【playing..】
Red Velvet - 'The ReVe Festival" Finale
Psycho
❚❚►_____________________________ 3:30
Jeongguk sat in the small cramped band practice room yet again, fingers gently pulling the guitar strings, eyes softly closing as he hummed a melody coming straight from his mind.
Lyrics flashing through his head like he was watching the ending credits of a movie, raining down through his deepest thoughts, slowly opening his mouth.
"Fall like those dry leaves-" He breathed out the first few words, calm energy spreading through his chest. "Just falling without strength, my love."
He pretended like he didn't know where those sparks of lyrics were coming from, like he didn't know who he was dedicating them to, who they were talking about.
"Your heart just goes far away, I can’t catch you any more, any more. I can't hold onto you, yeah. " He continue to pull on the guitar strings softly, melody spreading throughout the small space, orange colored plastic chair he was sitting on making sounds occasionally.
A puff of air left his lungs, humming instead of singing out words afterwards, as his fingers pulled the strings with a little more power to give it more depth.
As the sounds layered and build up, he opened up his mouth again, vocal cords working again, more lyrics streaming through him, leaving him like a waterfall.
"Please don’t leave me, please don’t fall, never never fall, don’t go far away." He felt his closed eyes get slightly watery, trying his best to not crack his voice as all that popped up in his mind was a smiling image of Taehyung, happy and excited.
"Baby you, boy I can’t let you go-" he felt his hand shake a tiny bit, a tear escaping his closed shut eyes, feeling it drip down his cheek slowly. "Baby you, boy I can’t give up on you, like those falling dry leaves."
He felt his voice quieting down, pulls on his guitar getting softer again. "This love, like dry leaves, never never fall-
He opened his glassy eyes, another tear escaping running the path of the first as he let his hands movements come to a complete halt. "It’s fading." He breathed out, tone audibly pained, hurt.
Jeongguk took a deep breath again, shaking his shirt sleeve down slightly to cover the palm of his hand, reaching up to pat his tears dry.
He thought it would get better with distance from Taehyung but in fact -- life felt worse.
Last sunday the two had a mutual agreement on keeping a little distance from eachother for a bit, it hadn't even been a week, it had been four days and Gguk felt himself break.
That feeling of security and happiness, the feeling that everything was okay that he felt when he was with his family, not spending a thought on Taehyung, he had thought it was the solution to his problems.
Like a simple math question, Jeongguk's life minus Taehyung for a while equals feeling better and pushing his feelings inside a locked closet forever.
But it just made him feel worse. Not being able to talk to him in the hallway, during lunch, during class. Everytime he saw him, he made sure to pull the corners of his mouth upwards, making sure his best friend had the impression that he was doing fine.
He was exactly the opposite. Once Taehyung was out of sight, his smile got pulled down again as he walked through the school on mostly his own, missing the occasional company of Yoongi and Jimin.
He did have Hoseok by his side sometimes throughout the four days but he had friends of his own as well that Gguk didn't necessarily get along with the best.
Yeah they were nice, he guessed? Not easy to tell when all they do is somehow push him out of conversations and talk over him the only times he opens his mouth. They were just all extremely on the extroverted side and Jeongguk is just the complete reverse.
Gguk stared off into the corners of the small band room, notcing all the junk stored in the cramped backs of it. The school really shoved all their budget into the sport focused clubs, giving them no money to spend on the band club. Not even a bucket of paint so they could go over the already chipped walls, new chairs or a closet to give all the trash the school decides to dump in their room a proper place.
Gguk slightly jumped when he heard the sound of the door handle being pulled down, head immediately turning to look who it is. He knew he was hoping for someone secretly but admitting that wouldn't make his situation any better.
"Hey Jeongguk!" He was met with Hoseok's bubbly smile and voice greeting him, stepping inside the room, door falling close behind him.
"Hi Hoseok." His lips pulled into a smile, eventhough he wasn't content at all, but he just didn't want to pull another person's mood down with him.
"I knew you had to be here! From who else would that beautiful voice come from!" Hoseok stepped closer to him, pulling one of the chairs so that he sat right beside him.
Gguk's eyes widened in slight distress. It wasn't a secret that he liked to sing or anything but he just doesn't like to do it publicly. He likes to sing for himself, the thought of a number of people hearing it just made him nervous. "You heard?"
"Yeah, i wanted to visit you earlier but i waited outside since i didn't wanna disturb your singing. You sounded beautiful by the way did i already mention that?" Hoseok smiled, turning his body completely in Gguk's direction.
Jeongguk felt a genuine smile spread through his features, head swinging to look down. He wasn't that good with compliments either. "Thank you."
"That song was pretty too. Did you write it?" Somehow the mentioning of the song felt like a punch to his gut, knowing exactly who he thought about.
"Well, kinda? It all kinda came out of my head just right now. I didn't write it down or anything." Gguk tried to play it off, trying to have no further questions asked about it, hands gripping his guitar, looking down onto it and acting like he was adjusting things -- hoping and praying Hoseok wouldn't wanna talk about said song.
"What really? It's so pretty! What's it about?" And with that all shattered. He can't say who it was about, it made his heart crash and break.
"Uh-Uhm-" He stuttered out, hands still gripping onto his guitar, head down and eyes getting watery.
Why was he just -- so affected by every damn thing these days? And why did nothing seem to help him?
"Jeongguk? Are you okay?" He heard Hoseok's voice softened, seeing him lean forward a bit, getting a better look at Gguk's face that he desperately wanted to hide. "Oh god, i'm so sorry, i didn't- i didn't want you to cry." He immediately felt a hand being placed on the small of his back, moving in circles to comfort him as he sniffed.
"I-It's okay- y-you wo-wouldn't know." Jeongguk sobbed out quietly, feeling stupid for pulling Hoseok into this, making him feel guilty for no reason as it wasn't his fault at all.
"Still- i shouldn't have asked." He heard him say more quietly, Gguk placing his guitar in it's case that layed beside him on the floor, taking his sleeve again to wipe away his tears.
"N-No y-you don't - know. It's f-fine. Don't - Don't be sorry." Jeongguk turned back to him, seeing his worried eyes and features. Oh, why didn't he just keep himself together? Now he ruined the mood of the most bubbly person he knows by making him think he was at fault.
He watched carefully as Hoseok's other hand travelled across the chair, landing atop of Gguk's own, some weird feeling spreading in his stomach.
"I still am sorry. Can i make it up to you? You wanna go get some fries? or a milkshake? Anything?" Hoseok's words again beautifully soft spoken, like he really cares.
Thoughts jumped back and forth in his head, knowing that right now, he really only sees Hoseok as a friend, maybe a friend that he wouldn't mind moving past the friendszone but just -- not yet. But denying him would feel just as bad, he had pushed so many of his attempts to hang out together away already -- he just couldn't let another one pass.
"Sure." Jeongguk looked up, smiling, knowing that Hoseok was gonna make him feel just a bit happier for a little bit, seeing his eyes lit up and grin decorating his features again.
So the two gathered their stuff, mostly Jeongguk, zipping his guitar case close and almost swinging his backpack over his shoulder but getting caught by Hoseok offering to carry it.
Walking out of the room, both a smile on their face as Hoseok joked around, Gguk quickly locked the door of the band room, turning around to see -- Taehyung.
Taehyung standing in the empty hallway, hair wet from swim practice he can only assume, hands shoved in in the pocket of his sweater.
"Can i borrow Jeongguk for a minute?" He said almost nervously, something jsut very unusual for him, orbs sparkling beautifully in the light, hair stuck to his forehead.
Gguk felt his heart beating to his throat, seeing Taehyung's eyes searching his eyes to connect them -- and it was as if they were screaming something at him. Something important.
"I don't know- Jeongguk? Do you want to?" He felt Hoseok's hand wrap around his wrist, breaking eyecontact with Tae to look at him, orbs filled with worry and protectiveness.
Gguk gulped, not knowing what Taehyung wanted to talk to him about as it was the opposite of keeping their distance for a while.
But his gut pushed him towards Taehyung, knowing it had to be important since otherwise he wouldn't break what they had mututally agreed on.
He placed his hand on Hoseok's that was wrapped around his wrist softly releasing it and nodding. "I'll be right back."
With a fuzzy stomach he stepped towards Taehyung who determinedly walked towards an empty classroom, pulling on the door handle to open it and gesturing Gguk to go inside first.
He felt his breath getting heavier, heart beating out of his chest, stepping inside and turning back around to face Taehyung who pulled the door shut behind them.
Silence filled the room for a brief moment until Tae opened his mouth. "So- uhm- i know we said we are keeping distance for a while for the better but-" He breathed out, visually nervous.
"It's okay Tae- i'm- i'm always here for you." Gguk spilled out, eventhough it felt like he was going to cry again, knowing that 'always' was maybe not forever when Tae would be somewhere far away.
"I finally told Yongsoo that i am going to study in New York- and that i would be leaving. A-and she- she didn't take it too well- we- we faught- loudly. A-and i don't know why but- i just- i just thought 'Jungoo accepted my dream', 'with Jungoo i didn't have this problem." Taehyung spoke out, all the words fast like bullets, Jeongguk's heart pounding even quicker than before, not knowing where this was going.
"A-and then i was like- well my girlfriend and my best friend are completely different why- why am i comparing them- why have i been missing Jeongguk much more than i- i ever missed Yongsoo when she was abroad for five weeks when you- you were just here? W-Why am i more jealous of Hoseok- than when Yongsoo hangs out with Namjoon- i-" Each sentence spoken made Jeongguk's cheeks redden even more, feeling like he wasnt even part of his body anymore, like this was all a dream he was experiencing.
Silence fell over them again as Taehyung took a deep breath, connecting their eyes, making Gguk's stomach drop to the floor and his heart almost explode.
"So- so i- i- i think i like you-" Taehyung began, closing his eyes in the middle of the sentence, Jeongguk feeling himself get teary eyes again.
He isn't going to say it. He isn't going to say what he thinks he's saying. This is a dream and he isn't going to say it.
-"as more than a friend." He finished, opening his eyes again, connecting their orbs for a second time and Jeongguk could see the uncanny beautiful sparkle reflecting in them, mixing with the words floating through the air as he stared at him in disbelief.
And to Jeongguk time completely stopped.
°***°
hi! thoughts? opinions? criticism? let me know! c:
Hello everyone! happy brithday to baby bear taehyung <3 i adore him with my whole heart and cherish his every talent and personality trait ♡ continue to be happy and healthy!
also happy late birthday to the best girl in the world my baby sana ♡ if she only knew how i would give her the whole entire universe ):
anyways c: i hope everyone has been doing good!
this is the last chapter i publish in 2019 and i can't believe it's gonna be 2020 so soon!
A lot has changed for me this year and will continue to change next year. Like i will turn 19 on the 18th of January and thats so soon that i'm not prepared for it-
Anyways thank you all for a great 2019 and i hope we have an even better 2020! I wish all of you all possible blessings for the new year <3 ly
have a wonderful rest of the year!