching out to rub his arm in assurance.
"Okay," he breathes out.
Walking back to the couch again, we sit on either side of Jess. She's still crying, and it brakes my heart because I've never seen her this miserable. Whenever the two of them had a fight, she'd swear it's over between them and curses him out for hours, but she knew they'd eventually make up so she was never this affected by it.
But now she's certain it's over, and I can't imagine how painful that is.
"I was always careful not to get pregnant," she mumbles. "I don't know how this happened. I've been experiencing the symptoms for a while now and when I got checked I found out that I'm five weeks pregnant. I probably forgot to take the pills last month."
I rub her back as she sniffs and wipes her tears. "We were supposed to move in together today. I packed all my stuff and everything... Can I stay here for tonight?"
"Of course," I tell her.
Looking at Kyle, I'm glad to see the determined look on his face.
"I'll be right back," he says, standing up. "I have to go somewhere."
Jess doesn't ask him where he has to go on a Tuesday night, and that's proof of how awful she's feeling at the moment. She's a curious, nosy type of person.
Kyle gives me one last glance before standing up, and I feel proud of him for doing this for Jess no matter how much he hates it. I just hope our plan will work, and Jess and Trevor won't be forced to stay apart while still loving each other so much. Kyle and I have experienced it before and that's how I know that there's nothing more agonizing.