Afraid.
He was admitting it. That I was right.
I took a deep breath, trying to figure out the right way to respond. His glacial eyes flicked back and forth between mine, as if trying to see what was going on in my mind through them.
"I'm afraid too, Grey. It's okay to be afraid," I murmured softly, taking his large hand gingerly in mine. His eyes flicked down to it, then slowly trailed back up to meet my gaze.
"I don't know how to do this. I've never been afraid to lose someone," he clenched his jaw slightly. "I guess I thought driving you away would make it easier to cope if you didn't make it out of this alive."
"Do you still think that?" I narrowed my eyes slightly.
"No. Not really. I'd rather lose you knowing that you still loved me than lose you and think your heart might belong to someone else," he huffed, dropping his gaze.
"Grey-"
"And seeing you every single day doing so well without me, becoming the most formidable force in Heaven and not- not needing me- I don't know, Greene. It makes me think your heart doesn't belong to anyone but yourself. No one could own you, not any part of you. You're a weapon of your own volition. You were created for a reason, and that reason was not me," he explained gruffly, his voice a little hoarse.
"I'd like to tell you you're wrong, but you're not. I am my own. And I think I'd forgotten that when I was with you. I did need you. I needed you to become who I am today," I sighed.
Grey's eyes locked on mine for a split second, a little wince of pain evident in them before he shook off my gaze and stood off the bed.
"You should get some rest," he mumbled sternly, his voice cold and hard as if trying to disguise his feelings as indifference.
My hand shot up and gripped his hand, intertwining my fingers with his slowly.
He paused, slowly turning and looking at me over his shoulder. His silvery eyes flashed with a fluorescent blue, his soul close to the surface.
"I still love you," I murmured gently.
Well. I guess this was it. I had been wanting to tell Grey that for a while now, and now that my fat mouth decided to go blab I guess we were doing this. However, his reaction surprised me.
His eyebrows creased a little bit and he turned to face me, slowly kneeling down in front of me.
Then, I decided to dig my grave a little deeper by saying-
"Don't think for one second that I ever stopped."
He paused, his cerulean blue eyes flicking back and forth between mine, his lips parted ever so slightly. Grey didn't know what to say. Fuck. I messed up.
"I've been terrible to you. I refused to talk to you and ran away from you, I broke up with you and then slept with someone else and caused you so much physical and emotional agony. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. How could you love me after all of that?" He breathed out, gingerly reaching up and cupping my cheek, running his thumb across it like he used to do. So gentle, like I might break. I savored the touch, leaning into him a little.
Maybe I didn't mess up.
"I know you," I murmured, meeting his eyes again. "You're more than what you did when you were afraid. I know you, Grey."
"I know you do, Greene," he sighed heartily, a lock of midnight hair falling down across his cosmic eyes. I reached out instinctively and brushed it away.
"I missed you. I'm-I'm glad you're here," I said softly, pressing my lips together.
"There's nowhere I'd rather be, love," he replied in his signature baritone voice. He moved his hand from my cheek to tuck my hair behind my ear, then trail his fingertips down my neck as he brushed the rest of my hair over my shoulder. I shivered involuntarily and a little smirk quirked up the side of his lips.
"I never thought I'd ever see you like this," I chuckled a little.
"Like what?" He murmured.
"On your knees," I explained with an upwards curl of my lips. He glanced downwards and smirked, raising his eyes again and meeting mine.
"You never thought I'd be on my knees for you?" He asked lowly.
"No. I didn't think men like you would ever fall to their knees for anyone," I smiled a little, running my thumb across the back of his hand.
"Even when I proposed?" He raised an eyebrow and my brows furrowed immediately.
"Angels don't get married, I didn't think you would ever do that," I replied quickly.
"You weren't born an Angel, Greene. I'd thought about it. I have issues with commitment, but I often thought if I ever chose to marry anyone, it would be you," he explained softly. My heart thundered in my chest, my throat running dry. Marriage? I thought for sure Grey would've spontaneously combusted at the mere prospect.
"Oh," was all I could make out. Grey chuckled, then placed his hands on either side of me on the bed, slowly leaning forward until he was centimeters from my lips.
"If I had asked you to," he breathed softly, his gaze flicking back and forth between my lips and my eyes, "-would you have married me?"
"Yes. I would've," I replied breathlessly, the mere proximity to him making my head dizzy.
"Hmm," he hummed, licking his lips a little.
"To be completely honest, I think I would've done anything you asked me to," I whispered, my eyelids fluttering.
"What a shame," he grumbled out lowly, leaning forward so close I could feel his breath on my lips.
"What's a shame?" I breathed.
"That I ruined something this good," he replied in that low chest voice that made my heart throb.
"Maybe you didn't," was all I could make out.
"Let's find out," he purred lowly, then gently pressed his lips against mine. My head was spinning, my heart thundering inside my chest, and electricity thrumming wildly in my veins like a thunderstorm. This is what it was like to kiss Grey- to really kiss Grey. He was like a million different addictive drugs surging through my bloodstream all at once. Heaven was nothing compared to this.
I couldn't help myself- I reached out and fisted his shirt, pulling him closer until he knelt between my legs, his hands clenched to either side of me to hold us steady as I basically fell into him. His teeth nipped at my lips and I groaned in satisfaction, entangling my fingers in his hair and breathing him in. One of his hands found my thigh and slowly rose up until it gripped my hip, pulling me closer. His thumb pressed against the sensitive skin beneath my hipbone and I gasped for air against his lips, but was only met with a growl that reverberated in his chest as my hips thrusted forward towards him.
He placed one hand between my shoulder blades as he gently pinned me down on the bed, placing his hands on either side of me and holding himself above me. His lips were swollen and pink, his eyes a fluorescent blue.
"Is this okay?" He asked softly, eyeing my wing. I nodded, reaching up and gripping the back of his neck to pull him back down on me. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled them down against mine, moaning a little against his lips as he rolled himself against me.
"Fuck, Grey," I groaned against his lips and he chuckled lowly, pulling away from me and yanking his shirt over his head and tossing it aside. He leaned back down, pressing his lips fervently to mine as my hands ran up and down his muscular back that flexed as he rolled his hips. I needed more. I wanted more.
I began to unzip my top when Grey gripped my hand, gently pulling away from my lips. I scowled in confusion.
"I'm not making love to you tonight," he whispered softly and I frowned.
"Why?" I scowled, tugging against his hand in an attempt to continue undressing myself.
"I need to earn that. I need to prove to you that I'm still worth it. I need to respect you. Please- please let me," he breathed against my lips, slowly dragging the zipper back up my bodice.
"You don't need to, Grey. I trust you," I protested.
"I need to. I don't deserve you. Let me prove myself to you again. Please," he murmured, his hand gently gripping my waist. I met his eyes and found myself relenting.
"Will you at least stay with me?" I asked softly, my fingers tracing the lines of his chest.
"Is that really what you want?" He furrowed his brows, as if confused why I would ask such a thing.
"Yes. The bed feels empty without you in it," I replied, meeting his eyes again. He paused, deliberating, then slowly nodded.
"I'll stay with you," he purred, pulling himself off of me and outstretching a hand to help me up. I smiled and took it as he helped me to my feet. He kept my balance steady while he pulled back the covers on the bed and helped me climb in, then pulled the covers back up around me. My broken wing lay outstretched to one side of the bed, the other curled tightly against my back to make room for him. He walked around to that side of the bed and climbed in, curling his large body around mine and placing his arm around my waist.
"How's your wing feel?" He murmured against my neck, placing a gentle kiss against the base of my jaw.
"Fine. Sorta uncomfortable, but I think thats inevitable," I chuckled dryly.
"Hold on," he hummed, sitting up and sliding his arm underneath my side to lift me up a little off of the bed.
"What are you-"
His huge charcoal wings extended out to either side of him, and he gingerly curled one wing down underneath my broken wing, his other wing covering my body as he laid me back down. Leverage. He'd given my wing leverage.
"Better?" He breathed.
"Better," I smiled happily.
:)