"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves memories no one can steal."
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•Rae•
"What else did you do today?" I ask Kyle as we eat dinner on the couch.
"I went to the store." He glances at me and the corners of his lips lift in an amused smile. "Jason hugged me goodbye and even tried to stop her from firing me."
"I knew I liked him for a reason." I chuckle as I take a bite from my pepperoni pizza. He seemed like a pretty cool guy from what I've seen the few times I went to that store to see Kyle.
Ever since Jess left, we've been watching some TV trying to distract ourselves. When we told her about their dad, she reacted just like I expected her to-- which was yelling and cursing for ten minutes straight. When she finally calmed down, she asked us what else we knew and Kyle told us that he went to their old house and found their uncle instead of their mom.
Jess was very surprised that he willingly went there but she didn't question him about it. The three of us had lunch together and then Jess left to meet up with Trevor.
I glance at Kyle and notice that he has a thoughtful frown on his face. "Hey," I say, making him look at me. "Stop frowning. You're gonna get a headache." I reach up and smooth out his eyebrows.
He chuckles and turns his attention back to the TV.
I wonder how he felt to be back in his childhood home. Did it provide some sort of closure for him?
A thought suddenly crosses my mind and I freeze for a moment.
I place the slice of pizza back into the box and glance at Kyle. He's staring at the TV screen but just like the past few days there's a distant look on his face.
"Kyle?" I say quietly, and he glances at me.
"Yeah?"
"Uh..." I hesitate and shake my head. "Nothing."
He stares at the side of my face as I keep fidgeting with my hands. "Rae, come on. What is it?"
It's too late to back out now.
"I just... I've never visited my parents... you know, their graves..." I say, and he raises his brows in surprise. "Maybe I can go there tomorrow. Do you think it's a good idea?"
Kyle looks into my eyes for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I think you should do it."
I nod and face the TV again, but questions keeps running through my mind. "What about my old home? Maybe I should visit it too. How did you feel... I mean what was it like for you to be back in your old house?"
He glances at me and takes a deep breath. "It was depressing, to be honest. I felt... uncomfortable being there. It's like the memories are more powerful and visual when you're in the place where they were formed."
I nibble on my bottom lip, nervous to go though with my sudden plan.
But then Kyle takes my hand in his and looks me in the eyes. "But it won't be the same for you, Rae. You had good memories there so I don't think it'll affect you in a bad way."
I nod as I place my head on his shoulder, making up my mind that tomorrow would be the day I finally visit them.
* * *
I don't go back home after school. I walk towards my old neighborhood instead, deciding to see my house first before visiting my parents grave. Kyle offered to come with me but I told him this is something I need to do alone. I glance at my phone's screen to check the time. It's almost mid day so he's probably back in his old house by now, talking to his mother.
As I get closer and closer to my old home, I realize that I'm taking the same route as I did the day of the fire. Every step I take becomes a struggle as the memory of that day floods the surface of my mind. My heart is hammering inside my chest and tears are already forming in my eyes. Then I take a turn and the house comes into view.
I stop dead in my tracks. I don't know what I expected to see but the sight in front of me makes my heart drop. Right there on the spot where our home once stood, is a beautiful house with an expensive looking car parked in front of it.
I walk closer and notice a man leaning against the car.
"Hurry up, kids!" he yells.
The front door swings open and two little girls run out followed by a woman carrying a luggage.
"What's the rush, Blake? We still have a few hours to spare before our flight." She smiles at him as he helps her put her stuff in the back of the car.
"Being early never hurt anyone." He shrugs while walking over to climb into the driver's seat.
The family of four drive away without noticing me standing there like a statue. I brake out of my trance and turn to face the house once again. It's a bit bigger than ours was, and more beautiful. Even though the place I once called home was burnt down to ashes, it still feels familiar and a nostalgic feeling is washing over me.
All I see when I stare at the front door is the image of our old home and all the memories I had in it. It was Mom's dream house and Dad bought it when I was ten.
Now it's no longer here.
I can't stay here any longer. Why did I do this to myself? I didn't expect to be this affected by coming here but I should've known better.
I turn and walk away, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. I start crying silently as I head to the cemetery. I take a taxi and arrive in fifteen minutes.
I walk through the gate and follow the long line of graves, searching for my parents name. I remember that it's towards the middle of the cemetery, so it doesn't take me long to find it.
I place my hand on their headstones one by one before sitting down on my knees in the middle.
I want to talk. I have a lot to say but the words get stuck in my throat. My lips are trembling and I know I'm gonna become an emotional wreck the moment I speak up.
"I'm here," I start, wiping a tear from my eye. "I finally came to visit you. A lot has happened after you left. I haven't been the same ever since I lost you. It's like a part of me- a huge part of me died with you in that fire. I blamed myself. I hated myself so much. I wondered what would've happened If I hadn't forgotten to buy that milk and got home in time like I was supposed to. I thought maybe you guys would still be alive if it weren't for me."
I sniff, remembering those painful memories. "I hoped the smoke got to your lungs before the fire burned your skin. I really hoped the last few minutes of your lives weren't filled in suffering and that kind of pain. But now I'm not even sure if you'd been alive when that fire started. I always wondered why you hadn't been able to get out. But I couldn't ask anyone about it. Now it all makes sense. Someone did this to you on purpose."
I pick at the grass under my palms. "I know you were good people. Mom you wouldn't even hurt a fly. And Dad you were the kindest person I knew. You both wouldn't have hesitated to sacrifice your life to help others. So who did this to you... and why? It wasn't your time to go. I wasn't ready to lose you. It's not like I'd ever be ready-- I'd always need you guys."
I give up on trying to wipe my tears away and just let them fall down my cheeks freely. "I was ruined when I lost you. So ruined that they had to put me in a mental institution. You guys were all I've ever had and it completely broke me to realize I'd have to live my whole life without you. The fact that you wouldn't be there anymore was so painful, you wouldn't see my graduation, wedding, you wouldn't meet your grandchildren like you always wanted."
Thinking of the mental hospital, I smile through my tears. "I hated that place at first. I wished that I had relatives so I can live with them and start fresh but you know what? I'm so glad I spent all those months in there because it helped me heal. And you know what else I got out of it? Kyle. He's... I can't explain it. He's everything to me. Everything. I desperately wish you could meet him. Dad, remember our movie nights? Whenever those cheesy scenes would come up and you'd tell me love would do that to me one day while I swore it never would? Well, you were absolutely right. Mom, I remember what you told me when you first met Kevin. You told me to not love him too deeply without making sure he loved me back. I didn't listen and you know what happened. But Kyle... I know he loves me. He does. You'd be so happy if you could meet him."
For the next several minutes, I keep talking as if they're sitting infront of me. My heart is heavy but it feels nice to finally be here.
Now all I need is to find out what really happened to them, and Kyle probably already got the answers by now.
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A/N Another sad chapter. But its important because Rae visited her parents grave for the first time and said the things she wanted to say.
And I can't believe book one just hit 20k reads! What even is going on?? hOw iS tHat pOssIbLe?? I'm just so happy lol thank you so much guys!
And 500 followers! HoW dId tHaT hAppEn Y'all-