Trigger Warning: This chapter may contain scenes including violence, trauma, abuse, or emotional distress. If you are uncomfortable with the following, please skip this chapter.
It was over but the despair remained in some point. The faces of my maidservants flashed in my mind and I wanted to throw up. The remorse gnawed me up once again.
This was it. I could not take any more of this. Another death and a day on that hell would end me. I could not wait any longer for Night to help me. I had to take matters into my own hands again. I needed to claw my way up before I could drown in this abyss.
I walked my way back and I was fully preoccupied planning until I saw the distinguishable silhouette of Xenon at my door.
The two knights who were guarding me were nowhere to be found. As soon as he saw me, he approached me hastily and took me in his arms. We entered my room and he quietly laid me on my bed.
A woman with nothing but a tattered dress alone in a closed room with a man. Anyone who could see it would definitely think it was scandalous but both of us didn't care for any decorum in these kinds of situations.
We were both wrapped in silence as he cleaned every gash that marked my body.
Father was particularly cruel towards me when he was angry and Xenon was fully aware of that, no wonder he was here. He relentlessly tried his best to be with me after I spent my time in the oubliette but this past month, he constantly had some errands to do.
I appreciate his efforts but it was not his accompaniment that I wanted. Both of us were too similar that we became comfortable with each other's presence. I remembered the moment I laid my eyes on him during that first time I tried to broke loose, I knew I found a companion. He was the one who caught me but he looked worse than I did.
Those deep gray eyes reflected the ghosts chasing him. He was haunted and so was I. We were like two dogs licking each other's wound and no one would fully heal unless we leave this place but none of us could.
My gaze fell on his face laced with concern and sympathy as he applied bandages on my legs. It was an expression solely for me as he was the only person who cared that knew the horrifying truth about Father and me.
Night and Cindra may have a hint while Yves and Lian admitted they knew but it was just the tip of the iceberg. They were not there on the day I lost all faith in Father.
"Am I just a possession, Xenon? Don't I belong to myself?" I mumbled the questions running in my head.
Xenon's simply looked at me and resumed covering my injuries.
A deep sigh slipped from my lips. He was the kind of person who would stay silent than say the truth when it hurt. His obvious evasion to the question was the answer itself.
Father did not care enough for me as a daughter. The only reason he was furious from the envoy's announcement because there was a chance I might leave this place.
If marrying a noble was the only way I could gain freedom, I didn't want it. It was only like I was handed to another prison, just a different master in a different place. I exhaled at the thought. My fate was truly similar to a slave, only that I was masquerading as a princess and a thief.
I had no identity of my own. I was called a monster. I was just the hidden princess, the cursed youngest sibling, the king's toy, and at the end just a criminal at night. All of this just because I was alive.
Dying had always been my option but it was only failed attempt as Mother's face was embedded in my mind.
That was when I made the final decision. I am escaping tonight.
***
As soon as Xenon left, I packed my things. There was no better time than leaving spontaneously.
I ignored the pain as usual and moved like I was not injured. I had enough grands gained during the years as Ace but it was not enough to last me a lifetime.
I could always do a job once I get out of here. The problem was how. I managed to slip away every time because of the garden door but I promised Night I would not use it for my personal convenience.
I was uncertain if I would dishonor my words and use the door. At the end of the day, there was no room for hesitations if I wanted to flee. I eased my way towards the garden and as expected there was no one. I grabbed the key and inserted it into the hole.
It clicked open and I let out the breath that had been held on since I made my way out of my chambers.
Finally.
The reason I always failed in the past but was able to do my missions was since no one actually guarded the garden while the great walls that bounded the palace had every knight stationed there. It was as hard to go inside as it was to go out.
I really should be grateful to Cindra. Too bad I could not thank her anymore in person since leaving this place also meant I was also withdrawing my responsibilities as Ace. I wanted to start a new life with no one recognizing me.
It was selfish leaving everything behind but this time I wanted to prioritize myself. I wanted to fix the pieces of me that were broken in a place where I could start afresh.
I whistled at Lightning but to my confusion, there was no familiar neigh that came even after several minutes.
My time was ticking so I found my way through the Misty Forest. It would take at least two hours on foot and I have several hours before daylight. I was thinking by that time the sun rose, I was already at Solaris.
It was only two kingdoms away from Ezriel. Not too far and not too close either. Just enough to make Father drill his thoughts on where to find me.
My steps sped up as excitement filled me just imagining arriving at the Solaris Kingdom. From the portraits I saw, it was a picturesque place. Beautiful coast surrounding half of the country and abundant of peaceful towns.
They were known as the only worshipper of the True God and had never been into any war with other kingdoms and famed for the amicable governance of their kings. It was the main reason I chose that place. I wanted to settle down in a place void of conflict.
I would not mind having a religion if I could achieve that. It was a small exchange for a harmonious life, mainly for someone like me who craved that kind of lifestyle.
The money I had was sufficient for a small cottage but I had to find work to sustain my daily expenses. I thought of becoming a librarian but I immediately crossed the idea out since librarians were only in the cities but I wanted to live in just an ordinary village.
Maybe a tutor? I had a very good memory and I already read a lot of books and gained enough knowledge I could confidently partake to anyone. A community tutor would be preferable to a private one since there was no need for papers and qualifications.
"Ace."
I stopped in my tracks. There was only one person who I could not sense because of his shadows.
I turned back and realized why Lightning was nowhere. Anyone who was in the range of Night's shadows could hide their presence that was why I was not even able to hear Lightning's hoofs even when they approached me.
"What are you doing here?" He glanced at my bag and he found his answers "I knew something went wrong when your life contract was set aflame. You used the key didn't you?"
I kept my silence. It was only then I remembered that I was bound by a life contract due to desperation. I checked my body but I didn't feel anything at all. Night told me that my body would suffer from endless pain if I did not honor the contract.
"Don't worry. There is no physical punishment. The life contract will only burn if any of the parties failed to do their promise."
"You lied to me," I accused as I shot him a glare. If I knew it, I would have used it a long time ago.
"If I didn't you would have gone on the first second," he muttered as if reading my thoughts and started reprimanding. "You cannot leave, Ace. We already told you to have a bloody enchantment that confines you in the palace."
I pulled myself together. I would not give up here. If they truly had any bit of care for me, they would let me live. Magic existed in this world, I could always do anything about it.
"I don't care for that damn enchantment," I rebutted stubbornly.
"You fvcking should." He stepped down from Lightning and approached me. "Let's go, I will send you back."
"No!" I rebutted, retreating right away.
"Ace." His voice became grim as he spoke. "The enchantment won't let you leave the palace. That bastard king will not chase you but you will return by yourself in the end."
"What do you mean?" I groaned in frustration. "You keep telling me vague answers then how the hell will I know anything?"
I realized recently that they did give me answers but their explanation lacked. Such as how they did not specify about the Fallen God's curse, and they told me nothing about the enchantment either.
"There is a chance you will die." Night's face grew detached when the last syllable left his mouth I was rendered speechless.
Father really wants to kill me...
The truth that I was completely aware of could still numb all my emotions hearing it from somebody. To think that it was so sinister. All the sliver of hope for my Father fled my well-being.
"That is why you cannot go away from this place as you fvcking please."
"But you said it is just a 'chance' that means there is a possibility it's not true."
"Magic is very damn limitless, Ace. You knew that as one of the people that have it. There are many things we are not sure of but let us be cautious and not risk it."
I wanted to ridicule his words since caution and Night were something that never did get along. He was a daredevil and I learned it from him.
"Then the more reason I need to risk it. Perchance along the way, I can get help from someone since nothing will happen if I remained in that palace."
"Listen, Ace. You will suffer once you stay away too long from the palace. No one knows how to help you unless they knew what damning enchantment you have. So what is it? A small freedom or an escape with uncertainty. We promised we will help you, you just needed to go back as a princess of Ezriel Kingdom."
I wanted to scream. I was never treated like a princess. I was so tired. How long shall I suffer from these?
"You know nothing. I don't care about uncertainties as long as I stay far away from here."
Even I recognized how my tone dropped into a chilling temperature.
"You can't," he disagreed.
He still had a serious expression but the cold tone of his voice was enough to make my emotions ran loose. Anger rose within me and I snapped.
"Why!? Why do I have to endure all of this? If I die, then be it! But I will never let Father kill me! I... I just can't continue anymore. I was punished just because of these eyes! These eyes! If this power was to help just like you said, then how can I help others when I can't even save myself from this hellhole?!"
I was gasping for breath. Large drops pooled my eyes as all the collected resentment was broken free.
"Am I really his daughter? How could he treat me like this? Even if this was the so-called curse, it's still not enough reason. Help me leave, Night, I'm begging you."
I dropped down to my knees, the anguish apparent but I was rejected. Night gently shook his head while trying to help me up but I refused.
I summoned all my strength and yanked my dress at the back. My scars were exposed while the fresh ones throbbed from the sudden exposure. The wounds were still open as the healing took longer than usual.
"Just what did I do to be treated like this? Every day was painful... I don't know what I did wrong when... when all I wanted was the peaceful family I had before."
He did not respond and took off his robe, draping it on my back. However, I was already too numb, be it from the chilling wind or the gashes festerung my skin.
"I know, I know. Stop crying," he hushed and patted my head but that did nothing to comfort me.
"What do you know, huh? I can guarantee you were never treated like this by your own father."
Our eyes met even if my vision blurs from the neverending streams flowing to my cheek. Nevertheless, that did not hide the raw hatred that flashed across those violet irises
"Trust me, Carline. I've been there."
It was the first time he called me by my given name but the tremor accompanying his voice took all my attention.
Night had never looked so vulnerable— until now.
For me, he was the strongest. He was my ideal, my role model, in fact. But the way he appeared right now was something I never imagined.
His shoulders slumped with no words between us. His heavy breathing became rapid with hazy irises, as if he was stuck in a a nightmare while still awake.
"Night?" I called but he still had no response. I tried again, shaking him this time.
He finally snapped out of it, his gaze locking on me.
"King Enmir is suspected to be the leader of the Reapers, the group of Cattivos and that was why we need your help," he persisted, his tone a bit more stable. "You are our closest contact with him. But I vow this to you. I will get you out of here no matter what and I would never stop until I do so."
With just those words full of promise, I almost swayed from my decision. But then again, I'd be stupid to fall for it.
"Please, Ace." His cold fingers enveloped my hands. "Please just bear with it a little more. Until we are ready, you could have your freedom."
And I just ate my words.
Night never said please yet here we were. My resolve weakened. I owed Night my little piece of freedom and my mother taught me to always repay a favor.
Perhaps, I already repaid it with my missions but the familial bond he and Cindra gave me was something I could never pay despitr completing thousands of mission.
With that, I found myself agreeing.
I did not know how I returned to my chamber on my own with the disappointment of another failed attempt.
Groaning, I dove to the bed, my back freefalling as I stare at that bed canopy I was getting sick looking at.
Bloody hell. I am back again.
***
Note: The chapter is dedicated to Eo_Soo-jin. Thanks for the support (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)