"Hey man." Noah greeted Milo doing a handshake with him as he arrived to the set of Auden's show.
"It's really cool of you to come visit her on set when you can. Your a good boyfriend."
"I'm sure Alexis would be here if she could."
"She is able to be here.. but you don't see her here do ya?" Noah shrugged before grabbing a soda from the catering table and headed to his dressing room.
"Knock knock.." Milo watched Auden light up when she saw him. She hadn't been expecting him today but it was always nice for him to come visit. Over the last couple of weeks they worked harder to make time for one another.
Auden even hung out with Milo in his dorm and helped him study for some of his classes.
"I can't believe you only have 2 more months of shooting.."
"And 2 more months until Christmas.." She sang happily, wrapping her arms around Milo tightly.
"Hanukkah babe, Hanukkah.."
"But we are still doing our usual Christmas Day traditions right?"
"Yes, yes.. as long as your there we will always celebrate Christmas too." He kissed her forehead before bending down just enough to kiss her lips.
"Hey sorry to ruin this beautiful moment I am, but Audie they need us on set.." Noah poked his head in before he made his way down the hall.
Since when does he call her Audie?
"Hey um would you mind just hanging out in here for just a couple of scenes?"
"Why what's up? Are you nervous? Baby I've watched you already you—-"
"I'm nervous but I'm nervous for you because of what kind of scene it is.."
"Oh you and Noah?" Auden nodded, Milo's already had to watch some awkward scenes of Noah's character Cyrus trying to flirt with Auden's character Veronica.
"Baby it's fine, I'm here to support you.. I know it's nothing to be worried about." Milo tried to sound more confident than he really was. The truth was he was already overthinking and he hadn't even watched the scene.
It was way worse than Milo imagined, they were filming sex scenes and they had to take a couple more takes than usual because for first bit of filming
Auden felt so awkward doing this in front of Milo.
She finally got it together though thanks to Noah.
Milo watched as Noah ran his hand down her spine soothingly, finally resting his hand on her lower back as they waited for the next take.
Milo had to watch Noah grab a hold of Auden when she tried to leave. "You told me if I wanted to leave I could leave.. Cyrus this is me leaving!" Noah pulled her into him quickly holding her face in his hand.
"Obviously I didn't think you would actually walk away V.." He kissed her hard, swooping her up onto his hips as her legs wrapped around him.
Milo tried to keep a poker face as Noah laid down on the bed with her. As the scene progressed he got to his worst fear. He heard moans fall from Auden's mouth, it was apart of the scene yes but that didn't stop the jealousy from oozing out of him.
He expected them to sound fake, exaggerated.. different than how she sounded when they were making love but they didn't. They were the same breathy moans at least it was only moaning though. If he heard a single whimper leave her lips for Noah, scene or not.. he would freak out.
Finally the scene was over and Auden awkwardly walked over to Milo who was on his phone. He looked up at her and Auden saw him glare at the robe she was wearing. He quickly smiled at her though when his eyes met hers.
"I need to shower I just feel gross.." She murmured as they made their way back to her dressing room, Milo liked that she didn't like what she had to do. However it didn't shake the feeling in the pit of Milo's stomach. Something was going on with him, he just felt like he had so much pent up aggression. Like someone stabbed him with a adrenaline needle... it was driving him crazy.
"You okay Mi?" Auden asked as she slipped the robe off of her, getting the shower ready. Milo made sure the doors were locked before he kicked his shoes off. Sauntering into the bathroom to see his girlfriend practically teasing him as she bent over moving her panties down her legs.
He felt like he either needed to go on a 5 mile run.. or fuck his girlfriend absolutely senseless and he's not a runner..
As Auden was straightening up Milo came up behind her and moved her hair to the other side of her neck. His lips met the crook of her neck making his way to the spot right below her ear where her jaw and neck met.
"Baby what are you doing?" She took a sharp breath, she was already melting under his kisses, forgetting where they were.
"I don't think I've ever wanted you so badly in my life.." His lips dragged across her ear as he whispered into it. Milo's hand came to grab her hair in a makeshift ponytail around his wrist.
"Milo are.. are you upset about the scene?" Auden tried to turn around but Milo didn't let her budge, the grip on her hair just tightened.
"Baby I'm not upset, just really really fucking turned on.." He knew deep down though that he was upset, it did affect him and he didn't want to just have sex with her. He wanted her to fully submit to him so he could do whatever he wanted. He wanted her to remember exactly what he could do to her..
"Babygirl hurry up and take your shower, I can't wait that much longer."
Auden had no clue what had gotten into Milo, they were in the hallway, 10 feet away from their apartment. He had her pressed against the wall while his teeth nipped harshly at her neck.
"Milo people are going to see us.." She moaned against his ear as her hands tugged on his hair. She loved his hair.. even if it was back to its usual shade of dark brown.
He pulled her up, she wrapped her legs around his hips as soon as she realized what he was doing. She was impressed that he got the door unlocked.
Milo got them to her bedroom tossing Auden down on the mattress, he was already pulling his T-shirt over his head and pushing his jeans down his annoyingly long legs.
"I've never seen you like this.." Auden murmured against his ear as he worked her pants off. He got her jacket off her arms and pulled her shirt over her head.
"Shh baby no more talking..."
Milo rolled over onto his back and instantly grab his phone to check his notifications. Auden sat there feeling more used than she had ever felt.
"I'm going to go shower.." Milo muttered tiredly, grabbing his clothes from the closet. Auden waited to hear the water turn on before letting herself cry.
She had tiny bruises forming along her wrist where he had held her down using more force than necessary.
She knew Milo probably hadn't meant to treat her that way but it was too much for her to handle. He was too rough and none of it had felt good.
He was upset and instead of talking about it like an adult he took it out on her. Sex use to be a outlet, her only outlet. Auden was starting to hyperventilate, Milo was in the shower too busy to save her.
It was kind of weird at first but Auden's therapist swore by it. It was one of the few things that actually did work to calm her down.
She closed her eyes wrapping herself up in a blanket. She began her taping patterns, using her index and middle finger to tap her forehead. Auden thought it was stupid when she first heard about it but for her it truly was helpfully she focused on the pattern her fingers fell into. Taping down her cheeks, nose and chin before flipping from wrist to wrist and back again.
Her breaths became calmer, slow and relaxed.
I am good enough
I am good enough
I am good —
"Audie?" Milo broke her out of her concentration, she could feel her breaths increase. Milo was setting off a panic attack?
She closed her eyes again and focused on breathing.
"Baby what's wrong are you okay?"
"Yeah I just.. I kind of need to focus on this .. and your not helping."
"Sh-should I go to the living room?" Milo looked down at his girlfriend helplessly. She never pushed him away.. did he cause this?
"Um do you think maybe it's time for you to head back to the dorms?"
"Yeah.. I have that exam to study for that I was telling you about.. I love you. Are you sure you don't want me to stay? Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine Milo, it's okay go ahead."
"Okay love you.." He kissed her temple before grabbing his dirty clothes off the floor and heading out of her room.
He kept looking down at her door handle as he closed the door. His clothes balled up against his chest as he dug out his keys.
Milo paced back and forth from her bedroom door never making it past her couch. He was torn he had never felt so helpless when it came to Auden and it felt so wrong to leave her... He let his clothes drop to the floor and threw open Auden's bedroom door.
"Baby I don't want to leave.. please tell me what I can do to help you.." Milo's eyes scanned Auden, she seemed so much calmer than she did just a few minutes ago and it hurt him. She didn't need him.
"Milo it's.. it's okay.. I just let something get to me." Her fingers danced along her wrist, that's when Milo finally noticed. The discolorations the side of his finger tips..
He wasn't phased when Auden flinched as he speedily got on the bed, pulling her wrist towards him. Of course she should be afraid of him what the fuck did he do to her?
"I did this? Baby why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" His fingers ran over the nail marks in her wrist. A couple of them were close to breaking her skin enough to bleed.
"I did.."
"You— you did? Wait I actually... I really hurt you?" He ran his fingers through his hair, he was so withdrawn when they were having sex.. he was so focused on himself he didn't even remember how Auden was during it. Unfortunately Auden had it permanently etched in her brain.
"It's .. it's okay you didn't realize." Auden was trying to make excuses for him, she wasn't sure what was going on but it was evident that he was physically sick over the thought of hurting her.. literally.
He ran to her bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He hurt her, he caused her to have a panic attack and he made her cry. He was supposed to be the good guy, made her feel loved, taken care of.. ever since they came up New York all he's done is pick fights and make her cry. Sure they had been doing better up until now .. he had hurt her.
"Baby come on let's talk.." Auden rubbed his back, instead of comforting her, talking to her but he was puking his guts out as she comforted him. So much was wrong with this picture.
Milo broke down pulling her smaller figure into his arms and wrapping himself around her.
"Milo calm down... your getting worked up."
"How can I not ?"
"Babe your acting like—"
"Like I physically hurt you and took advantage of you?.. Auden this isn't me making a stupid mistake like not calling you back or just being a dick.. I did that.." He ran this thumbs over her wrists, he could feel the bile rise in his stomach again.
"I know but if I forgive you isn't that all that matters? ... I've told you before about things I like In the bedroom.. so you went too far? It happens, let's just bury it—"
"Audie I—-"
"Milo please... please can we bury it?" Her eyes fluttered close as she held back the tears. One escaped and rolled down her cheek but it was wiped away by Milo. He couldn't break her anymore than she was already.
"Baby girl come on let's get you back to bed.." It was only 3pm but he wanted to spend the rest of the day taking care of her like the good boyfriend he knew he was. He got her tucked in before getting cleaned up and brushing his teeth.
Milo spent the rest of the afternoon massaging her skin and giving back tickles to her. They watched Netflix and he ordered from her favorite sushi place for dinner.
" I love you Mi..always will.." Auden murmured as she tiredly kissed his neck. She was wrapped up in Milo's arms as he continued tickling her back and ran his other hand through her hair.
"I love you too baby girl.. always.
Sometimes love isn't always enough..
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