Heylo s/o to for being the absolute best! And to shivuuuuuu for making some of the edit. Love to you bbs❤️💖
******
There were albums strewn across the bed as Naina and Sidharth's mother laid in bed watching the episode in which Sidharth wins the task, and marries Shehnaz, or at least the little play they both did. As the rest of the episode played on the TV, maa seemed to have been out of it, there were a few pictures in these albums that were so close to her heart. There was one where Shehnaz smiled up at Sidharth fondly as his head was thrown back in laughter, after he put sindoor on her forehead. The way Shehnaz looked at her son that day, she instantly knew that their relationship would be a different one, a deep one, an alliance of not only love or marriage but of souls. There were absolutely no emotions between the both of them when the picture was taken on the day of their wedding, absolutely none, but they still managed to look that together, so she wondered how it would be when they would fall in love, when they'd find parts of their souls in each other.
"Naani?" Naina's voice came.
"Hmm?" She hummed, not looking away from the picture.
"Aap theek ho na?" She asked.
"Haan bacha. Mujhe kya hoga? "
"Kal se aap zyada kuch nahi bol rahi thi. Mama ko jo bola usne, uske wajah se aap pareshaan toh nahi ho rahi na?" Naina hesitantly asked.
"Yeh tu pooch rahi hain? Tu roh rahi thi dekh ke." Naani chuckled, finally putting the album down.
"Please naani. Jitna bhi ladayi karu, mama hain woh mere. Sabse pyaare mama. Uss takle ki muh thod deti waha pe hoti toh. Uske wajah se 23 Anitacles aachuke hain ki mama rehab mein the inn doh saalon mein, ki woh addict hain. Matlab fuck all baatein karte hain." Naina scoffed.
"Naina maar padegi. Gaali kyun deh rahi hain?" Naani shouted.
"Sorry sorry. Gussa aagaya." She said, cuddling into her naani, buttering her up.
"Aap theek toh Haina? Baat karne se mann halka hota hain naani." She continued.
"Mann bhaari nahi hain baccha. Kal thak meko chub raha tha dekh ke lekin usko isse zyada bolagaya Naina. Tujhe pata hain? Tere mama na, jab woh chota tha, mera chunni pakad ke ghoomta tha, kitchen mein, bahar, kahi pe bhi, aise hi pakad ke raktha tha, kyunki he used to feel protected around me. Usko lagta tha ki agar pakde rakhega toh zyada dhoor nahi jaa paungi main usse. Kal ek pal ke liye mere bacche ko aise hi chunni pakdake sehlane ka mann kar raha tha. Maa hoon afterall. Lekin I was proud of him jab usne courage leke mera chunni chod diya ek din. Apne aap chala gaya khelne. Kal bhi mujhe boora laga, bohot boora laga. Lekin he has courage. Jab usne ussi waqt apne emotions mein beh ke jawab nahi diya usko, I was relieved, jiss tarah Shehnaz ne phirse sambhala usko, chinta karne ki reason hi nahi hain." Naani said.
" Haan naani, shayad Sanu naa hoti toh unka jeena mushkil hojata waha pe. Woh apne aap ko khodete." Naina shuddered at even the thought of it.
"Lekin waha pe vase phekne ke baad unhone nahi dikhaya, aapne clip bhi dekhne nahi diya. Aise kyun kar rahe ho aap? Dekhne doh na?" Naina whined.
"Sidharth aur Shehnaz agar ghar pe hote aur kamre bandh karke baat kar rahe ho toh tu kholke baith jaayegi unke baatein sun ne ke liye? Peeping Tom bolte hain unko. Jiss video mein bhi humara baat hoti hain, dekhne deti hoon na? Jab unki beech ki baat hoti hain toh unke beech hi rehene deh." Naani explained.
"Ew." She said, thinking about just how creepy the scene would be if she peeped into their room while they were privately speaking between themselves.
"Exactly. Aur jo usne wapas aake jawab diya, dhilasa milgaya na tujhe ki woh theek hain. Aur jiss tarah Shehnaz ka haath thaam ke rakha, sab theek hain. Issiliye tension nahi leti hoon main." She said.
"Haan uss scene ke peche sab pagal ho rahe the twitter pe. Unn dono ka screenshot leke itna share kardiya woh, mera poora feed pe wohi tha." Naina laughed.
"Unn dono ki Jodi pe sach mein Baghwaan ka haath hain. Warna bina kuch jaane hi agar log unke beech ka pyaar aur bond dekh rahe hain toh mere bacche sach mein baghwaan ke bacche hain." Naani said.
**
"Abey iss ladki pe seriously case kardena hain. Aise Dhaka kaise maar sakti hain yeh? Idiot aur usko ovaries pe laga. Matlab dimaag ka paidal nahi, dimaag hain hi nahi usme." Naina scoffed.
"Meri hassi nahi rukh rahi hain!"Shehbaz laughed.
"Abey teri behen ko dhakka laga! Pagal hain tu?" Naina said.
"Pata hain lekin yaar uske ovaries pe kaise laga yaar? Matlab mujhe samajh mein nahi aaraha yeh baat. Kya hain yeh?" He fell over laughing.
"Ghadhe, thoda control kar warna marr jayega." Naina said, looking at him perplexed. He just slid down from the sofa and onto the floor laughing.
"Motto ne takle ko almost expose kardiya. Bohot bura hua inn dono ke saath lekin Rabji mainu maaf kardo, meri gandhi wali hassi choot rahi hain amma!" Shehbaz laughed. Naina sighed, exasperated but could not deny the fact that she wasn't madly amused at what she just saw on TV.
The episode came to an end and Shehbaz and Naina moved onto watch the other clips, she was pAnitacularly excited to watch the one where Shehnaz, Asad and Sidharth sat on the garden bed, she didnt want to think about why.
The clip started off with Shehnaz looking at their pictures in the bedroom along with Sidharth and then walking out. The conversation she had with Asad on the table made her eyes widen and face turn red. She was so thankful that Shehbaz wasnt saying anything just yet.
"Tera toh frame ke saath hi shuru hogaya." Shehnaz said, making Asad's face turn red.
"Yeh kaunsi frame ke baarein mein baath kar rahi hain?" Shehbaz asked confused. Naina stayed quite, knowing full well what frame was being discussed.
The conversation went on after they moved outside and Naina smiled fondly at her mama and Sanu, they were so proud of her, her heart melted with the way they spoke so admiringly about her. Shehbaz pinched her cheek fondly too, everyone adored Naina. They chuckled when Shehnaz complained about Naina and Sidharth taking her to the gym.
Shehbaz only slightly teased her when Asad said that she was beautiful, her face was on the verge of turning pink. She never thought hed say that. While Shehnaz and Sidharth were in their own conversation, Asad seemed to be thinking about something, seeming absent minded even when Sidharth asked him what he was thinking about.
"Naina in the gym."
"Huh?" Naina said, her face now looked like a full-fledged tomato.
"Hoye hoye hoye hoye hoye. Yaha pe gandhi photo dekhajata hain. Waha pe gandhi imagination dekha jaate hain. Yeh sab golmaal lag hara hain. Naina yeh kya ho raha hain?" Shehbaz said, mouth widened to taunt her.
"Shehbaz bhaiya please doh minute chup raho meko attack aaraha hain." Naina whispered.
"Naina in the what?" Sidharths voice came. Nainas heart dropped, her face lost some of the blush.
"Oh fuck." She repeated a couple hundred times.
"Naina and the NGO bola. I was thinking about how I could do social work like her." Asad covered up.
"Yahi bola tu ne?" Sidharth asked again, eyes turning into small splits.
"Haan yaar. Mujhe neend aarahi hain. Good night." He said, urgently getting up and walking away from there. The clip ended there.
"Bhaiyya, mama usko maar daalta. Amma mujhe attack aagaya." Naina said, clinging onto Shehbaz's hand who found what he just saw extremely hilarious.
"Tum dono ka track accha hain." Shehbaz laughed.
"Tu please ek minute serious hoga? Main marr jaungi abhi doh second mein." She whined.
"Kuch nahi hoga. Tension na lo." Shehbaz tried to pacify her.
"Bhaiyya mama ka gussa pata Haina tujhe? Pagal ho?" She said, eyes widened.
"Tera gussa equally nikhal ta hain." He scoffed.
"Chup re kamine. Yeh Asad apna muh nahi bandh rakh sakta? Kabhi milungi na chad chad ke maarungi usko." She said.
"Aw already uspe chadne ke plan hain?" Shehbaz teased.
"Haan toh kya karlega?" She said boldly, challenging him. Her frustration showing.
"Abey main soch raha tha ki tu sharmayegi." He said.
"Chal chal sharam sirf kuch dinon ki hothi hain. Hot hain. Toh kya?" She scoffed.
"Abey beysharam." He said, perplexed.
"Kya?" She said, calming down from her high.
"Sidharth ko sach mein pata chala na, maarega." He said.
"Pata hain lekin accha hain woh bechara. Main kaha bol rahi hoon ki pyaar hogaya usse? TV pe dekha, cute laga." She justified.
"Usne nahi dekha, phir bhi tujhe gym mein imagine kar raha hain." He chuckled.
"Shut up dude. Sach mein he's cute. Lekin pagal baatein math kar." She laughed.
"Denial mein nahi ho. Acchi baat hain." Shehbaz laughed.
"Abey bandhar, main tujhe marungi abhi. Bohot unnecessary baatein bol diya maine abhi. Meko pagal math bana." She said, still watching the clip that was replaying on the screen. He was cute.
****
Nithin had texted Shehbaz and maa and told them that they were sending in a new bunch clothes from Ken and if they had anything personal to send their way, they could. So Naina and maa were stood in front of Shehnaz's closet looking for that one maroon saree to send.
"Aunty the creatives said we can send them a few pictures. This won't be aired and they would stay hidden but you can send them family pictures. I do not know why they were being so specific aunty lekin yehi pooch rahe the." Nithin told maa on the phone.
"Are you sure beta? Family photos thoda zyada nahi hoga?" She asked hesitantly.
"Yeh baat maine bhi socha aunty lekin unhone assure kiya ki they're bound by the contract, unless Sana aur Sid na bolna chahthe, yeh baath kabhi bahar nahi nikhlegi. The pictures will stay hidden woh bol rahe the. Specifically bola ki family pictures bhej sakte hain toh bhejo taaki unki himmath bade." Nithin told her.
"Yeh toh nahi hosakta ki woh log itna sochenge unke baarein mein lekin we'll send them. Please make sure ki kuch galath naa ho." Maa said.
"Haan aunty." Nithin assured and hung up.
Maa packed up a few pictures up along with Naina's help in a white packet and put into a bag along with Shehnaz's maroon saree, everything was perfectly packed and would not need to be repacked even after the checking would be done before they sent the clothes in on the sets.
*******
Another lazy Saturday came upon the house; Sidharth, Shehnaz, Anita, Vishal, Asad and Sara were seated on a couch in the dining room, conversing about their plans for after the show. They both sat on two ends of the couch, with Sara and Anita between them both. Shehnaz's eyes flickered to him constantly for the past hour that they sat there, his eyes really sank deep into his face, he looked fine, better than he did on Friday but still sick nonetheless. She was staring at him now, not being able to look away from him, and almost as if he could feel her eyes, he turned to her.
"Kya hua?" He asked. She just shook her head. He sighed, getting up and walking up to her and grabbing her hand and pulling her up.
"Uth." He said.
"Kyun?" She whined.
"Uth bey." He said, pulling her up and dragged her off into the garden area, rolling his eyes when he saw Ahaan, Raani, Parag and Heera outside and then he pulled her back inside and found the place under the stairs empty and sat down.
"Ghar ki tour karani hain kya?" She said making him chuckle.
"Hi baby." He said sweetly.
"Tujhe kya hua?" She frowned. She was the one who did all that, not him.
"Kuch nahi. Tera muh phula hua bohot cute lag raha tha toh socha thoda thaadlu, woh bhi paas baithke." He said, a charming smile on his face.
"Haaye mera baby. Kitna cute hain tu." She giggled.
"Haina?" He said chuckling.
"Tujhe sick sick lag raha hain? Tere aankh sujhgaye hain." She said, touching his face softly.
"Main theek hoon baby." He said, exasperated.
"Tune khana bhi acche se nahi khaya." She said.
"Tujhe khaa loon?" He smirked.
"Ooooh. I like it." She smirked back. But what she didn't expect him to do was grab her hand and pull it up to his lips, and then slowly bite down on the side of her palm softly, his eyes never leaving hers. Despite the swelling under his eyes, the glint in them made her feel like he set her on fire. She pulled her hand back hastily, raising an eyebrow at his smirking face.
"Sahi mood hain. Woh bhi yaha pe." She said, sarcastically.
"Doesn't matter where when you're around." He said.
"Flirting kar raha hain?" She giggled.
"Haan." He winked.
"Oh really? Are you ready for the task?" She said, biting down on her lip to hide the shyness.
"Are YOU ready for the task?" He smirked, his eyes flickering down to her lip.
"Poora dinn chalega phir yeh task." She challenged.
"Dinn kya? Raat kya baby?" He said making her roll her eyes.
"Chal main phir nahane chali." She said getting up, but he pulled her back down, pressing a kiss to her cheek, awfully close to where her lips were, making her breath hitch.
"Tu bohot kamina hain." She mumbled.
"Kyun? Maine kya kiya?" He asked innocently.
"Whatever." She said, craning her neck to kiss him back, exactly like he did and then got up swiftly to walk away. She looked back at him and her eyes widened at the threatening look on his face, she let out a loud laugh and started running with him hot on her feet.
"Abey Moti!" He yelled when she ran faster, she only reached the dining table when he caught her by her hair and pulled her back into himself making her yell loudly.
"Kutte mere baal!" She shouted when he wrapped an arm around her neck.
"Bigg Boss yeh koyi anjaan aadmi aake mera gala dabake maarne ki koshish kar raha hain." She screamed.
"Anjaan baby?" He whispered.
"Tu jaake leit ja. Tera tabhiyath kharab ho chuka hain." She gasped, looking at the group who they sat with just a few moments ago staring at them both.
"Chod sab dekh rahe hain." She whispered. His eyes looked at where she was looking and he chuckled, letting go of her.
"Acche friends baby. Khel rahe the bas." He mumbled, pulling her through the door to the bathroom area.
"Ek gandhi wali kiss karne ka mann kar raha hain." Shehnaz giggled as soon as they entered into the luggage room.
"Abey..." He said, looking down at her perplexed.
"Mazaak kar rahi thi baby. Chal kapde rakhte hain." She laughed at his widened eyes and red cheeks.
That morning they recieved new strollers full of clothes and necessities sent in by their designers and families, Shehnaz suitcase was placed on the counter on top of the shelves and she undid the zip so that she could clear it out and send back the old clothes.
"Shehnaz.." Sidharth's raspy voice came from behind, very close behind. She looked up at the mirror in front of them and gasped, her eyes widening, she didn't even realise that he was standing so close to her. He gazed at her through the mirror with the same intensity, his arms were placed on the either side of her on the counter, locking her in between them and pressed his body flush against her.
"K..kya kar raha hain?" She whispered.
"Kuch nahi." He whispered, bending down to kiss her and covered the little mic that was pinned on her mic bag, her eyes widened and she noticed that he didn't even have his mic on.
"Sidharth?" She whispered.
He nudged her head to the side with his, giving him access to her neck, he pressed an open mouthed kiss there making her breath hitch. Her hand came up to rest on his face, caressing softly. He bit down on the skin making her whimper and her hand involuntarily shoved his face further into her neck making him chuckle. Her eyes fell closed when his hand went up her pajama shirt, it felt like ice against her warm skin.
"Sidharth..." She whimpered, the sound only encouraged him to bite down harder and suck a little harsher, his hand roamed her stomach and waist like feather making her head fall back. His hand went further up and his tongue played with her flesh in his mouth, she let out a moan and felt her own hand wandering around on his body.
She shoved him away, gasping for breath. Her eyes were wide and dark, Sidharth himself seemed to have come back to his senses. There were so many cameras around them, this was not right. And he knew it. He couldn't put her on the spot like that. This was more intimate and sensual than that kiss they shared, especially because of the way she was whimpering his name. Because of how he made her feel.
"Fuck.." he whispered looking at her with guilt when she turned around to look at him.
"Sorry." He mumbled looking away from her. Her heart pinched looking at his face. She walked forward, covering the distance between and wrapped her arms around him tightly, he didn't reciprocate the hug.
"Sidharth kuch nahi hua." She whispered against his chest looking up at him, he was breathing heavily, nostrils flared and his eyes were dark.
"Sidharth?" She whispered again.
"I'm sorry." Was the only thing that left his mouth.
"Hug kar." She demanded. He didn't.
"Hug kar." She said again. He finally looked down at her, her eyes were shining up at him, they were dark, just like his but they were glinting with so much of love for him. His arms wrapped around her hesitantly and she sighed, resting the side of her face against his hard chest. His hand came up to cup her head, threading his fingers into her hair.
"I'm sorry."
"Kyun? Khoon kar diya tu ne mera?" She asked.
"Nahi lekin yeh nahi hona chahiye tha. Itne saare cameras, I'm sorry for putting you on the spot in front of them." He said.
"Tu pagal hain? Toh kya hua? Kuch nahi kiya tu ne." She said.
They were only human, 2 humans very much together, in love, married, exploring the depth of their relationship everyday. Some of their carnal desires were only expected to show up like this, and she knew it. She knew it very well, especially because of how much she seemed to need him and his touch right now. She was yearning for him. And it seemed like he did too. The fact that they had to be put in a situation like this for their relationship to develop or at least the development to become a reality was hard on them, but it was alright. It was okay. This was reality. They would face situations like this again, and he wanted to have a hold on himself, he couldn't do that to her on camera, even if no footage would go out, there were still people who would see it. A sight of her like that was only for his eyes. None but his. Behind closed doors.
He let himself hug her tighter and bend his head down to rest it against hers. She saw Anita walk in from her peripheral view, she stopped for a few seconds and looked at them both and continued to walk into the bathroom area. She could hear the door open and close and then she finally pulled back, she wanted to tell him something, she was looking for the right words to say it.
"Baithe? Maine kapde nikhaalne hain. Kal task hoga aur time nahi milega." She said. Sidharth nodded and wordlessly grabbed her suitcase and then his and put it on the floor, and while she did the same with the tubs. They sat down on the floor with them in the middle. He looked like he was still thinking about it. And she stared at him, he wouldn't even look at her, he looked like the guilt was eating him up.
"Ek baat sunega meri?" She said, unzipping the suitcase and pulling out her clothes.
"Bol." He said nonchalantly.
"Thaali ek haath se nahi bajti. Haina?" She said. They heard the door open and Anita walk out, Shehnaz fell silent.
"Tum log abhi kapde samet rahe ho? Main bhi mere clear karungi abhi chal." She said, sitting down on the other end and pulling out her suitcase, which was a bit to heavy.
"Ruk ek minute." Sidharth said, getting up and helping her pull it out.
Shehnaz gathered the courage to say what she wanted to, she had no problem with Anita being there but this conversation was one for only themselves, she didn't know if she could say it later on, so her face fell when she realised that they couldn't have this conversation now. He sat back down, this time clearing out the space in between them and sitting closer to her.
"Bol." He softly said, pulling out the clothes out if his tub, very messily.
"Baad mein." She whispered, not knowing if she actually meant it. She pulled his clothes out of his hands and started folding them, grimacing at the way he rolled them up instead of folding them. He let out a chuckle and kissed her cheek.
"Teri yeh adaat nahi jaayegi na?" She said, exasperated.
"Tu hain toh main kyun karun?" He said.
"Mujhe halke mein le raha hain tu." She said, slamming an Anitacle of clothing on his face.
"Mazaak kar raha hoon baby." He laughed and pulled it off.
"Tu literally koyi kaam nahi karta. Jaanta haina tu?" She asked, folding another shirt and putting it on the floor.
"Abey tujhe rozz drop karta hoon na?" He defended.
"Drop karta hoon matlab?" Anita's voice came. Both of their eyes widened, they completely forgot that she was there.
"Uhhh inside joke." Sidharth said and then let out an extremely over exaggerated laugh, and then hit Shehnaz's knee, urging her to join him.
"Haan." She said, laughing along with her.
Anita was about to respond, she looked extremely confused but Raani yelled out her name, stopping her midway. She looked extremely confused even when she got up and left the room. They both let out a breath.
"That was so close. Pakde jaate." He mumbled.
"Haan." She said nonchalantly.
"Ab bol. Kya bol rahi thi?" He said.
"Kuch nahi." She said.
"Kya hua baby?" He asked sweetly, taking her hand in his.
"Bol na." He urged, kissing her hand. She took a deep breath and looked at his face, she never shied away from him, they always had open conversations.
"Main yeh bol rahi thi ki tujhe boora nahi lagna chahiye." She whispered.
"Kiss baat ke liye?" He asked. But he knew all too well what she was talking about. He didn't even know why he was feeling so guilty over this, he didn't know why he felt like he left her so vulnerable.
"Jo tu ne kia abhi, uske liye." She said, finally looking at him.
"Nahi karna chahiye tha. Not here. Tujhe bhi accha nahi laga. I didn't even ask you." He said, now looking away from her.
"Heh?" She exclaimed, a small smile on her face.
"Kya?"
"Tujhe kisne kaha ki mujhe accha nahi laga?" She giggled almost shyly.
"Tu ne dhakka mara..." He said. Shehnaz let out a loud laugh, literally undoing his cross cross legs and moving in between them, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close, still laughing.
"Baby main wapas kuch karjaati toh tujhe mushkil hoti. Issiliye maine dhakka maara. Kyunki mujhe accha laga, maine bola, thaali doh haaton se bajti hain. Itna kyun sochta hain tu? Pyaar kAnita hoon terese, haq hain tera. Isse pehele bhi kabhi nahi roka maine tujhe aur itna bharosa kAnita hoon tere pe." She whispered, if she said this out loud, the confession she made that he made her feel good, she would've buried herself alive.
He still seemed unsure, making her sigh and roll her eyes. She moved her face up from his chest to his neck, kissing it softly, then she nuzzled her nose against it. His arms came around her to wrap her up in them.
"Kya kar rahi hain?"
"Tere paap ka hissedaar bann rahi hoon." She giggled.
"Kya?" He chuckled.
"Matlab itna boora lag raha hain tujhe toh paap hi hoga na." She said.
"Tu pagal hain baby." He laughed, gripping her forearms to pull her away from himself so that he could look at her face. She looked up at him with the most innocent eyes and the sweetest smile on her face, biting down on her lip.
"Aur jo tu ne abhi bola ki agar tu kuch karleti toh meko problem hojata, kya karleti meri jaan?" He smirked down at her.
Her eyes widened, and cheeks turned pink and she pulled away and hastily got back to work, folding up his old clothes and putting them to the side.
"Bol." He teased, pulling her hand into his.
"Main kuch bhi karun, tujhe kya?" She mumbled.
"Paap ka hissedaar hoon, jaan na hain." He chuckled.
"Tu sach mein kitna paapi hain." She gasped.
"Tujhe toh accha laga tha na jo iss paapi ne kiya." He teased.
"Sidharth!" She yelled, pulling on his hair.
"Aah sorry sorry nahi karunga. Kuch nahi bolunga. Sorry baby Aah!" He yelled when she continued to pull without stopping.
"Ab aaya line pe. Kutta." She said letting go of his hair.
"Yeh daal andhar." She said, pointing to his old clothes and the empty suitcase.
"You need to stop calling me a kutta. Matlab pati parmeshwar hota hain. Tujhe sach mein paap lag jaayega." He said.
"Theek se rakh!" She scolded, looking at the way he shoved the neatly folded clothes into the suitcase.
"Abey kya farak padta hain? Aur meko ignore karna bandh kar." He said.
"Shut up." She giggled.
"Tu ruk baby. Bas kuch hafte. Ghar chal." He threatened.
"Dekhte hain." She laughed.
"Haaaye yeh dekh Sidharth!" She exclaimed opening her suitcase.
"Kya?"
"Maroon saadi bheje unhone. Zaroor Naina yah maa ne bheja yeh." She said excited.
"Aw lovely." He smiled, trying to match her excitement.
"Kutta." She rolled her eyes at him, making him chuckle.
"Mere liye paani laa na please?" She asked sweetly. He huffed and got up obediently and walked out to get her some water. Shehnaz smiled fondly at the saree and put it down, pulling out the other clothes to put away. As she put them down, she saw something stick out of the saree, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she picked it back up only to have a few sheets fall out of it. She picked them up and her heart raced looking at it. Her eyes widened and a loudly gasp left her mouth. How could this be? No one else got these, no one recieved anything apart from clothes. But her eyes filled up with tears as she looked at them. She called out for Sidharth urgently. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew he'd love to see this.
"Sidharth!" She called out again.
"Kya hua??" He said, almost jogging into the room with her bottle. Vishal, Ayrti and Asad followed after him, and she groaned out loud, hastily stuffing the pictures back into the saree and shoved them into the suitcase. He handed her the bottle, frowning.
"Kya hua?" He asked, her eyes were heavy with tears.
"Kuch nahi." She smiled, taking a sip from the bottle.
"Tu ne darra diya Sana." Vishal said.
"Massi kuch nahi hua. Jaa tu." She chuckled.
"Abey massi math bula." He said making her giggle and he walked back out.
Anita eyed her and sat back down near her own suitcase and went back to work and Asad sat down next to Shehnaz, Sidharth was back in his spot, staring at her extremely confused. Did something happen in the 5 minutes that he was gone? He didn't even see anyone go into the bathroom area while he was out there, no one could have said something.
"Main shock mein hoon." She giggled.
"Kya hua tujhe? Itne zorr zorr se chillayi aur aane ke baad kuch bol bhi nahi rahi hain." He frowned.
"Sana seriously man. Darr gaya tha." Asad said.
"Abhi nahi bata sakti." She sighed, nodding towards Anita.
"Oh.." He said.
"Sab theek haina?" He whispered.
"Haan. Ghar se kuch aaya." She whispered back.
"Kya?" He frowned.
"Mera bhi yahi reaction tha lekin dekhne ke baad mere aasu nikal gaye." She whispered.
"Kya aaya?" Asad asked.
"Thodi dher ruk, dikhaungi." She said.
She now felt an irritation towards Anita. This was the second time she was interrupting them and as far as she could see, she was done with her work but wouldn't move from there, wanting to keep her conversation going with Sidharth. Sidharth saw the discomfort on her face and instantly withdrew his part in the conversation, she went on and then finally when he realised that he was done on his part, excused herself and left. Shehnaz sighed in relief, pulling out the saree again.
"Yeh dekh." She whispered, pulling out the pictures and handing them to her. His eyes widened, there were a few pictures in his hand. All of them would raise questions.
"What the fuck?" He whispered, looking at them. There was no way they were allowed to receive pictures now. No way at all. But he couldn't hide the smile that over took his face when he saw them.
"Kya hain?" Asad asked. Sidharth handed him the bunch and Asad's eyes widened.
"Motherf... look at these. Oh my goodness." He exclaimed.
"Yeh tum dono ho?" He gasped again.
"Haan." Shehnaz smiled.
"Holy crap you're seriously married! Sana tu kitni beautiful lag rahi hain!" Asad said, eyes wide.
"Thank you Asad." She giggled.
"Lekin mujhe bilkul theek nahi lag raha hain yeh. Maltab I know how this works, yeh aise hi photos nahi bhejenge. This is not right. Kissi aur ko nahi mila aur contract ke hisaab se yeh mil bhi nahi sakta. Yeh log kuch toh kar rahe hain." Sidharth said, looking down at the picture of him and Ruhi.
"Shayad lekin dekh kitne pyaare hain yeh." Shehnaz smiled.
"Haan."
"Naina dance kAnita hain?" Asad asked.
"Haan. Usko chot lagi thi January mein, phirse start kiya shayad. Issiliye bheji hogi yeh photo. Kitna sona lag rahi Haina?" She smiled.
"Yeah..." Asad said.
Sidharth could not take his eyes off their wedding pictures, not once. She was the most beautiful bride, he never told her that before, but now that he was looking at it again, after so long, his heart raced. He looked back up at her, she was still so beautiful, she was still his bride, and she smiled down softly at the picture of her and dadaji. He took her hand in his, entwining their fingers together.
"Aapki family bohot sweet hain." Asad said, still in disbelief.
"Bohot zyada." Shehnaz said, this time the picture of her, maa and Sidharth in her hand.
"Maa..." She whispered.
"Dikha?" Sidharth said, she handed him the picture and he smiled again. For just a few seconds, his suspicions flew out the window as he looked at it.
They heard footsteps outside, Shehnaz hastily gathered all the pictures and rolled them up in her saree and shoved it into the tub hastily, Raani and Ahaan were walking into the bathroom area, eyeing how the three were huddled together. Shehnaz let out a breath, and Sidharth's worries came right back.
"Tujhe pata hain yeh sirf ek photo hain jisme iss ne apne aap se ek selfie liya, sirf Ruhi ke liye. Kitchen mein bhi gaya, sirf Ruhi ke liye." Shehnaz giggled telling Asad.
"She's adorable bro." Asad smiled at them. For the first time he was completely in belief, the way they were holding each others hands and spoke so sweetly of their family, and now that he had a vision on their life, he found himself becoming so fond of them and their family. A specific someone too, she looked so beautiful, so graceful and then he mentally smacked himself for having that thought, especially after his thoughts were almost caught by Sidharth.
Sidharth felt sick again that night, his legs were hurting incredibly too much and his head was turning, his body was fluctuating feeling fine to feeling light headed. He leaned on Shehnaz even while having dinner, not once letting her leave his side which only made her worry increase. He hardly ate anything before he felt like he would puke his guts out.
"Thoda aur khaale?" She said.
"Nahi jaayega." He whispered.
"Kuch dinnon ke liye chawal khale. Waise bhi tujhe dal chawal pasand hain. Tere diet ko kuch nahi hoga." She told him.
"Hmm."
"Leke aaun?"
"Nahi."
"Haaye Rabba iska kuch karo." She mumbled, slamming her head against his hand.
"Khaya na?" He said.
"Pakka na? Ek baar jaake doctor se mil le. Kya jaayega?" She mumbled.
"Kya hua?" Devolina asked, listening to their conversation.
"Feeling sick." He mumbled.
"Kyun?"She frowned.
"Pata nahi. Meko neend aarahi hain." He said.
"Paracetamol lega?" Shehnaz asked.
"Haan. Sar mein tel lagade."
"Haan chal. Baith main aati hoon." She said, taking both their plates away. She washed the few dishes in the sink and pulled out a pill from the shelf and heated up some oil and walked up to him. He was already sitting on the floor in front of the couch. She handed him the pill and placed the oil on the poof.
"Upar kaise chadoo?" She asked, a small pout on her lips making him chuckle. He was covering the entire place and Asad sat in the empty space next to him. He moved to the side and made place for her to climb onto the couch. She did, kicking his arm on the way in, slightly on purpose.
"Gadhi." He laughed.
"Tere baal kitne lambhe hogaye hain." She giggled as she massaged the warm oil into his hair.
"Pair upar rakh na?" He sighed, she put her legs over his shoulders. She truly was so petit before him.
Shehnaz smiled when everyone in the house were indulged in a conversation, she hoped that everyone would overcome their differences and stayed like this with each other. Even Raani and Sidharth spoke cordially with each other for a few minutes, she smiled and kissed his forehead after they did.
She had her head on his chest when they went to bed that night, his arm wrapped around her and hers around him, both of them could not stop thinking about the pictures. Shehnaz fondly and Sidharth doubtfully.
"Mujhe abhi bhi kuch ajeeb lag raha hain." He mumbled.
"Mujhe bhi." She sighed, because no matter how much the pictures made her feel good, it was still unusual.
"Maine kabhi bola nahi tujhe lekin tu bohot zyada khoobsurat lag rahi thi uss din." He said, his thoughts going back to the pictures of their wedding.
"Kaunsa dinn?" She said, looking up at him.
"Shaadi ka dinn." He whispered.
"Tu ne dekha mujhe?" She asked in wonder.
"Pagal hain tu? Kyun nahi dekhunga? Aankhonke saamne thi poora dinn." He chuckled.
"Haan lekin tu mere se aankh bhi nahi mila raha tha, only jab sindoor laga tha tab laga ki tu ne dekha woh bhi kuch minute ke liye." She mumbled, touching his face lovingly.
"Haan lekin bohot baar dekha tujhe. Mere aankh nahi hatt rahe the tere se." He laughed at his own confession.
"Kyun?" She asked.
"Kyunki tu hadh se zyada sundar lag rahi thi. Bohot zyada." He whispered. She didnt say anything, it overwhelmed her that he noticed her, and that he looked at her. Just like she did. He turned around to face her and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.
"Tu bhi." She whispered making him chuckle.
****
The next day was a usual Sunday, the nomination task took place in the morning and Sidharth went right back to bed after it, Shehnaz and Asad sat next to him, joking around and laughing, entertaining him. Late in the evening the housemates were asked to gather in the living area. Sidharth had showered already and was feeling much better but his fluctuating sickness was now becoming irritating to him.
The TV before them flashed on and he furrowed his eyebrows. A video was playing with a well-known song, Eh Udi Udi Udi., but what shocked him more was the set. Shehnaz wasnt sitting next to him, today out of all the days. He watched numbly as he showed up on the screen and then showed up Raani, they were dancing and the scene they shot was for the promotions of Dil Tak Dil, very many years ago. He felt those shoot days flashed before his eyes, he didnt have the courage to look at Shehnaz. These were extremely romantic scenes, in bed, in the bathroom, together. He felt like his stomach was churning.
So did Shehnaz's. Not because she watched him with her. But for him, for what he might be going through. She looked at him but he wouldn't look at her, he looked numb, emotionless, like he did in those two months of marriage. She whispered to Asad, asking him to let her sit in his place, next to Sidharth. Everyone were engrossed in the screen and he nodded, getting up and she slid over, Asad sat down, looking at them both before he turned back to the screen.
She grabbed his hand in hers, entwining her fingers in his. His heart started dropping bit by bit. She was there for him yet again, despite having to watch him on the screen with someone else. The video came to an end and Bigg Boss voice came as he announced that two pair would have to make a music video for the same song for the promotion of a phone. Shehnaz and Parag would be the directors and Sidharth and Raani would be directed by Shehnaz and Vishal and Heera by Parag. Sidharth felt anger rush through his body. It filled his veins and it showed in the tight grip he hand on Shehnaz's hand, she winced and he came back to his senses and let go. Everyone got up to get to work, Raani went in to change.
"Sidharth tu theek haina?" She asked him softly once everyone left.
"What the fuck is this? Mujhe kal se lag raha tha ki yeh kuch kar rahe hain. This is crossing all limits. Mujhe shaadi wale task mein bhi kuch laga. They're trying to get us to tell everyone about us. Woh photos bhi issiliye bheje unhone. Emotionally prod kar rahe hain, reaction ke liye." He said angrily.
Shehnaz sighed. She had these thoughts too somewhere deep inside. They were trying to make them emotionally vulnerable or at least make them react in a certain way that would make the housemates at least doubt their relationship. They first started with the swayamvar task, Sidharth did react but he controlled it as fast as it came, then they sent in those pictures, something no one else got and tried to make them vulnerable and then this? This was literally an attack, they knew what Shehnaz said in the meeting they had before they signed the contract would make her react in someway. She clearly stated that she would not like to Sidharth having a 'love angle' with anyone else. Now they were making her direct and film a video with her husband and Raani.
"Toh tu kyun deh raha hain?" She said.
"Kya?"
"Reaction. Abhi jo baith ke gussa kar raha hain, tu deh raha hain jo unko chahihye." She said.
"Toh kya karun, khushi khushi jaake romance karun uske saath while you tell us how to do it?" He said through gritted teeth.
"Haan." She stated obviously, she knew she was testing his patience.
"Chal kar tujhe jo karna hain. Jo karvana hain karva. Stupid lagegi." He almost yelled.
"Haan task hain. Karo. Kaunsa sach mein jaake usko kuch karne ke liye bol rahi hoon." She argued back.
"You know what? Tujhe jo karna hain kar. Woh kara rahe hain aur tu kar rahi hain. Accha hain. Plan ke saath saath chal." He shouted.
"Tu pagal hain? Tu de raha hain saath unka aise react karke. Kya karun main? Baith ke rohne lag padu? Haaye mera pati jaake kissi aur ke saath romance karne ki acting kar raha hain, mujhe cheat kar raha hain? Roungi toh jaake ready hoga?" She said angrily. Sidharth wanted to laugh for a second but the anger in him was overtaking that urge.
"Nahi honga." He yelled.
"Toh baith ke sadaa apna dimaag. Dede unko jo chahiye aur kar yeh drama. Main jaake uski akheli ki filming karungi." She said irritated and got up and walked away. Usually one of them backed down, mostly Shehnaz when they fought, she'd try to be calm so that he would calm down too so that they could talk it out. But this time? Doing this was hard on her too but he was being ridiculous. If this was actually what they had planned, then by refusing to do the task would give them what they wanted. A reaction. Which would slowly progess to the revelation of their marriage in the coming days. Something he didn't want. And neither did she. Not like this. Not because they felt insecure of their relationship.
"Uth. Irritate math kar mujhe. Ghar pe nahi hain. Yeh drame yaha pe nahi chalenge." She said walking back to him. She was angry and it always made him listen to her.
"Uth. Warna bahar soja raat ko. Poora hafta tel nahi lagungi sar pe." She said, completely irritated. He sat there like a stubborn child. She could hear Parag already shooting outside.
"You know what? Tujhe jo karna hain kar." She mimicked what he said to her just a few minutes ago and walked away. He knew better than to anger her further and got up and got ready. His stomach was churning. He knew she was doing it for him but he was doing it for her. He still remembered how she sat in his lap and cried because she confessed that she couldn't see her with someone else. He sighed, his irritation didn't go down as he changed out of his t-shirt and shorts and into a pair of jeans and white hoodie. Shehnaz was almost matching with him, but in a black hoodie.
They both walked into the captain's room to shoot, Anita decided to assist Shehnaz. She described every scene and framing. She enjoyed watching him work, how professional he became. She also internally grimaced when he kissed Raani's cheek or when he caressed his own face against hers. And it almost made want to vomit when they both fell onto the bed covered with rose petals. But he was working. He'd have to do this again one day after they got out of the house. Act. That's what he was doing. Acting. He plastered the fakest grin on his face every time she was recording and then the frown would be back everytime she stopped. The only solace he found was when she would demonstrate the scene with him. But he could tell that she was still pissed, and so was he. Or maybe this was their way to cope.
He watched from afar as soon as the recording was done as Shehnaz hugged Raani. He knew she did it out of her niceness but it just made him angrier. Then they made there way outside, there was one last scene they needed to shoot for a frame of 26 seconds, and they all mutually decided to do it in the pool. He wouldn't deny that the water shot was beautiful, his Artistic side told him that it was a great one, nor could he deny that he had great on-screen chemistry with Raani. Even Shehnaz had acknowledged it in the early days of their marriage. Despite being angry with her, he kept looking back at her, she wasn't uncomfortable and he could tell that every time she was, she'd just take a look at him. Something even he did. It somehow reassured each other.
The shooting was finally done with, he was drenched in water, wet, cold and he saw Shehnaz go inside to leave the phone in the storage box. He swiftly walked into the smoking area and pulled out a cigarette, he had a hard time breathing and he felt like his sickness was coming back. So he knew well not to do this. That Shehnaz would nearly kill him if she saw him, which he knew she would.
But the relief he felt as soon as he blew out the first puff made him lean his head back and sigh. It felt so good. He was smoking after almost 3 days. He loved the way the smoke filled his lungs, it felt like warmth against his cold body. But the relief went away as fast as it came, he felt himself chocking on his own breath, this is why he was supposed to stop. This is why Shehnaz lost her mind everytime he did. He needed his pump. He crushed the cigarette and took long and hard breaths, gathering strength to walk out.
"Anita Shehnaz ko bula." He rasped, bending down and clutching his knees, trying to gasp for breath.
"Sid? Sid? Kya hua? Are you okay?" Anita said, running over to him and rubbing his back. Why wasn't she calling Shehnaz.
"Shehnaz ko bulau." He struggled to speak.
"Kya chahiye?" Sara asked.
"P..pump." he gasped. Just then Shehnaz walked out, talking to Asad.
"Sh.. Shehnaz." He rasped. She looked at him and her eyes widened. She wanted to slap him but decided to leave that for later and ran back inside, into the bedroom and hastily opening his drawer and pulled out the inhaler. Anticholinergics, it said on it. She ran back outside, he was seated on the bench Leena, Anita, Sara, Hina, Parag, Asad and Heera were huddled around him and felt an irritated urge to scream at them to move and give him space. She shoved her self through and shook it, opened the cap on the inhaler and handed it to him.
"Saans chod pehele." She said. He breathed out deeply and put it into the mouth, pressing on the canister.
"Ek aur le." She told him. He did as she said she hand it back to her. She was beyond irritated with him. She wordlessly turned around and walked away.
"Tu toh aaj gaya." She heard Asad chuckle.
"Jaanta hoon." He said. She turned around, to look at him again.
"Uth waha se aur chal." She said, turning away from him, not waiting for a response. He sighed and got up, following after her.
"Tu theek hain?" Anita asked.
"Haan." He said nonchalantly and walked after her.
He saw her going into the bathroom area and went inside. She was nowhere to be seen, he could see Raani and Ahaan in the living area, arguing.
"Task tha. Maine kiya. Why are you reacting so much?" He heard Raani's voice as he walked in.
"Haan par itna karne ki kya zaroorat thi?" Ahaan scoffed. Sidharth walked inside, not wanting to hear any of it after that.
He saw Shehnaz walk out of the bathroom, he remembered he was angry with her and decided to keep that up, so that she didn't shout at him too much.
"Kapde andhar rakhe hue hain. Naha jaake." She said, her voice irritated.
"Naha liya maine." He said.
"Muh thod dungi teri abhi. Aur irritate math kar. Tera attitude jaake kissi aur ko dikha aur jaake garam paani se naha. Warna muh math lag meri." She said walking out. He sighed again and went into the bathroom. She was right. She was always right. The hot water felt so good. Once he was done, he walked out, fully clothed and hair wet. He felt a towel thrown at his face.
"Baal dry kar." She said. She was so upset and he knew it.
"Nahi karunga." He stubbornly said.
"Math kar." She scoffed and started to walk away.
"Haath dard kar rahe hain. Issiliye." He said.
She sighed and walked back, asking him to sit on the bed. She stood in front of him, taking the dry towel out of his hands and put it on his hand, drying his hair. She knew it was just an excuse, but she'd always be there for him. No matter what.
"Kyun aise karta hain?" She asked softly.
"Kaise?"
"Teri tabhiyath Friday se theek nahi hain, upar se geela tha phir bhi smoking karne chalagaya? Matlab sabith kya karna chahta hain?" She asked, her voice shaking.
"I know I know. I'm sorry. Woh poora situation aise hogaya tha. I needed some relief." He said, his voice came out muffled because of the towel that was on him.
"Tu itna effect kyun horaha hain aaj kal?"
" Kyunki doh saalon ke baad aise maahol mein hoon." He mumbled. She pulled off the towel, his hair was almost dry now. She wrapped her arms around his head and hugged him into herself and rested her own head on top of his. His own arms wrapped around her and rested on the curve of her back, they both seemed to have put a pause on their fight. Because he needed her. And she would always be there for him. No matter what.
They stayed like that till they heard footsteps outside and pulled apart. Even at night time when they both were in bed, they didn't speak to each other, they just laid down, close, making sure they felt each other but he didn't hold her. Because well of course, he was angry and so was she and they felt the need to act like stubborn children. She was tired and her eyes were drifting close, she turned towards him and held his hand and then let herself fall asleep.
Sidharth on the other hand? He let his mind wandered again. He played with her fingers while his mind went back to the dark place.
His mind wandered to today's task. He knew how this channel worked, he knew how they'd do anything for TRP, even play with people's feelings and lives. He remembered the looks on the Creatives' faces when he refused to disclose his marriage on the show, he knew they'd do something to push and prod till they both reached their limit and come to a point where they'd have to come out and tell the world the truth. But Shehnaz made sure he didn't today, that he didn't crack under that pressure. Then he thought about the actual task, the fact that he had to act again with Raani was all the more disastrous for his mental health. But for a few seconds, he felt the void. The void that remained after he left the industry. After he stopped acting, he loved it, it was his form of art. He always loved the characters he played. And he missed it, the void became bigger, making his mind aware of it. And then things that happened when he was working in DSDT came back, shoving the void away. They didn't deserve his thoughts. But his thoughts? They continued to wander. To stupider and darker places. His leg shook at this point.
He thought about Raani and Ahaan's fight, how he got so bothered over seeing Raani with him. Why didn't Shehnaz feel like that? Or did she and didn't tell him? Raani and Ahaan were afterall just dating. He was married to Shehnaz, she should've felt all the more possessive. But he didn't realise that this was what made the difference, they were married.
He swiftly got out of bed and walked out, almost calling for his own doom. He could tell it was beyond midnight, almost the early hours of morning. He walked into the garden area and into the smoking room. He could almost hear her voice in his head.
"Kyun aise karta hain?"
He shook it away and lit up a cigarette, bringing it inbetween his lips but as soon as he sucked in the smoke, his heart raced against his chest, not in a good way. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint her. He blew out the smoke and stared at the cigarette, watching it burn down and as soon as on the butt was remaining, he crushed it and threw it into the ashtray. His head rested against the wooden wall. His mind went back to that night, he vaguely remembered it. It was one of the worst and the best nights of his life.
Shehnaz was laying in bed, it had been only two months since their marriage, she was still running away from life, from everything and hence decided to take a break from work, she couldn't tell anyone about this anyway. She was still eerily new to this lifestyle, sharing it with someone, someone she hardly knew, dealing with the new relationships she made and admired oh so much. She still found it so unusual when she looked at herself in the mirror, the red vermillion that covered her pAnitation and the long mangalsutra that hung over her chest, she wore a soft blue nightie, she was already comfortable in bed, on her phone. She was texting Shehbaz to tell him that Sidharth had already put the deposit on the flat that he'd move into next month, much to her protests, he didn't listen. Sidharth hardly went out, except to meet his business partners or people he was working with or if he wanted to relax and have a drink or two. It was 12:54am, of course he must've been drinking. But not enough to drive him into intoxication, he always acknowledged that fact that Shehnaz was now living with him and he went out of his way to make sure she was comfortable. But even this bit of drinking, maa didn't like. She believed that it would develop into a habit, because he wasn't young and a party animal anymore. He was supposed to be more responsible now.
Her eyes almost drifted off into a sleep when she heard loud thudding on the door. She gasped and ran out of the bedroom and hastily opened the door before maa woke up. It was Sidharth, he was completely intoxicated. He was slurring, his eyes were half closed and he tried really hard to keep them open and he was shaking on his feet. Shehnaz felt nervousness overtake her. She was never in a situation like this, she didn't know what to do and most of all, she didn't know what he was like as a drunk person. She had heard the horrors of having a drunkard for a husband, and she just prayed to God that the respect and admiration that had developed for this strong and morale man in her heart in the past two months, didn't deteriorate after tonight. He fell into her arms and she didn't know what to do. She heard shuffling from where maa's room was and her eyes widened and she dragged him into their room and left him there and walked back out, the stench of the alcohol remained and she picked up a room freshner and sprayed it across.
"Kya hua baccha? Sidharth aaya ghar?" She heard maa's voice. She turned around to see her sleepy figure outside of her room.
"Haan maa. Bathroom mein hain woh. Aap so jau. Usko kuch chahihye toh main dekhungi." Shehnaz lied through her teeth. Maa eyed her and then her room, and nodded and walked back inside, calling out a good night.
"Good night maa." She said and hurried back into her room and locked the door behind her. Sidharth was sitting on the floor, legs up folded to his chest and his head held in his hands. He looked so lost and so broken. She wanted to help him. She just didn't know how to.
"Sidharth?" She softly said, sitting down in front of him.
"Tum theek ho na?" She asked. He shook his head.
"I'm sorry." He slurred.
"Kyun?" She asked.
"I didn't mean to drink so much." He said and hiccuped at least 4 times in the entire sentence. She quickly got up and got him some water, his hand shook as he tried to clasp his palm around it. She sighed and moved closer on her knees and brought the glass closer to his lips and tilted his head up so that he'd take a sip. He gulped in that water and then opened his eyes to look at her. They were bloodshot and heavy, he looked like he needed to cry. She grabbed a wet cloth and wiped at his face, trying to lessen the tipsiness.
"Tujhe rona aaraha hain?" She asked, not knowing what else to say, her cloth covered hand ran through his neck, making him sigh.
"Haan." He chuckled.
"Toh roh le." She mumbled.
"Nahi. W..weak pad..d..jaung...ga." he slurred.
"Nahi padoge. Agar padoge toh bhi theek haina? Sirf main hoon yahan pe." She mumbled.
"Me..mera ph..phone nikaleg..gi?" He asked, pointing in his pocket. She nodded and shoved her hand down his pocket and pulled his phone out.
"2389" he said.
"Passcode?" She asked, slightly shocked that he would tell her his passcode with no hesitations. She never wanted to cross boundaries, she never even saw what his lockscreen or wallpaper was so when he turned on his phone, to find a picture of him and Ruhi on his lockscreen, a smile took over her face. And then she typed in his passcode and opened the phone and his heart swelled with admiration for this man, it was the family picture from his wedding. Everyone were in it. Everyone including her.
"Messages open kar." He slurred. She did as she was told.
"S.. singh." He mumbled. It was the second contact in the inbox, the first was hers. It was a message about the details of the new apartment.
"Open karun? Pakka?" She asked.
"Hmm."
She opened the inbox, there were a series of messages, many many of them. They first began with links, she only read the headlines because she had already read these Anitacles before.
Rash driving to misbehaviour with co-stars: Sidharth Shukla is controversy's favourite child.
I apologised to Siddharth Shukla on first day of Dil Tak Dil sets: Raani Motwani
Sidharth Shukla's Dil Tak Dil co-star confirms he ABUSED Raani Motwani before 80 people on the sets.
Shocking! Dil Tak Dil Actor Siddharth Shukla Insulted And Then Asked To Leave The Sets
'Sidharth these are the only Anitacles that we let them publish. They have allegations against you for being a part of casting couch, relating your name to Manisha. This behaviour will not be taken for granted. Your misdeeds cannot pronounce the way the creatives work. It will always be Raani's word against yours. If she accuses us of anything, the channel will have to deal with it.' The message read.
'We do not know how the rumours got out. We do not know what the truth is but we will do what is right for the channel.'
"Kya hain yeh? Kya bol rahe hain?" Shehnaz whispered.
"Ki maine channel ke creative head ke saath rishta rakha taaki main apna kar saku set pe." He said looking away from her, now just a tad bit sober, he only hiccuped 5 times throughout the entire sentence. She was his wife afterall.
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Haan. Matlab woh kuch bhi likhenge. Sach thodi na hota hain sab kuch." She said, she knew better from her own experiences.
"T.. t..tu nahi m..maanti?" He frowned.
"Nahi."
They stayed silent for almost half an hour. She just watched him, he looked like he wanted to cry. No, he needed to cry. But he was holding back. She didn't know why all this was taking such a toll on him. He finally broke when he felt her hand on his knee. A few tears rolled down his face, but he didn't sob. He shook, trying to control himself. Her eyes widened and her heart broke looking at him. She crawled closer to him.
She wanted to hug him. So she did. She sat next him and and wrapped her arms around his shaking body and let him lean against her smaller frame. When she realised that it wasn't enough, she got up onto her knees and held his head against her shoulder.
"Tu mujhe hug kar sakta hain." She whispered, and it was almost like all hell broke loose. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap, she did not expect that, but she didn't even mind it either. He needed her. And the way her heart was breaking every minute looking at him, it almost seemed like she needed him too. His head rested against her chest, making her gasp and she let her own head rest on his.
"Koyi nayi. Baat kar merese. Tera mann halka hojayega." She said, rubbing his chest with her small hand.
"3 saalon se jhel raha hoon. Nahi horaha ab aur. Maine show chod diya, poora industry hi chod diya, phir bhi inn sab ka peeche nahi choota. Harr ek dinn ladayi hoti thi set pe. Woh vanity wala Anitacle? Usne kiya woh sab. Lekin naam mera chapa. Usne hi chapwaya. Main jaanta hoon. Yeh choti baatein thi. Maine jaane diya. Lekin woh log keh rahe the ki maine abuse kiya set pe, misbehave kiya waha pe. Nahi kiya maine. Sach bol raha hoon. Main gusse mein ladta tha. Bohot ladta tha. Woh mere peeche padti thi. Main nahi jaanta kyun. She had an eye on everything I did. Lekin maine kissi ke saath misbehave nahi kiya. Meri baat kaun maanega? Woh toh ek aurath hain." He said, his voice cracked incredibly too much indicating that he was still crying, so did the wetness against her nightie.
"Jaanti hoon." She said, hugging him tighter and rubbing his chest a little harder.
"Aur yeh casting couch. Maine nahi kiya Shehnaz. Woh jhoot bol rahe hain. Main Manisha ko jaanta bhi nahi. Promotions pe mila tha usse. Maine kissi ke saath nahi kiya yeh sab, I didn't sleep with anyone to have my way with the creatives. Woh keh rahi thi ki main uske lines katwata tha. I didn't do anything. I didn't do any fucking thing. I'm tired. So tired of this life. Nahi hora merese. 8 mahine hogaye hain uss life ko chode hue, lekin woh nahi chod raha mera peecha. Nahi horaha merese." The last part he said, threw gritted teeth and picked up his phone and slammed it against the wall. She jumped at the crack it made. His hand went up to his hair, gripping it tightly, pulling in frustration.
"Sidharth, chod! Chod! Kya kar raha hain?" She said urgently, trying to pull his hand out of his hair. He did, his fist clenched, wanting to do something more with it. She pulled his hand away and wrapped it around her again and he gripped onto her harder and her own hands went into his hair, caressing softly, she kissed his cheek. For the first time ever. She kissed his cheek and cradled his face in her hands, nuzzling her own face against his, wiping away his tears.
"Hogaya ab sab kuch. Aur jhelna nahi padega tujhe. Main hoon, maa hain. Hum haina. Tujhe yeh sab akele nahi jhelna padega." She said, sniffling slightly.
"Tu mere pe bharosa rakhti haina?" He asked. He felt like he needed someone who trusted him, who would search and find him and accept him for who he was. The way Shehnaz was holding him so that he doesn't fall apart, she was doing exactly that. She was silent, she didn't even seem to hear his question, her mind was running wild with thoughts and he mistook her silence as her answer.
"Nahi karti mere pe bharosa? Kyun? Maine aaj tak tera bharosa nahi thoda. Maine sab kuch diya na? Kuch kami hone nahi diya. Kyun? Tu toh meri biwi haina?" He said desperately, she gasped loudly when his hand shoved at her chest and clasped the mangalsutra that hung over her nightie in his hand.
"Tu toh meri biwi hain. Phir kyun?" He said, the vulnerability in his voice scared her. He bent down and kissed the chain and a few tears rolled down her face. His intoxication was driving him into a madness.
"Sabse zyada bharosa hain tere pe." She whispered, kissing his forehead. This was the first time he called her his wife, she felt a rush of emotions. He just gave meaning to the black beaded chain around her neck. He held onto it, and he clung onto her. Both as if they were his saving grace. Like his life depend the on this grace. He needed her. So much. She hugged him close, letting her own tears fall, for him, for herself, for the glint of hope she saw in her hopeless life because of him. She felt like they were two broken people who were holding each other together, she didn't know how the future would unfold. Either they would break each other apart more, or they'd mend each other whole.
"Mereko ulti aarahi hain." She heard him mumble sleepy. She pulled herself out of his embrace and tried to pull him up by his arms.
"Sidharth, ek baar uth. Hum bathroom jayenge phir so jaayenge. Theek hain?" She whispered. Her arms went under his and she pulled him up, not taking much effort because he himself got up. But as soon as he stood, his weight fell into her arms and an 'oomph' left her mouth. She walked him into the bathroom and bent him over the toilet bowl. He slid down against the tub and sat there. She turned to leave when she heard him gag and hurl into the bowl. She waited for herself to feel disgusted, for herself to feel like throwing up because of the sounds she heard, but it never came. She only felt herself wanting to be there for him, she crouched down next to him and rubbed his back, he was wheezing for air and just when she thought he was done, he hurled into the bowl again.
"Saala yeh rukh kyun nahi raha? Lifetime plan hain kya?" He mumbled. Shehnaz let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back.
"Haaye rabba." She gasped, laughing even more when he looked into the bowl confused.
"Aur aaraha hain?" She asked, a small smile on her face.
"Pata nahi." He shrugged.
"Idhar baith. Main tere liye paani laati hoon." She said.
"Main kaha jaunga? Mars?" He slurred making her laugh again.
She walked out and grabbed the glass that was on the floor, there was only a little water in it. She shrugged, he only needed some for rinsing. She walked back in and filled it up under the sink.
"Muh khol. Yeh paani nahi peena. Muh dho ke thook dena hain. Theek hain?" She told him, bringing the rim of it to his lips.
"Maam yes maam." He said saluting to her, and then opening his mouth to take the water in.
"Thooko." She said sternly. He obeyed as she said and spat out the water.
"Phirse." He nodded and opened his mouth, letting her bring the water up into his mouth and spat it out.
"Good boy bol." He mumbled.
"Good boy." She giggled, running her hand through his hair fondly.
"Gandhi Khushboo aari hain mere se?" He asked.
"Gandhi Khushboo kaise hoti hain?" She giggled.
"Gandhi." He mumbled.
"Bol." He urged. She bent forward and sniffed him. There was only a mild stench of alcohol on him, otherwise he smelt like his cologne and aftershave that made her insides churn.
"Nahi." She whispered.
"Toh please main subah nahaunga aur kal poora dinn tere pair dabaunga mera khayal rakhne ke liye." He said determined.
"Theek hain. Sone chale?" She asked, brushing the hair off his forehead. He got off the floor and let her wrap an arm around him and hold him up. She flushed the puke away and stood him in front of the sink.
"Woh dekh, tu aur main. Cute." He giggled looking at their reflection. Her heart raced, she didn't mind drunk Sidharth after all.
"Haath aage kar." She said. He did as told and she pumped some soap into his hands.
"Doh haath ko."
"Nahi aaraha." He pouted and then bit down on his lip in concentration, missing his own hand and spilling the soap.
"Dekha? Gayab." He said showing her his now empty hands. She sighed and pumped some more soap into them and washed the hands and held all four of their palms under the tap to rinse it off.
"Face aage kar." She said, he did as told, a bit too much and stuck his forehead against the mirror making her giggled.
"Itna nahi." She said pulling him back and splashing water onto his face making his eyes widen.
"Hah doob jaunga." He gasped.
"Nahi doobega. Ek aur baar." She said and splashed water onto his face again and he gasped, again.
She turned off the tap and walked him out and made him sit on the bed and pulled out a tshirt and shorts, assuming a pair of jeans and a button up shirt would not be very comfy to sleep in. She unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off and slid on the tshirt.
"Haath upar kar." She said but struggled to reach up making him laugh.
"Tu choti hain bohot. So short. Like a baby." He laughed.
"Nahi. Tu bohot lamba hain." She argued.
"Nahi baby. Tu baby hain. Abse tu meri baby." He chuckled cutely. Her heart raced again, did he just give her a sweet nickname?
"Baby main pehen lunga." He mumbled and tried very very hard to slid it down his body and succeed after many harsh attempts.
"Shorts bhi main pehenunga." He giggled.
"Baby aankhe bandh rakh." He giggled making her face turn red and close her eyes. She heard him grunt and groan and then grunt again. She opened one eye hesitantly to look at what was wrong and giggled when he was trying to tie the knot on his shorts. He didn't really need to but she helped him out anyway.
"Chal leit ja." She laughed and he did as told and pulled a blanket over him. She went and laid down on her own side and got into the blanket.
"Hug karke sojaun?" He asked her, innocently. Her eyes widened, they had never done that before but she knew he had a habit of cuddling with the amount of pillows he had in his hands and in between his legs. She held her phone in her hand and silently moved into the middle of the bed. He pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist and spread the other one out for her to rest her head on. She let out a breath and relaxed into his body, he was spooning her and his leg came on top of hers, his face nuzzled into hers. She pulled out her phone once she heard his steady breaths against her ears and ordered a new phone for him and put the phone away and closed her eyes, she never felt so at peace in bed before. So put together.
"Maine kabhi itna sukoon se soya nahi." He drunkenly murmured into her ear as if he could read her mind.
He kissed her cheek softly and fell back asleep, leaving her in a daze. An overwhelmed, confused, unusual daze. It took her only an hour more to fall asleep.
The next morning she woke up, and smiled when she was still in his arms, reluctantly pulled out of them and went into the bathroom, freshened up and went into the kitchen straight to make some coffee for herself, maa and Sidharth. Maa walked out too a little while later.
"Good morning Shehnaz." She said, sitting down at the table.
"Good morning maa. Acche se soye aap?" She asked her.
"Yeh baat mujhe poochni chahiye terese." Maa said. Shehnaz fell silent. She was his mother, of course she knew. She poured the coffee into two mugs and handed her one and sat down opposite to her with her own mug.
"Bol." She said.
"Haan maa. Bohot acche se soyi." She smiled, it was the truth.
"Kitna peeke aaya?" Maa asked.
"Humesha se zyada." She mumbled, making her sigh.
"Was he okay?" She asked.
"Haan maa." She said, looking away from her.
"Baccha tujhe merese chupane ki zaroorat nahi hain. Dono ki maa hoon." She said, touching her face softly.
"Woh theek hain maa. Bass raat ko usko stress zyada hogaya tha." She mumbled.
"Theek hain." She nodded, not wanting to push her further.
"Usne roya." She whispered, looking down into her cup. She couldn't lie to her. He was her son.
"Kya? Theek toh haina woh?" Maa asked, slightly worried.
"Haan maa. Abhi theek hain. Maine sambhal liya lekin merese dekha nahi gaya usko aise. Woh bohot roh raha tha. Kitna safayi deh raha tha apne aap ki. Woh bohot accha hain, bohot zyada." She mumbled, her eyes becoming wet.
"Tu theek hain? Tera stress aur uska stress lepayegi?" She asked her, wiping away a tear that rolled out of her eyes.
"Shayad usko sambhalte main bhi sambhal jaun. Pati hain, stress ho toh bhi lungi." She said, leaning into her touch.
"Lekin apne aap ko math khodena isme." She said strongly.
"Kabhi nahi maa." She said, smiling at her softly. She heard a groan, he was awake, probably suffering the worst hangover.
"Main usko dekh ke aati hoon." She mumbled, getting up and filled up his mug with some black coffee and grabbed her own and walked into their room. He wasn't on the bed, probably in the bathroom. She placed both the mugs on the table and picked up the clothes that were strewn across the floor, his and her own and threw them into the hamper. She heard the click of the door and he walked out, his face was wet and his eyes were scrunched shut. She didn't know how to react to him after last night, could she be more open and free with him? Or would they go back to mere words and nods? He sat on the bed, not even acknowledging her. She felt a pinch in her heart but she picked up the mug and gave it to him and picked up her and started to walk away.
But as she was leaving, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
"Baith yaha pe." He rasped.
She felt like she could breath again. Her hand was still in his when she sat down next to him and they sipped their coffee, he entwined his fingers with hers and he seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.
"Thank you." He mumbled.
"Tu theek hain? Sir dard kar raha hain?" She asked.
"Nahi. I'm fine." He whispered. But she could tell he wasn't. Her hand involuntarily went up to his hair and ran her hands through it, massaging the scalp, he groaned in relief.
She gulped down the rest of the coffee and stood up in front of him and put her other hand in, massaging his head. He widened his legs and pulled her in by her nightie, making her gulp at the close proximity between them.
"Mera khayal kyun rakha? You didn't need to." He whispered, almost guiltily.
"Teri biwi hoon, yeh alag baat hain ki hum aise nahi rehete lekin rishta toh wohi haina? Saath ka vaada kiya tha aur jab zaroorat thi toh diya." She whispered back. His breath hitched, she said it like it was the simplest thing ever, like her commitment to him didn't mean much but his heart that seemed to have been hardened for the longest time now, melted the slightest bit. He put his cup on the table and circled his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. Her own arms circled around his neck.
"Thank you." He mumbled, the heaviness of the words almost crushed her. She could feel that it was only for last night.
"Mere zindagi mein aane ke liye." He whispered, almost inaudibly. She pulled back and kissed his forehead. He pulled her back into the bed and cuddled her close, letting the way she wrapped him up in her arms fix him.
**
Sidharth's eyes fell open. He needed Shehnaz. Not this. Not a cigarette, or a bottle of alcohol like that night. He needed his wife. Because there was nothing more relieving than knowing that she was there with him and for him. She had consumed him, inside out. And he was willing to let her.
He walked into the bedroom area. There were still a few whispers, but most of the housemates were asleep. Shehnaz was slightly awake too, and by the frown on her face, he knew she was still mad at him. He gripped her hand, decided to be selfish and shook her awake.
"Kya hua?" She mumbled.
"Mere saath chal." He said.
"Kaha?"
"Uth." He said and literally pulled her out of the bed and dragged her out of the room by her hand and into the smoking room, pushing the curtain down completely. He slammed her against the wall and pressed himself against her.
"Tujhe farak nahi pada mujhe uske saath dekh ke?" He growled.
"Huh?" She said, confused.
"Raani ke saath. Ahaan ko gussa aaya. Tujhe kyun nahi aaya?" He demanded, like a child.
"Kyun padega?" She frowned.
"They're just dating lekin tu meri biwi hain. Kyun tu ne react nahi kiya?" He said, he didn't need her to answer, he needed her to give him an assurance.
"Jab maine yeh kiya usko." He said, kissing her cheek softly.
"Toh farak kyun nahi pada tujhe?" He growled against her cheek. She sighed. He was so stupid sometimes. No. Most of the time.
She gripped his face in-between her fingers, almost harshly.
"Kyunki yeh sirf main kAnita hoon." She whispered and pressed her lips against his. He groaned into her mouth and kissed her back. She bit down on his lip, sucking harshly and he let out another inaudible groan into her mouth and pushed himself further into her. He felt like he had lost his mind all day and was finding himself again, in her. His hand fisted in her hair and pulled harshly but she stayed quite and bit down on his lip not wanting to let any sound come out of her. They were exploring each other's mouth and feeling each other to the complete extent.
"I love you. Isse zyada aur kya doon tujhe?" She mumbled into his mouth and pulled away, gasping for breath. He could feel it on his lips.
"I'm sorry. For the entire day." He said, nuzzling his nose against hers. His hands threaded through her hair just as harshly making sure he had perfect access to her face.
Her hands came up to cup his face, she pulled him even closer.
"Yeh kuch bhi karne ki koshish karein, tu nahi tootega. Samajh mein aaya? Reaction nahi dega. Yeh ladna chahthe hain toh ladenge. Yeh peheli baar nahi hain." She said, kissing him again.
"Nahi hoga merese. Agar yaha pe tujhe khodiya, main jee nahi paunga." He mumbled.
"Tujhe lagta hain ki main jee paungi? Maine already boldiya, mera sara kuch tujhse hi hain. Tu sabse pehele hain." She said, wrapping her arms around him and rested her head on his broad chest.
He wondered how she did it. The first time he ever cried in front of anyone other than his mother and sisters, he was still a young boy even at that. But now? He was a man. Much much older than her in age, and men crying was frowned upon but the way she loved him, even back then, when she didn't even know that she loved him, when she didn't even know what love felt like, she loved him then and let him know that he could strip himself naked before her and show her all the bruises and darkness, and she'd still love him, despite all of that. She loved him at his worst, she loved him even when he couldn't find it in himself to love her back, she loved him even when he couldn't love himself, she loved him even when loving him was the most difficult thing to do on earth, she loved him even when she felt like she would lose herself because of him. She loved every single part of him. And she loved him with everything she had in her. All of him.
"Tu mera pati hain, yeh difference hain. Mujhe tere pe apne aap se zyada bharosa hain. Tu bahar jaake iske baad phirse shayad acting karegi, phirse yeh sab karega, aur shayad mujhe boora bhi lage dekhne mein pehele kuch dinn lekin tera kaam hain who aur main tujhe tere kaam mein kabhi dakhalandazi nahi karungi. Tu poora dinn kissi ke saath mein acting kar le, lekin raat ko mere saath, poore sachayi mein, poore shiddat ke saath, mera rahega. Yeh hain difference unme aur hum mein. Agar yeh sab karke hume emotionally thodna chahthe hain aur yeh bulvana chchthe hain ki hum pati patni hain toh hum nahi karne denge unhe yeh. Kyunki main humesha ke liye uss dinn ka wait karungi jiss dinn tu mera haath pakad ke proudly bolega, Shehnaz Gill Shukla, my wife." She smiled dreamily at the last sentence, she craned her neck again and kissed him.
See? She loved him. And he loved her. And she'd wait for the day he'd say it fearlessly, just like she does. Because they loved each other, they were already moving forward, they had mended each other. And they had loved each other into being alright. And that, no force on earth can break.
*******
This is the longest chapter I've ever written lmaoooo. I've been trying to get through fast so that I could reach that part that everyone is waiting for so much but there are sooooooo many things that helps develop their relationship. And I feel like some of you would think that the conversation they had in the luggage room is kinda unnecessary, and I understand but like I explained, their human and they can't fight the desires of their flesh unless they talk it out, especially because of the place they are at in their relationship and literally, it seemed like it was important to have that conversation. And also that major flashback lol I was skdgeksychej😭😭sgid while writing it.
And also check out 'Doh Jism Ek Jaan.' by my girl she's doing sooooooo good! Love you Jas❤️❤️💖💖💖
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