MORNINGS at Dunder-Mifflin always started out quiet, and like always, the regional manager had to be the one to disturb the peace. He had even more of a reason to with the Christmas party happening that day.
The front office door slammed open, allowing the squabbling of Dwight and Michael to fill the once relatively quiet room.
"Do not break the branches, Dwight." Michael warned helping him drag the much too large for the office tree through the door.
"Ah, I got a splinter!" Dwight cried.
"Well suck it up, we all have problems." Everyone watched the spectacle they made of standing the tree up, which proved to be way too tall for the ceiling. "Merry Christmas!" Michael smiled.
"Today's the Christmas party!" Brooklyn, who sported a festive Santa hat, excitedly told the camera. "For Secret Santa I got Dwight, and I also got a Christmas bonus from corporate, so I did go a little overboard with his present, but no one needs to know that." She dug around in a red gift bag before pulling out two light sabers. "I remembered on Halloween he had a light saber. Well these have interchangeable colors, and you can connect them like it's Darth Maul's!" She smiled a little too excitedly.
Brooklyn sat at her desk watching Dwight vacuum the fallen pine off the floor with a hand vacuum before turning to the camera with a finger over her lips.
"So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa." Jim sat in the break room, a white box and wrapping paper sat before him. "And I got this teapot, which I know she really wants. So she can make tea at her desk, but I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes." He began listing off the items with a smile till he got to an envelope. "And this is a card, because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel. I also got some other people some gifts, but I won't give that away just yet." He finished with a wink.
"Is there anything we're missing?" Angela asked the Party Planning Committee plus Ryan. "Phyllis did you get the lights?
"Yes, I got those cute little ones." She nodded. Angela scratches that off her list. "Do you think I should've gotten the big ones?"
"We'll see." Angela retorted.
"Angela drafted me into the party planning committee." Ryan pointedly explained. "Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which, to me, seems... excessive."
"Merry Christmas!" Michael exclaimed, jogging into the conference room. "Ho, ho, ho." He pointed at three women, then at Ryan. "Pimp." He then looked to Brooklyn and pointed at his own Santa hat and beard. "Ooo, Mrs.Claus." He wiggles his eyebrows.
"Absolutely not." Brooklyn deadpanned as she snatched her hat off her head. Michael awkwardly chuckled while looking at the camera then turned to Angela.
"What do we got? How many plates are we getting?" He asked.
"50." Angela responded dryly.
"Ooo, double it, double everything, double ice cream, double napkins. Double it. On me." He demanded before slapping some bills on the table.
"It was a tough year, I had to fire somebody." Michael spoke. "This party has to really rock. Check it out." He held up a Dunder-Mifflin issued check. "Christmas bonus, 3,000 g's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all." He nodded. "Maybe I should call him and tell him that."
"Michael got how much?!" Brooklyn asked.
"I want people to cut loose." Michael explained through gritted teeth. "I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party."
"For Christmas?" Brooklyn asked in disbelief.
"Yes, for Christmas, Brooklyn. I also want you to know, and spread the word, that I will have my digital camera, and I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter," he told them, "incentive." He whispered to the camera.
"You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party." Pam told more than asked him.
"Yeah, I know. Dammit." Michael sighed. "Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody." The others in the room decided not to comment.
• • •
"So, did you have any trouble getting your gift for your Secret Santa?" Brooklyn asked Jim, referring to the wrapped box that sat on his desk.
"Well Mrs.Claus, if you must know, I think Santa got everything that was on this person's list this year." He answered with that lopsided smile of his.
"Who'd you get?"
"That, is a secret for later." He would've commented on the pout on her face if no one was around.
"Ok everyone, listen up!" Dwight called. It is time to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree.... like so." He demonstrated. "If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes... you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. No exceptions, except Michael."
"I got Angela." Toby told the camera. "She's onto these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those...I felt kinda weird buying that."
"I got Brooklyn for Secret Santa, I got her a flask with a hot chick and her name on it, cause that girl knows how to party." Meredith explained.
"I also got some extra gifts for people, but not for everybody, so don't tell anyone." Brooklyn warned, the camera made a nodding motion. "Good." She smiled with a thumbs up.
"Gather 'round. Secret Santa, let's go." Dwight clapped. Everyone sat in the chairs placed around the tree while Dwight tried to bicker with Stanley about who got to plug it up.
"Alright, let's count it down like Rockefeller Center." Michael announced. Brooklyn hit the lights while the rest counted down from three to reveal an underwhelming light show.
"Sorry, everybody." Phyllis meekly spoke.
"I think the tree looks nice." Pam said, trying and failing to make her feel better. Dwight then offered to retrieve flares from his car, to which Michael protested. Thus, Secret Santa began.
"First present, Oscar." Dwight announced, said man neatly unwrapped the present.
"A shower radio, neat." He smiled.
"Oh great, that was from me." Kelly told him.
"Thanks Kelly, y'know, I was gonna get one-"
"Ok, ok. That's enough, let's keep it moving. Jim." Dwight picked up a grocery store bag and tossed it at him. Jim unenthusiastically opened the bag and pulled out a clearly worn brown flannel.
"That's from me." Creed proudly stated.
"Great, where'd you get it?" Jim asked.
"I don't know, it was so long ago."
"This next one is... me." Dwight read. Brooklyn watched his eyes light up as he pulled his present out of the bag.
"Whoa, that looks expensive, who got you that?" Ryan asked.
"It wasn't expensive at all." Brooklyn lied. "It's actually just some kids toy I found."
"But this is-" Dwight tried to clarify.
"Yeah, the real ones were waaaay too expensive." Brooklyn punctuated, looking Dwight dead in the eyes. He clearly got the picture and moved on.
"Alright then, Pam." The brightly colored box that Brooklyn recognized was Jim's was handed off to Pam.
"Oh, my god!" She cheered, she pulled out a teal teapot. "Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are."
"There's more to it-" Jim tried
"Alright, next." Dwight interrupted. "Ryan." He haphazardly threw a small box at him.
"Whoa, video iPod." He read.
"Ho-ho, wow, geez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas." Michael smiled, his digital camera pointed at Ryan while he gauged his reaction. "It was me. I got carried away with the spirit."
"Wasn't there a $20 limit on gifts?" Ryan asked, voicing everyone's thoughts. "This is 400 bucks."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, you left the price tag on."
"I did? Wow. Oh, shoot." He faked surprise. "Wow, ok, well who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that a Christmas is fun, right?" No one verbalized any objections, so Dwight continued.
"Michael." He smiled.
"Oh, hey. For me?" Michael opened the present anticipation, he earned confused looks when his face suddenly dropped. "Aw, come on." He grumbled holding up an oven mitt.
"I knitted it for you." Phyllis beamed.
"An oven mitt?" Michael asked, clearly upset. Phyllis silently nodded in response. "Ok." Michael sighed before leaving the group in a huff.
"So Phyllis is basically saying 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitts worth." His voice was shaky. "I gave Ryan an iPod."
Everyone awkwardly looked between each other in silence, not knowing what to make of the spectacle Michael just made.
"Um...should we just keep opening up the presents?" Kevin asked.
"We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions." Dwight retorted. No one made any further objections.
"I got it!" Michael called as he jogged back to the group. "We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap."
"What is Yankee Swap?" Jim asked.
"One person chooses a gift, the next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift." Michael explained.
"I thought that was called Nasty Christmas."
"Yeah, we call it White Elephant." Brooklyn added.
"Well, I call it fun!" Michael countered.
"Why are we doing this?" Oscar asked.
"Because it's better, because it's more special."
"It sounds mean." Angela remarks.
"Shut—no, it's not mean. Just give it a shot." Michael pleads.
"Michael should've asked the Party Planning Committee first," Angela spoke, arms crossed, "he's not supposed to spring things on us out of nowhere." Her face twisted as she began to cry.
"Ok, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift, or you can steal somebody else's gift they've already gotten." Michael explains.
"I'll take the teapot." Meredith decided.
"Oh, shouldn't we..." Jim started. "I bought that specifically for Pam." He told Michael.
"Yankee Swap!" Was Michael's reply. "Pam, you can steal the oven mitt no-"
"I'll take the iPod."
"And I have to give it to her, I don't have a choice?" Ryan asked.
"Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt, or the shower radio." Dwight listed.
"Well, what about your light sabers?" Dwight looked down to the bag at his feet, more than a little apprehensive to push it towards the middle. He silently moved it. Ryan bent down and picked up a small box. He then pulled out a pink nameplate with Kelly's name on it.
"That was meant for Kelly." Stanley deadpanned.
"Yeah, I figured." Everyone took their turns picking up new presents until Kelly got Angela's baby poster.
"Yikes." She grimaced. "That's like the creepiest thing I've ever seen."
"Angela, you're up." Dwight announced. She immediately stood and took a step towards Kelly.
"I'll take the poster." She said. "Some people like these." She mumbled.
"Then I'll steal the iPod." Kelly pointed to Oscar's hand. The stealing kept on until almost no one got what was bought for them. Everyone's spirits were down, and everyone was ready to end the game.
"You should've just followed the $20 limit like everybody else." Stanley complained.
"Well, I didn't, I got a big bonus cause I fired Devon, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me!" Michael retorted. The group got quiet, Oscar was the first to speak.
"You got a bonus check?" He asked. "How much?" Brooklyn's head dropped in disappointment.
"Uh, it wasn't.... it wasn't that much. It was...3,000." Michael mumbled.
"Alright, now I'm done." Stanley declared. Everyone went back to their respective desks in silent agreement.
"Unbelievable, I do the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for these people and they freak out." Michael sighed. "Well, Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame."
"Hey Jim, I left something in my car, doing mind walking me down since it's so dark outside?" Brooklyn asked a thoroughly bummed out Jim.
"Uh, sure, no problem." He smiled.
"I'm sorry your gift to Pam didn't work out that well." She said breaking the silence in the elevator.
"It's not your fault, I just hope the rest of my Christmas gifts work out." He sighed.
"So what I'm hearing is that Pam's not the only 'Secret Santa' you got?" She smirked.
"And it wouldn't be a secret if I told you." He shot back. There's that cute pout again. Brooklyn stayed quiet once they got to her car, Jim watched her small frame almost completely disappear into the back of her truck as she dug around for whatever she left in there.
"Jim?" Brooklyn called snapping said man out of his trance.
"Uh, yeah?" He called back, hoping the camera didn't catch him staring at her butt.
"Merry Christmas." She beamed before placing a well wrapped box in his hands. Jim looked up at her, she gave him an encouraging nod. He carefully ripped into the paper to reveal a white box which held a ceramic basketball. Jim stuttered out a lame thanks probably trying to think of what on earth could he possibly do with this. "Don't just look at it, open it up!" Brooklyn urges. Jim does as told and pulls out sweatband with his name stitched into it, a smile split his face. "There's more." She says when he stares at it for too long, he pulls out a Chili's gift card. "I remembered you said it was your favorite restaurant, even though I can't go with you." She smiled. "And the basketball's for your desk at your house."
Jim was speechless, he gave her a hug to express the gratitude he couldn't put to words. "Thank you." He chuckled. "That reminds me." He said, suddenly pulling away. He dug in his pocket for his keys as he walked over to his car, he carefully placed his gift on the trunk before going through his backseat like Brooklyn had done.
Brooklyn absentmindedly moves out of an incoming car's way. Said car slowed down beside her, making her nervous.
"Brooklyn?" A voice asked.
"Steven? What are you doing here?" Brooklyn excitedly asked. Jim slipped out of his car, wondering what the commotion was.
"Someone named Michael called the station asking for me?" Steven replied, Brooklyn took in his form. One hand on the wheel, the other under his chin as he looked her up and down. "Never mind that, what are you doing out here by yourself?"
"Oh, Jim is out here with me." She pointed over her shoulder. Steve looked past her before nodding.
"I'm gonna park and I'll meet you in the lobby." She kissed him before he pulled off, Jim cleared his throat behind her.
"Don't think I forgot about you." He said pulling a gift bag from behind his back. Unbeknownst to her there was also an envelope that he took out and threw back into his car at the last second. Inside the bag was a globe shaped mug and right where New York would be, the handle that read Brooklyn stuck out, and inside the mug was little inside jokes between the two.
"Is this a picture of me on the 'banned' wall at Chili's?" She asked, he nodded with a chuckle.
"I don't think I'll ever let you live this down."
"What's that behind your back?" Brooklyn pointed.
"Uh, it's just a... Christmas card for D-Dwight." Jim lied.
"Well let's go give it to him."
"If Dwight ends up with not just one, but both of my cards, I'll throw myself in front of oncoming traffic." Jim sighed.
"You know what, I'm supposed to meet Steven, I'll see you in a second." Brooklyn told him once they reached the elevators. While she waited she looked through the little mementos in the mug.
"Your boyfriend put a lot of thought into that." Hank spoke not looking up from his newspaper.
"Oh, it's not from my-"
"I didn't ask all that." Hank never looked up from his newspaper so he wouldn't see Brooklyn glaring at him.
"Hey beautiful," Steven greeted. "Care to explain who Michael is and why he called me?" He asked.
"He's my boss, and I have no idea. How did he even find you?"
"All I know is that one minute I'm at the station, and the next there's someone on the phone asking for a guy who met a girl at an office fire."
"Oh God, I'm gonna be hearing sirens for the rest of my life." She mumbled with her head in her hand.
"What?"
"Nothing let's just go." Once they reached the office, they were greeted by the soft sounds of the jazz version of 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' that matched the low energy of the room.
"Brooklyn, you brought Steven!" Pam exclaims.
"Actually, Michael invited him." She replied through gritted teeth. Pam gives her a confused look. "It's a long story. Steven this is Pam and Roy." She introduces.
"'Sup man." Roy greeted with a handshake.
"Nice to meet you." Just as Brooklyn was ready to drag Steven away from Roy. Michael slams the door open with a box full of bottles of vodka.
"Uh-oh, looks like Santa was a little naughty." He jokes.
"What is that?" Angela asks.
"It's Christmas spirit. As in, spirits, booze." Michael tells the camera.
"We can drink?" Meredith asks.
"We're really not supposed to serve alcohol." Toby cuts in.
"Zip it, Toby! Just... I mean, it's a party, c'mon." Michael whines. "If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I'm a terrible boss."
"So I'm here for an office Christmas party?" Steven asks. Brooklyn sighs for what seems like the hundredth time and nods her head.
After shots were taken, the party actually became more lively. Meredith and Brooklyn were throwing them back left and right, Phyllis was dancing, and even Dwight seemed to be enjoying his new iPod—all he had to do was trade a teapot for it.
"Hey, how bout we go home and I do that thing you like as an early Christmas gift?" Steven suggested.
"I don't know, I am having a pretty good time, plus you'll have to be more specific, there are a lot of things I like." Brooklyn smirks, she glances around the room as Steven whispered something in her ear. She was sure that if she were any lighter she'd be red. She wordlessly finished whatever was in her cup, grabbed her stuff, and threw a quick 'Merry Christmas, everyone' over her shoulder as she dragged Steven to his car. On the way to his house, she couldn't help but think of all the times she's found herself in this position.