【playing..】
Jackson Wang - 100 Ways
100 Ways
❚❚►_____________________________ 2:48
Jeongguk felt a strong tug on his hand which wrapped around the bright pink leash attached to Byeolie's sparkly collar, happily trotting along the sidewalk, spring summer sun hitting her golden fur and heating up Gguk's skin, cheeks starting to redden.
He hasn't been the one going on walks with her in a while, too busy with long school hours, homework, prepearing for applications for university and trying to spend time with his boyfriend Hoseok as much as he can.
But Taehyung had asked him to talk if he had time and he decided it would be a nice oppoturnity for Byeolie to get her energy out while they walk around with no real physical destination to reach but the emotional destination of just getting to talk everything out in depth.
Prom had been a few weeks back by now, where he had talked with both Yongsoo and him again. But it felt too quick, too brief to the both of them.
They did start texting occasionally as well as seeing eachother around in school more than before but it just didn't feel the same as before since so much went unsaid in that talk outside the school's gym on those dirt covered stairs in their prom tuxedos, filled with apologies, teary eyes straining their vision.
And every word Taehyung said that evening felt so true to himself again yet so far from being happy.
Jeongguk would probably always have the look of pain in his best friend's eyes burned into his memories when he tried his all to force out words of encouragement for dating Hoseok.
All of this probably hurt Gguk equally as bad. He had thought about it that night, just how strange and twisted life was with it's timing. Having Taehyung avaliable, freely acknowleging his feelings and want to have Gguk be his, all when the younger of the two was now the one who's not the single one anymore.
And he was reminded of that once again when they went back inside the gym, something deep inside his gut punching him to stay with Taehyung for the night, just wanting to hold him and tell him that he missed him more than anything but just -- not being able to as he saw Hoseok standing where he had left him, smiling so beautifully and genuinely as he spotted him, not even questioning with why the 'quick talk' took so long as he really trusted him.
But it broke his heart even more seeing Taehyung stand in a circle with his friends, obviously lost in thoughts, seeing his eyes shimmer from a distance, catching his occasional glances over to him. He wanted things to be back to normal so bad, where he could just pull him over to where he was standing, being back to being inseperable.
But well, of course it wouldn't be the same as before in just a couple weeks, months or even ever. So many things had happened, were said that maybe shouldn't have, but it was at least worth a try talking more in depth, about all whirlwinds of feelings that went on before and after their fight, how they want to continue the course of their friendship from now on.
He breathed in, throat feeling scratchy and dry with all the pollen swirling through the air this season, slightly nervous as Taehyung's house slowly came into sight, feeling Byeolie pull at her leash even more than before.
It has been so long since he had been over at his house at this point with their six month break and added month to that before since time was always short at the beginning of the school year to come over to eachother's houses.
The last time he actually remembers being there being when Taehyung told him about the whole moving away, only a year left living not far from eachother left. Honestly a day Jeongguk just felt like was yesterday and years ago at the same time.
As he walked up closer and closer, walking up the pathway of their front garden, leading up to their front door, the familiar feeling of home spread through his chest like it was his own, his golden retriever's tail wagging faster at the familiar scents as she had been here countless times as well.
He did feel a nervous rush shoot up his spine as he stood infront of the door, finger going up to press the door bell, loud jingle sounding from the inside as he pressed down, so familiar he could hum it if he wanted, immediately hearing the golden retriever next to him bark in excitement.
Footsteps could be heard rushing through the hallway, fiddling to unlock to door before swinging open, revealing Midam, Taehyung's mother, looking as pretty as she always did. Taehyung really got all her genes when it went to looks.
"Jeongguk! I haven't seen you in ages!" Taehyung's mother laughed, hands already patting the excited dog jumping up and down, seemingly oblivious to what had happened between the two of them. "How are you? What are you doing here?"
"I'm good- i'm here for Taehyung." Gguk smiled, trying his all too keep Byeolie somewhat contained with her habit of jumping up people's bodies to lick a kiss onto their cheeks.
"Of course! I'll get him. " She returned the smile as she turned around, running up the stairs. "Taehyung!! Jeongguk's here!" Before the words were even shouted out properly, there were already the loud creaks of the stairs ringing through his ears, indicating someone running down.
But it wasn't much like he expected as he saw Tae's little sister Taerin stumble down the stairs, also a bright smile across her lips, eyes sparkling with the sight of Byeolie. She was just a year younger than Jeongguk's little brother and honestly -- he liked Taerin more than the little shit he had sitting at home.
"Jeongguk!" She smiled, jumping to the door and to the ground to pretty much be thrown over by the big dog right away, giggling happily.
"Hey, how are things with my brother going? Or should i say your boyfriend?" Gguk decided to tease her pretty much right away, knowing how his brother has been crushing on her pretty badly for more than a year now, eversince both families went on a vacation together.
Taerin looked up at him, her cheeks staining pink in embarassment. "Ew. I-I don't like him! Ew, ew, ew!"
Jeongguk felt a chuckle vibrate through his chest at her cuteness, remembering the two of them holding hands on said vacation and her being just as embarrassed when Taehyung and him caught them. It just too pure and adorable not to tease her about it.
Only thing that got him confused was how any girl could ever like his brat of a brother.
"Yeah, yeah." He laughed yet again, seeing Byeolie lick across her face, giggles masking her embarrassment quickly, just now noticing again how similar she really was to her brother.
The giggles, the smile, how her eyes form into cresents. She was similar to him in so many ways.
His attention however was quickly pulled away when the creaks of the stairs rung through the air again, seeing Taehyung walk down them this time, hair now dyed to a different shade again, grey locks bouncing up and down, black sweatpants and grey hoodie draped over his body, still managing to look stunning in such simple clothes.
"Hi." He saw Taehyung's eyes light up the same way his sister's did but not looking at the cute puppy roaming around their legs but looking right at him.
"Hi." Gguk smiled back at him, a too familiar whirlwind of feelings rushing through his gut he knew he shouldn't be feeling, almost forgeting everything sourrounding them.
"Wanna go?" He saw him tilt his head slightly, little cute habit he had missed a lot about him.
Just as he was about to nod, he felt Taerin pull down at his sleeve, pout already across her lips. "Jeongguk, can Byeolie stay here, please, please, please?"
He laughed, knowing his plan was to take her with them on the walk to power her out for once but it might be better to have Taerin do that job if Taehyung and him want to talk about pretty much everything calmly which would be hard with a dog bouncing around them the entire time.
"Okay but make sure to run around with her a lot in the backyard okay? I wanna pick her up and have her be tired, alright?" He handed over the leash, even brighter smile than before painted across the girl's lips, pout quickly gone.
"Thank you! I will!" And before anything could be further confirmed with either Midam or Jeongguk himself she rushed off happily, Byeolie running beside her.
He sighed with a smile, shaking his head the smallest bit before turning to look at Taehyung who had now walk up to stand beside him. "Okay, let's go."
So they went, strolling around in silence for a while, aimlessly walking into the near park, both not really knowing where to start as for Jeongguk's part at least, has millions and millions of thoughts rushing through his mind right now, not even bothered by being thrown right back to the same awkward that surrounded them at prom just a couple weeks ago.
"This is weird, isn't it?" Silence broken with an awkward chuckle, he looked over to Taehyung as the older of the two let the words pass through his lips, sound of their feet dragging on the gravel covered path way almost louder than his voice. "We - we never were like this."
"Yeah, it is." Jeongguk breathed out, also having a chuckle pass through his lips. "We never were awkward. Even after we -- you know -- kissed and all."
And that wasn't a lie. They just went on being best friends like usual then, still comfortable and sweet to eachother with the added benefit of liking to have their lips attached to eachother's, memory alone making Jeongguk's heart thump out of his chest.
"Yeah, i guess it just felt natural? To, uhm, kiss you." Taehyung admitted, hands wandering in the pocket of his sweatpants, making a smile tug at the corners of Gguk's lips, heat rising to his cheeks.
"Yeah, it did." Jeongguk rolled his head to look down at their feet walking across the tiny pebbles covering the ground, wanting to hide his rosy face as he should not be this flustered or feeling so horribly deep in love just from the thought of pressing kisses all over Taehyung's face.
"Remember that pond we used to go to to collect rocks and look for frogs?" Taehyung stopped in his way all of the sudden, changing the topic completely, making Jeongguk halt as well, digging deep in his memories, euphoria coursing through him with the sudden flashes of pictures of summer weekends, staying out way past times they should, searching around that pond.
"If i remember correctly it's over there." He watched him pull out of his hands out of his pocket, pointing towards a slightly overgrown path, multiple plants he does not know the names of taking over most of it, just a small space that they would just be able to squeeze through remaining.
With only a glance of agreement thrown between them, they exchanged the sound of the crunch of their feet stepping on the gravel to them rusling through some knee high grown grass as they pushed through the different greenery with a nostalgic rush washing accoss them.
And Taehyung indeed remembered correctly. After almost getting stabbed by multiple bushes, trying no to get leafs or other shrubs stuck in their hair, they were met with the same exact pond sourrounded by a ring of meadow with tiny yellow flowers where they used to spend a lot of their sixth grade summer.
They both sank down onto the grass, hands immediately picking at the small blossoms sprouting out the ground, memories rushing back to Jeongguk. Memories he had thought to be long forgotten.
How he already used to have this weird feeling for his best friend, something that didn't feel only friendly. All he knew was that he wanted to hold his hand and have him kiss his cheeks and that's something you shouldn't want to do with your bestest friend in the whole wide world.
"You know it's strange. How long i've liked you." He couldn't help but voice his thoughts out loud as he thought about it and it felt good to say it out loud. He remembers denying them for a really long time, especially back when Taehyung got together with Yongsoo. "How long i've hurt too and -- even with how fucked up it sounds -- waited for you to be single. And here we are, you are single and i'm the one that's not. It's -- so strange."
It sure was to him. How weird fate is sometimes, timing things exactly like they are just not ever meant to fit together like pieces from the same puzzle but that aren't next to eachother.
"Yeah. It is strange." Taehyung sighed, hands picking another flower, swirling it between his fingers. "It strange to have the person i'm in love with in a relationship with someone else but when i said i'm happy for you -- i- i mean it."
Someone Jeongguk's ears didn't pick up one word after the words 'the person you love', noticing his heart swell uncontrollably, just now really understanding the meaning of that. He meant -- him. Taehyung being in love with -- him, with Jeongguk.
"What- what did you say?" Gguk shook himself out of his thoughts, turning to look at the other, probably interrupting him in the middle of his words.
"I'm happy for you?" He watched him turn to him as well, confusion written all over his features, repeating his last spoken words.
"No, before that. The person you- you love." Jeongguk tried to explain, heart beating high in his throat, just needing him to explain again, just -- wanting to be completely sure with what his ears picked up.
"Yeah, I'm in love with you, Jeongguk. I thought i made myself clear when we talked at prom." He saw his eyes spark beautifully with the first sentence, full of honesty and sincerity and yes, Jeongguk does recall him saying that and not saying those words back to him but his brain somewhat had short circuited to what he had been used to.
To the usual I love you plantonically, not romantically.
"I- i guess i got used to- hearing i love you in a friend way-" Jeongguk admitted, eyes locking together, noticing his own flickering towards Taehyung's so pretty looking lips, knowing how perfect they feel, almost craving to have them locked with his own again.
And with that the only want screaming through his mind, he slowly began leaning closer, eyes bouncing between his eyes and lips, heart speeding up, continuing to thump in his throat.
But just as he was about to close in, eyes blinked close, an image of Hoseok flashed through his mind.
He couldn't. He shouldn't.
He was about to throw himself into the same cycle he was just involved in but into a different postion now.
He can't affort hurting more, hurting someone else, even if he wanted it.
Gguk quickly turned his head, eyes still closed, breathing fast and uncontrolled, lip catching inbetween his teeth. "I'm sorry, i- i don't know what i was going to do." He whispered, suddenly feeling a hand placing over his own.
"I- i am sorry for not stopping you but it's hard when you know -- i love you." He heard Taehyung's guilt filled voice, slowly opening his eyes, looking over at him, head still turned towards him, slight smile painted on his lips. "How about -- we put this all aside, i'm not here for that long anymore. I just want to spend time with you."
And that honestly seemed like the only option that made sense for them at this point. Make due with what they have, get the feelings out of the way and use the time they have.
"I like that." Jeongguk smiled as well, slipping his hand out from underneath Taehyung's before placing it atop of it. "Let's make use of the time."
And that's what they tried to do, spend the uncondictional time they actually had with Taehyung just a couple houses away to spend together, before they wouldn't be able to see eachother whenever they missed the other so much that their heart would hurt -- soon they would just have to be able to deal with it with Taehyung being an ocean away.
°***°
thoughts? critisism? anything?? make sure to let me know :)
Hey! i hope everyone is doing well, being healthy and social distancing right now. I'm having some family issues so i dont really feel like saying too much today besides that.
Also this was edited very briefly so i apologize for any spelling or grammar errors!
this made my day go from miserable to okay so i hope it'll make you happy :)
have a nice day/ night!