It was difficult to go from having everyone to having nobody.
There were countless times when I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I couldn't. It wasn't just about me anymore. My life wasn't just my own. A tiny hand was always holding on to mine and I had to make sure that the girl that I brought in to this world would be okay.
I wanted to call my mom and dad and ask them, how am I supposed to figure this out, but they were gone. It was just Nami and I, bravely facing the world and fighting against the odds. I tried to raise her the best that I could, but without parents or a degree to back me up, it didn't take long before I went down the wrong path and started earning money in a slightly different way. I wasn't proud of conning people, but I did what I had to do to put food on her plate.
'' You should've kept this boyfriend, mom, '' Nami quietly mumbled, mouth wide in shock as she stared at the enormous villa in front of us. Her dark curls were in two ponytails and her tiny hands were peeking out of the sleeves of my jacket. She had her own, but she was forced to leave it behind after we had to make an emergency escape out of Busan. '' We'd be living like queens now. ''
I chuckled in amusement and patted her head. '' He wasn't rich when we crossed paths. He slept on a bunk bed, in a room that he shared with three other guys. He even used to force me to buy him food from SM's vending machines. ''
The girl glanced at me and frowned in disapproval. '' Mom. ''
My eyes slightly widened in realisation, I nervously smiled and quickly corrected myself: '' What I meant to say was... Things between us didn't work out, so we went separate ways. We don't like people just because of their money, okay? We like them because they say things that make us go 'haha'. Or they don't force us to eat sand from the sandbox at the playground. ''
'' Hey! I learned my lesson okay? It was one time! One single time! I had to show the other kid who's the boss of that playground! He was trying to bully me and ban me from using the swingsets! '' Nami protested, waving her clenched fists in front of her and jumping in the air in protest. I chuckled in amusement at her reaction, feeling satisfied by how my guilt-tripping was making her learn her lesson. She might've forgotten what she did, but I still remembered the screaming from the other kid's mother, who threatened to sue me for supposedly almost causing her son's death. I tried to explain to her that a little sand never killed anybody and that all of us had accidents like these when we were young, but that only made things worse. In the end, I barely convinced her to not call the police.
'' I wonder how much he changed. It's already been five years after all, '' I thoughtfully murmured to myself, raised my hand and rang the doorbell. Nami stopped screaming only when I nudged her and told her to show me her best smile. It was time to put on our performance and sell the story that I came up with on the train from Busan to Seoul.
There was a moment of silence, then I heard the sound of his voice, speaking through the intercom of the villa. '' Who is it? I didn't order any takeway. ''
His voice was deeper, manlier and a lot more tired than I remembered it to be, but it still sparked a certain familiarity in my heart. Memories started appearing in my head, visions of us when we were practicing together or screaming on the roof of SM's dorm building. He made my last couple of months at the agency a lot less unbearable than they could've been. My heart broke when I left and he was the main reason why. I couldn't stop crying while I was sitting in the train, looking out the window and watching Seoul disappear behind me and it was all because I wasn't sure if I would ever get to see him again.
'' It's me. ''
'' You're going to have to be a little clearer than that. ''
'' My name is Yujin. Does that ring a bell? '' I let out a nervous laugh, took a deep breath and tried to ignore my racing heart when I casually added: '' I'm back in Seoul and there's someone that I brought with me. I really think that you should meet her. Her name is Nami and she's your... She's your daughter, Baek. ''
The lie rolled off my tongue and our lives collided once again.
We heard a loud buzz when the famous idol unlocked the main gates of his property and Nami quickly rushed up the driveway. I tried calling after her and telling her to stop, but she didn't listen to me. The train ride back to Seoul left her tired and she was happy that we finally reached our destination.
She ran around the outdoor swimming pool and screamed in excitement. I couldn't blame her really. We spent the last couple of hours in a cramped train compartment, stuck between a woman who was wearing so much perfume that she eventually made Nami sick and a man that spent a good part of the ride from Busan screaming in to his phone about his failed marriage. For the whole five years before that, we were stuck in a tiny apartment that we shared with a bunch of questionable individuals. It was horrible and I hated myself for forcing Nami to live this way, but it was the best that I could to give her.
I took a hold of Nami's hand and pulled her past the pool. It was then that I caught a glimpse of Baekhyun for the first time. Five years passed since the last time that I saw him and I was shocked by how much he changed. Sure, he was famous and I was always noticing him on television, on advertising boards and on the internet, but it was different when I actually saw him in person.
He was standing on the other side of a glass wall and holding his phone to his ear. His fingers were buried in his bright pink hair and there was a panicked expression on his face. I caught him screaming the name 'Chanyeol' until his gaze suddenly met mine. For a moment, it felt like the world stopped moving, then Baekhyun bit his lower lip and raised his hand, signaling me that he needed five minutes. After that he turned around and quickly hurried away.
'' I can't that believe he bought your lie about me being his daughter, '' Nami seriously mumbled and shook her head in disapproval. Her curious eyes were snapping left and right and before I could stop her, she already invited herself inside the house - kicking off her shoes and picking them up in her hands before she stepped in the living room. I was still untying the laces on my sneakers when she started poking the sofa and testing it for future jumping purposes. '' You have a type, mom. You always fall for the dumb ones. ''
'' That's why I always say that you should watch and learn from your mom's mistakes instead of repeating them yourself, '' I replied, stepped inside the living room and made my way past a line of picture frames. Some faces that I saw on the photos were a lot more familiar than I would want them to be, others were completely unknown.
Nami suddenly turned towards me, pursed her lips and started twirling her hair around her finger. '' Why does dad get to have pink hair, but when I ask if I can dye mine, you tell me no? ''
'' He's not your real dad- ''
'' Do you want me to play along or not? '' the little girl protested and narrowed her eyes. She hated it when I forced her to lie to someone and I was really glad about that. I wasn't proud of the way that I earned my money and I wanted her to grow up in someone completely different from me.
'' Young lady... '' I was still going to scold her for trying to threaten her own mother, but then I suddenly got a better idea. '' How about we make a deal and dye your hair with pink chalk instead? Doesn't that sound a lot more fun than actual dye? ''
Her eyes grew wide in amazement at the idea of using chalk on her hair instead of the pavement. '' Does it really work? ''
'' It's even better than real dye. ''
'' Deal! '' She didn't notice the triumphant smirk that appeared on my lips when she fell for my lie. Her attention was already on Baekhyun, who just made his way back in to the living room. He looked like he managed to get himself together again, but he cracked as soon as the little girl threw her arms in the air and let out a loud cheer: '' Dad! ''
His eyes widened in alarm and I heard him mumble: '' Too soon. ''
She was going to run and jump in to his arms, but she stopped when he suddenly stumbled and collapsed on the ground. I almost couldn't believe that the shock from hearing that word was enough to make him faint. Nami also looked stunned when she squatted down by his side and started poking his cheek. She seemed amused by how squishy it was. '' Should I tone down my acting a little bit? It seems like this one will be a lot easier to con than the others. ''
I squatted down by her side, snickered in amusement and said: '' Probably. ''
'' He looks like a kind person. ''
'' You say that about everyone, Nami. But it's true that he used to be kind. Let's hope that he still is. ''
I let her poke his cheeks and have her fun, while I took another look at Baekhyun. He looked different from how I remembered him to be and I was curious to find out how much he actually changed. Judging from his reaction - not as much as I was worried that he would. He was still just as dramatic as back in the day, when we would bump in to each other on our way to dance practice or have long conversations in front of our dorm building's vending machines.
Sometimes all that it takes to change your life is one fateful meeting with the right person. Or in my case - a little bit less convenient reunion.