Todoroki's POV:
It's been a while since they left and they're only making hot chocolate. It shouldn't take so long. Maybe I should go bring them back really quick. I unwrap my arms from around Bakugo. He stopped crying like 10 minutes ago, so I think he's okay. I stand up and look at him. "Hey I'm going to go check on them," I say and start walking away. I'm about to open the door but I feel someone grab my shirt. Bakugo.
He's gripping onto the back of my shirt with both hands and his head is on my back. "Please don't leave me," he whispers out. His voice breaks my heart. He stays there, grabbing onto my shirt, almost desperately. I don't know what to do. Of course I won't leave him now. He let's go of my shirt and I turn around quickly, hugging him tightly. He does the same. This whole situation is so sad.
"I wanted to go on that date with you. I really did. I'm sorry I screwed it up. I'm so sorry. I ruin everything. I suck. I'm sorry," he sobs out. He apologizes way too many times and he doesn't need to. There's no one who should apologize except the people who didn't know what was going on. You don't choose to be depressed or anxious. No one does. It's the chemicals in your brain.
"Stop apologizing. You shouldn't apologize because this is not you're fault. Okay, did you choose to be depressed?" He pulls away and looks at me confused. His lip is shaking and his face shows pure sadness. He just shakes his head no. "Okay did you choose to be anxious?" He shakes his head at my question again. I nod and say, "Okay. You don't choose to be this way. This also isn't your fault. This is the chemicals in your brain. You can't control those either. Or can you?" He shakes his head again at the question.
"Okay. So tell me, why is it your fault?" He stays there and buries his face back into my chest. He's shivering again, so I activate my quirk. "I'm not strong enough to handle it. Other people can. Other people deal with their depression. I'm just not strong enough to handle it," he says. It's muffled into my shirt a bit, but I can understand what he's saying. I run my hand up and down his back before putting it up to his hair. I run my hands through it and he sighs, leaning into my chest more. I guess it relaxes him just as much as it relaxes me.
"No one has the same amount of depression," I try to explain, not completely correct, but I hope he gets my point, "For some people it's subtle and for others, it's strong and dangerous. I know your parents aren't fit to deal with your depression because they're just ignorant, but I'll be here for you. I'll help you through this. It isn't your fault and it never will be. Please don't blame yourself. If I'm being honest, the people to blame are the ones around you. No one noticed. No one gave you the support you needed. I'm sorry it took so long for me to find out, but I'm not going to stop being here for you," I tell him. He gives in, nodding into my chest as I continue running my hands through his hair.
I take him to his bed and lay him down. His head is resting on my lap and I'm still running my hands through his hair. "I'm going to text Kaminari to see why he's taking so long," I say. He just nods again. I think he had stopped crying.
Me- Kaminari, where are you guys? Why are you taking so long?
2:31
I put my phone down and look at Bakugo. I never thought he'd be this sad. He looks so broken. I bet no one thought he'd ever be like this and it's so heartbreaking. No one should be less likely to be depressed than others. It can happen to anyone, but a lot of people don't realize that. Of course, I can't be mad at those people because I pretty much never thought like this until almost two weeks ago. I never actually thought that anyone could get depression.
"Don't worry about the date. We can just have a date here in the room tomorrow. We can watch some movies and I'll make us some dinner. You can help in the kitchen. We can do it like at three am so that no one would catch us and it'll be really fun. I don't really know yet, I'll figure it out, but does that sounds okay?" He looks up at me and nods, face lightening up a bit. I smile back and lean down. "Can I-" "Yes, you can take my fifth kiss," he says. I smile and lean all the way in. I feel him smile into it and I put my other hand on his chest.
We kiss for quite some time before we hear footsteps near the door. We quickly pull away. We wipe our mouths right as the doors open. They're all quiet and look really sad still when they walk in. But when they see us, Kaminari breaks out into a laughing fit, almost spilling the hot chocolate. I feel heat rise to my face and Mina gasps. "Todoroki! Your left side!" I look over and see that I had a little flame on my shoulder and I quickly put it out. "Pfft, dumbass," Bakugo laughs a bit. He's still not okay, but this was something that he needed. He needed to laugh. I had no idea I'd catch fire, but as long as it didn't hurt him, it was great.
"So what were you guys doing?" Bakugo glares at Mina before he realizes that he's still on my lap, so he just looks away, blushing. "I have stuff to tell you so can you shut up?" Mina bites the inside of her lip nervously and nods and Midoriya looks like he's about to cry. They walk over to us and give us our drinks. Bakugo sits up, but continues leaning on me as I wrap the arm that doesn't have the mug around him. He takes a drink of the hot chocolate and sighs. "Okay, first of all, me and IcyHot like each other. We were gonna go on a date today, but... stuff happened. We're still going on a date, just not today. I guess we're already dating. Oh, also, I guess I'm gay. But, not really?"
I interrupt him and smile as I say, "He said he's only gay for me." He shoots a glare at me and shoves me. Luckily my hot chocolate doesn't spill. "Tch whatever yeah. I don't like girls, and I never really thought I liked anyone until I realized that I did. I like IcyHot," he says.
The three smile widely. Then Midoriya frowns and asks, "So what happened today?" I feel Bakugo tense up even though he knew we'd have to discuss this. It's still a hard thing to talk about, I mean he just tried to do something horrible not even 3 hours ago. "Well, I've had depression and anxiety for years. It started around middle school, but my parents didn't find out until about a month and a half ago. I would, um, this is humiliating," he says, looking at me anxiously. "You didn't choose to be like this. It's not your fault, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about," I say, encouraging him.
He turns back and starts again. "I would self harm. A lot. Then it turned into also not eating. My parents found out when one of them walked in on me self harming. They took me to a hospital and they immediately sent me to a shrink. I've only gone to the shrink for a little bit, but I've also been given medication. IcyHot found out about all this when we were forced to switch bodies," he says and stops when Mina and Midoriya gasp. "What? You and Todoroki switched bodies Kacchan?" Bakugo nods. "Yeah, it happened cause we were fighting one time after school. The quirk lasted a week," he says. I nod and decide to chime in. "You know when you thought Bakugo got all mad because you asked if he actually laughed? Well, that was actually me. That was the week that we were switched, so I guess last week."
He nods and then asks another question. "Oh, so how'd it work?" Bakugo sighs heavily and then answers his question. "So, our minds switched, but after a certain amount of time, we started to get the other person's thoughts and mindset and shit like that. So I was still me inside of Half'n'Half, but I had his mindset, so I was chill, while IcyHot had constant panic attacks and breakdowns while he was in my body," he tells them. "Yeah, being Bakugo was not easy. I had a lot on my mind and it made me so sad knowing that he hadn't ever had anyone there for him while he was there for me," I say. Bakugo looks at me and then looks back down.
"My parents didn't know until they caught me. They didn't have any idea about what I was going through. They were always gone and when they were home, they acted like they didn't have me. Anyways, I was in a really bad place. Today when I was going to breakfast with Kaminari, I was happy. I was going on a date with IcyHot today, but I started thinking too much. Then I told Kaminari that I still think that I'm too fat and Mina heard. I freaked out and thought it was better to run away from her rather than tell her the truth. I ran here because I thought Deku and IcyHot would be gone already. Then Deku saw me and I didn't want to tell anyone. Too many people already knew, I didn't want anyone else knowing and two people found out in less than five minutes. I ran away again and I kept thinking: It's better if I died. Everyone would be better off. I shouldn't live. It's easier for everyone. Everyone would benefit from my death," he says, looking down at the mug. His voice is starting to get shaky so he clears his throat.
He takes a deep breath and continues. "When I reached the lake, I decided to drown myself. It was the only thing around, so I jumped in. Todoroki pulled me out after I fell unconscious and the next thing I remember is waking up, coughing up water. Then Halfie and Dunce Face both hugged me and I told them to let me die. I wanted to die and they didn't let me. They told me that they wouldn't forgive themselves if I succeeded in killing myself."
"Bakugo. I love you man. I you're the greatest. I can assure you, no one would benefit from your death. It would take me forever to grieve your death if you had died. I can't believe you did that," Mina sobs out, hugging Kaminari who has tears running down his face. Midoriya is crying, but he asks another question. "How did Kaminari find out?"
Bakugo quickly wiped away a tear that was threatening to spill and I realize that I'd started crying again too. "When IcyHot when to go get his clothes for this trip, I had a huge breakdown. I punched the wall and trashed my whole room. I yelled at the top of my lungs for letting him find out. Then Kaminari called to see if I was home cause he was already headed upstairs. I froze and tried to reach the door before he could open it, but it swung open. He saw me like that and then that night, I admitted everything and told them that they could both help me," he says. I squeeze his shoulder with the arm I have around him.
"I'm sorry I had no idea Kacchan. I knew you the longest. I've known you since we were kids. I didn't notice the change in you and I'm so sorry," he says, falling to his knees and crying into his hands. "Midoriya hey are yo-" Before I can even go to get up, he stands up and wipes his tears. He takes a deep breath and lets it out heavily. He looks confident now. "I'll be here for you Kacchan. No matter what. I'm so stupid for not realizing it earlier, but now that I know, I'll help you. I won't tell anyone about anything. I promise," he says to Bakugo. Bakugo just nods, still looking at his mug. "It's not your fault, but thanks."
Mina is still balling her eyes out and Bakugo opens his arms for her. She stands up and runs over to Bakugo. "I'll be here for you too. I've been such a bad friend for not realizing. Kaminari always wanted to check in on you but we brushed it off because we thought he was just crazy. We've been so ignorant," she cries out. I let them have their moment and look over at Kaminari who's drinking his hot chocolate while tears spill down his face. He tries to hold in his sobs, but he looks so sad about Bakugo. He puts the cup on the dresser, near the door, and then runs out.
I look over at Bakugo and he looks back at me worriedly. I nod at him and he taps Mina's back. She pulls away and looks at him questioningly. "I have to go check on Kaminari. It's hit him the hardest and I feel really bad," he says while getting up. I deactivate my quirk as he runs out and Mina sits on the bed.
Katsuki's POV:
I saw him turn left, so I run that way. I keep running and look around, searching for a head of yellow hair. He probably went into the woods since his cabin was the other way.
I keep running and pause when I hear sobs nearby. I feel really bad and I feel this pit in my chest as I continue hearing his sobs. "Kaminari?" The sobs stop and it's suddenly really quiet. I start walking to where I heard the sobs before they stopped and I hear a deep breath before the sobs start again. I guess he couldn't hold them in.
I see him behind a tree, head in between his legs. I crouch down and hug him. He wraps me in his arms too and cries. "Please don't try to kill yourself again. I won't be able to handle it. I told you you're the reason I'm still a hero. But, you're also like a brother to me. If I lost you, I- I don't know what I'd do Bakugo. I'd never get over it," he says. I nod and take a deep breath. "I didn't think about that. I'm sorry Kaminari. I'm really sorry. I won't run anymore," I say, trying to comfort him.
I really didn't realize that it had affected him so much. Maybe I should call my shrink tomorrow. Tomorrow's Wednesday and even though I won't be able to attend in person, I should still talk to her. It would be best for me. Maybe? I don't know. I should just really talk to someone. Maybe speaking to a professional would be best.
"Please don't blame yourself. I hate that you blame yourself, dude. Don't ever think that this is your fault. No one expects you to be perfect by the way. If you decide to tell everyone, no one would judge you or make fun of you. You are a human being. You have your problems just like everyone else," he tells me.
I look at him, taking what he just said in. "I-I don't know if I'm ready to tell people. I just can't right now. I need some time to do that," I say, freaking out a little bit. I feel my anxiety spike and then Kaminari's hands are on my shoulders, calming me down. "Hey. You don't have to. There's no reason you should, I just wanted to let you know that if you did end up deciding to tell the class, that you shouldn't have to worry about being judged. No one would do that."
I nod and just take a deep breath. Why am I such a little bitch? He just wanted to give me some comfort and I'm here, freaking out over nothing. I swear, I'm so done with myself. I hate my- "Hey? What's wrong?" I look up at Kaminari who still looks really sad, but he suddenly gets this worried look in his eye. "What do you mean?"
He sighs and I frown at him. "You looked deep in thought. Don't push yourself to suddenly be better. Getting better takes time. You aren't going to suddenly be okay overnight. It doesn't work like that. Don't beat yourself up about this." I sigh heavily. "Now. What was on your mind? It's better to talk about it rather than keep it all bottled up inside. And before you go on wondering if I really care, I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked in the first place," he says.
I look at him and nod. "I was thinking about how pathetic I am for getting all worked up over nothing. I shouldn't be such a little bitch about this. You were just trying to reassure me that I have people to back me up. I just can't get over how much of a weakling I am," I tell him honestly. He frowns and shakes his head. "Like I said, getting better won't happen overnight. It takes time. Don't push yourself or be too hard on yourself for this. No one is judging you, and no one will. Your reactions are perfectly normal in this situation. No one should have to react or feel a certain way. You feel what you feel, don't worry about everyone else" he says, getting up.
I stand up with him and we start walking back to the cabin. "Sorry for storming off like that. I just needed to be alone to cry," he says, looking at the ground. "I know. I just feel bad because this has affected you a lot. I didn't expect you all to react this way. I was just done. I couldn't handle being alive. It felt easier to just leave," I tell him.
"Maybe for you, but I think I'd die if you killed yourself. I'm not joking. I think Todoroki feels the same way too. He really looked so desperate trying to revive you. The look on his face brought me physical pain in my chest. He's really head over heels for you, dude."
I look at him, shocked at his confession. "I'm sorry for not really thinking about you guys. It was selfish of me. I really can't tell you how sorry I am. And as for Todoroki, are you sure that he really likes me? I find it really hard to believe sometimes and then I hate myself for thinking that IcyHot would lie," I say.
He looks over at me and nods as we get to the cabin. "Yeah. It's so obvious. I can't believe you don't see it. He really has it bad. Same for you. It's so sad, it's almost laughable." He smiles and opens the door for me. We enter and notice how quiet it is. Dunce Face grabs his mug and takes a sip of it as I walk over to my bed to sit next to IcyHot again.
I grab my mug too and then I feel Todoroki's arm around me. I lean into him instantly and the three watching us tease us. I roll my eyes as I feel a blush creep up my face. I look up at Todoroki who's already looking at me. When we make eye contact, he smiles at me warmly and I look away quickly as my face heats up. "Okay, now. Bakugo?" IcyHot's voice is serious and I feel the tension in the room again.
"Hm?" IcyHot rubs my arm and sighs. "So, we came up with a plan," he says. I nod and don't look up. There's too many people that know. I hate that they all know.
"Okay, so we're gonna need the things you hurt yourself with," he says. I bite the inside of my lip and frown. I don't know if I should. I mean, I want to get better. But it's not that easy. I want to get my release somehow. That's all I've known for these past 5 years. It's not going to be easy, but what else can I do? They might tell Mr. Aizawa if I don't comply, so I just nod. "Okay, second, you're going to have to tell one of us when you're really anxious, uncomfortable, or not okay," he continues. I nod at that one too. "Lastly, you're going to have some trust in all of us. If one of us isn't around, you'll have another person to tell. We'll, distract you or help you out until your bad feeling is gone. We just want to help you. Are you okay with all of this?"
I still don't look up, but I nod. It does sound like a pretty good idea. "Oh wait. There is one more thing," he says. I don't say anything. What else could there be? I wait for him to tell me and he finally does. "Would you like our date to be today or tomorrow?"
I look up at him and give him a confused look. I didn't expect that to be the question. "Um, I'm kind of tired from today," I start. I look back down at my mug and continue. "I think tomorrow would be better. I really am looking forward to it, but I'm really tired." "Okay, that's okay Bakugo. All you have to worry about is getting yourself better. You're going to have to talk to at least one of us. Whoever you're more comfortable talking to," he tells me.
"Okay, that's fine. Can I sleep now?" I really don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm too tired and it's too fucking cold right now. I just need to sleep. "Yeah, you should get some sleep. You've had a tough day and tomorrow we'll have some fun. Well, if you're up for it. I don't care, as long as I'm spending time with you," IcyHot says.
"Okay Bakugo, we'll be leaving now. We love you and we'll be here every step of the way," Mina says as the three start walking out. Deku nods and then Dunce Face stays behind a little. "Remember, talking is important," he says before leaving. The door closes and I put the mug down. IcyHot hands me his and as soon as his mug is on the dresser, I start crying. Todoroki hugs me and I decide to tell him why I'm crying.
"I'm such a freak. I tried to kill myself. I couldn't even succeed and now more people know. I'm such a screw up," I sob into Todoroki's chest. He lies us down and let's me cry. "You're not a freak. I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. I-I really like you Bakugo. More than I should since we've gotten to know each other for about a week. Please don't put yourself down," he says, running his hands through my hair. I sob harder at his words and take them in. "Th-thank you," I say in between sobs.
"I just feel like crying. I'm sorry if it's annoying. Just please don't leave," I say, gripping onto the front of his shirt. He just rubs my back and tries to sooth me to sleep. I feel myself start drifting into a deep sleep and I just let myself be taken care of by IcyHot. "I won't leave."
Todoroki's POV:
Bakugo is way more tense and broken than usual. I really want to help him, but I'm not a pro at this type of thing. The best I can do is be here for him, so that's what I'm going to do. If it takes him a billion years to get better, then that's how long I'll help him. I really like him. It's scary thinking about how much I like him because I feel like the feelings I have for him overflow and just spill out.
I hold so many feelings for him. There's too many for me to handle. I probably seem completely gone for this guy, and I am. If he asked me to comb his hair for him, I'd do it, no questions asked. If he asked me to do his laundry, I'd do it. If he asked me for anything, you can bet your ass that I'll do it. I don't know what he's doing to me, but the fact that he likes me back just makes me so happy. If he ends up not liking me, well, too bad. He's stuck with me until forever. I'll be here for him. If he finds someone new, I'll be here for him. I just want to see him be happy. If I can get him to that point where he can be happy all on his own, then I'd feel 100 percent happy.
He had fallen asleep, so I covered us both with his blanket. He's really fond of it and I think it's quite adorable. He's been really cold, and I think it's cute. It gives me a reason to cuddle him and be closer to him. When we touch, I feel like I'll explode. It's so weird and sometimes, I wonder if he feels the same. I mean, I know he likes me. He's told me he does, but does he feel as strongly for me as I do for him? I really hope so.
Today was a rollercoaster and I can't believe I almost saw Bakugo succeed in killing himself. I shiver at the thought that he could've actually died if I hadn't gotten there in time, or if I reacted too slowly. When he gasped for air, I felt the whole weight of the world fall off my shoulders. I was so relived he had woken up.
I want to take him out. On a real date with restaurants and ice cream. We'll watch the sunset or something. I know we won't be able to do that, but tomorrow, I'll do my best to get as close to that as possible. We'll make dinner together, then eat some ice cream as we go on a walk. After having fun and talking, we'll sit somewhere nice and cuddle into each other as we watch the sunrise. I'll have Midoriya set up the spot where we'll watch the sunrise. I'll tell him to pack some blankets in a bag and put it at a clearing I found.
I had initially wanted to take Bakugo to the lake and freeze it so we could ice skate like we did on the field, but I don't think he'd want to go where he tried to kill himself. I don't want to go there, that's for sure.
I feel a tear fall at the memory from today. I saw his body disappear under the water. I was slipping on the as I ran on the ice, desperately trying to get to him quickly. Seeing the bubbles in the water, signifying that he was getting rid of all the air in his lungs. I sob into my hands and take a deep breath. I wipe away the tears and pull Bakugo closer to me. I make sure my quirk is still activated so that he's not that cold.
I kiss the top of his head and decide that maybe I should go to sleep too. I want to spend all day with Bakugo. I'm going to stay by his side all day. Then at like 2 or 3 am, I'll pick Bakugo up from Kaminari's dorm. He'll be getting ready there and I'll knock on the door. I'll ask for him as if though I were picking him up from his house, then, I'd watch him walk towards me and take him to the main cabin where we'd be able to make our own food. I think something like chicken Alfredo would be fun to make.
Then, I'd take out the ice cream so we can eat that as we walk to the beautiful clearing I found. There, we can cuddle and talk while waiting for the sunset. Then, I'd ask Bakugo to officially be my boyfriend. I hope it all goes well. I'll send Midoriya to buy the stuff for us. I just need this to be perfect so that Bakugo has a good time. I'll have to text Kaminari about the part where I'll be picking up Bakugo from their cabin. I mean, we're all going to spend the entire day together. I just want to be near Bakugo, but at around 1, I'll leave and come to our cabin to start getting ready while Bakugo goes over to Kaminari's cabin to get ready.
I'll also have to ask Midoriya or maybe someone else to take Bakugo's bag to Kaminari's cabin. It'll be great. I'll make sure that things go according to plan, or at least almost according to plan. I sigh heavily and get more comfortable. I close my eyes and try to get some sleep as I hear Bakugo's soft breaths.
***
Word Count: 4,986
Hi it's Friday, whoop. I hoped you all liked this chapter. I'm working on backing up all of my stories. I'm working on a few new ones and wattpad was acting weird rn so in case anything happens, I'm making copies of everything, including Why Me? and this one. I love you all!! Have an amazing day <3