Long chapter xxx
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Hayley: Hii, I'm headed home from work now. Call me when you're free xx
I send a quick text to Ross and begin my drive home, blasting music and looking forward to the end of the week. My days consist of thinking about Ross and the next time I can see him. Some may see it as a bit pathetic, but anything that gives me hope and happiness for the future is all I need to keep me going sometimes.
I walk upstairs, constantly aware of my surroundings because creeps live here. Without being bothered, I make it into the apartment. I decide to make some tea as I think of what I want for dinner.
I begin playing my music because the apartment is painfully quiet. Another reason why I'm excited to go see Ross because his house is loud at essentially all hours of the day. I miss the company.
I want a big family.
As I'm thinking about my plans for my future with Ross, I hear someone knock on the door. I furrow my eyebrows and turn off my music, grab my mug and head over to see who it is. People make me nervous especially because I think I'm the only one home.
I lean up on my toes and glance through the tiny hole.
Two police officers.
Now my stomach is really on the floor. Are my roommates okay?
I don't hesitate another second before quickly unlocking the door. "Hi, is Hayley Atkins home?" The police officer says.
I nod. "Yeah, hi, I'm Hayley."
"May we come in?" He asks, glancing around the apartment. I nod again, taking a step back while holding open the door. "Come take a seat."
I feel like I'm going to be sick. My fingers are gripping the handle of this mug so hard I think I'm close to snapping it off.
I hear a bedroom door open and I'm quick to glance back at who is home. "Is everything okay?" Liv asks.
"I, unfortunately, have some very bad news," the female officer begins.
I immediately sit down as I'm looking between both officers. "What happened?"
"Hayley... are your parents Thomas and Melissa Atkins?"
Oh fuck.
I know they know the answer. They have to ask. It's protocol. I nod slowly.
"Um, yes." My heart is on the floor.
I know what their next words will be, but there's no preparing for this.
"I'm sorry, but both of your parents were found unresponsive today at the local homeless shelter," she says, plain as day.
Both.
Both of them.
I begin hyperventilating almost instantly. Liv rushes over to me, her arms flinging around me seconds after the woman finished her sentence. "When?"
I don't know what else to ask.
She told me it was today so that was a stupid fucking question, but my brain seemed to turn off the lights and check out for the night.
I know we grew apart, but... they're my parents.
"This morning," she replies as she kneels in front of me. "Beside them were a few envelopes, all with your information and mailed to a PO Box in their name. There was $20 in one of them. There were also some syringes near them, unfortunately. Were you aware they were using?" she says.
I nod. "I haven't been able to contact them in a while. I've grown up with them using so I can't say I'm surprised," I admit, glancing up at her with the tears rolling down my face effortlessly.
She nods, her hand reaching out to my back. "I'm so sorry, Hayley."
I was asked a few questions about my parents and informed that I was able to pick up their stuff from the police station. They said it wasn't much. They were comforting and straight forward. They gave me contact information and offered me help to set everything up.
Once the door clicks shut, I lean my head back against the couch. The tears are constant, like my body is coping better than my confused brain.
"Hayley, I'm sorry," Liv says.
I nod. "I don't even know how to feel. They never cared for me. I'm upset, but I feel sort of indifferent," I admit, my hand moving to my cheek.
I feel guilty for feeling this way.
She nods. "That makes sense."
"I'm going to call Ross, okay?"
Liv nods again. "Yeah. Do you want me to sit with you?"
I nod now, moving my body so my head is resting on her shoulder. I grab my phone and dial in his number through FaceTime, hoping I'm not interrupting anything important.
I beg internally for him to pick up the phone.
I cringe at my reflection, wiping away the tears. My eyes feel dry.
Ross answers, his phone shuffling around. "Hi, bub. I'm just getting out of the shower. What's up?" He asks.
"Ross," I cry out his name, my emotions now taking over again as I see his blurry face.
He immediately grabs his phone to steady it, his eyes locking in on the screen. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
My bottom lip is quivering as the tears stream down my red face. "The cops came to the apartment," I begin. My voice sounds whiny. "My parents-"
I let out a sob, my hand going over my mouth as I can't even attempt to say that sentence.
They're dead.
My parents are dead.
Ross frowns immediately. "Oh god, baby. I'm so, so sorry," he says, thankfully picking up on what I was going to say.
Liv's arm goes around me, rubbing my shoulder gently. "Can I come see you earlier? Please." I ask, wanting nothing more than to just be in his arms. "If you have a lot to do, it's okay, I just... I need you."
"Yes, of course. I'll look into a flight immediately. What're you going to do about work? I'll find one for tonight. We can figure something out."
I shrug, the tears still flowing. "I'll call Mike. I don't care what he says. I just don't want to be here," I reply, struggling to suck in a breath. "Please, I really don't want to be here."
"Yes, baby. I'll do it right now, okay? I'm getting out my laptop."
I nod. "I'm going to the police station to get their stuff."
Liv glances down at me. "I'll come."
I inhale slowly, trying to settle my tears for now. I wipe my eyes. I'm happy I didn't wear makeup today.
"Let me figure this out. Call me if you need me, okay? Well - just call me once you're done at the station. I should have everything figured out." Ross says.
I nod. "Okay," I whisper.
He frowns at the camera. "I love you, baby. Be safe."
"I love you. Call you after," I reply then hang up.
I lean back against the couch, groaning loudly. Liv sighs, her hand moving to put my hair behind my ears. "I'm sorry. I wish things would go right for you," she admits.
I laugh. "Fuck, I know."
The car ride was silent. I mostly stared out the window and thought about old times. "You used to send them money?" She asks randomly.
"Yeah. I knew they were probably weren't using it for good reason. But I couldn't just not send them money, ya know? Like I wanted to make sure they could get things they needed. I also wrote down my address every time in case they wanted to visit. They bounced around homeless shelters, friends places, the streets. I couldn't keep up," I blabber.
Did I cause their death?
Was it my money they allowed them to get the drug that ultimately killed them?
As I'm beginning my spiral, Liv speaks. "Wow. You're a good person, you know that right?"
As if she knew my thoughts were getting bad. I smile over at her, the first sort of genuine smile I had since I opened the door. "Thanks, Liv."
I walked out of the police station with a few things in my hand. I got the $20 and my dad's wallet that didn't have anything in there besides an expired license as well as the key to the PO Box. The one piece I got that made me sob was a locket my mother was wearing. It was rusty, but inside had a picture of me as a baby.
As I walk out with a wet face, I clutch the necklace in my hand like it was the only piece left. I couldn't afford a funeral. They can't afford a funeral even while alive. I don't know if a person would show. How am I supposed to come up with funeral plans?
I call Ross back like I said I would. He answers almost immediately. "Hey baby," he says with a soft voice.
"Hi," I reply, my voice sounding tired.
"I got you a flight for tonight. I hope Liv can drive you. I'll pick you up. There wasn't another flight for two days," he replies. "I sent it to your email."
He's on speaker so Liv nods as soon as he finishes speaking.
I nod. "Thank you, I love you so much. I appreciate you." I ramble. "I'll text you, okay?"
"It's no problem. Bye babe," he replies then hangs up.
"Are you sure you can drive me?" I ask, scrolling to my email to look at the time I'd have to be there.
She nods. "Absolutely. You need this," she replies. "And since Kayla doesn't know a single thing going on, I am more than happy to drive you to see your secret lover."
I smile and reach my hand across, griping hers quickly. "I love you. You're the best friend ever."
Liv smiles back at me. "Anything for you, my roomie."
Liv was allowed in on the secret. Since she's dating Rocky and all of us trust her, I was able to confide in her.
As soon as I got home, I rushed to throw a bag together. I need to keep myself occupied so I don't cry. The police say they think whatever they shot up with was laced with another substance - one that was far too strong. Someone else had the same drug found near them at the shelter was also dead. Unless they all overdosed, but that's unlikely.
They said they'll run the tests and let me know. Do I even want to know?
As I begin to think deeper, I zip up my suitcase then head to the airport.
I was blasting music in my ears the entire time. I couldn't allow myself to think or else I'd cry. I can't cry on this plane so I pulled out my journal and began to write.
My parents are dead.
I was going to look for them next month to tell them that I'm moving.
I love Littleton, but this is the icing on the cake. I need out of here.
The bad luck seems to course through me as I'm here. Crazy exes, dead parents, the usual right?
"Your handwriting is very nice," the man beside me says after staring at me for a while. I tried to ignore him.
I laugh and hold my one headphone in my fingers. "Thanks."
I close the journal and put it away, feeling a bit unwell that someone was looking at it. Whether or not it was just for my handwriting.
I quickly put my headphone back in.
I called Dr. Schultz and Mike as I waiting at my gate. Mike was understanding. Dr. Shultz apologized a million times and asked me to see her as soon as I'm back.
I walk out of the plane, my eyes focused on the exit because holy shit, I need to see him. And I'm glad his windows are tinted because as soon as we pull away from the airport, I am making him pull the car over so I can hold him for a minute. I didn't have a bag, only the one on my back and my overhead one so I don't need to wait any longer.
Ross: I'm right outside door 4
My eyes scan through the numbers and I head in the direction where 4 would be. I feel my feet picking up speed as I see the number come into view.
As soon as I walk through those door, I see him leaning against Rocky's car. Beside him are Rydel and Rocky.
I didn't know this was going to be a party.
He smiles and says goodbye to two girls who head the other direction. He turns to look back at the exit and as soon as my eyes meet his, I begin crying all over - like actual sobbing uncontrollably.
Can I hug him? Do I hug Rydel or Rocky first? Will that make it less suspicious if he gets photographed?
He answers my question by leaning up off the car and immediately opening his arms with invitation.
I rush into his arms, my legs carrying me without any thought, my arms going around his neck. His one arm goes around my waist as he presses me tight against his chest, the other hand moving to hold the back of my head.
"Hi, baby," he whispers into my ear as I bury my face into my arm. "I'm so sorry."
I let out a whiny cry, my fingers now moving to grip his sweatshirt, the side of my face gently touching his. He's in full protective care mode. I take in his scent and focus on his hand moving slowly along my back to bring me back to my senses.
"I need you," I cry out, my voice sounding absolutely horrendous.
Ross immediately tightens his grip on me. "I know, baby, I know. I'm right here."
I feel like I need to be closer to him, but there's no physical way.
As soon as I lean back slightly, his hands move to my cheeks. While his thumbs collect the tears, his eyes are focused on mine now.
"I missed you," I confess in a soft voice.
He smiles. "I missed you more. I'll put your suitcase in the trunk so we can get going," he says.
I lean back and move to Rydel who was next to him. "Oh, Hayley," she murmurs. "I'm sorry."
She squeezes me tightly into a hug. "Hey, Del," I say back.
What do you say when someone says I'm sorry? They say I'm sorry when it's not their fault.
I move onto Rocky next. They're both like the siblings I have never had.
"I'm sorry, little one," he says, his hand moving along my back as the tears continue to fall down my face. "You sure you're breathing? You're convulsing and shaking like a soaking wet Chihuahua."
I laugh, leaning back to look up at him. "Yeah, I'm just a really bad, ugly crier. The whole body has to go into it to really get it out."
Rocky smiles. "Well good thing the car is warmed up for you. Let's get you home so you can sleep, you look tired."
I nod and glance over to Ross who is frowning at me. He opens the back door and I slide in, mumbling a thank you.
Rocky and Ross walk around to the other side. Rocky gets into the front seat and Ross joins me in the back. He's quick to begin driving to their house.
Ross shuffles into the middle seat, pulling me closer into him once we get away from onlookers. He leans down and kisses the top of my head softly.
"I got all of their stuff," I say to him.
"What was it?" He asks, his hand rubbing my arm.
"Um, my dad's wallet, a $20 bill and the necklace my mom wore. It had a picture of me as a baby in it."
Ross frowns, his hand squeezing mine. "I'm sorry," he replies.
I shrug, the words suddenly coming out before I can stop them. "They believe the drug they were shooting up with was laced. I'm supposed to feel like overwhelmingly sad, right? But I don't. I'm sad, but not so sad. It's fucked up. I feel like that's so fucked up," I ramble some more.
I glance up at him, my top teeth biting down into my bottom lip, one tear rolling down my face. "It's not fucked up. If that's how you feel, that's okay. That's valid." Ross attempts to calm my thoughts.
"It's like I knew this was coming. I just didn't know when. I didn't think it'd happen at the same time either. I thought that one of them would do a little too much and it'd kill them. Then the other parent would have nobody else to depend on so they'd come running to me although I haven't seen them in years. I tried... I tried to get in contact with them. I wrote down my address every single time I'd give them money," I say, my brain scattered everywhere. "They didn't care. They never cared about me."
Ross looks at me confused. "Give them money?"
"Yeah, I set them up with a PO Box right before I went to school so I can send them stuff. It's right at the post office directly in town so they can get to it wherever they'd be. I'd send them like $50 every two weeks," I confess. "I knew deep down they would use it for shit like drugs, but I wanted to make sure they'd have food other than the shelter's shit. They can get a shirt if they need one or an extra blanket. I always wrote down my address along with it on a Post-It note in case they'd need me or wanted to see me. But like... what if it was my money that led them to buy stronger drugs like heroin?" My voice cracks as I begin to process everything a bit more.
"Baby," he whispers.
We are finally out of the traffic leading to the airport.
"It probably was. I like - I killed my parents," I say, tears starting to pool at my eyes again.
Ross shakes his head. "You didn't. You gave them the money for good reason. You couldn't have prevented them from doing what they were going to do."
"It's not your fault, Hayley. Don't think like that," Rocky adds in, making me aware that it wasn't just Ross and I.
"I can't even do a funeral. I don't know who would go. The woman from the homeless shelter met us at the station and she basically told them how their friends there tried convincing them to get clean, but the higher ups didn't know about it so they weren't kicked out. She said they used to leave and go to friends houses then come back. I don't know who their friends even are."
I'm going to talk his head off. Poor Rydel and Rocky.
Ross nods now. "It's sad. It really is."
I nod in agreement, reaching out to grab the hand that isn't tickling my arm. I move my hand onto his lap so I can play with his hand like a child, giving me something to focus on. "I'm sad, but I'm also stressed. I feel bad if they don't get one, but I'll probably just have them cremated. I don't even know how to go about this."
"We can talk to my dad. Unfortunately, we have a bit of experience with this," he replies, leaning his head down to kiss the top of my head again.
I nod. "I missed you so much," I repeat the same sentence as earlier, whispering it a bit. "Thank you for everything. I needed this."
He pulls his fingers out of my grasp so he can touch my chin. I tilt my face up to meet his. Ross leans down and kisses me twice, his lips lingering but not too long since we are in front of his siblings.
"I missed you more," he repeats, his lips pushing against my forehead before placing his hand back into mine.
"Where's Danielle?" I ask.
"Probably her house. I think I see her tomorrow for some party I have to go to with her. Then we don't have anything until after Halloween," he answers.
"Which means Rydel and I can hang out with you tomorrow," Rocky says, smiling at me through the mirror.
I smile. "Perfect."
A phone begins ringing and I glance up at Ross. He groans and removes his hand, leaning to the side so he can pull it out of his pocket. His publicist. "I don't want to fucking hear whatever this is," he groans.
"Who is it?" Rydel asks.
"Are you going to answer?" I ask at the same time.
Ross nods then clicks the accept button, putting it on speaker so everyone can hear. "What's up?" He asks.
"Hello to you too, Ross," she says. "Who are you hugging in that video that just surfaced?"
I shoot my head up and glance at him. He rolls his eyes. "Hayley," he says, plainly.
"Are you serious? I told you not to-"
Ross is quick to interrupt her, his hands reaching out quickly to go over my ears. "Her parents just fucking died. So guess what? I don't want to hear it," he snaps.
He releases my ears and his words stung, but I knew he had to say it.
She sighs. "Well, tell her I say I'm sorry. But you need to be more careful. What're you going to say?"
Rocky parks the car in their driveway.
"I don't need to say anything. I was with my siblings too so everyone can piss off. I'm seeing Danielle tomorrow anyway. It'll be fine. I gotta go," he says, quickly hanging up the phone. Ross looks at us and rolls his eyes. "She's so fucking annoying, I can't stand her."
I nod. "I can tell," I reply as I unbuckle.
"I should probably call Danielle. Catch her up," he says.
"We'll make her something to eat so just meet us in the kitchen," Rydel says, opening her door and getting out.
"Lock my car," Rocky says, tossing the key into Ross's lap before closing the door.
Ross slides his hands onto my cheeks, wiping where my tears were. "You okay with that?"
I nod. "Yeah. Thank you for getting me and helping me out today. Just let me know however much the flight was," I say and lean in to kiss him.
He rolls his eyes to me now. "I'll be inside in less than two minutes. I'll grab your suitcase," he replies and closing the gap to kiss me.
I nod and climb out of the car. I grab my backpack and head to the front door where the two were waiting. I walk inside and kick my shoes off.