James
I could feel my heart pump faster than it ever did. I leaned against my pillow and sighed. The guilt I had been carrying over the last couple of years never subsided, it hit me more as the years went by. The guilt that I felt now, however, felt million times worse than usual. Alina's presence felt soothing and I could hear my wolf purring at the back of my mind. My wolf was happy to have his mate next to him whereas I was left in dismay. I knew what I did to her, myself and Hailey was uncalled for. I decided to get myself involved in a situation that not only put myself in danger but also ruined three other lives.
Hailey has always been the one who caught my eye from the start. We grew up together and somewhere along the line we fell in love. I had a very strong feeling and was certain that she was my mate. However, as time went by, my wolf felt no spark, no attachment towards her. It didn't take much time to figure out that she was not my mate. I was scared, unprepared for what was ahead. I told Drake about my insecurities. Everything about the way I felt and how scared I was of losing Hailey. He always warned me to back off, come off clean and start afresh. He told me that being with a mate was way better than being with someone your wolf was not connected to. I never acknowledged his words but now at this point in time, I could feel it. I felt the bond my wolf had with Alina, the attachment felt overwhelming.
I nearly lost my wolf because I decided to go with my responsibility for loving Hailey. I couldn't just leave her. The fact that she didn't have a mate also heightened my desire to be with her, protect her. I willingly sacrificed my other half because of it. I stood at a point where I couldn't even rationalise my own decisions.
"What are you thinking about?" Alina softly asked. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked at me.
My heart clenched at that sight. I shook my head and smiled. "Nothing."
I had spent days wondering what it would be like to sit next to her, have her close to me. Never did I think we would meet again, that too in a situation where we were fighting for survival.
Alina sighed. "I'm so glad you are alright. I can't stress enough how—"
"Shh." I cooed. I tucked a part of her hair that rested on her face behind her ear. She looked so vulnerable and scared. I could see the pain in her eyes.
"I am fine."
She closed her eyes.
My wolf purred once again. He wanted to take control and keep his mate with him for eternity. He was pacing around in my mind, cursing me and feeling attached to Alina at the same time.
"Look, Alina." I started, "I know apologising won't fix anything. It won't mend the pain that I have given you. I would still like to get some things off my chest." I trailed off, thinking of ways to put it to her.
"I have made stupid decisions and I do regret them. I am man enough to at least take responsibility and admit that I did you wrong. You didn't deserve that."
Alina sobbed tears ran down her cheeks. I grabbed her hand and squeezed. Seeing her cry tore my heart apart.
"There is nothing that can mend us." I whispered, "I can't let you go because you are part of me. Letting you go would kill me yet at the same time I can't deny my responsibility towards Hailey."
"Yeah." She mumbled, wiping her tears. Her eyes were dark red, puffy. Emotional waves of guilt, sadness, love and disappointment hit me at once. I knew I let her down. I let myself down. I couldn't deny the connection that I felt with her.
It was indeed a fucked up situation with no retreat.
"You are right." Alina hiccuped. "Whatever happened, it's all in the past now." She paused and stared at me. Leaning forward she lightly touched my face, her breathe fanned just above my lips. She was a few inches away from me.
I looked at her lips as she spoke. "I can't forgive you," She started after the long pause. I felt my hopes shatter. My wolf howled in pain.
"I can't forgive you, yet I can't get you out of my mind. We are destined to be together after all." She meekly smiled and leaned in towards me.
I held my breath as her soft lips brushed against mine. Tingles ran all over my body. I sat there with my palms balled into fists as she manoeuvred the kiss. It was simple yet so passionate. It was something that I didn't even know I was longing for. I grabbed her waist and pulled her onto me. It was just then she pulled away.
She smiled and whispered, "We can't ignore the bond but, I understand your stance. We have a lot to focus on. We have to fight for our existence so I think I'll let you off the hook for some time."
I looked at her eyes. They were bright golden, it was her wolf speaking. Alina straddled my lap and held me close. Her scent calmed my nerves. I knew we were fighting against abandoned wolves to re-establish our dominance but I would be of no use without her next to me. She was the only one capable to empower and heal my wolf.
"I just want our families to be safe," I stated calmly. "We still have a lot to figure out and I feel I have missed out a lot while I was knocked out." I laughed awkwardly.
I had to talk to Drake and look into everything that has happened over the last few days. Jace must have been of great help but it was time I took over.
"We all need to work together and if we can manage that, we will be fine." Alina smiled giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.
I felt so calm and composed around her. We talked throughout the night about the incidents, our thoughts, plans and everything else before she drifted off to sleep right next to me.
Author's Note:
Fifty! Fifty! James is back!
I see James and Alina are having some bonding time. They even kissed! 🤫
Don't forget to vote and comment if you like this chapter.
Next update: Monday.
Till then—
Peace out.