I fell asleep on my floor that night. Beckett and I went out to dinner with Zack Hall. They both apologized to me. Ryleigh informed me of her secret that she was pregnant. She was going to go back on tour until she couldn't. She had asked if I was going. I didn't know I mean I sort of declined going to college and though it was a tragic event that happened to me. I didn't exactly want to go back on tour.
I, of course, had a nightmare and woke up alone. I tiptoed into mom and dad's room. They were both sound asleep so I turned to Rian. Rian ignored my class before I turned to two people I knew were awake. Tyler and Alex. I tried Tyler first but he thought I was dead and didn't have my new number so I didn't get an answer. I closed my eyes as the dial tone rang in my ear as Alex answered out of breath.
"Hello," He panted.
I couldn't get the words out as Alex shifted the phone. I heard his whole body shift. I heard a bed squeak and I knew what he was doing then. I felt so bad I hung up only to get a call from Lisa about 10 seconds later. She too was out of breath but you wouldn't have known what the pair were doing unless you spoke to Alex.
"Logan are you okay?" Lisa asked me as I shrugged knowing she couldn't see me.
It was an awkward conversation. Lisa was asking me if something was wrong. I kind of mumbled into the receiver as she asked me questions. Alex took the phone at one point before he was asking me what was wrong.
"What if I'm not worth it," I said out loud as I heard Alex sigh.
I heard him then talking on the phone with someone. I knew it was probably my dad because the next thing I knew dad was in my room. Dad pulled me into his chest and I screamed fighting back. I covered my mouth and fought back the tears. I just wanted to be normal why did this keep happening to me. I rushed out of my room and down the stairs. Dad followed me not as quickly though. I walked outside to the covered patio. I looked up at the cloudy sky and screamed up at it.
"Why what did I ever do! I don't get it! Fucking do something!" I screamed at the sky and looked at the sky.
The next morning came too soon though. Dad stayed up with me and then mom took the day shift. They decided to do this until my body finally gave out and crashed on me. Cheryl, Lisa, Ryleigh, and Jenna came over. I wasn't in the mood for going out so I threw myself upstairs to the music room. I sat on the floor quietly playing the guitar. I thought I had escaped the vicious eyes of those around me. Jack knocked on the door though and entered seeing me through the small window. He came and sat on the floor beside me our knees touching. I kept playing a song that I hadn't played in a moment.
"That is one of our songs," Jack pointed out before I transitioned out of it and into a different song.
"You okay LB?" Jack said and titled his head to look at me as I looked at the guitar.
I nodded my head as Jack took the guitar from me. He then shifted my body onto his lap. He held me there as I didn't fight. Jack looked at me carefully and then pulled out a letter. I knew the envelope and the writing was one I had given him.
"We all spoke at your funeral and Honestly It was the hardest fucking thing I have ever done. They never told us you were missing or anything after they pulled the plug on you. I felt like such a failure and we searched days for you. Alex kept trying to follow stars and he just felt like it would lead to you. Nothing was leading to you. You were so good at leaving a trail behind always. You ran away twice just to get food, you ran away to escape people and went to the place you knew people would be. I know you don't always see the bigger picture, Logan. I promise you though Logan You are worth more than you will ever know. You are worth every painful event we have all went through these past few months. I made a promise to you and you deserve to know it. I made the promise that if you were alive that I'd tell you every day just how much you meant to me," Jack said as we sat up there.
I watched his brown eyes flick right to left like he was tracking. I smiled and did something I never expected from myself. I leaned in and kissed Jack's cheek softly. I closed my eyes before resting my head on his shoulder. He rubbed my back and placed the guitar upright on the wall. Jack soon carried me out of the room and into my room. He placed me down on my bed before stripping off his jacket and climbing in beside me. I cuddled into the lengthy boy and eventually let my dreams come to haunt me.
I woke up panting and sweating. Jack was still here trying to calm me down. I shook for a few moments catching my breath finally as Jack kissed my temple. I looked in the closet at the listen of reasons I had now. I pulled out a painting I did a long time ago on canvas that I had leaning up at the top on a shelve. I handed it to Jack. He looked at me as I pointed to the moon.
"Yeah what about it?" Jack said and I picked up my guitar and began to play the song I was playing earlier.
"I'm building something amazing," I softly sang almost unnoticeable.
Jack noticed and hung on to every word that slipped out of my mouth. He told me where I made a mistake and fix my fingering on a certain chord. I nodded my head and began to play again. Rian walked into my room and looked at Jack.
"I thought you said Log was asleep?" Ri said and I yawned.
"She was. She just woke up. Did you know she could paint?" Jack said and held out the canvas.
"Yeah Jack look at the ceiling," Rian snorted as Jack slapped himself.
"Fuck me. I forgot LB," Jack said and I shrugged it didn't matter.
"Logan we kind of need to know if you are going to go on tour. I know you don't want to but everyone is down meeting well except you know the girls-" I stopped Rian right there.
"Am I not a girl?"
"Okay, every female who came over today has left but you. Sarah is out with the rest of them. We are all downstairs and we think it's best you decide if you want to come or not. I know it's gonna be a hard decision and we want you to do whatever is best for you," Rian said and patted my knee.
"I want to go," I said softly as I walked downstairs and everyone stopped talking.
I was looked at like I had three heads. I didn't have a backup plan to fall onto. I had pretty much decline every college but two which I was still waitlisted for. Beckett had got a second job to help with Kolbi. He didn't want to keep taking Brendon's money but now that I was back he still didn't want it. He was back to being mine and Ryleigh's secondary manager. Dan sat with a guitar which was not his designated instrument. I stole the guitar from him and sat on the floor with it.
"Logan, is that really a good idea?" Dad asked and I looked up at him.
"We just want what is best and we know it might be too soon," Mike tried to make it seem okay.
"Just tell me you don't want me to go if you don't. You asked if I wanted to come. Yes, I want to come. Yes, I want to play shows. Yes, I want to forget. Yes, I want him to stop haunting my sleep. Yes, I wish he hadn't assaulted me. Yes, I wish it would all fucking stop but it isn't. So can we please move on. It's my decision and if you really don't want me going I won't go but say so." I said not looking up from the second fret.
Alex got on the floor beside me and I looked at the brown-eyed man as he slowly moved my finger with skill. He placed it on a different string and then told me to strum. I did as told and he smiled at me as I kept playing.
"This is gospel," Rian noticed the song before anyone else did and dad looked at me.
I never played the song unless there was something bugging me. I sort of only played it when I was about to try something stupid which probably put him more on edge. I wasn't though it was my favorite song honestly that and Dying in LA. Jack came and sat with me on the floor and everyone began to ask me what songs I could play on the guitar. I tried to do as many as possible as we all jammed out. Beckett walked in at the wrong moment though. Jacked leaned over and kissed my cheek and temple.
What do you do when it's just me and you under a paper moon?