-So this chapter is definitely longer than the previous ones. I tried to split it up in two chapters but it just wasn't working for me so yeah, here it is :P Hope y'all are staying safe x
ALEX'S POV
Shutting the door behind me, I immediately felt guilty for lying to my best friend's face as I approached my car.
I paid the bills yesterday before my shift at the bar whereas the groceries? Well, I was fairly confident it wouldn't take her too long to open the fridge and figure out we were more than okay on that front.
Truth is, I owed my dealer a couple of hundred bucks and I gave him my word I'd stop by his house today in order to pay him off. In the back of my head though, I knew that going there would've most likely ended with me partying with him and all the other scumbags that usually hanged out at his place.
My suspicions were proven when I pulled up in front of his house. I didn't even have to exit my car to hear the music blasting and people shouting to the top of their lungs, a few of them sitting out front smoking cigarettes, or weed, or heroine..
I once again felt like shit. I didn't like these people, I didn't like this environment, I didn't like what I was doing, lying to my best friend in order to sneak out and come here without being questioned.. And what I most despised was the tiny voice in my head repeatedly telling me I was slowly becoming what I hated with every fiber of my being: my mother.
I felt a knife stabbing me in the chest at the thought, my brothers' disappointed and disgusted looks on their faces burning holes into my soul.
Fighting back the tears, I climbed out of the car and promised myself I'd be out of there in a heartbeat.
"Hey hottie-"
"Still gay, Markus."
"It was worth the try.", the guy with a pink mohawk sitting on the porch shrugged, basically drooling all over me as his eyes took me in. "And it's Devon, by the way."
"Close enough.", I smirked, getting past him and in the house.
I scrunched my nose as the strong odor of alcohol and any type of drug being smoked filled my nostrils. Scanning the place, all I could see were people high as kites, some of them already passed out on the couch or the floor, others still going at it without a care in the world. Eager to leave and wondering how I even got into this mess in the first place, I went room by room to find Sasha, my dealer.
Not having much luck, I was about to walk upstairs when an arm wrapped around my shoulders, startling me and pulling me into him.
"A chick of her word, ain't ya?", Sasha chuckled as he absentmindedly guided me back towards the living room.
Sasha was a tall build-up guy in his thirties, tattoos covering every inch of his body with the exception of his face. Most people would go out of their way not to cross paths with him because of his scary appearance, but he honestly was a really calm and understanding person as far as I knew. That didn't mean I wanted to find out what getting on his bad side meant though, cause nope.
"It appears so.", I breathed out, smiling at him and handing him his money. "It should be all of it, but you should count it just to make s-"
"Nah, I'm good.", he replied with a cheeky grin, stuffing the cash into his pockets. "Ready to party now?!"
"Huh? I er- I actually have some stuff to do.", I trailed off, shaking my head at him with a smirk. "So, I'll pass for today."
"What, already flaking on us Stella?", he teased, earning a puzzled look on my part for a brief second.
Yeah, I gave him a fake name and I always forget about doing so.
"What? No. I just know that if I give into your offer I'd be staying here till tomorrow morning.", I retorted, playfully nudging him and pushing him away from me.
"Fair enough.", he chuckled, handing me a beer from a cooler nearby. "Have a beer at least?"
"Sure, why not."
Cracking it open and taking a sip, I watched him as he joined his so called friends on the couch, drugs being passed at him from every direction. I had to stifle a laugh at the scene in front of me: it was as if Sasha was their king and they were his devoted slaves or whatsoever. I think he himself knew these idiots were here just for the free drugs and not for his friendship, but who was I to judge?
Shaking my head at the irony of my thoughts, I decided to go outback and just enjoy my beer alone: the quicker I drank it, the better.
"I see the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.."
A voice I recognized all too well soon distracted me from the relentless thoughts that were once again starting to flood my mind.
"I'm nothing like you, Donna.", I mumbled, bringing the bottle to my lips and taking a long ass swig, not bothering to look at her as I felt her take a seat next to me on the bench.
"I know.. that's why I'm surprised to see you here again, 'Stella'."
The unfamiliar yet all too familiar softness of her voice was what caught my attention altogether. There wasn't judgment in her voice, there wasn't that usual sharpness or venom lacing her words, there wasn't the weakness she shamelessly conveyed the last time I saw her.. Instead, there was a subtle hint of playfulness surrounded by a veiled concern nonetheless.
"You must come here a lot too, then.", I scoffed, my eyes glued to the trees standing in Sasha's backyard.
Truth to be told, I was already ashamed to be here in the first place. Now that I was sharing a bench with her, fuck me..
"Unfortunately, I live here.", Donna breathed out, crossing her legs and settling further in her seat, my lack of response urging her to go on. "Sasha's my former dealer and current housemate.. I mean, living here had it's perks when I first moved in: free drugs, free booze, partying all day long, you know..? But that's in the past now, and I can't wait to get the hell out of here to be honest."
"Meaning?", I ironically giggled, not believing for a second what she was getting at.
"You can laugh..", she paused as I suddenly felt her eyes on me. "But whether you believe it or not, I've been clean ever since Chase got kidnapped. Well actually, the day after that.. Before his abduction, I was going on my second week of recovery, but it all went down the drain after our encounter at the police station. Our argument plus the stress and utter release due to Chase being back safe and sound ended up being just too much for me to handle, hence why I fell off the wagon and went on a bender. What a moron.", she laughed to herself as I could see her shaking her head from the corner of my eye.
"You're.. clean?", I mumbled, my eyes fixated on the beer I was holding as I couldn't bring myself to look at her.
I wanted to. I wanted to see for myself that she was actually saying the truth, I wanted to see for myself that she was actually, genuinely doing better. But I couldn't. Was it because I didn't want to run face first into the umpteenth lie? Maybe. Was it because I was too afraid or ashamed to face the similarities we were currently sharing? Also possible. Was it because while my junkie mother was allegedly trying to get her shit together, I was totally and uncontrollably losing it? Definitely.
"Yup.", she replied, popping the 'p' while she dug into her pocket and handed me a piece of paper, actually showing me her blood results from the previous months. "You can clearly see I still smoke weed, but let me tell you.. that's the only thing keeping me sane with all the shit that goes down in this house on a daily basis. Besides, it's 'technically' medical marijuana."
"How did you 'technically' get your hands on that?", I grinned, my eyes still glued to the papers in my hand.
I honestly wouldn't have believed a single word coming out of her mouth if it wasn't for the proof she just gave me. I was speechless.
"You know, I have a friend that has a friend..", she trailed off, causing a weak chuckle to escape my lips. "Two months isn't a long time anyway.. I still have a long road ahead of me, that's why I got myself a sponsor breathing down my neck 24/7 and a job to keep me busy. Well, not only that.. I'm saving up some money to get away from this place. A former addict and a house full of drugs is never a good mix, but I'm trying my best to keep it together."
It wasn't until then that I finally allowed my gaze to lock with hers, my heart doing multiple flips as a result.
After 6 years, I actually recognized the person in front of me as my mother: her hollow cheeks were just an awful memory replaced by actual flesh; the constant bags under her eyes were gone; her smudged hooker-like makeup was forgotten, leaving her features as natural as Grandma made them; her usually messy and ruined raven hair was now tied up into a tight, neat, high ponytail, just the way she used to like them; her skin was glowing, her eyebrows were perfectly trimmed, and her eyes.. the same eyes I shared, were sparkling with a newly found glint of hope and vitality. She was breathtakingly beautiful and just the sight of her made me wanna cry tears of joy for a change.
"Why now..? Why after all this time?", I whispered, searching her eyes for an unspoken answer.
"Well..", she hesitated, cautiously reaching out for my face and eventually brushing away the stray tear that managed to roll down my cheek when she realized I weirdly wasn't pulling away. "I was tired, honey.. I was tired of waking up in the mornings and not recognize the face staring back at me in the mirror. I was tired of waking up feeling like shit and tired as hell, with absolutely no will to live or whatsoever. I was tired of living a life where drugs were ruling every aspect of my existence. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and the people I've let down. Maybe what you'd like to hear me say is that I changed because of you and the kids, but that would be a lie.. Don't get me wrong, you guys have played a major role in me wanting to get clean whether you believe me or not, but while I knew it was most certainly too late to make up for my poor life decisions, I knew I had to make a change for myself to begin with.. Cause, let's face it.. I can't expect you three to forgive me for the past if I can't even forgive myself first.."
Was she really saying she wanted us-
"Have you?", I blurted, immediately stopping my own freight train of thoughts. "Forgiven yourself?"
"For some things, yes..", she sighed, flashing me a crooked smile. "For others, I think I never will."
By the look she was giving me, I knew we were sadly thinking about the same thing. And that's why I brought myself to finally ask that one painful question that's been weighing over my shoulders ever since I was fourteen.
"Do you hate me?", I stuttered, mentally slapping myself in the process. "I mean, I'm pretty confident you do but I really, really need you to-"
"I don't.", she cut me off, an unreadable look on her face as her entire posture tensed up. "I-.. I think I convinced myself of hating you for a long time, Alex. Foolishly and wrongly doing so, if I have to say so myself.. I was angry and heartbroken, and I blamed it all on you, on what you did and so on.. It took me the beauty of six years and a month in NA to actually realize that all this pain, all this anguish and heartbreak was to be directed to one person and one person only: me. It wasn't easy to come to terms with it, let alone accept it, but I eventually did. Your father.. I-.. I should've left him the second I realized he was too far gone for me to try and save him. It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore, but he just wasn't the man I fell in love with anymore, the man I worked so hard to build a family with.. Not a shred of that man was left in him, and I should've grabbed you kids and leave the very moment he laid his hands on me the first time. But I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't want to believe the fact that we'd lost him for good, you know? Meh, I should've known better and instead I did exactly what he did: I threw my life away because of an addiction and I left you holding the bag with two little kids.. Then-"
"We.. we really don't need to talk about that.", I sniffled my nose as I felt myself getting upset by her words.
"We don't.. but I need to say something and I need you to actually hear me when I do.", she stated, looking at me dead in the eyes. "I don't blame you for what you did. I really don't. If anything, I hate myself. I hate the fact that it came down to you fighting for your life and for your brothers'. I hate the fact that it should've been me instead of you, and all I did was utter shit. I hate the fact that you had to carry this burden for the past 6 years and probably will for the rest of your life. I hate the fact you had to grow up so fast and take on responsibilities that were bigger than you because I wasn't enough, I wasn't brave enough to deal with it all. And as I said: I don't expect you to forgive me in the near future or ever for that matter, and I'm not askin you to do so, but I really needed you to know. I never meant for any of this to happen, and I'm really, really sorry."
I had no fucking clue what to say. I had like a full on milkshake of emotions coursing through my body that for the first time in 6 years I actually felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I was definitely not ready to forgive her or profess my unconditional love to her, but I was actually smiling like an idiot. A stupid, foolish smile that literally reached my eyes.
"I.. I actually really needed to hear that..", I whispered, watching her lips curve into an apologetic smile.
"Did we.. did we just have a moment?", she frowned, cocking an eyebrow in amusement and definitely lightening the mood.
"It appears so.", I chuckled, rubbing my red puffy eyes. "Damn, I need another beer after this."
"Your wish is my command.", she winked, standing up from her seat and disappearing inside in a matter of seconds.
"I was actually kidding, you know?", I smirked as soon as she came back and handed me a beer while taking a sip of her own.
"No you weren't.", she mocked before a cheeky grin made its way to her lips. "So, can I ask you something?"
"I guess.."
"Who's the girl?"
"Excuse me?", I blurted as I nearly choked on my beer.
"What? I'm still your mother. It's my right to butt in."
"Yeah, I have a few objections concerning your statement.. but mostly, I don't remember ever coming out to you?"
"Oh please.", she laughed out loud, causing me to stare at her like a lost puppy. "Alex, I've known you were gay ever since you were thirteen and I sneaked up on you kissing Becky Andrews. And the fact you always wanted to dress like a boy ever since you turned 7 didn't help your case either."
"Oh my God, you did not just bring that up!", I gasped in shock as I felt my cheeks burn a new shade of red. "Becky fuckin' An- I can't believe you even remember that! That bitch slapped me in the face so hard I thought my right ear fell off."
"Seriously?! Fuck, I always miss the best parts.", she huffed, bursting into a fit of laughter as soon as she saw the face I pulled.
"Fuck you.", I gritted, failing miserably at hiding a shy smile. ""Anyway, there's no girl."
"Alex.. I know heartbreak when I see it, so don't play coy with me.", she subtly teased, realizing straight away it was a painful subject. "But I get that you don't wanna talk about it, so I'll drop it. Let me just say that that shit..", she trailed off, nodding towards the house. "That isn't the answer, that's not going to solve jack shit. If anything, it makes everything a thousand times worse. Don't do the same mistakes I did. I know you think they make you feel better when they're in your system, but when you wake up? It's the same shit all over again, if not even shittier.."
I already knew it, but hearing her say it made the entire thing even more real than it already was. I didn't need it, and I was ready to go home and get rid of all of it once and for all.
"I hear you, I really do."
"I miss you..", she uttered under her breath.
A sound barely audible to the ears that managed to echo so loudly in my head nevertheless.
"I miss you too.. and even though I'm definitely not ready to have something even close to a relationship with you at the moment, I'm liking this new yet old version of you. I-.. I definitely wasn't expecting to run into you, let alone have this conversation, but part of me is really glad I did. I mean it.", I smiled at her, bringing myself to even reach for her arm and give it a gentle squeeze.
"Me too.. now get out of here, Alex. Go home, go hug the kids, and never come back. You don't belong here."
"You know what?", I trailed off, downing the rest of my beer and getting to my feet. "I think I'm going to do just that."
And then, out of pure instinct, I bent down to plant a kiss to her head, leaving the both of us beyond surprised but smiling sheepishly at each other nonetheless.
With a heart a thousand times lighter, I motioned for the door when I suddenly realized I never wanted to see those guys ever again, so I decided to go round the outside. Jumping the three steps and landing on the grass, I turned around to see Donna absentmindedly playing with the hem of her shirt. Smirking, I called out to her.
"Mom?"
"Huh?", her head snapped towards me, her eyes wide in shock at the way I called her.
"You don't belong here either."
———
JESS' POV
"Is this it?"
"According to the address Sky gave me, yup."
Let's start by saying this: I suck at driving. That, plus the fact that I'm terrible at following the GPS' instructions while keeping myself and others alive well, we could say that it took us a while to get here. And to answer your question no, I didn't allow Matt to help me cause I'm just that stubborn.
Parking the car on the opposite side of the street, Matt and I briefly looked at each other before our eyes landed back on a small white house that was allegedly harboring our fugitive. Talking to Sky hasn't been of much help to be honest: after I told her what was going on, she didn't hesitate to give me the address where Ashley was staying.. but apart from that, she knew nothing. She was out of town for work, and even though she talked to her sister over the phone she was sorry to tell me she still had no idea as to what happened. Releasing a long breath, I killed the engine and unbuckled my seatbelt.
"So.. what's the plan?", Matt sighed, bringing his eyes up to mine. "We're just going to barge in there, knock her senseless, put a bag over her head and drag her back at our place?"
"What? No, you idiot.", I replied, shaking my head in amusement at the disappointed frown he gave me. "You seriously need to stop watching whatever you're watching on tv."
"Bummer. Then what do you have in mind, C3PO?"
"We're just gonna go in there, calmly explain the situation and beg her to come back and help."
"So, guilt trap her?"
"Yeah.. something like that I guess."
"Way to suck all the the fun out of it.", he huffed, unbuckling his seatbelt as well.
"Trust me, I'd rather- never mind.", I bit my tongue as I realized a very explicit and dirty comment was about to come out of my mouth.
This clearly wasn't the time nor the appropriate audience.
Stifling a laugh due to his confused expression, I reached out for the keys in the ignition.
"What the-", I mumbled as I struggled to pull them out. "Shit, shit, shit. Why isn't this stupid thing giving me the keys back?! Jesus fuckin' Christ, I should've never paid off that driving instructor the day of my exam! I knew something like that would've come back to bite me in the ass. Goddammit Tyler's going to kill me! Two hours, two freakin' hours it took me to break his-"
My ramble was cut short when I heard the gear shift move, the keys being immediatley released from the ignition. Dumbfounded, I turned my head to see a cheeky grin plastered on Matt's face.
"You paid off your driving instructor?"
"How'd you do that?!", I whispered, ignoring his question as I already felt my cheeks burning.
"You have to put the car in park before you take the keys out.", he chuckled, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Did you seriously-"
"Not a word about this, Matthew. I mean it.", I gritted, failing miserably at hiding a shy smile. "Now move your butt, smartass. We're on a mission."
Shaking his head, Matt followed me out of the car and across the street. Climbing up the three small steps separating us from the front door, I was about to knock when Matt grabbed my wrist, his head nodding towards the mailbox that clearly read 'Skylar Stevens'.
By the time it took my slow brain to realize this was Sky's house, Matt had already pulled me behind his back before adjusting the black baseball hat he was wearing so that half his face was covered as he positioned himself in front of the peephole and firmly knocked three times.
I was about to ask him what the hell he was doing when we heard uncertain footsteps approach from the other side, causing me to fall completely silent.
"Who's there?", Ashley's apparently exhausted voice echoed from behind the door.
"Hello Ma'am. I'm here to deliver a package for Miss..", Matt trailed off with a deeper voice than usual, looking down at the imaginary piece of paper he was holding. "Miss Skylar Stevens."
"Uhm..", there was a pause on the other side of the door, a pause that caused me to roll my eyes so hard they almost fell out of their sockets. "I- I'm sorry, this.. this is my sister's house and she hasn't given me any heads up about a package being delivered so-"
"I'm aware of that Ma'am, and I'm really sorry to bother you. Long story short, the package in question was supposed to be delivered over three weeks ago but it was unfortunately misplaced in Europe at the moment of shipment. I'd be more than happy to just leave it on the door for you, but I really need your signature and-"
"Fine, whatever. Just give me a second."
And with that, we heard her shuffle behind the door as I violently poked Matt in his ribs.
"Hey! What was that for?!", he hissed, silently shooting daggers at me.
"A package? Really?!"
"What? You really think she would've opened the door just because Jess Mitchell asked so nicely?!", he mocked, rubbing his side.
"Well, I don't know cause you haven't even given me the chance to-"
Our childish argument fell on deaf ears as the front door swung open, revealing Ashley's dumfounded figure. Still pointing a menacing finger at Matt, I allowed my eyes to take her in, finding it difficult to believe the person I was looking at used to be our dropdead gorgeous teacher.
She looked like she hadn't taken a shower in weeks, her hair was greasy, messy and all over the place. Her face was makeup free, leaving little to nothing to the imagination since the dark circles under her eyes were literally the only thing your gaze could focus on. The usual sparkle in her eyes was gone, being replaced by sadness and anguish and, now that she was looking at us, fear.
I snapped out of my trance when I saw the door being slammed into our faces, but luckily enough Matt was more than ready to push back.
"Oh you're not getting away so easily Ashley.", I grunted, stomping inside the house and stopping dead in my tracks as my eyes scanned the room, resulting in Matt bumping into my back.
Eyes wide open, I took in numerous half-drank wine bottles sitting on the coffee table; tissue boxes scattered all around them along with a ridiculous amount of pizza boxes and dirty dishes. Sitting on the couch was her laptop, a bunch of papers and files that Ashley herself was quick to collect and get rid of before I could even figure out what they were.
I scrunched up my nose as the state of this place sadly reminded me of my best friend's room earlier this morning.
I had so many questions. It's not like the thought of Ashley suddenly leaving because she fled the country on a cruise ship, sipping margaritas and getting her ass tanned ever crossed my mind, but Jesus.. I most certainly wasn't thinking to walk into a 27 year old living like a slob either.
I was so pissed off at this point.
"You shouldn't be here.", Ashley gritted in a stern voice, her arms crossed against her chest as she looked at us expectantly.
"Well Justin Bieber shouldn't have left Selena Gomez either, yet here we are! We don't always get what we want now, do we Ashley?", I bit back, glaring at her as I mentally slapped myself for the poor choice of example my brain just gave birth to. "Jesus what the hell happened to you?!"
"Seriously Jess, you should leave-"
"I'm not leaving until I get some freakin' answers!", I snapped, dropping my purse on the couch and standing my ground. "I'm not leaving until I fully understand why-"
"What happened to 'calmly explain the situation'?", Matt frowned, eyeing me as if to say to chill out.
"What happened to her being a 'selfish bitch'?", I retorted, earning an exhausted sigh. "Seeing as these two dumbfucks are going on about their lives, I can't help but being royally fucking pissed!"
"What situation?", Ashley suddenly asked, concern flooding her eyes as she focused them solely on me. "What happened? Is Alex okay, is she-"
"See? This is what I'm talking about!", I yelled, shaking my head in disappointment. "You clearly still love her. You clearly still care about her so please, please, help me understand why all of a sudden you're doing this to yourself, to her."
The room fell silent, Matt and I patiently waiting for an answer as Ashley went to open her mouth several times, but it never came. Despite the anger I had towards her, my heart broke a little when I saw her basically hugging herself, tears threatening to escape as she awkwardly shifted her weight from one leg to the other.
"Is she okay?", she asked again, the shakiness of her voice causing me to soften slightly.
"Yes, she's-"
"Like hell she is.", Matt scoffed, his eyes fixated on Ashley's figure. "And that's on you."
I took a deep breath, realizing we were all going terribly wrong about the entire situation. I cursed myself in multiple ways cause I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, and I knew I wasn't going to get any answers if I kept biting her head off, let alone the help we needed.
"Ashley..", I hesitated, successfully breaking the staring contest they were having as piercing grey eyes focused on me. "Why did you let Alex find out the way she did? Why did you resign just a couple of weeks before graduation? Was someone at school threatening you? Cause that's literally the only thing I can th-"
"Hold on a- what?!", Matt gasped, his gaze flickering between the two of us, realization slowly hitting him. "'Resign'? 'School'? You.. you were her..?"
"Teacher, yes.. I was her teacher.", Ashley mumbled, looking down at her feet and avoiding his shocked gaze. "And no.. Nobody at school was threatening me."
"Great, just great.", Matt threw his hands up in the air, an hysterical laugh escaping his lips. "So let me get this straight, huh? You were her teacher, you seduced her, you fucked her, you made her fall in love with you and then you left without a freakin' word?! You abused your powers, you took advantage of her, you threw her away like a used condom and now my sister's screwing up her life, snorting cocaine in her bedroom all night long because of you?!"
"Matt, that's not exactly how-", I tried, the death glare coming my way urging me to shut the fuck up.
"That's exactly what happened.", he growled, taking a step towards Ashley, resulting in her bumping into the wall behind her, her back sliding till she collapsed to the ground, her face buried in her hands as multiple sobs we heard across the room. "I don't give a shit what your problem is. You're coming with us and you're going to fix this or I-"
"I c-can't-", she croaked out, my heart tightening at how broken she looked. "I can't.. I'm so t-terribly sorry b-but I can't."
"You can't or you won't?", he spat, his fists clenching as he stared down at her.
"Please, I- I need you to leave.."
"And I need my sister back!", he yelled, eventually taking his anger out on the nearest wall, punching a hole in it without even flinching from the pain. Seeing Ashely wasn't even able to speak anymore, he snorted, motioning for the door as he flashed me a brief glance. "I'll go wait in the car before I destroy this place."
And with that, it was just me and a crying 27 year old toddler left. I was speechless cause, to be honest, of the countless scenarios I played in my head, this was certainly the most unsettling and unexpected of all. Like, seriously.. if I were to compare my best friend's situation to the one I was currently seeing, Alex was doing way better than Ashley. I mean, yeah, she was heartbroken and doing drugs but at least she still had a shred of a normal life left whereas Ashley she.. I don't know, she seemed to have given up altogether. And mind me, I wasn't minimizing Alex's problem in the slightest cause kicking her ass was next on the list, but whatever Ashley was dealing with, well, it suddenly dawned on me that it was most certainly worse than anything I could think of. Or anything I could help her with.
Sighing, I grabbed a tissue box from the coffee table and cautiously approached her, trying my best to find a way to comfort her.
"Please, don't.", she cried out as she heard me near her, my eyes not missing how her body was uncontrollably shaking.
"Ashley-"
"Just go.."
Shaking my head, I crouched down at a safe distance from her and pushed the tissues in her direction. Then I silently grabbed my purse and motioned for the door, my hand lingering on the knob as I looked at her one more time.
"I-.. I don't know what's going on with you, but whatever it is, I really hope you'll figure it out Ashley. Goodbye.."
———
A while later, after a dead silent car ride, I was parking Tyler's car in front of our house. I nervously bit my lip as I realized it was almost 6 in the afternoon and Alex's car still wasn't here.
So much for going grocery shopping and pay some bills.
"You know she's probably getting high somewhere, right?", Matt mumbled, staring at the empty spot where her sister's car usually sat. "It's her day off after all.."
I wanted to ease his mind, I wanted to reassure him, but he was mature enough to know that whatever I came up with would've been a big fat lie at he moment.
"What now?", he then asked, his brown warm eyes meeting mine.
"Now we take care of our family, bud.", I sighed, sinking further into my seat. "Alex needs help and she's gonna get it from us whether she likes it or not. I'll talk to her as soon as she gets back.. you can either back me up or let me handle it.."
"Meh, I don't know Jess..", he sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. "I don't really trust my mouth today. I shouldn't have lost it the way I did with Ashley earlier.. Like damn, we went to her for help when she probably needs it more than Alex actually does. I'm just really upset over this entire situation, you know? It's like watching Donna all over again, I-"
"It's gonna be okay Matt, I promise.", I cut him off, reaching for his arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. "But I need you to do something for me.. Not a word about this to your sister."
"What? Wh-"
"Matt.. you said it yourself, Ashley seems to be in a even more rougher spot right now. The last thing your sister needs right now is to see her, let alone see her like that. If we tell her, she's just gonna flip shit and head over there looking for answers she won't get, and-"
"Okay, yeah.. you're right.", he agreed, cringing just at the thought and causing me to chuckle.
"Now head inside and tell Tyler I'm gonna be there in a sec, okay?"
Without further questioning, he nodded and silently climbed out of the car. Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I grabbed my phone and dialed Sky's number just to be sent straight to voicemail. Huffing, I tried again and again with the same result, so I decided to text her.
Jess 5.51pm
'Hey Sky.. listen, I think you should cut your business trip short and get on the first plane back to Chicago. She needs you.. like, really, really needs you.'
Tossing my phone in my purse, I couldn't shrug off the awful feeling that by going there, Matt and I made things even worse for her. And the fact that she was all alone didn't help in the slightest. Whatever she was going through, whatever she was hiding from the people that cared for her, was undeniably eating her alive. And if Alex were to see her like that, I knew there was no coming back.
I had a choice to make: keep my best friend mentally safe and healthy, or tell her the truth and send her in a even more vicious cycle.
Needless to say I chose the first one.
Bracing myself for what was about to come, I lazily climbed out the car and made my way inside just to find a very confused Tyler waiting for me along with some answers.
"Hey baby.", he greeted me, flashing me a wide smile from behind the couch.
"I need a bear hug. Like, right now.", I pouted, stomping my foot on the ground.
"Incoming!", he smirked, bolting from his seat and wrapping his arms around me, holding me close. "What's going on Jess? Your text wasn't quite explicative and you left before I could even kiss you."
"My text was very clear.", I retorted, nuzzling my face into his chest.
"'Chase. Home. Now.' doesn't scream explicative to me.", he teased, pulling away from the hug just to raise an eyebrow at me.
"Well, you got the point though, didn't you?", I mocked before releasing a long sigh. "Alex's having a situation and I have to deal with that dumbass before things go south.. I can't really give you all the details yet, but-"
"But.. we aren't going out to dinner either, am I right?"
"I'm sorry..", I pouted, sinking into the couch as he followed suit. "I'm really sorry Ty.. First I make you rush here to babysit, then I basically steal your car, and now I'm postponing-"
"It's okay, Jess. Whatever it is you have to deal with, I get it.", he flashed me a reassuring smile, reaching for my hand and intertwining our fingers.
"Ugh, I don't deserve you.", I groaned, a shy smile creeping up on my lips.
A smile that was short lived since I heard Alex's car park out front, the driver's door slam shortly after followed by footsteps coming up the stairs and into the house. I immediately tensed, unfazed by the concerned look Tyler was giving me.
"Hey babe- oh, hey to you too T.", she greeted, smiling goofily at us. "Well I-.. I'll get out of your hair."
She awkwardly stared at the two of us, probably sensing that something was off, before bolting up the stairs.
"You should probably go.", I whispered to Tyler who silently nodded and pecked my lips before leaving.
Hearing the door shut behind him, I nervously grabbed the book hiding the drugs from my bag and placed it on the table, staring at it for what felt like hours before Alex came bouncing down the stairs again. I had to bite my tongue when she asked me where her leather jacket was.
"It's in the closet by the front door..", I trailed off, opening the book and tossing the drugs on the table in front of her face. "But if you were looking for this, don't even bother."
Silence wrapped around us as she looked like frozen in place, her eyes flickering between me and the bag while no words made their way out her mouth. I didn't even know what I was expecting her to say to be honest.. but while she looked like a dear caught in headlights, I was a ticking bomb threatening to explode any second.
"You went through my stuff?", she mumbled ashamed, looking down at her feet to avoid my gaze.
That's it? Like, are you fucking-
"I did.", Matt's voice echoed from the middle of the staircase, causing her sister to finally look up. "Well, not exactly.. I was getting the cash you left me and that was stuck in between bills. You know, if you really wanna snort cocaine behind our backs you might wanna hide your stash in a safer place."
"Matt-"
"How long?", I cut her off, not wanting to hear any bullshit excuse she was about to come up with.
"How long what?"
"Goddammit, Alex! How long has this shitshow been going on?!", I snapped, suddenly raising my voice. "Actually, don't answer that. Cause I'm pretty confident this entire thing has been going on ever since graduation. You know I'm all in for partying and having a good time as long as it's a one time thing every once in a while, but this?! This is not okay for fuck's sake!"
"Jess-"
"Don't you 'Jess' me, do you hear me?! I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen. It's not by digging yourself an early grave that you'll get over her, and while I was okay with you moping around and trying to come to terms with it on your own time, I'm most certainly not okay and royally pissed that you thought this was the answer to your problem. Cocaine isn't going to bring her back, she fucking left and the sooner you accept that she isn't coming back, the better. You think she'd want you to do this to yourself? You think she'd even look at you again the same way right now?!"
I knew I crossed a line but I needed her to face the facts, I needed her to wake the fuck up.. even though the silent tears streaming down her face were slowly killing me.
"You seriously want to end up like our poor excuse of a mother?", Matt whispered, his voice a lot softer than mine. "I.. I just want my sister back, Alex.."
Sniffling her nose and silently shaking her head, she reached for the bag on the table and glared at me when I tried to snatch it out of her hand. Assuming she was going to the kitchen to just fix herself a line, I raised my hands in defeat and shared a gloomy frown with Matt. Little did we know, all we heard was water running from the tab before Alex reappeared shortly after, the plastic bag being tossed back on the table in front of my puzzled look.
It was empty.
She then motioned for the stairs, climbing a couple of steps before addressing the both of us, the sadness she was radiating hitting me like a ton of bricks.
"I know she isn't coming back, so thank you so much for the kind reminder..", she croaked out, her voice barely recognizable. "And I know what I was doing was wrong believe me, I hated every second of it, or myself for that matter.. but for the record, I came home just to do exactly what I just did: get rid of it. Not that it was either of your fucking business anyways."
And with that she was gone, leaving Matt and I at a loss of words.
"Dude..", I whispered, my eyes locking with his. "We honestly suck at interventions."
———
ALEX'S POV
Like the pussy I was, I shut myself in my room and cried my eyes out for the past two hours. Jess' words really hit a nerve with me, and they kept replaying over and over again in my head in a loop, making it really difficult for me to get my shit together and stop the waterfall coming out of my eyeballs.
I wanted to be mad at her, but the only person I was mad at was myself.
Not to mention I was utterly ashamed of my actions and the fact that my best friend and younger brother found out.
That's why I didn't even bother to show my face to dinner. Apart from the fact that the last thing on my mind was food, I couldn't get their disgusted faces from earlier out of my head, and getting through a meal with them was just a big 'nope' in my books. So it was no surprise I had to come up with the excuse of feeling sick when Chase came knocking on my door: the last thing I needed was for him to find out I was a walking mess and restlessly question me about it like only a ten year old can.
Besides, I actually did feel sick.
After a long ass crying session, I eventually settled down a little. Around 11 o'clock, I was lying on my side, aimlessly scrolling through facebook on my phone when I heard a weak knock on the door.
"Come in..", I breathed out, locking my phone and staring at a blank spot in front of me as I heard the door swing open just to be shut once again.
I didn't even bother to lift my head up to see it was Jess: I knew it judging by the awful amount of noise she was making by stumbling across my stuff, multiples 'I just cleaned this fucking place' being muttered under her breath.
I had to smile at that.
I then heard a weight on the other side of the bed, scooting closer and closer till I felt an arm wrap around my waist and hold me tight, her nose nuzzling in my hair.
"You are my fucking business, Alex.", she whispered, tightening her grip on me.
I didn't have it me to answer because I was starting to get upset all over again.
Like seriously, I've been crying so much these past few weeks I could've opened my own water bottle company and name it 'Tears of a fucktard'.
"You're my family.. and I'm sorry for what I said earlier. But you're my best friend, and I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't worry about you or go ape shit when I see you hurting yourself like this.."
I turned around in her arms and hugged her like my life depended on it. This girl was honestly the only person I knew that would go out of her way to keep me with my feet stuck to solid ground, the only person that'd kick my ass straight even if that meant hurting me to the very core.
"Can I tell you something?", I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of her neck as I felt her nodding. "You and my brother suck at interventions. Please, never do that again."
"Oh, we've already discussed that and I couldn't agree more.", she chuckled, planting a kiss to my forehead. "We were just really worried about you, that's all.. Little did we know, apparently you didn't need us to go ballistic on you.."
"Yeah.. about that.", I trailed off, pulling away from her hug as I sat up and adjusted myself, my back resting against the headboard as Jess mirrored my actions and looked at me expectantly, fully aware the news I had were big judging by her face. "So, the craziest shit happened to me today.."
And just like that, I spent the next 10 minutes or so going over every single word Donna and I exchanged earlier this afternoon. Weirdly enough, Jess didn't interrupt me not even once, listening carefully to all I had to say.
"Woah.. I figured you never went grocery shopping, but that's just.. fuck.", she mumbled, looking at me with her eyes wide open.
"I know, right?", I scoffed, shaking my head in amusement. "Like, I can't even believe I'm saying this, but talking to her ended up being both a relief and a wakeup call, if you know what I mean.."
"Of course I do babe.. you've been needing answers for a long time and I'm glad you finally got some closure.", she smiled weakly at me, reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. "As for the wakeup call, I'm honestly gobsmacked she's finally managing to get clean, don't get me started on the fact she made you realize how useless what you were doing was.. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I think I might even thank her if I ever get to see her again."
"Yeah, we'll see about that.", I smirked, earning a puzzled look. "She's been clean two months Jess, I'm not going to get my hopes up ever again. I'll give her one year: if she makes it to that checkpoint, I will consider letting her back in my life, veeeery slowly. But she has a lot to make up for and a lot to prove to me before I ever let her back in the kids' life, that's a given.", I concluded, sniffling my nose for the umpteenth time and rubbing my teary, puffy eyes.
"Here, blow.", she mocked, handing me a tissue.
"Nope.", I shook my head, smiling goofily at her. "I'm done, I'm all cried out. I'm done with that shit, I'm done with moping around, I'm done with crying myself to sleep. I'm done with her, and I'm over it."
"You're so not over it or her."
"You're right, I'm not. And I'll definitely bring it up after a couple of drinks.", I chuckled, causing her to do the same.
"On that note..", she smirked deviously at me, rolling on her side and reaching for something on the floor before eventually pulling a big ass picnic basket on the bed.
I watched her as she opened it, pulling out two six-packs of beer, a shitload of yummy goodness also known as unhealthy snacks, and to top it all off, my favorite McDonald's menu with the only variation it was actually homemade and it smelled amazing.
"What's this?", I frowned, giggling as she carefully placed everything on my bed.
"These, my love, are simple pleasures.", she stated, tilting her head at me. "And simple pleasures are all you need to get over a breakup."
At a loss of words, I simply gave her the most genuine and grateful smile I could ever muster. As I dug my teeth into my burger, Jess turned on my laptop and opened Netflix just for us arguing about what to watch for over twenty minutes.
As usual, she had it her way and thankfully she chose a movie that actually made you laugh instead of making you feel depressed, lonely and you name it.
Halfway through the movie and our stash of snacks, I absentmindedly blurted.
"I think she broke me.."
"Yeah well, that's bullshit babe.", Jess replied without hesitation, flashing me the most serious look ever. "No-one can break you Alex unless you let them. I promise you, we'll get through this."
"Together?", I mumbled, a shy grin making its way to my lips.
"Well, I was gonna say with wine but..", she trailed off, laughter escaping her lips at my not so subtle roll of the eyes. "Together. Always."
"I love you."
"I love you more, dipshit."
"Oh, and please.. next time I start to develop a crush or something even remotely close as feelings, just punch me in the face instead."